8/26/2004

Look at what Scarlett Found!!!!

Sweet Jebus, am I referring to myself in the third person now? We are amused.

"We" were snooping about on the beautiful Amber's blog and found this WONDERFUL new list that she borrowed from the fabulous Croila! (Why fabulous? She can play the BAGPIPES, people! "We" LOVE 'US' SOME BAGPIPES!) Of course "we" had to swipe it from Amber. This MUST be shared with "our" readers.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN!

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency andduration of spending spree.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"

ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how youcouldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, andimproves flirting.

DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing itherself.

DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for eight hours

One question: How the hell to purchase it? Some Dammitol, Ragamet, Anti-talksident, and Buyagra are urgently needed here! Pepto-Bimbo cannot be purchased for me. Know why? If this bosom was increased anymore.... someone might get hurt! Hardee har har.


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

3 in one day!!!!!

I guess you must have electricity!

~Genuine

Indigo Wolf said...

I could use some pepto-bimbo. I have plenty of room to spare. And maybe some anti-talksidant and dammitol to go with it. That should make for a fun night on the town, eh?
-Carrie Jo

cheryl b. said...

I could definitely use some anti-talksident for my sister, she makes me crazy.
Did you see that I was one of the winners for the flash fiction contest over at Kate's? I'm so glad Genuine put up that link, I would have been too chicken to write anything otherwise. He always makes me feel like I'm good enough, smart enough, and that gosh darnit, people like me.