I HATE This

Further to my earlier comment on my previous post about Z's odd behavour today, and the fact that I've felt like a single mother all day long. I find it fascinating to sit next to someone and feel like you are compleetely and totally alone in the room excecpt for the apparently homosexual (bi?) cat playing with your hair and trying to drink your tea.

The worst thing about me saying "to hell with him and his pouting" today and taking Ari out for a little retail therapy which didn't help because I was so sad about Z's actions that had me confused the WHOLE day and evening, and later to dinner at Chili's because, well, that's what Ari wanted is that? Monster is LOVING THIS.

Absolutely LOVING IT, y'all.

This is one of the few times I have ever gone out without him on a weekend. Wait. let me clarify that. Out by myself is one thing, ie: getting my nails done, or a haircut, or grocerey shopping. But to take Ari out for HOURS and all? No. On family day? The one day when we are all together and which, until now has always been kind of sacred to me? So it is very obvoious that something is up. It would be as if I kicked his ass on the sofa to sleep for a night, which I have never done. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing, knowing things were not right between us.

Hell, you'd have to be blind and deaf not to see it now. and that? She is not.

I felt bad while out, so I did what I always do and try to make nice nice. I called him from my mobile phone to see if he wanted to come eat with us and maybe catch a movie or something...and he was a complete ASSHOLE and I ended up hanging up. Imean what is wrong with just wanting to be a littl happy and spend a teensy bit of quality time toegther? Heh. Quality time. Now that is a joke.

Anyway, when I got home, he was nowhere to be found. (Did I ever mention we are sharing MY car?) Here it is 11:15pm and he walked in and went straight to bed without a single word or even look in my direction (unless you count that vacant look as his eyes passsed over me? Should I count that?) Ugh.

I neglected to share with you that I ripped him a good one about 2 weeks ago when he started being particulary mean telling me I'm running out of time to get pregnant and what the hell am I waiting for? That my biological clock is just about out of batteries, and here I sit doing nothing about it, blah blahblahhhhhh when I should at least go see the new specialist that replaced Wand Monkey talk to him and "see what he says", and why oh WHY am I so useless and lazy about it? I replied that 1) I'm only 33 and, 2) WHY get my hopes up by going to go see the new Wand Monkey and then want to start trying for another child FOR MYSELF when WE can't afford it right now? 3) Why are you saying I should go see him and not WE? My name is NOT Mary Magdeline- SO it takes TWO for this. and Don't forget he is going to ask how often we do the deed! Oh! Maybe that's why you don't want to go to the doctor's appointments!

For the record? I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, just DON'T 1) mistreat me or 2) judge me unfairly without knowing the whole story or 3) maliciously slander and gossip about me and you will never ever get the razor sharp edge of my tongue and deadly intellect. Otherwise? If I find out either 1, 2 or 3 have happened? (God forbid all 3) After I get over the initial hurt? My protective instincts whip out and that means: The gloves are off and the talons extended.

And now? Monster is singing in her room and I just saw her doing a little dance in the hallway too. Evil old bitch. I guess to her twisted mind, maybe her prayers of so many years are slowly coming true.

Who knows? Maybe they are.

*sigh*

Inquisition Confession - Week 25

Welcome to this week's delayed Inquisition Confession. Thank you all for being so patient. It was an insanely crazy week at work. Anyway, I must admit I received an interesting array of questions this time around! Take a look:

Catrina, you asked me a good one, that, I honestly felt bad answering, until Z acted like an asswipe the whole day-ie: today- that is supposed to be our ONE family day together with our daughter, so, in answer to your question:

Does Z still have all his hair?

The answer is: doesn't he wish? No. He has a ton in the back of his head that is soft as silk, but it is very thin on top now. You can see serious scalp, and he hates it, probably because he has such a big ole head. His hair is still that pretty deep chocolate brown though. He is absolutely dying to do a some type of hair grafting. Also, Mr. Z barely has any wrinkles either at almost 41, but that could very well be because he loves – and men, take note!- alpha hydroxy cream and uses it religiously on the borderline of fanatically every single day. He just has a faint smattering of crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his skin is baby soft.

Now then, Cheryl b thinks she asked me a lame question, but it would only be lame if I wasn't really in to the wholeHarry Potter phenomon, which I just happen to be! Books, movies, everything. In fact, Arianna and I sat today and plunked Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in the DVD player and had a good ole time watching it together. So, Cheryl asked me this:

If you were a teacher at Hogwarts what would you teach?

Ooooh, I could SO fit in at Hogwarts - if I was a witch and had those talents, that is!- so I would have to say it's a toss up between Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I also like the whole Transfiguration thing too, imagine! I could let my students practice on Monster! Whoot! All day long I could watch her turning from a bullfrog to a snake, to a rat, to a spider,to a fly, to an ardvark, to a squirrel.... ahhh, the possiblities are endless.

I'm curious about my readers. If YOU could be a teacher at Hogwarts, what would y'all teach? In order to help you decide, I've included this handy dandy little link for ya! Wasn't that nice of me?

Mare Imbrium said this, this week:

Okay. We can see you're not shy, and you're not messy...so what's your secret weakness (like kryptonite, maybe)? Do you procrastinate? Do you get distracted easily (that would be mine) or something like that? Sorry, that's all I can come up with.

Hey Mare, does French bread count? I'm a sucker for French bread. Proper French bread. With real creamy butter. *drool*. Um, no, I guess that doesn't count.

Ummm, let me see… I'd have to say that I do tend to get distracted somewhat easily, but just as often, I can be strangely focused as well. I used to be one hell of a procrastinator, but I've gotten so burned by being like that, that I'm much better now. I still sometimes procrastinate doing the one thing at work that I hate… filing. Which I always find strange, because I'm such a control freak and so organized that filing would naturally fall into that, but sometimes, I can let the filing pile up a bit (in organized piles, mind you) but then, as if I get a bee up my a*s or something, I will file like MAD one day and re-organize everything while I'm at it! Weird, I know.

I'd have to say my biggest weakness is daydreaming. Maybe because I am such a visual person, I'm not sure. But I'm a kid who always had written on their report cards, and notes from teacher "Cyn is habitually daydreaming in class and has been caught staring dazedly out the window". My answer when confronted with that was a sheepish look paired with "but the class was BORING". I can't begin to tell you the number of times I was moved from my window seat in school. Too bad the teacher didn't realize that it wasn't necessarily the window distracting me and that isn't what was needed for me to daydream or be distracted. Far from it. Hell, I could zone out on the pattern on my folder or the shirt of the guy sitting in front of me!

God help me if I had a really good descriptive textbook in something I liked like Science or History. If the history story was interesting to me, I'd be picturing the text like a movie in my head. (told you I'm a visual person, now didn't I?)

Another thing. I’m the last person who can sit in a lecture or conference. It has to be a very dynamic speaker to hold my attention, because otherwise? I get drowsy. This gave me serious problems in High School and College particularly. Not to mention seminars I've attended in my adult life. I think that is one of the reasons I like watching Bill Clinton give speeches. He is a very good, and dynamic speaker. He holds my attention, an impressive feat, I must admit.

How's THAT for Kryptonite, babycakes?

Carrie Jo asked me sometihng that was actually much more difucult to answer than I originally imagined it would be, if only because for my whole life I am used to putting others first, waaaay before me. Here it is:

If you had just ONE wish that you were required to use for yourself (no world peace or ending world hunger wishes), what would it be (beside Monster moving to Antarctica)?

Actually Carrie Jo, hell if I know. Let me think now....

How about money? Yeah, at the risk of sounding totally materialistic, and since you took away my world peace, and disappearing Monster options, I guess I have to go for money.

I wouldn't want to be Bill Gates rich, not by a long shot, but, I would wish for a never empty, interest-free bank account. That way I could always use whatever money I wanted, when I wanted it, and not have to worry about not having it, or too little.

At least I wouldn't have to work if I didn't want to, and I could travel and see all the places I've always wanted to see. Monster and her money lovin children could kiss my white ass, cause I'd be the one with the bucks then! (Severely materialistic people y'all). So I would do this with my bottomless pit bank account.Ahhhhh, all the things I could do. I could travel, as previously mentinoed, shop, not have to worry about paying for a top rate education for my daughter, get myself knocked up with the assistance of the finest IVF specialist in the world, THEN, get a killer tummy tuck and booby lift after I was all done breastfeeding my TWINS, while I was at it, have them do something about the part of my body I absolutely HATE.... my neck. then, of course, more shopping. (Did I mention that another kryptonite for me is jewellery? I love jewellery. Bring on the pretties!!!!) I'd buy myself a house in Ireland, and one in Scotland- a beautifully referbished castle, preferably! and custom build myself my dream house in the US. buy a couple of lovely cars. I'd buy a nice fat life-insurance policy on myself and make Arianna and the twins my beneficiaries so they would be set for life-just in case.

Hows that Carrie Jo? (you know I'd take you on some of my vacations, now dontcha? I just couldn't mention it up there, since you specified it had to be for ME!)

Well, that's about it for my answers this week. Until my next "I'm SO gonna blog THIS!" moment, I'm signing out.

Ta-ta my lovlies!

???????????????????

As if I wasn't already saying "WHAT THE FU*K?" all day long due to Z a) ignoring me b) giving me the silent treatment c) choosing NOT to go anywhere with our daughter as a family d) being an obnoxious SCHMUCK for NO reason because I SWEAR I said or did nothing excecpt wake up and make breakfast.

SO then, after Ari and I basically left when we were told to, we crawled in about 9:15pm,me still kind of in a daze after having teenage guys checking out my daughter with a kind of stupefied, frozen wonder on their faces and her completely oblivious to it all (just the way I like it. Her. Oblivious to it). So now I'm still dazed and also kind of wondering just where Z might have gotten off to, and Shony and Ari try to go in her room when I hear Shony gasp at the other end of the hallway and say "COME HERE!". So, I walk down the hall and stand in the darkened doorway of Ari's room and I couldn't quite believe the sight that met my eyes in the sliver of light shining on my daughters bed..........

Garfield, my 4 month old MALE cat was on top of Bandit, my 4 month, 1 week old MALE cat and, well, after I flipped on the light just to be sure I wasn't seeing things.... people, I swear to you that Garfield was trying to hump Bandit. Really. I stared at Garfee's flanks just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and Bandit, well, he was taking it. Shony said "Can you belive this?" to which I replied "At least they're on a bed. heh".

Garfield was so intent on what he was doing that he didn't even realize we were there until I yanked Bandit out from under him saying "HEY! I'm pretty damn sure you're a BOY!!!!!!!" after which I flipped him over and stared at his genitals just to make sure, then I showed Shony "ISN"T THIS a BOY?!!!??" to which she agreed.

Garfield was giving me dirty looks and I grabbed him up saying "AND YOU! YOU ARE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY too young to even be INTERESTED, learning bad habits from your Daddy, Huh?" (Maximus, not Z. Are you joking? Sex? What's THAT?) Because Z thought it would be fun to keep the 3 females that I didn't know were back in heat in with Max and Sigfried, who, up until a few days ago, was a virgin. I swear, he has to start buying the goddamn cat food.

I'm so shocked that I completely forgot which class at Hogwarts I was planning to teach, Cheryl b!

Oh my GOD. My CATS ARE GAY.

Inquisition answers to follow shortly, as soon as I get over my shock.

A Confession of a Different Sort

Well friends, I think I know how Dr. Frankenstein felt. "I've created a Monster!"

He was such a wussy. I've created TWO. Et tu, mo-fo? And absolutely shameless ones at that. You see, as I type, I'm sort of ashamed to admit that, well, Garfield has his fat, orangey-red stripey head and ONE paw in a 'school size' pack of Fritos and he is growling his ass off, my dears. Growling at who, you may ask? Certainly not me (he knows better!), but at Bandit who is crunching the one or two I gave him to get Garfield off his butt. Excecpt that now? Bandit likes them VERY MUCH, and so we have a bit of a standoff.

Those Fritos were orignially mine, or at least I thought they were. At least they let me have a couple of them.

Let me, you may ask. Well, yes. See, one minute, I had the little pack in my hand, the next thing I knew, Bandit was on my lap with one paw in the bag, which kind ruined the whole guilty pleasure junk food fix.

And it wasn't just any junk food fix, either. It was real, honest-to-goodness AMERICAN JUNK FOOD, which is pretty much non existant where I live. Sure, they have products like Lays potato chips and Cheetos, Doritos (ohmygoid! yum) and such, but they are DIFFERENT, and made usually in Saudi Arabia by companies licsenced to do so but honestly, they DO NOT TASTE THE SAME AT ALL. SO imaine my pitiful excitement to find a motherload of American junk food being stocked on the shelves of the little 7-11 style grocerey store down the street from my house? Whooooooo. Hot DAMN y'all. I wanted to hug the owner of the store, and while he is really nice and friendly and kind of hot, well, who wants gossip, ya know? Over real Cheetos and Sour Cream n-Onion Ruffles? I think not. So I settled for drooling in the aisle and carefully palpatating the bags for least amount of breakage. I WILL admit that I did a little wiggle of happiness at the sight of the bag of Roll'd Gold pretzels, though. (think I have a chance of getting this guy to bring Hostess products? Hmmmm.)

Damn, I love me some pretzels.

So, did I also mention that the cats, my boys, are also addicted to Cheetos also? As is, Bandit is naturally terrotorial, and if Garfield even sits within a foot of me in either direction, Bandit gets up in his face like "a-hole! My MAMA!", then proceeds to walk up my body, press his nose to mine while looking in my eyes, then settles himself on my chest jealous as hell. Imagine if I DARE to give some yummy stuff to Garfee? Yeah, Me, SO in trouble if I don't distribute evenly.

So,I suppose my only solution now is to hide and munch, huh?

Figures.

On a different note.

By the way, questions? Any last questions? you've got about 10 hours to get them in.

Bush-ism’s my SWEET ASS.

Because really, I’m discovering Dubya has very little over on my boss. Or is it the other way around? I'm not quite sure. You be the judge, hmm?

Here’s proof just in case you think I might be being a tad bit unfair. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he is a real sweetheart, but, jeeeeeeez!!!! Sometimes? Serious Dubya/Homer moments. (Lord give me strength):

My boss was giving interviews to the press yesterday (he's in all the papers today) and he was telling them information "off the record" ie: stuff that isn't supposed to be widely known or things that haven’t happened yet but are in the pipeline.
So of course you know exactly what they printed, right? Yeah. Precisely.
Then today, while going through the articles and coverage, he said to our head guy in Marketing & PR: "Oh NO!! I told them not to quote me and that it was off the record!"
The Marketing & PR guy had a BLAST telling me this, and really, who could blame him?
Hellooooooooooooo? The PRESS? “Off the record”? Are you HIGH ON CRACK???? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhahahahahahahahaa.

I rest my case. What is your verdict?

This is a test............

Well darlings, I'm busy drowning at work- board meeting tomorrow and I'm in charge of the board, soooooooooooooooo........... ie: no time to blog. How depressing.

Therefore, please be so KIND as to leave me a question or 3 for this week's Inquisition and I will answer it (them) for you as soon as I get done.

And collapse from exhaustion.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.........