By Request & My OCD Confession

A couple of people requested a VS story.

I’m feeling generous. You’ll get a couple today. How’s that? I hope you like them.

My favorite customers when I was working at VS were the men. They would come in and look totally lost. Happy, but lost! You have to approach them much like you would a strange animal. Slowly and tentatively. The best is when we had to ask their wife/girlfriend/significant other’s size.

The poor thing would start looking around at the women in the shop, sizing up their backsides and breasts, and attempt to describe them. With hand gestures. Hahaha. “Oh, her breasts are like that woman there, and her hips are like the women two people over from the breasts…. And, she’s about your height…” etc…

Better than this? Um, once I got an obviously gay man coming in to buy a bunch of things for himself. He looked more like a she, if you get my drift. I get on quite well with most gay men, fortunately, which is good for me, cause I made a KILLER sale that day! (we didn’t get commission, but had sales targets!)

Another time, I got one man who was obviously very ,um, manly, and he wanted women’s underwear… for himself. (Aren’t I the lucky sales person?)

A friend of mine, Carol, who was probably the most outrageous person I have EVER known in my entire life, worked with me. We would make each other laugh by just looking at the expressions on the other’s face. When we were both scheduled in the bra room, during slow periods during the day, we would have to put out stock. Sometimes the bras would come without size tags on them, Carol would put a cup on her head, and say, OH LOOK! THIS ONE WILL FIT YOU!!!!!!!!! And then laugh like a madwoman, slapping her thigh.

Speaking of bras and organization and all these good things, brings me to another sort of related subject.

During a discussion with a very good friend today, discussing, of all things, my anally retentive organized underwear drawer, this friend said “OOOH, OCD meets Victoria’s Secret!”. It has been said by this friend that I might just have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder!) Could be. Could be.

Actually, upon further reflection, I realized this friend is right (as usual). Sigh.

~ For the men that are weak of heart (or are afraid of TMI) please stop reading here and cut down to the comments and leave one. (Although, knowing the men that read MY blog, I bet they will keep on reading, won't ya fellas?!)

Cheryl b. is fascinated with my whole bra situation, as witnessed in her comment on yesterdays post. I sent her an email answer as to where I buy my bras. As of late, since there is no VS here, and I’ve outgrown (hahahahaha) their sizing structure anyway, I buy at a British Department Store Chain called Marks & Spencer. There is one here, although, when I lived in the States, I would stock up like HELL each trip to the UK I would make. Z would say, you want to go shopping X, Y,Z place, and I would be like, I don’t care what we do in London, just let me stock up on my bras at Marks! (insert loud whimpering and whining by Husband here) They have really well made bras and merchandise in general. I occasionally mail order some bras also. But not so much anymore, now that Marks has opened here. All that said, I do have some really rather nice ones, seeing as I’m so picky when it comes down to it.

Lets see now, a really pretty half sheer/half satin blush pink embroidered one (bra), I liked it so much, I bought it in cream also... a pretty pale yellow one... it's all sheer net with flowers embroidered in the same baby yellow color thread, (are you figuring out that I love bras with embroidery and lace on them? Good on you!) I hate plain bras. I have a few, but, those are for when I have to wear them. I've a pretty lavender one too. Funny, I don't have a red one. (bright red clashes with my hair... I can wear either Cherry red or burgundy red) MY FAVORITE bra right now? White shimmery satin, bridal glaring white with a beautiful design along the top of the cup all the way across each , ahem, cup..... with a pretty little bow where the strap meets the cup... I LOVE THIS BRA! I have begged the store-in writing!!- to bring more in other colors, or preferably black. I love it in general. So comfortable and pretty. I had a beautiful black cotton bra, which sounds totally boring... but... it had vibrant purple flowers and bright red rosebuds- with stems- embroidered all over it. It finally died, that bra. I was sad. I have a bad habit of killing bras. Sad but true. I can't believe I just wrote that long ass para about my bras. Oh well.

Now about my OCD….

Old habits die hard.... have you ever looked in those drawers in the Victoria's Secret Bra room before? If you have, then you know what my undie drawer looks like. All folded a certain way, standing up,(curved part up),in order of color, dark to light. (Actually, come to think of it, my undies are like that too..... by color, cotton's all together, then cotton with lace edging, then straight lace , then "the special ones".
My heavens that makes me sound anal retentive, doesn't it? I'm just Organized is all. It makes my life easier this way.(Arianna's clothes and stuff is like this too. My friend “A” is the same. Exactly the same as I am. When I saw her drawers one day when she was gathering some clothes to change into... I cracked up and fell over on her bed laughing my ass off.)

Yeah,I guess it kinda IS OCD meets Good Housekeeping & Victoria's Secret, when it comes to me, innit? Now that I think about it, I'm pretty anal about clothes being hung up too.

There is a store I shop at, and I love seriously LOAVE their hangers like crazy, so I ask for extra hangers! They give me now without my asking. Pant hangers and shirt hangers. They are thin, sleek, charcoal grey and have rubber stuff on the edges of the shirt hangers so that they don't slip off! Well hell. Holy Shit. Um, my closet is similar. yup. Casual tops-together, all similar colors together, then work shirts/blouses similar colors together....slacks, by color.... suits together.... OMG! OK! OK! SO I worked a lot of years in retail, so sue me.

Upon continued reflection, kitchen drawers kept in order (ie: can opener, peeler, accessories, and related stuff... rubber spatulas (for baking) metal spatulas for icing cakes, etc.. together. All cooking utensils in one drawer- separately... blah blah blah blah and so on.
· serving platters all together, pyrex stuff together, baking pans , etc....
· canned goods... like products together....
· I don't like things scattered all over the kitchen counters either. (call me silly, I like to actually SEE them)
· linen closet.... yuup, u guessed it, all towels together, by color... ditto for sheet sets. All blankets together. (Not by color, for some stupid reason but by THICKNESS!)

I'm actually pretty particular about the house. I like things in their place, pretty much. Not TOO anal about that, just like it to look neat. Maybe it's just the Libra in me, but I like things to look pretty and nice and aesthetically pleasing. Because of my asthma (ok and the cats) I'm so anti-dust it's hilarious. But it's for health reasons. I wasn't this bad till I moved here. (I clean the A/C filters every 2 weeks and disinfect them now, 10 months out of the year)

DID I neglect to mention that Arianna is not like me in this respect at all, despite all my very best efforts? Lets hope she grows into it, shall we?

In fact, she can rip apart a room in under 5 minutes. When I saw the state of her dresser drawers and closet, ok, and room in general, I almost had a breakdown. We ended up with a knock down drag out, with, in the end, me, physically and emotionally exhausted, supervising her re-doing everything that I had done..... I didn't touch NOTHING 2nd time around. They aren't in “order”, but at least they don't look like a litter of puppies got at them and strew them around her room.

*shudder, twitch*

Maybe the only person other than my friend "A" that would understand is Mindy. (from what I read on her blog about her childrens toy organization)

Yes, I know there is a cure for OCD, but the question is, do I really want to cure it?

I'll Show You Mine.......Show Me Yours!!

I got to thinking... (frightening, I know) and was thinking about my first ever job.

I started working when I was 14 1/2 at a store that had an ice cream counter. Due to certain circumstances, I really needed to get a job. So, while it wasn't rocket science by any means (and since my Aunt was ALREADY a rocket scientist Project Manager for NASA, I figured one of those in the family was plenty!), it was a little extra money, and it helped out. I worked about 25 hours a week during the school year, and 40 hours a week in the Summer. It was kinda fun. The counter was next to the electronics and Photo developing section, so, sometimes, I got to cover for that dept also.

One of the guys I worked with, he was a blast! He used to mess with me by cranking up the temperature (or down, whichever way you want to look at it) so that the freezer we had to scoop from had the ice cream almost like a solid rock. I ended up spraining the tendon between my thumb and forefinger 3 times on my right hand (and my right wrist twice!). The storage freezer in back was kept at 5 below zero. You had to put on a big ski parka to go in there and get the stock when it ran low out in front! Do you have any idea how heavy 10 gallon drums of ice cream is? Lets put it this way..... my biceps looked AMAZING!

The best thing about that job was that I could get things for the house with my employee discount. Now, that was a perk.

The store manager was .... weird. Mr. Kort. I have to try and describe him for you. He was about 5'6, slightly balding in the front on top, but tons of salt and pepper hair, he would do this freaky thing with what hair he had left by moussing it or something, on top and swiriling it around. It was a crack up. He had these big bullfrog eyes that popped out of his head with thick bushy eyebrows that arched like he was perpetually in shock. Really really big lips and on top of that? A pencil thin moustache like Boris from Bullwinkle. Add to this one of the most massive potbellies I've ever seen. His voice was exactly like... oh whats his name? The character Tim Conway played on The Carol Burnett Show that said "MRS.. WWWWWWHHIIIIIGGGENSSSS"
? Just like that! It used to crack my mom up whenever she heard him talk. He was awfully weird but nice. And he talked...real. slowwww. I always wanted to tell him "hurry up!!!", but I never did. Come to think of it, he shuffled around real slow too.

I did this for about a year until I moved into proper retail. Actually, I met a store manager from a retail chain during some fashion merchandising classes I was taking in High School and he liked me and thought I had good natural sales ability, so he offered me a job. Cool, no? Ooh, I moved up from minimum wage!

I worked there for a couple of years, moved into bigger retail chains when I entered college, including..... working 2 retail jobs AND a full college schedule to pay for college! I eventually had to admit that I couldn't work like that one full time, one part time, and a full class schedule, so, I got a waitressing job instead. (I still have nightmares about it) It was 4-5 hours a day, but more money than I made (tip wise+ paycheck) than I was making in retail!

Guess where my second retail, part time job was? Victoria's Secret. Maybe if y'all ask me real sweet, I will tell you a few stories about my days working there.

And to you ladies that shop there? When you are in the bra room? Please have mercy on the staff, don't go pawing through the damn drawers. That is back stock for WHAT IS HANGING ABOVE IT! OK? Y'all make a goddamn mess and a nightmare from hell for the poor staff that has extremely anal retentive managers that check those drawers to make sure they are color coded, by size, and folded a specific way... ALL THROUGH OUT THE DAY. So please be nice to the overworked and underpaid staff of your local Victoria's Secret.

Now, I'd love it if you all would share with me what your first jobs were. Fair is fair, I showed you mine, now show me yours!

Patience, Grasshopper

Easier said than done, Master. So, oh wise one, put a sock in it! *ah SO*

Well, Ms. Perky-I-like-to-psychoanalyze-everyone-cause- I-have-a-degree-in-psychatry-but- didnt-manage-to-do-anything-with-it (also known as the recuritment agent Eliz*beth from the employment agency) called me today. The second interview, (last minute, migrane, middle of nowhere, remember?) the guy was yo-yoing back and forth between myself and another lady...... she won. I think he was so indecisive and confused between both of us, he proabably flipped a damn coin. Dammit. He really LOVED me, but, hey, not enough. Back to the drawing board.

Big time suckage, my friends. Big time. This is reallllllly frustrating. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't AUGUST HERE IN BAHRAIN. sigh. Well, I hope my pal Carrie Jo is having better luck than I am.

I hope I'll have a better report for you sooner, as opposed to later.

Bugger em' all!

WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK…….

Lee, my buddy over at Oh No, the Blog! does this "What I Learned This Week" thingie every Friday on his blog. Well, I don't have a bizillion readers like some of my lovely blogsphere friends yet, but, I like the whole thing on looking back on your week.

If you think about it, you really pretty much DO learn something new everyday. Maybe we just don't take the time from our busy schedules to stop and appreciate it. I think that maybe we should.

So, on that note, From this week on.... and y'all had better comment, cause it makes me feel all loved and special and needed..... (so make me happy, will ya? Gimmie a little blog love!) I'm going to copycat Lee. And if you haven't checked out his blog yet, please do so! He is a great guy, with a fabulous sense of humor and a big old sweetheart! He is also a new Daddy. Super Daddy.

Without further ado, since I KNOW you are all chomping at the bit to know what I've learned this week.....

1) I learned that when you wake up with a migrane, and you look and feel your worst... after finally having passed out thankfully after 3 nights of insomnia.... THAT is the morning that the employment agency will call you (all perky and loud) and say "Hi! you have an interview in an hour and a half in the middle of nowhere, Good Luck." As you look at your reflection in the mirror in horror still in your pj's with bed hair, head threatening to explode and you realize "Oh my GOD! I'm so fucked".

2) I learned that if you cuss loud and long enough at the lizard staking out territory and running laps in your bedroom, it will hide from you in fear.

3) I learned that even with a migrane and getting lost on the way to an interview that I had no time to prepare myself mentally for (what with the exploding cranium, bed hair and all), I can still impress the shit out of a potential employer!

4) I learned that when my regular blog visitors start NOT leaving comments like they used to... it really depresses me. (and you ratfinks, you know WHO. YOU.ARE!) I love you guys-some of you I even LINK!-... I'm STILL not getting any blog lovin! Sniff sniff..... look what you made me do? Cry like a baby. I'm SO broken hearted.

5) I learned upon finishing reading the latest book in the Harry Potter series (for the second time, yes, I read them all IN ORDER...again), that I was upset that the new book isn't out yet. I mean REALLY UPSET. Come on J. K., you lazy bitch, get yer Oh-MY-I'M-RICHER-THAN-THE-QUEEN-OF-FREAKING-ENGLAND ASS in gear and get that new book out! People like Amalah and myself are waiting. Jeez!

Well, that's about all from me this week. I didn't get out much.

Please tell me what you learned. Come on, I know you learned SOMETHING!

Just Plain STOOPID

Well hello my lovelies! Lady Scarlett is freshly back from viewing King Arthur. (yeah smartasses, that would be ME!) Guess what? More silly shit to regale y'all with, naturally!

I know I have been really ripping the local arab men up on my blog lately, and, well, I'm all for equal rights and all that good stuff. So, therefore, without futher ado...... time for me to start up on the ladies of the region.

There is really so much for me to say. Where to begin? Sigh.

Ok, some ladies cover, in varying degrees for different reasons. The country I live in, it is not, I repeat NOT MANDATORY to cover, regardless of what some stupid asswipe might have said on tv. Got it? I don't cover here. If I cover from the neck down, it's usually cause, well, to be honest, I can't be bothered to change to go to the pharmacy or grocery store for milk, ya know? Hell, you can throw that black abaya on over your pj's and you're good to go. The new style is much like a black silk long sleeve bathrobe down to your ankles, very lightweight, and personally, I think it's FUCKING FANTASTIC that you can go out in the equivalent of your bathrobe and be considered respctfully dressed!

Some of them, most really, cover due to their strong religious beliefs. Well that is fine and dandy. You go girl! Some cover because of their husbands or father's religious beliefs, not necessarily because the want to. This, I belive, is shitty. Don't go there girl! Just say no! (excecpt they can't. But it was a nice dream.) There are varying degrees of cover also. Some just wear everything long, skirts (down to the ground) and shirtsleeves, buttoned up to the neck and a scarf on their head. Some wear the previously mentioned DAMN SKIN TIGHT, which to me, WHY BOTHER? Everything shows anyway since you look like you can't breathe dammit! Others wear the new abaya cut quite fashionably, snug and amazingly tailored.... with no scarf. Fine. Some with. Also fine. With varying degrees of hair hanging out, front and back. Whatever. Then there are the types you've probably seen on tv, the abayas that look like a damn tent... the old fashioned ones. Again, whatever. There is every combination of what I have mentioned that you can think of. Some with no makeup, some with some makeup, and some... that quite frankly, look like drag queens they have so much packed on. Honey, RuPaul & Boy George have NOTHIN on these women! Girrrrrrrrlllll! *snap snap*

Then we come to my favorites..... the Lulu's. The Ninja Turtles. The ones that cover their faces. Now what you might not know is that there are also a couple of this type as well. There is the one with only the eyes showing, which is kinda sexy and mysterious if you think about it.... frequently, you will see these pretty, beautiful big eyes, perfectly made up peeping out at you. I have seen some of these ladies in the public bathrooms, when they remove it to fix things.... MY GOD, SOME OF THESE WOMEN ARE SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL you just want to stare at them. The Saudi ladies in particular, a lot of them are as pale as I am, beautiful features and skin! Now on to the second type..... the ones that wear a complete black veil, not exactly thin either, over their entire fce.... nothing shows, even if you look closely.

And that last example, my darlings, is what walked down the aisle before the lights went out at the movies this afternoon. I was just staring at her and her husband. I couldn't help but think to myself..... "how the FUCK is she gonna watch the movie in the dark with her WHOLE FACE AND EYES obscured by that thick veil? For the record, I kept looking at her, I thought maybe in the dark, she would remove it, but no, she kept it down the whole time!

And before any of you ask how they eat like that in public..... Both types of face veils are short and fall to the breast area. They put food in their right (always) hand and cram it up under. FYI.

Why did I post about this? Well, a little education never hurt anybody. AND, well, I thought it was pretty shitty to take somebody to the movies with the equivalent of a sack on their head.

Class dismissed.

Oprah and the Trolls

Actually, I had a hard time even typing that header for this post, if you must know. I'm sitting here laughing my lily white ass off.

Z is not a native English speaker. Even so, after 15 years with me, it is WAAAAY improved, but still, we get little glitches now and then. Tonight is a prime example of a glitch.

See, in his office, August is low season. Dead. In his office, the guys have 2, YES 2 (!) 45" Plasma Screens hanging on the wall. Attached to a satellite dish. The guys alternate between the news and various music channels throughout the day. As he works technically in Saudi, the office is ALL MALE. This is an important fact in my story.

See, apparently, everyday at 3pm, the boys watch Oprah. Yes, Oprah Winfrey. Isn't that a hoot?

Z was trying to tell me about the topic of Oprah's show today, asking if I saw it. No, I didn't. Enlighten me. So, he goes on to tell me like so.....

"Well, Oprah's subject today was people that overcame some type of problem in their life, an adversity, and she had these, um, trolls on that..." (and he makes a hand gesture to make his troll point places his had about maybe 2 foot off the ground) and that my darlings, is when it clicked in my head....as he continued saying.... "yeah the trolls, this one troll, he had a problem wi....WHAT??" I can ONLY IMAGINE what my face looked like, but I think my eyes had bugged out and my mouth was gaping open and I said:

"TROLLS???? DO YOU MEAN TO SAY DWARVES?????" and he replied, "Oh yeah, trolls, dwarves, same thing..." At which point, I went into hysterical laughter and said "no they are not the same thing!!! First, there is no such thing as TROLLS! They are some fairy creature that guard bridges and, well, are generally evil mean things. Dwarves are NOT TROLLS!" He keeps insisting there is no difference. I keep insisting there IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.

Now before I finally get some comments from people ripping me a new a-hole for laughing at dwarves, I want to tell you that, I WAS NOT LAUGHING AT THE DWARVES! I was laughing at his grammatical MURDER. GOT IT? He managed to use the word "adversity" properly, but ffed up the word dwarves? no. no. no. No hell. (another one of his beauties, instead of Hell No!) Cat, back me up on this!

Of course he went on calling the trolls to irritate me, and told me that this dwarf couple had 6 kids (of which 2 were twins!) and I said "and they were all normal size, right?" "Yeah! How did you know??" "well, cause it happens all the time!"

The dork is still calling them trolls though.

Things That Make You Go......... WHAT THE HELL????

Before I get to the subject, I'd like to reiterate my comment of a few weeks ago. To all you lurkers out there..... I. DO. NOT. BITE. (ok, maybe I nibble a little) Leave a damn comment already. I'm feeling so UNLOVED here! *sniff sniff* You have no idea how happy I get when I see comments.

My goal is to be a 'Comment Ho'... just like Genuine!! He's MY IDOL. Ok, So is Mindy. (love ya Min!!) Hell, Hula Doula has whooped my ass too! (you GO Girl!) Allright. I admit it..I'm jealous. There. Happy now?

Now on with our scheduled programming.................

In case I forgot to mention it... 2 weeks ago I lost my job. I. Am. JOBLESS. (I really hate this shit) In August. August in Bahrain is..... well... deserted. Everyone in the country scoots out on vacation for a month. Yes, people get 30 day vacations here. Quiet YOUS! My vacation just got screwed all to hell....now it's postponed. Ugh. ie, how am I gonna get a job when most of the employers are ON VACATION???????? Yeah, exactly. I'm SO FUCKED. I went on ONE interview last Sunday.... at a company I've been DYING to get a job at for over 6 years. Pray for me, willya? I could use all the help I can get.

So, today, my mobile phone rings...(cell phone for the Americans out there) guess who? My boss - Mr. 'F' -that just decided to let me go 2 weeks ago.. checking on me to see if I have a new job... that he's thinking of me.. WHAT THE HELL?????

He let me go, why? Cause there wasn't enough work in English for me, really, to justify paying me my big fat cushy salary.... that's why. He realized this a little late dammit. I left a job where my boss ADORED ME. Like... LOVES ME.... I could DO NO WRONG IN HIS EYES PEOPLE! The rest of the staff loved me. I was IN CONTROL. I was an OFFICE MANGER. I made decisions with almost no interference (excecpt final sign off approval from the owner.. my boss...)on a daily basis. Why did I leave? Cause...... 62% higher salary darlings, thats why! Stupid, stupid me. Sigh. I mean, my prior boss, we shall call him T, has been calling me during the past 6 months to check on me and see if Im happy. He was so bummed when I left, really hurt... he gave me the puppydog look dammit every day from the day I resigned... and it took him almost 4 months to replace me, cause he wasn't happy with anyone.... I FOUND MY OWN REPLACEMENT FOR HIM! The employees would go to her, my friends sister mind you, and tell her that "no offence, but I really miss Cyn". Well shit.

So now, today, I have my last boss, F, calling to check on me. Attack of guilt? Probably. It WAS nice of him though. He didn't have to.

But the bottom line? I'm still shit out of luck with a job.

Adventures At The Mall....part 2

Bonjour Y'aaaaaalllllllll!!!!!!

Sorry. I watched "Slap Her, She's French!!" last night on cable. That is some crazy funny shit. I reccommend that you all run off to your friendly neighborhood DVD shop and rent it posthaste! Cracked my ass up. Especially the girlfight. Heh. Arianna was laughing so hard, she fell off the sofa!

Anyhoooooo, we went to the mall again tonight for a little walk and (for me at least) looking for some blog victims to post about. Do I sound hard up for a topic? So sue me. I'm out of work and not getting out much at all since my car, my BABY CAR, has been at the mechanic back and forth ATTEMPTING to fix the busted air conditioning. Sigh. Sigh. SIGH. So, tonight....... we hit the mall!

No funky man whores in thongs tonight that I saw. BUT! I did see something completely stupid. I mean, waaay stupid.

Arab men, the white "robes" that they wear that you've seen on TV, they are called THOB. The material with the black band they wear on their heads is called Gutra and Agaal respectively. Bear with me, this is part of my tale people! So, some men wear the headgear, others don't.

Now, there has been a trend in the past couple of years that I just could not stand.... younger guys in their teens and early 20's wearing BALL CAPS on their heads with the thob. I mean, it looks lame. Not stupid, but STOOOOPID. Tonight I saw a guy sitting in the food court in his own little fashion. Fashion nightmare more like! He was wearing a pristine white thob and on his head.....

A black beret.

A. Fucking. Beret. BONJOUR Y'ALLL!!!! Well fuck me... twice. I thought I was hallucinating. I kept staring, blinking. Thinking it would just. go. away. Nope, no such luck. He also had way below the collar dark curly hair flowing from beneath the beret. And he was strutting. and I ? Well darlings, I was laughing. Then I said....

"Slap him he's French....NOT!!!!!!!!!!"


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***


Also, as a side trip to my mall adventure... what is the worst thing, ladies, and well, for the men out there that understand (Amy, I'm referring to your man Jason here!) that could happen to me being out of work, assets pretty much frozen in the bank till I have a new work contract to present to the Fuc*ers at the bank ??

SHOES babies. Shoes. Lots of pretty new shoes. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I'm being TORTURED. To those of you that understand, namely the members of the Imelda Marcos Society for Shoe and Handbag Addiction, follow me.

In ONE DAMN STORE. I found, countem...... 7 pairs of shoes I wanted. In my size. (9 1/2 for the yanks, 41 for the Europeans) How FUCKING UNFAIR IS THAT???? They were pretty. I think I might be losing my mind also. Most of them were 40's Movie Star GORGEOUS. Which is TOTALLY ME! Faux Crocodile in Camel color, Black, and a lovely chocolate brown. Suede Slingbacks. Beautiful, dainty, girly, slingbacks. Have I mentioned how much I lurve slingbacks people????? I wanted them. They were in TWO colors that I have no idea WHAT the hell I would wear them with, but I want them. Baby Pink and Baby Blue suede. I saw the blue ones first. Found myself singing The chorus to "Blue Suede Shoes" under my breath while petting them.

Oh, and the sexy stacked wood wedge heels with spaghetti thin ankle straps? Black, Dark Chocolate Brown, Beige, aw hell.... so many styles, colors........Oh my GOD! Thin heels, low heels (um low to me is 2 inches high) high heels (pushing 4 inches). Do you have any idea how often such a miracle as me finding so many shoes in in one shop that I WANT badly- in my size no less- happens? Never. Maybe I have a gizillion shoes... but I'm still very picky about my shoes when all is said and done. Now, I'm sad. No retail therapy.

And no, the measely lip gloss I bought does not come anywhere NEAR retail therapy. (but it IS so very pretty!)

Sigh.

The Unwelcome Visitor

Slight problem.  I HAVE A DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I don't know where the hell it has hidden itself, dammit. If you will kindly remember, I hate, loathe, and despise lizards almost as much as I do snakes.

Last night we were alerted to its presence by the shrieks of Arianna from the living room. "EEEeeeeeeekkkkkk!! LIZARRRRRRRRRDDDDD!!!".  I was blog surfing as usual in the hallway. No way in HELL I was going in there.  Z was supposed to kill it while it was in the L Room, but NOOOOOOO, he decided to use the broom he was supposed to smoosh it with to shoo it back out the front door. Arianna and I are saying KILL IT! KILL IT! No, poor little thing.  He wasn't gonna kill it.  He insisted on tossing it back outside.  I said "Why, so it can come back inside??"  Z says, "No, I'm going to put it outside."  One tiny problem.  Little bastard was running from the broom so fast  he fell off the ceiling near the front door and made a break for it.....  

While I was sitting here IN THE HALLWAY!!  Lizard, with Z CHASING HIM -broom smacking up and down-went running past ME like a bat out of hell on the floor, running as fast as his little legs would go (which, BTW, is GODDAMN FAST).... straight into my bedroom, up onto the wall and between the freestanding closet and the wall... and Z shrugged and left it there.  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!  Me: "Did you get it?" Z: "no. It went behind the closet"  ME: "WELL GET IT OUT!!!!Ewwww!" Z: "I'm outta here" and he walked out the house leaving his daughter and I staring at each other with gaping mouths.  How the hell can I sleep thinking it might CRAWL ON ME in my sleep?? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Gross.  I went hunting it, but hell if I know where it hid itself.  I gave up, prayed it didn't slip in my closet somehow, and took off after Z. Hung out at the triplets' house for a bit and came home.  Z left before us, had crawled in bed and was fast asleep.  With the lizard in there.  I did a cursory check of the bedroom walls before attempting sleep, and guess what?  There he sat, the little sonofabitch. STARING. AT. ME. from up near the ceiling.  Little reptile asshat. 

On the bright side, at least it pays attention when I curse it out.  He even raised his little head off the wall and stared at me with its beady little eyes as I did so. How is it possible for a lizard to look 'hurt"? He did laps around the room, contemplated running back down the wall to run about on the tile floor, and then my cussing at him started in earnest. He ran back UP the wall. Then when he couldn't take my verbal abuse anymore, he ran and hid behind the curtain.  Bastard. How the hell I slept in that room is beyond me.

Yes, I know I have a load of cats in my house. But. They are Persian cats. High maintenance, purebread,Lazy buggers. I love them , but they are lazy as hell. The most reaction I get is Isis, the pure white one with big blue eyes, the Mama and Boss, IF she notices one, she stares at it transfixedly for a while, as if willing it to do something, then when it moves, Isis takes flying leaps and  proceeds to fling herself against the wall.  Repeatedly.  It's kind of comical to watch, actually. But seriously, like what? She's gonna knock it off that way?  I mean, she's hitting the wall WAAAAAY too low. then IF a lizard ends up on the floor, the silly cat PLAYS WITH IT.  She doesn't kill it, she plays with it.  The others cannot be bothered to bestir themselves. Sigh.

Damn lizards. Useless cats.

Lizard update:   I still have no idea where the hell the lizard is.  Arianna is freaked and spent most of the morinng over at her friends house.

Shudder.  I'm open to suggestions. Raid kills them, but I have asthma, so the raid murder will trigger an attack. Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. Husband is saying "oh give the poor thing a break". I say the poor things carry disease and I don't want em in the house. gag.

2nd Update 10:10pm: 

JUST FOUND ANOTHER DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM WHEN WE MOVED THE SOFA. A BIG S.O.B. Looked PREGNANT and very very dark green.  (A lovely dark moss green one which contrasted in a very bad way against the pale lavender of my bedroom walls) It IS freaking HUGE.  I mean, As long as your hand! yes, yours. And about 2 inches wide. Ewwwwwwwww.    Z chased it..... BEHIND our $&*$^*)($&*&$#0 headboard, then decided he was tired of looking for it after 5 minutes. He sprayed half a can of Raid, so it sent me into an asthma attack, and I can't breathe. Then he was rolling his eyes at me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Oh shit, I just realized my purse is on the floor next to my side of the bed....open... oh GAWD......

This freaks me out y'all. You don't understand. When I was very little... about 4 I'd say,  in Florida where we have tiny lizards that look like baby gators, I was walking past the wall of the house and one of the little bastards fell on my head and got in my hair. In my then pretty long wavy platinum blonde hair.  I had a major freak out, I don't even remember how we got it out, I was so freaked.  I guess I mentally blocked that part out. I've had a problem with them ever since.  Understand NOW???

You should see me, I walk in my bedroom, well, run through the door actually, looking up and around at the perimiter of the ceiling.... looking for them.  I must look like a damn mental case. I'm still  paranoid one of these lizards will fall on me. (especiallt that little fast stupid one) Before I go to the bathroom, I cautiously lift up the lid AND seat then bang them a few times in warning,  before sitting down. Would YOU want to be sitting doing your business and have one crawl across your ass? I THINK NOT!

By the way? Did I ever tell you that they grow Big-ass FLYING cockroaches here also? One flew on me, on my bare arm, walked UP my bare arm- in my sleep!- about 6 months after I moved to Bahrain, obviously  woke me up, and I screamed the damn house down flapping my arm like a crazywoman and slapping at it. I could see it in the moonlit room, big and dark.

*shudder, twitch*

Adventures at the Mall

You know dear readers, I think of you all the time.  I see things and try like a fiend to commit them to memory, MEMORIZE every little detail so that I may relate it to you here.  take last night at the mall for instance.

You know those instances where you wish like hell you had a digital camera with you? Well, last night was one of those instances. I mean, I have a camera phone, but the pic wouldn't be clear and very grainy.  So. we are wandering along minding our own business when I hear Z and Arianna snickering.  I tear my eyes away from the store window and ask "whats cracking you two up?" They both motion in front of us with their eyes and Z says "look, someone's got a wedgie!".  I obligingly look where indicated and stare, dumfounded, trying to believe my eyes.  I mutter "goddamn Pinocchio" under my breath. (If any of you have seen Shrek 2, you know what is coming next)

A guy is walking in front of us in those new male version of capri pants. White. linen. actually, the material is a gauzy linen material with lots of pockets.  Sandals. Short waist length shirt. Big deal you say? Well........ said guy is cinnamon complected, which is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that he doesn't have a wedgie.  What IS a big deal is that those pants? They are about as thick as 1-ply toilet tissue. The big deal is that HE IS WEARING A DARK COLORED T-BACK THONG ABOUT TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,OR BIG, I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH. It's a scary sight, belive me.  and there he is prancing around the mall with his ass showing.  MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Now THAT's what I call advertizing! Why advertizing you may ask?  Well, at the time, we were all walking in front of Star*ucks, where there was the usual congregation of Saudi's hanging out "hunting". SO? Well, it is fairly well known in the region that they have a "thing" for asses.  Male or Female, if you get my drift.  Not all of them, just a really big percentage. Come on, they live in a country where the only women they can see are their mother, grandma, aunties, and sisters, and eventually thir wives and daughters, and then only in the privacy of their home.  The schools are segrated, naturally.  The guys have needs, so, unless they go on vacation or are screwing the housemaids, they are a bit limited for sex, ya know?  I suppose anything will do.  Sodomy is against Islam, so, in Saudi, if they are caught and there is proof, they risk public beheading. (Yes, just like you saw in Farenheit 9/11) Shudder. (thank God they don't do that here where I live) It's (sodomy) fairly rampant even still.  Anyhooo, I turned to the left to watch THEM watch HIM walk by. This sent me in to serious laughter.  Can you blame me really?

Rule no 1: Dark undies, white bottoms....NO! Change ONE of them before leaving the house.
Rule no 2: Look in a damn mirror before you leave!

All of you please feel free to comment on this.....I can feel good ones coming on.

 

The Betrayal

 Not to interrupt my party over on the previous post.... (keep posting on there for the party, BTW!) But, well, I hust have to vent.  I read over on Chez Miscarriage the following just now, and ,well, I just can't keep quiet, because it struck something deep in me that I've been dealing with for a while now. 

 From Chez Miscarriage:
Dr. Love said, You use a gestational surrogate when there's no uterus, not when there's a damaged uterus. You don't use a surrogate to increase your chances of having a baby. You use a surrogate when you have no other options, when there's no hope, when you're at the end of the line.
How interesting, I said the very same thing to Z last week, and a few weeks before that. And a month ago and two months ago when my 4th IVF cycle got cancelled. And the 3 times before that he has mentioned it… in 2004.

A couple of  nights ago, his niece, the mother of the triplets and I went to the movies. Fortunately I am and have always been very close with her. She is one year older than me. On the way there, she confided to me that her Uncle, my husband, asked her to be a surrogate for us. I don’t know how I continued to keep driving the car, actually. That hurt me so very much. I replied the most flippant as I could. “Has he lost his fucking mind? You just delivered triplets! What kind of nutcase would ask that of a woman that just delivered triplets?” She said that’s what she told him also.

He had mentioned it to me.  Several times. I thought he was just running the idea past me. Kinda like how he was buttering me up for the idea of a second wife last year. (a really rich one, so he could “take care of me”) )hes' muslim) I guess I was wrong. Bullshit then, and bullshit now. I told him what I thought of his suggestion about a surrogate. “Why? My damn uterus is fine. Then I went on to basically state verbatim what Dr. Love said above.” Glad to have a doctor backing me up on that one. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. There is other crap in my reproductive system that is messed up-ovaries- but my poor uterus is just fine, thank heavens. I can’t believe that after I told him how against the whole idea I was all those times he mentioned it, he STILL went to her and asked her. She said he was very serious about it.  Maybe I’m a bitch, but I’d really like to scratch his eyes out. I haven’t confronted him about it yet. and I heard about it from someone else. He didn't even tell me he is approaching people about it. And if you think that she is the only one he has asked or will ask, I've got a lovely piece of land in Siberia I'd like to sell you that is PERFECT for winter holidays.

He asked me if when Aunt Flo starts if I want to take Clomid this time. I looked at him, with his comments in the back of my head and said, “No. Not now. Be reasonable. I just lost my job. I have to have a job.” Right now you guys, I’m so hurt, I really hate him. I feel betrayed. He went behind my back knowing how I felt on the subject, like everything else, and it kinda makes me wonder…

What else has he gone behind my back about?

Party Update

Hello my darlings! Party is back ON! Do you HEAR ME?????? BACK ON!  Lets have it oh, all weekend long. I'm curious how much mischief we can all get into!  I admit I'm curious in the extreme. So, party will start today, Friday, and last until Sunday evening.  Yes, one big sleepover/slumber party.  Hows that lovlies?

Bring a friend. Refer a friend. And you lurkers out there??? (you know who you are!) STOP THAT SHIT AND POST A COMMENT WILLYA????????  Jeez, why you hiding? I don't bite.....much.

Also, can someone give me some help jimmying the lock on the Monster's bedroom door.  (Hey, she did it to MY dressing cupboard while I was on vacation, and has since broken the lock in the door of it completely) Turnabout is fair play.

Music? Check. Stripper? Check. Food? Check. Booze? Check! Twister? Check. Magic 8 ball? Check. Friends from all over the planet? Check, I think!

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!
 
Didja miss me?????? You better have! I missed you guys, LOADS.

At least my blog does not look like a cheap slasher film victim anymore. Whew! (Thanks Kim!)

It has been an interesting few days lately. Lost my job, yesterday was my last day,BUT I have an interview lined up already!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!

Just found out that my airconditioning compressor in my car.. is dead. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! In this heat??? The weather was ... dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn................. 125 today! Plus humidty. goody. I have sucky luck this week, no?  Will take it to fix on Saturday.  (it's only gonna cost about 400 bucks!)*gags, shaking head, sobbing*  This BLOWS. Seriously.

My inet is out of order at home probably until day after tomorrow... so, I'm getting my fix here at my SIL's house.

OHMIGOD, I missed my blog so much......... and all of you too! It's good to be home.

Kisses for all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! (was it good for you too???)

Party Postponed  Well it is until tomorrow due to the obvious technical difficulty Blogger.com is having (bless their hearts!) I've sent them a request to straighten this all out.   So, Party is Tuesday instead. Sorry for the delay.   Love, Scarlett Cyn

Hello, My Name is.......    Hello, my name is Cyn, and I am an accessory addict. I mean SERIOUSLY y'all!   WHEW!!!! I thought that would be harder to do. Wait a cottonpickin minute here! I don't want to stop this!   See, I've started my own little fraternity/ club .. whatever, and honestly honeys, I'm so very proud.  It is called "The Imelda Marcos Society for Women With Shoe and Handbag Addiction". I even have a few members! Importantly, Amalah  is already a member my drinking buddy Katie too, and a friend here named Aseel (she has it BAD girlies! Will elaborate later) and most likely Martha and Mindy will join in the not too distant future. We have our own motto too! "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'TOO MANY' SHOES OR HANDBAGS,  so you can just STOP YER BITCHING!!!"  Don't you just loave us? Yeah, I thought you did.   I was chatting with my darling Amalah on IM the other day and we got to talking about strappy sexy evening or whenever-the-hell-we-feel-like-wearing-them shoes and our little NEED for them. Ok, ok. I was also telling her about my latest acquisition. Anyhoo.... I got to thinking yesterday.... and here is part of my tally:   Evening/Dress sandals: 6 pairs (WHAT? I'm really, really picky) Boots: 2 pairs (WHAAAAT???? I know that is nothing, but I live in the freaking Middle East for Christsakes! Like I NEED BOOTS???) High Heeled pumps.....8 plus one GORGEOUS Open Toe one that is so amazing that even I can't find something to top it! It's my favorite! (3 3/4 inch heel girls!) Strappy sandals (heeled and otherwise and oh so sexy, naturally): Ahem....erm..... well....... lets just say OVER uh, 20. hows that? loafer-work type shoes:  4      And um, just for the record, I did inventory of my handbags yesterday, and.. the tally, as of TODAY, stands at:   23 handbags, 6 wallets, and 4 evening bags (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I told you I was extremely picky about my evening  accessory purchases!! Jeez.)  And before any of my male readers (and you know who you are!) start commenting on that number of purses, let me tell you a little somthing my dahling men..... I USE EM ALL! Yes, that is right, I rotate and switch. Frequently, sometimes daily. Like, the black Gucci with the Bamboo handle (my recent FAVORITE, im SO in loave with it!) one day, then a beige or camel purse the next, then my pride and joy, a cordovan colored (that's like Burgundy- yes wine- for the men) Cartier handbag with MATCHING WALLET.  I loave that one so much, I don't use it ALL that often cause I don't want it to get hurt.  I'm all about matching my shoes and bags too! So, Shhhhhhhh! Not all my stuff is that expensive though, before you start having major freaking coronary attacks! "Hello? 911? Um, Yes, I realize this is long distance, but, um, I think someone needs your help... his name is ____ and I think he is having a heart attack." If it makes the cringing males feel any better.... I buy them myself. Now my previously mentioned friend Aseel? She is waaay worse than me. I mean, completely bonkers over shoes. I am SO normal compared to her. Like I tell Z when he bitches about my shoes, "Hush! Be glad I'm not Aseel, ok?" (although his reply is often "yeah, but you COULD BE. I mean, the potential is there!") She moved back home here from Boston, and when her container shipment of stuff arrived, she told me about how she was lovingly unpacking her 60+ pairs of shoes she had shipped back. 60+ people! In addition to the LOAD of shoes she has here already.  It's so bad, that her sisters, 3 younger than her, have asked to be left her shoes in her will.... and, um, she is only 29. The younger sisters fight over the shoes. In. the. will.  (Hell, I just want her jewellery, but that is another post ENTIRELY!) Yeah. So, I'm nothing compared to her. She said she would live on doritos and snickers in college to be able to buy shoes instead.  Uh huh. I can totally understand that, can't you? A girl's gotta priortize, right? So, if you're interested in joining my little society, please let me know, hmmmm? Later, I will regale you with the contents of my makeup STOCKPILE. (Let's put it this way... I am the Aseel of the cosmetics world, got it?) Good.   And don't forget my DAMN PARTY TOMORROW!!!!!

Party At My Place!

 

Well darlings, her bags are packed, and her broom is dusted off, serviced, and ready to go.  Looks like take off is tomorrow morning.  So, blog party is set for Monday. GOT THAT? Monday! Bring a blog friend.  Actually, maybe I should say that it STARTS Monday? This could be a two or three day party. I might even get creative and send invitations, but if not, please come over. This is not an "Invite only" party, but more of a B.Y.O._. party.

 

I don't know how long she's going for, but I must admit, it will be a nice break if nothing else.

 

I'm really not mean. I'm just.... worn out.  Everytime she leaves, the family gets closer, everyone is nice to each other and friendly (yes! Even to me!!) no dissent, no upset, no troublemaking. It's nice. I'm sure that I wouldn't hate living here so much if we had moved here without her as was the plan. I've been in the thick of it from day one. Sigh. Well, it isn't as if she didn't warn me what she would do the day before we left to move here. She got right in my face that day and said "You think you'll be happy there? HAH! I'm going to make you so miserable you 'll wish you never heard the word Bahrain. I"m gonna blacken your name so badly that you won't want to be seen in public or hold your head up!"  And that is what she set out to do. 

 

Well, at least she keeps her word.

 

The first years here were the worst. (Well, in retrospect, it seems that way, although, maybe now I'm just kinda numb to all the bullshit?I dunno.) Going anywhere was pretty uncomfortable for the longest time. She spread her poison far and wide.   I knew what she was doing. I saw their behaviour change towards me. Talk about uncomfortable!! Lordy! His family here is HUGE, I mean massive. So, that's a lot of venom!

 

Her son refused to believe it. He is the master of self-delusion and denial, unfortunately. It was the same stuff she had done it the States, only worse and more wide spread, since her audience was larger.  Here is like living in a small town.  Talking shit to the neighbors and family. Nothing new. I was just myself and tried not to show how much it hurt.

 

The one bright side is, that somewhere along the way she started "hanging herself". Cousins and friends (not all mind you) started seeing that what they were hearing and what they actually SAW were two very different things. They noticed that SHE was the only one talking, not me, no matter how they tried to bait a comment out of me.  I could have said tons.  But I didn't, haven't. I have held it all inside all thse years, so forgive me if you guys hear it. Only a few select girlfriends of mine really know. I need an outlet every now and then, ya know? Like my blog. Fortunately, his cousins that I LOVE had the wake up calls first and soonest! My realtionships with his immediate family (sisters, brothers, etc..) are still and will probably always remain strained. I have done all I can over the years but I'm not going to kill myself anymore.  If after 15 years they aren't gonna wake up, to hell with it I say!

 

So, yeah, I've had baby breaks from her before, (three weeks to two months)but it's been a long haul this time around. It just made me sad, cause it showed how nice things could be without her around. I wouldn't be surprised if she is gone for less than a month.  Z is talking about talking Arianna with him there on a vacation for a week or two next month. So maybe she will stay longer if they go. I don't know. Can you imagine me here on my own for two weeks?  Heh.

 

So, reminder: Party is day after tomorrow I have: Liquor, Twister (that could be fun-especially if we get the stripper in the mix!), yes, a stripper (maybe he can bring a friend?), and I'll even self-cater! Feel free to bring whatever you like.  If you are all good..... I might even do the booty shake dance or bellydance for you!

Pucker Up!

Ya know, I was moseying on around in Quizilla's site and decided to take THIS quiz, cause, well, it sounded interesting and not overly lame. (Well, actually, I took a few others, but the pics were a bit TOO Nekkid and soft-porn-ish, ya know?) Sooooo, guess what kind of kisser I am?

TA DAAAA!


You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I bet you're wondering how accurate it is, aren't ya? Heh. If y'all ask me real nicely, I might just tell you how accurate it is (or not)!!

Go on, bite the bullet and take the damn quiz. Im a nosey thing! I showed you mine, now show me yours!!!!!

*snicker, guffaw*

Lovin It

Was snooping around over at Genuine's (as usual)and I found a hilarious link in his most recent post. I've seen previous work of Mr. Squirrel and I thought to share this latest piece of art with you.

Genuine said he pee'd his pants it was so funny, and to be honest, I came damn near close myself. Turn up the sound, but if you're at work, not too loud...OK? (caution: high pitched foul language)

What do you mean you don't have large?

The Farewell

Last night I went to my friend's farewell dinner at a Thai restaurant. She's moving to Boston to continue her education. I wasn't too impressed with the food, but it was fun!

About ten of us, all women, in a pretty secluded room. We were cutting up and being loud and obnioxious and we EVEN drove off the Asian Bulldyke and her very girly girlfriend that were sitting-fine, half laying- at the opposite end of the room. Otherwise, the place was totally empty that time of night. Ok, they left about after an hour or so, and even then only when they noticed that their dirty looks in our direction weren't working...... Heh.

It was a load of fun. There wasn't even liquor involved. We were cutting up so very much, even making fun of my ex-psychotic demon from hell boss's daughter!(the boss, not the daughter) I,naturally, had to imitate all the people being discussed or otherwise raked over the coals, because, well, that's just me! Boss's daughter included.

We were discussing the extremely low cut blouse etc... she wore into the office (trust me, not much to show off) and how shocked we were, cause, well, her father IS the Chairman and CEO, and is religious enough to have built A MOSQUE with his own money back in Pakistan! But she teeters in all hanging out. Have I mentioned that this company is an Islamic Infrastructure Fund Management Company? Well, it is. ie: wear it, but it's totally inappopproiate for going to daddy's work. Sooooo, of COURSE I had to show how extreme it was, so,for those that had missed "The Daddy's Girl free show", I ended up SHOWING them by adjusting my own low V-neckline of my blouse DOWN while keeping an eye on the bulldyke in the far corner to make sure she wasn't looking and shaking my stuff in a fair imitation of her! We all ended up howling. It was pretty funny.

Then after we ate... we sang! Ah... Karaoke! Why in the hell we ended up singing love songs and 70's and 80's hits is beyond me. Some of us attempetd to sing alone, but then there was a mike malfunction, so we ended up singing in a group. It was a total crack up! Pretty much completly off key and with much hilarity involved. Yes, poor Lionel Richie, thank God he will never know what we did to his beautiful love song "Hello". And of course, it wouldn't have been right if we didn't sing/butcher "Hotel California", now would it? Actually, that sounded pretty good!

I later dragged my ass in the bed at around 1:30am after dropping one of my girlfriends home.

Whew! Must do that more often! Come on, who's gonna sing with me?

All this on top of hearing that MIL has to get her backside to Iran posthaste by Saturday or her house purchase is all in the toilet! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I don't know how long she's gonna be gone for, but,hot damn(!) it's a break! At least she will be able to talk dirty to the men over there in her own language. I wonder if that neighbor across the street she had the hots for still lives there. He was a widower. (ie: fresh meat)I will arrange blog party when I have her departure details!

Hey, should we call a stripper?

Ok, NOW I'm Sad.

Maybe despondent would be a better word? Yeah, probably. Wanna know why? Because, While browsing on E! Online, also known as my secret vice... Ted's Gossip pages.. I found this:

Whoop There It Isn't: Test audiences apparently got Too Much Information (or something) from a Colin Farrell nude scene at screenings of A Home at the End of the World, reports Us Weekly. Despite whoops of approval from female fans, we'll be seeing less of Farrell's natural gifts in the final version. Producer John Hart emphasizes that the actor "has no reason to be shy," and director Michael Mayer elaborates: "People felt [his penis] was too distracting from the emotional moment in the scene." Doncha hate when that happens? Hello? Bonus footage! Alas, in what may be the unkindest (director's) cut of all, Farrell's extended version won't even appear on the DVD.

AW HELL NO!!!!!!!!!! Not even bonus footage??? BASTARDS!!!!!! That director is just JEALOUS because he is problably small and drives a PORCHE TOO! Screw it, I say women of the world BOYCOTT THIS DAMN TRAVESTY OF A FILM, or,alternatevly, maybe we could sign a petition to at least have it in the DVD? *yes, I'm groveling, ok?* Jeez. Can't this dumbass realize that 5-8 seconds of full frontal Colin would send his opening weekend sales through the roof? That wuss.

I should have known something was up, first I scarfed more cherries (So luscious and juicy and sweet and tart) than I should admit to yesterday, and now this. Colin. Cherries. Me and Colin rolling naked in cherries. (In a dream. Confused? Check my April archives.)

This is SO gonna be a shitty week, I can feel it.

PS: What?!? Is 3 posts in one day too much for ya? Deal.

Monster-in-Law vs. The Electrician


It is common knowledge that my husband has a WIDE evil streak in him. It is also common knowledge that my MIL hates my guts and is evil incarnate. I’m not just saying that. Her own blood says it too! But what he did last night? To his own mother? Genius, pure genius! It was so good; I just HAVE to share it with you all!

The electrician for the compound was supposed to be coming over to fix whatever it was she was bitching about, (I didn’t really pay attention, cause her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me, if you must know!) Now the electrician’s English isn’t all that great. And my MIL’s is almost non-existent (although she does manage enough to talk shit about me whenever the opportunity arises and she knows the necessary words, like BITCH and f**k you!) So, she was asking her precious son what she should say to the electrician. This is what he taught her:

“I give you blowjob”

She dutifully repeated it over and over, very carefully. (Me, turning my face to the wall trying not to laugh my ass off.) After a few minutes, she said it was a bit hard for her to say, how about another way? Ok, sure!

“Lick me please?” and “Do me hard!”

Again with the repeating and learning. (This is killing me, honestly!) Then she said there was something else she wanted fixed, so, he taught her:

“Please screw me”

At this point, I was shaking with laughter, and she got suspicious. Well, I couldn’t help it! He said, “No, Cyn is laughing at the TV, aren’t you?” And I nodded and said “yeah…. *snicker*… TV, funny!” Then he said to her: “Try this mom:”

“I want your dick”

At this point, I looked at him and said quietly, “I’m sure she will know that one! You screwed up!” As she repeated, she realized she did know what DICK is… and started freaking out. I looked at him and said, “See, I told you!” You forgot about that neighbor that used to sneak over after you and your brother went to work when we were engaged! They would sit and drink and smoke and Lord knows what else! Hahahahahahahah!” Then I proceeded to give in to my bout of uncontrollable hysterical laughter, convulsing on the sofa!

On the off chance that you are offended that I find this so very amusing, or that I’m retelling this on my blog? Tough shit. I actually have permission to retell this from Z! Z even went over to her granddaughter’s house right after and told a roomful of her 30-something grandkids and their husbands and they all proceeded to have similar reactions to me. In fact, the mom of the triplets was laughing so hard, she called her MOM (MIL’s daughter) and told her, and she promptly laughed her ass off too!

This is almost as good, as when we were all in Las Vegas and she noticed there are these HUGE, I mean really huge margarita glasses people are drinking from. So there she sits on the slot machine stool, jealous and thirsty for booze. She shouts to a passing cocktail waiter “”HEY MISTER, YOU HAVE BIG ONE?? GIVE ME BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and kept right on yelling it at him until he figured it out after she finally pointed at one that someone was drinking from, right as a highly unnatural lull in the casino noise happened. Stares aplenty!! My SIL wanted to die right there. But she still laughs about it to this day!

But honestly, the blowjob one? Killed me.

Ok, I know you want to comment. Go ahead.

Deal With It!!

Ok, so I have a small addiction to these quiz thingies! Maybe I'm just a sheep in fox's clothing!*snicker* SO???

And for the record, as I drive down this imaginary highway of my life, I'd be driving in an Aston Martin Vantage! (You know, that sweet piece of automative genuis in the Beyonce & Jay-Z video for Bonnie & Clyde? Yeaah baby! Come to MAMA!) Anyhoo... heres my road sign. Cute, no?

Scarlett Highway Fame City 6 Lake Love 21 Mt. Happiness 49 TravelWorld 103 Bog of Eternal Marriage 490 Please Drive Carefully

Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

And because I can be a nosey thaang, I'm going to naturally ask: what's yours?

What The HELL????

Dear fashion victims… I mean readers!! Yeaaah, READERS!

I’m sure some of you have noticed that some of the clothing styles have returned from the early 80’s. Yes, it just tickles me senseless to see some of the fashions that have weaseled their way back into mainstream teenage fashion. OK, and young adult too! Some of it is really well re-done. It all gives me wishful flashbacks to my young years. I never imagined my own daughter wearing some of the fashions I used to wear now… in 2004!

Remember the capris, but they aren’t really capris, cause they end right at the knee but then gather up on the sides with either elastic, or ties, or zippers? Yeah, I liked those, still do. Everytime I see Arianna wear the pants like this that I bought her ON PURPOSE, I get a stupid grin on my face!

Muscle shirts? Remember those? Yeah, I’m cool with that. Black rubber bracelets? Hell yeah I had tons of them. And if you are honest, you will admit that you did too! And the thick belts and the belts and bracelets with studs? Ahhhh yes, memory lane is calling! Even in some fashion magazines, I’m seeing 80’s makeup revisited… more, um, tastefully done, but still the same. On the bright side, so far I haven’t noticed any of those DYNASTY shoulder pads yet… but maybe I should bite my tongue?

You may wonder what I’m rambling on about? Why the title of this post? Well my darlings, let me enlighten you!

Yesterday, while out shopping with Z’s niece, who is MY AGE, we were wandering through a shoe store (naturally, since I have a serious addiction to shoes and handbags, much to my husband’s dismay). Strangely, I didn’t buy anything. But I digress….

So, while wandering around, we came upon sock displays. Ok. Fine. Oh these are cute! Blah blah, etc… Then my eyes drift downward…. niece’s apparently does too… she picks something off the rack, exactly what my eyes had become fixated on. She asks… “what the hell kind of socks are these?” I am afraid to touch them, dread and horror and realization slowly creeping into my consciousness. Finally, she shoves them into my hands for inspection. Guess what the hell they were? Were they socks? Knee socks? Um, no. NO! Any idea?

Leg warmers. Yeah, leg warmers. Many different colors and designs. “So what’s her damn problem?” you may think? Let me elaborate, shall I?

I live in Bahrain. It is a small island in the Persian Gulf off the coast of Saudi Arabia. It is a baby rat fart on the map. The daytime temperatures for the past days have been in the mid 140’s PLUS about 80% humidity! The evenings are much better at around 109-113 with about 90-97% humidity. Yes, as you may now be realizing, I live in hell! The temps will continue along this vein well into the end of September with the humidity getting even higher and the temperatures going so high that the weather people here begin to lie about it and not say it’s higher than 145 because if it gets hotter than that, outside labor will have to stop, and we can’t have that, now can we??? You know, humidity can get so high in fact, that early in the morning and at night, the air becomes very dense with it, like fog, so thick, you can’t see. Pea soup is an understatement.

Also, LEG WARMERS SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED IN THE COUNTRY, BECAUSE EVEN WITH THIS HEAT THERE ARE SOME REALLY STUPID-ASS PEOPLE THAT WILL WEAR THEM AND FORCE ME TO LAUGH HYSTERCAILLY AND POINT AT THEM IN PUBLIC PLACES. Ok, that and it’s just plain stupid.

Anyway, I had the sudden and overwhelming urge to start singing the theme to Flashdance!! I controlled it. Barely. I contented myself with laughing my ass off instead.

Don’t get me wrong; I will admit that I did wear them for a time in the 80’s. I carefully and very precisely arranged them and made damn sure they stayed that way, cause, well, that’s just how I am. (Apparently I’ve always been this way about socks and the like since I was a small child. My mom has told me that as young as about 2 and a half, I would insist on fixing my OWN SOCKS, making sure they were rolled or folded just so, and exactly alike, which would explain this vague memory I have of standing in front of a full length mirror in my bedroom at around age 3 or so, staring fixedly at my frilly socks in the mirror and repeatedly bending and fixing them to make sure they were even).

Anyway, that I wore legwarmers back in the 80’s, well, that was then. This is now. And I sure as hell wouldn’t dream of wearing them in hot weather.

I guess that I should be grateful that the funky rocker hair hasn’t come back, right? *shudder* Or, funky high heels worn with white little girl style frilly socks. *gag* Yeah, it couldn't be any worse, could it??

COULD IT???????

Baaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Well, I'm doing it again. But if you know me AT ALL, you will know that THERE WAS NO WAY IN HELL I COULD NOT DO THIS!

That being said, thanks to Genuine for sharing with the planet the new name of his penis courtesy of Rum and Monkey Blog! Since I firmly (heh, pun intended!) believe in turnabout is fair play, and since I feel like being a sheep again.... I would like to announce the name of my "female bits":

Please say hello to: is The fantastic sexy socket..
Take The Female Bits Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Yes, it's called THE FANTASTIC SEXY SOCKET!!!

and of course, because women are doubly blessed, I also have the pleasure to announce the name for my breasts as....

My mazabas names are is Cleopatra and Mickey.
Take The Boobs Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Oh go on! You know you want to take the tests yourself. DO IT!

I'm Being A Sheep Today.... SO SUE ME!

I took this Quidzilla quiz because, well, Mindy and Genuine did, I loave the both of em to pieces, and I'm having one of my "Sheep follower" moments. Baaaaaaa, bleat bleat!!!

But lookie, aint' I cute? I look like Captain Caveman or something! (Actually, my hair gets like that without my Frizz-Ease here with the humidity. And if you laugh at me, I'll be forced to hurt you. Don't make me do that. It WON'T be pretty - much like my hair without the aforementioned Frizz Ease.) Follow me darlings... I have the urge to go play in the countryside. Come on, you KNOW you want to go frolic in the country with me!

Sings: "The hills are alive, with the sound of MUUUUSICCCCCCCCCCC......."
You are Zarathud the Incorrigible! A Hard nosed
Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible
Banger. You were once considered an offender of
the faith, a fact of which you are inordinately
proud to this day. People tend to follow your
lead. Too bad, because you like to take them
out into the countryside and lose them.


Which Erisian apostle are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to Pam the Beancounter for this....um...unique(!)Quidzilla Quiz.

Now I just have to figure out this trackback thingie so I don't get on her shit list.

Babies, Babies, Babies!

WOW! When it rains, it pours! There is a major influx of babies in my life at the moment. And I'm lovin it!

I love children and ADORE babies. I am an exhausted mothers dream visitor. I will willingly ( and usually beg her to let me)give her a break and watch the baby so that she can have a little precious time for herself. Diapers don’t intimidate me. Most children love me, and I them. I can occupy myself playing with a child(ren) for hours, and have done so. Frequently.

Yesterday, as you all know from reading my blog, my friend Genuine and his wife welcomed little Aidan James into the Genuine Clan.

Now I love babies, am enthralled by them, (hell, I’m surrounded by babies!) but little Aidan? I took one look at that little guy, and watched him kick open the door to my heart and crawl right in and make himself nice and comfy for the duration. As a matter of fact, I had a reaction to him that I haven’t had towards any child since I first beheld my own newborn daughter. I’m not ashamed –but am still shocked-to say that I felt my heart get tight in my chest and then found tears filling and then silently overflowing my eyes and course down my cheeks. (I have a feeling that Gen is gonna tease me about this forever) I’m a big softie, I know!

Now when my blog pal Lee and his wifey welcomed their lovely and oh-so-precious Jayne to the world almost two weeks ago during the Haiku Smackdown, I had a completely different,and very typical for me,although no less emotional, reaction. Every single time I look at her (cause Daddy Lee knows how I lurve to lurk on that Baby Jayne Cam!) I have this overwhelming and uncontrollable urge TO JUMP INTO MY MONITOR!!! Like an idiot I find myself making the stupid baby noises that most adults make to little babies. To. A. Monitor. Uh-huh. Sigh. Jayne is really so adorable with a beautiful big smile. Lee asked me last night on IM…. “Does it make your uterus ache?”. Ya hon, it sure as hell does! I couldn’t have put it any better myself.

*note to uterus and reproductive neighbors, the Obtuse Ovaries: can you please, PLEASE straighten your damn self up and get your act together?”

Mindy and I have commented to each other that when we descend on Denver in October, we will probably end up playing “pass the baby” together…for hours. Taking turns between Aidan and Jayne (not to mention the older children!). She is as bad as I am. Heh.

A month ago, the triplets were born in my husband’s family. I am very close with the mother of these triplets, his niece, Azeen. I was with her through every step of her IUI and her pregnancy. She and I have been close since I first met my husband almost 15 years ago. She had 2 girls, Maya and Talia, and a boy, Khalid. None of them look the least bit like the other. The boy looks exactly like his dad. Talia looks like her older sister (the 2 ½ year old Leya, my little darling love) Maya looks like Azeen. A LOT. The other night, I had wandered down the street to see how the babies are doing and help out if needed. Azeen brought in Talia, and I looked at her and noticed what a lovely little nose she has! Right about the time Azeen looked from her baby to me and back again. Then she shook her head and said, “you know, I was just thinking what a pretty nose she has, then I noticed: SHE HAS YOUR NOSE! How the hell did THAT happen?” then she started laughing! She really does! What is funny about this is that I’m not related by blood to this baby, so DNA is totally out! No one in this family has a nose remotely similar to mine. It’s really a crack up. So now when she is carrying Talia says “here is little Talia that has Auntie Cyn’s nose for some strange reason”.

Then a few days ago, Azeen’s younger sister gave birth to her second child, a boy. That she swiped the Persian name (and the ONLY one that I have EVER liked-since I HAD to choose one) I had chosen for my own son and had been holding on to for 10+ years! Yes, Z made the mistake of mentioning it once and I guess it stuck in her head. Never mind that until about 2 weeks before she delivered, the baby’s name was going to be Joshua! Sigh.

The sister between these two has a little boy, Joey, who gives me the best hugs and he is so adorable and funny as anything. He is the stockiest little boy I’ve ever seen. He and Leya are one month apart in age. He looks 4. He took a flying leap at me last week for a hug and I thought I’d been jumped on by a 4-month-old bear cub! He just likes to hang off my neck with me holding him and give me kisses over and over and hugs. Well, that and for me to sing Barney with him. Oh yeah, I could sit like that ALL DAY! I think I should nick name him Bam-Bam! Yeaaah!

Last night, Z and his mom were talking in front of me (notice I didn’t say WITH ME?) about this new little baby, with the absconded name. He asked her what his name is (cause she butchers every single name imaginable for some stupid reason, even Persian names-her own nationality- which makes NO sense). She jerked it about a bit, and then he told her for the 1000th time the proper name. She said, “Your sister ‘N’, (not the grandma of said babies) said you were sad cause they took the name you wanted and she thought it wrong. Why? Like she (points and gestures to me) is gonna have anymore? HAH! Yeah, wait for HER to get pregnant and have you a son, OR daughter for that matter.”

You know, sometimes, I really wish she would just take a kitchen knife to me –repeatedly- instead of opening her mouth. I really, really do. It’s shit like that, that makes me wish I could pop out a set of twins (one each, preferably) just to watch her eat crow. (Not that I would mind having twins, period. There’s just that little added advantage, ya know?) Z let it slip last year that I was doing infertility treatment, and I wanted NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY, other than Azeen, to know I was doing it. Could he keep quiet and respect my wishes? NO! Now, her alternate comments run something like this: “Look, even with all this doctors and medicine she can’t get pregnant. Useless. Look, MY granddaughters, 3 of em, got pregnant using this stuff, but her? Nothing.”. If she only knew that if it wasn’t for the doctors and medicines 11 years ago, she wouldn’t have Arianna either!

Are you wondering if I said anything? Well guess what? I didn’t make one peep, like usual. Because you know what? That hurt like hell, but I was dammed if I’d let her see the damage she’d done and how it hurt me.

So, for now, until my ovaries decide to obey me, IF they decide to obey me, Dr. Wand Monkey, and all those drugs I get injected in my system to HELP THEM work properly, I’ll just have to be content to be Auntie Cyn to my “nieces and nephews” scattered hither an yon on the planet.

To all of these children in my life I say this: Welcome to the world little ones! There will always be a place on my lap and in my arms, a hug, a kiss, and a song for you from me, forever!

Aidan's HERE!!!!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Aidan James was born at 2:30 am today! I'm so estatic and so very happy for them all. I don't have stats yet, but I'm sure he's just perfect! I just got my notification call from Houla Doula. (Again, thanks Tammy!)Mother and baby are doing fine. I'm glad, from a woman's point of view, that her labor was short.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE GEUNINE'S ON THE BIRTH OF BABY AIDAN JAMES!

According to inside sources... Genuine is beyond thrilled (Great catch Gen!Heh.) and also amazed that he has NO WAY TO POST ANYTHING TO HIS BLOG! Can't post. Can't audblog. Poor thing. Don't worry Gen, we'll all wait patiently for your blow-by-blow tomorrow. All of you get some rest!

(Do y'all think I could possibly use any more exclamation marks than I already have? No? Think again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Again, Congrats! Kiss that baby Aidan for me!
Love and hugs ~ Cyn

Baby Aidan On The Way!

No, not MY baby Aidan,(don't I wish though?) but my friend Genuine's! Woohoooo! I'm so excited.

First his dog wanders back home, now his new son has decided to make his appearance. Actually, I told both he and the Mrs while chatting on IM a mere SIX hours ago, that since Dodger the dog showed up, Aidan shouldn't be too far behind!

I'd like to give a big THANK YOU to Genuine's SIL, Houla Doula for the long distance phone call alert at 6:30am my time that the baby was on the way. (Don't worry honey, I was almost out the door to go to work!) And an extra big THANKS to Genuine, for insisting that she call me! MWAAAAH to both of you! (If you don't mind, I'll save all demonstrations of affection for Mrs. G until AFTER her body is through expelling that baby out... she might get violent and smack me good in the middle of a contraction!)

I'll keep y'all updated when I get my next phone call.........(hint hint!)

The Review

Well gang. I came back from Spiderman 2 a few hours ago. I must say……

IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD! I liked it MUCH more than the first one. Yeah, considerably much more.

When the house lights came back up…I walked out of the theater feeling satisfied. Toby, that little wuss, he was great… but Alfred Molina was amazing. He really brought life to the character of “Doc Ock”.

Besides the special effects in the movie, which were good, including the most kick-ass amazing fight scene on a moving train I’ve seen in a good long while! There were some good one-liners throughout the film, which were good and quite frankly had me chuckling out loud. My favorite is the discussion about the Spidey suit with the damn fine man with the adorable basset hound in the elevator. The story was also much better, more... into Peter Parker’s inner demons. Hell, everyone’s inner demons! It was more emotional all the way around. Deep. Well, as deep as a movie based on a comic strip character can be.

I was a little surprised by some of the things towards the end of the movie. But in a “what the hell?” good kind of way. I absolutely LOVED the very last scene between Toby and Kirsten . Some goooood shiiiiiit, that. Melt.

To say that I enjoyed the film at ALL with some ASSHATS in front of us bringing their SHREIKING 8 month old…. And the asshats behind us somewhere that brought their toddlers to the movie, and let them wander up and down the steps in THE DARK for 2 hours and 10minutes. The mom in me was terrified that one of the little rugrats would fall and bust their ass in the dark. Then there are the little bastards that were sitting in the row directly behind me. Why did I say little? These probably 10-11 year old boys weighted about 200lbs and KEPT GETTING UP TO GO TO THE DAMN CONCESSION STAND every few minutes. Why should I care? Cause, they would grab on to the back of my chair- getting a good handful of my hair in the process- and haul their asses past me, scaring the LIVING SHIT out of me and making me think the whole row of seats were gonna come up from their bolted positions in the floor. Make sense now? Good.

Bottom line is… Go see this movie. It is really worth the money.

Could My Day Get Any Worse?

Yeah, probably. I won't be so stupid as to make the comment "what ELSE could happen?" cause invariably, something will. I belive in covering my ass whenever possible, so, if you don't mind, I will refrain from making the previous comment, okay?

The major VIP PR event I killed myself for in the last week that was given to me last minute to organize, and changed around repeatedly went off beautifully and without a hitch yesterday, naturally! Yeah, I'm good. I'm glad it went smoothly. Even the food was perfect at the lunch that followed, or so I hear. Thank you Lord for answering my devout prayers.

Things at work are getting progressivly more nightmarish today. Everything is all ass-backwards. Just. Fucking. Great. My normally good-natured boss is in a pissy mood. Lord above knows what set him off. Majority of the staff here are... assholes. Dragging feet... half-ass work. But oh the job security for locals! They'd have to kill someone or embezzle loads of cash to get fired. Such are the labor laws here. Sweet, no? My boss wants to tear his hair out. And quite frankly, so do I.

Last night wasn't so great either, come to think of it. Well, it was going.. allright there for a while... but then.... things went kind of downhill.

Last night, I started working out again. I was looking forward to it even! Lets' hope this euphoric feeling will continue into the near future, shall we? I mean, I actually was happy to feel the burn in my ass and thighs caused by 30 min on the exercise bike (with resistance). To feel the strain in my muscles on the nautilus equipment. Woohooo. Yeah, I've definetly lost my marbles. The only thing that sucked was that 1) some asshole killed the treadmill. and 2) my work out partner, is, well.......a dork. A lazy one. But I must admit, her inepitude and utter unfamilliarity with any of the equipment (in which I then bacame trainer too!) sent me into bouts of hysterics. Hey! She was comic, AND laughing at herself almost as bad... so..... anyhooo, we finished after much laughter and burning of muscles (she's a total wimp, BTW)and cussing at each other. We went our separate ways on home.

Me, feeling good after my workout... had a quickie chat on my mobile phone with one of my favorite people on the whole planet , which upped my mood even more! Then, I walked in the house with a smile on my face and a spring in my step.... where my MIL was lying in wait for me. Well, shit.

I was, oh, about 2 steps in the front door when her mouth opened. I tried to be pleasant and reply calmly. To not get upset. To say as little as possible. To not lose my temper (ok, I managed this one to a certain extent). I even tried to just walk through the house to get away from the barrage of crap flying out of her mouth at me. No such luck. She followed me - everywhere- getting more and more loud, rude, nasty, accusatory, etc.. et al. Her shitty comments about me, snide as they were, started when he came home after work. He blew me off about them, like "so, big deal?". Fine, as usual. But, I had the AUDACITY to go out, to actually work out. Her SON was not home, so, therefore, apparently, based on prior experience, it is OK if HE wants to go hang out, work out, go walking at 11pm, do whatever and not say where he is going. He can go hang at his neice's house till way past midnight if HE wants. But the SECOND I leave the house to do something when he isn't there... or, God forbid, we both go to the neice's house, all hell breaks loose. So, finally, I said something. Not rude per se, (don't ask me how I managed it, I have NO idea)but basically when she was saying "well I don't know about that...." I said in a very weary and fed up voice (cause, that's what I am) "Well, if someone doesn't know or is unsure, then maybe nothing shoud be said or they should check before they begin a tirade, hmmm?" Then I walked in my room and hopped in the shower. Ah, safe haven beneath the warm pulsing water where her voice cannot reach. Haven, get it? heh.

I was pissed though that I was enjoying my good mood for about all of an HOUR only. Damn. When Z came home, he said "what's up? you went? " I said "Yeah, but I regret it, cause your mom lit into me when I got home." Again: "Oh?", then threw out a snide comment, and he went to bed. Wonderful.

As I am typing this, I recieved a phone call from poor Arianna. It seems that monster is wandering the house screaming down curses on my head about my sheer NERVE to go out. How dare I? Blah blah blah... Arianna is telling me she is getting a headache from all of it, and that "she won't shut up. Can I please go ride my bike to get away for a while?" Go for it kid. I hear ya.

Does anyone know where I can get an "Im surrounded by assholes" tee shirt that my boobs can fit in? Lemmie know, will ya?

It’s Official!

Now no complaining!! Y'all know that even if I wasn’t so completely into the whole Harry Potter thing, I still would have had to post this for Arianna’s sake.

Well, that and apparently, according to Arianna, Daniel Radcliffe that plays Harry in the films, will be my future son-in-law, so, you know, look at it as I’m being loyal to them both. Well, at least my girl has good taste in boys!

Oooh, I can hear my darling Amalah howling all the way over here on the other side of the planet!

So, in case you haven’t heard yet, the title of the latest book in the series will be………

*drum roll please*

“Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”

And no, according to J.K. “I’m richer that the Queen” Rowling, the half blood prince is not Lord Voldemort. Hmm, I wonder……

Yaaaay! I can’t wait till its out and I can add it to my…erm, Arianna’s collection. Heh.



I wanna send a shout out to my friends Saz and Tom! I promised I would so they can brag that they knew me way back when after I’m a famous author (so they say!).

Rigidly Flexible

Somehow, I kinda figured that would get your attention. Heavens know it got mine! Come on, join me in the gutter for laps. Heh.

Y'all remember Katie, my tequila drinking buddy and new "mate" from a few weeks ago? Weeeel, we decided to be good girls and went for afternoon English Tea at the Ritz-Carlton. No booze this time. Ha. THIS time. Sound nice? It was. So lovely, so relaxing. A real treat long overdue.

Katie is Irish, like MOI, excecpt that she was BORN THERE. Sigh. But, she grew up in Austrailia, so she totally has this Austrailian accent. I swear her voice is just like Nicole Kidman. Excecpt, she is 5'1, not 6'1. Totally "black Irish", beautiful shiny black hair, milky skin like me, and these HUGE gorgeous blue eyes. She is SO much fun to be with, such a complete sweetheart. We have a blast together.

So I was doing fine at behaving myself and having a lovely afternoon tea with finger sandwiches and scones with clotted cream and fresh blackberry & raspberry preserves, delicate slivers of cake. Yum. Yum. Yum. Well, at least I was until Katie started talking about an interview she went on recently. Then, well, then I started laughing my ass off.

She was regaling me with the details of the working hours in particular. They told her flexible working hours. So, she therefore wanted them to go into greater detail. This older and very stodgy British gentleman went on to clarify that they have "Rigidly Flexible" hours. Katie paused for effect and looked at me, eyebrow waggle. Smart girl.

"Rigidly Flexible??", I ask, snikering and trying to behave myself. "Isn't that a contradiction in terms? How can it be rigid and flexible? Well, some things can be, but not what we are talking about!" That did it for Katie, cause she knew what I was talking about. *la la la, whistles Dixie while doing laps in gutter* She started laughing, and then I started. As if I could have held it in? The hell I could. And of course I then went on to make a few really naughty comments about rigidly flexible things -quietly of course!- all the while laughing myself silly in the most dignified manner possible and making Katie chortle with glee.

Y'all? Do you have ANY idea how difficult that is? It's damn hard. Hell, it's so hard in fact, that it could NEVER be considered rigidly flexible.