Because I Want To!

Carrie Jo asked me a few questions based on my last post. I could have answered her privately in an email, but I’ve decided to actually make it a post. I appreciate her genuine interest.

Carrie Jo and I have “known” each other for over a year now, I think. She is a real sweetheart I met through the comments section over at JULIE’S. She is a fellow infertile, with additional problems that when she confided them to us, broke my heart, to be honest. She is an intelligent, caring and compassionate woman and I’m so very glad that she has come back to the blogworld after her “hiatus” (I missed you woman!) and found her way to my blog and is kind enough to leave comments.

Now, for Carrie Jo’s question. Did I grow up in the US and is it scary living under a foreign government.

Yes hon, I was born and raised in the USA. *Cue Bruce Springsteen here* Haha. I was born in North Miami Beach, Florida. When my parents divorced, Mama and I moved to Jacksonville. Then, here is my quickie list of where I’ve lived: Munich, Germany-Paris, France-back to dad for another try in Miami- then, when it wasn’t working out to Los Angeles- then Oklahoma (shudder, retch, hated it! Sorry Okies, long story)-back to Los Angeles for the long haul until early 1998 when I moved to Bahrain.

Is it scary to live under a foreign government? No. Not really. At least here it isn’t, I realize that there are other places here in the Middle East that I just couldn’t live. Saudi Arabia is one, Iran is another. Not that I would!

The population is about 700,000. (Locals and expatriates combined!) I would say about 300,000 of that number are Bahrainis. Here the ruling family is very tolerant of all other religions. Of course, Islam is the main religion, but others are freely allowed to practice here. Muslims, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus… all live side by side peacefully and practice their respective religions. You are not allowed to try to convert a Muslim to your religion, however. That could end you up in some deep doo-do.

Women are not really suppressed here. We all drive. Women do not have to cover, but do so only if they choose to. (or the men in their lives make them.) But it isn’t mandatory and ordered and enforced by the Government like in Iran (where I’ve been a few times on vacation) or in Saudi Arabia, where it is even more restricted.

There is the normal government bullshit that goes on all over the world, of course. But the Bahrain government has strong ties with the United States and England. But it is now a democratically ruled monarchy much like England. (Does that even make a lick of sense? Well, that’s what they say anyhow!) Well, they are trying and I give full points for that!

There are benefits to living and working here too. So many people come here from Europe, Canada, and the United States to work, enjoy the lifestyle, salary and benefits that they quite frankly would most likely be unable to have back home, and many end up staying and raising their kids here. There are “foreigners” that have lived here for more than 20-30 years.

To start with, Bahrain is currently a tax-haven. NO taxes on salary, consumer goods, or perishables. No tax on food. . Also, gasoline is at a fixed price, and it is very reasonable. (Understandably) Therefore, foreigners end up frequently driving cars that they wouldn’t possibly be able to afford to drive back home where we all have to frequently look forward to an hour drive at least in some states to work everyday. The luxury cars that are gas guzzlers. Huge SUV’s and the like. Some men come and have such senior positions, (ie: salary) that their wives can stay at home and not work if they so choose. Not all, but some.

Most homes have housemaids/nannies, either live-in or part time. Again, at very little cost. I mean seriously cheap labor. Try this on for size; you can have a live-in FULL TIME housemaid/nanny for as little as US$120.00 a month + food & necessities. Meaning, house is always clean and neat, laundry always clean and pressed, full time babysitter. Waiting there for your kids when they get home from school with a nice hot lunch waiting for them. This, I think, is an amazing option particularly for working moms here. If you get lucky, some of them are amazing cooks, for the ladies that don’t cook, or can’t be bothered. Whenever you and hubby want an evening out with friends, go on out!

Living the life of Riley, eh? Yeah, to some extent. There is give and take in all situations. Good and bad.

Now then. …. In the same post that Carrie Jo left a comment on, a very young and highly opinionated girl thought she would take the opportunity (In her first ever comment on MY blog) in the comments section to reprimand me: a soon-to-be-33 year old woman that has traveled the world extensively, for “whining” about something she found trivial like the entire country where I live being completely without electrical power for almost the whole day when, considering where I live, I should be worried about other things going on around me…put more value on life, ... etc, et al. blah blah blah.

When I read her remark, the first thing that struck me was I could have sworn I’ve read almost word-for-word an almost identical comment over on Julie’s blog a few months ago before Julie got pregnant that was left anonymously bitching at all of us infertiles to basically get a real life and stop WHINING about not being able to get pregnant, when there are problems that are more important than that going on in the world, and don’t any of us watch the news and know that? That if we want a baby so badly to just go adopt one…blah blah, and more bullshit.

Why did that particular post at Julie’s stick out in my mind so much? Well, first, because we all dog-piled on the chickenshit writer. Secondly, because I wrote such a doozy of a response that Julie did major reconstructive surgery on my comment. (ie: cut most of it out). IT was the first (and hopefully last) time she’s done that with one of my gizillion comments. Upon reflection, I admit that it was... well, strong.

The bottom line is this: Don’t fuck with my friends cause if you do, I’ll bitch-slap you into next week. You will find I’m quite protective. Apparently Cheryl b. feels the same about her friends….because she bitch-slapped the commenter on my blog before I could gather my thoughts. Actually, I loved Cheryl b to pieces waaaay before she defended me. I have NEVER seen her get so pissed before. Actually, this also goes for MittenKim too. Thank you- both of yous! I’m SO feelin the love. I’m sure the only reason my darling Mindy didn’t comment was because she was on vacation and had no inet access- (perish the thought! Shudder, twitch.) she is top dog in the pile. Well, Mindy and Amalah! Woof woof.

But I digress… back to that admonishment I received.

Little girl, the life I have led would chew you up and spit you out for breakfast.

To begin with, if you will kindly take notice, that at the top of MY blog, underneath the blog title, it states, quite clearly: "Scarlett’s got an opinion…. and she’s gonna share it whether you like it or not!” Was that not enough warning? I guess not.

It saddens me that the “little one” missed the WHOLE POINT of my post about the damn blackout. Maybe she missed it because of my rapier-sharp and cynical wit? Perhaps because she was blinded my humor and genius? (heh) Yeah, THAT must be why.

So, I will state it more clearly now. For the record. Okay? The point that so obviously went right over your head was that we all take so many things for granted on this little tiny island here in the Persian Gulf. So many people here didn’t realize just to what extent we were dependent on the electricity supply, beyond the obvious things like Air-conditioning in extreme heat and traffic signals. Typically the Ministry of Electricity & Water does timed power cuts during the extremely hot summer months. For an hour or so each day, in each “city” so that there is not so much strain on the electrical power plants. This is not a big deal. Sometimes there is so much pull during the summer from certain areas/cities that it trips the breaker for that area. They have always been good about getting it back up and running within a reasonable amount of time during such. People grumble, but it’s good-natured usually.

Now for a little lesson for you during your summer break holiday in Cause and Effect.

For an ENTIRE COUNTRY to be without power is dangerous in so many ways. The blackout lasted one day. It COULD have lasted longer. Imagine a whole country in suspended animation for days? A country that IS NOT SELF SUFFICIENT. That depends on trade? Suddenly people realized that we had to be careful with water usage, because if the tanks on top of the houses and in the compounds ran out… there was NONE for a while. There is one fresh water source that was used in old times, but it is a well, and not enough to take care of the population of this country, which is around 700,000. Therefore, we have desalinization plants to provide the water mains countrywide. But this water it produces is not for drinking.. no. We have bottled water, for drinking and cooking which people begin buying and hording just in case…..making some of us to go without. Not nice.

No electricity means the seawater is not being desalinated for consumption. We couldn’t pump gas because the pumps run on electricity. Oh yeah, and the sewerage treatment plants too. Only FOUR gas stations had generators. One of them ran out of gas. All businesses closed. Meat went bad. The majority of meat and produce is imported to Bahrain from Saudi Arabia, New Zeland, UK, and the USA. Most of the dairy products we have here are brought over the causeway from Saudi Arabia where they have dairy farms. So, while the food in ALL of our houses was going bad, so too was the food in the multitude of the grocery stores going bad.

In that one day that you said I was whining about, the country lost billions and billions of dollars. How? Well, lets see now. The products that we DO export couldn’t do business that day. Bahrain is the banking and financial hub of the entire Middle East. Millions lost from that sector alone. Then there is one of the exports… oil. Couldn’t pump from the ground by itself, now could it? The oil refineries? Needs electricity to operate. Bahrain also produces and exports steel and aluminum in massive amounts internationally. Nope, neither of them could do diddlysquat either.

There were accidents everywhere you looked due to the lack of traffic lights. But everyone was forced onto the roads because the cars air conditioning were the only source of comfort from the heat. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.

The heat. Last summer, hundreds of people in France alone died from heat exhaustion in temperatures NO WHERE NEAR what we get here. It was 105-108 in Paris last summer and people were dropping like flies. That day, the temp was around 120 degrees IN THE SHADE WHERE I WAS SITTING in my car with my daughter… PLUS at least 80% humidity, which probably kicked up the apparent temperature to around 135 or more. It is so hot, and the air so heavy on your chest, that every breath you take is wet, extremely hot air. It feels like someone is sitting on your chest. Someone really heavy. For me, this is the worst… since I have asthma. It is frightening to feel as though your lungs are not working… feeling your chest heave and strain for a little air and when you don’t get enough, the lightheadedness that hits you is even more frightening.

The best thing about the blackout? People were more appreciative for the things they took for granted. All over, I heard the comments, “Oh my God, how did our grandparents, gread-grandparents stand it? No AC’s, etc..”, although, with global warming and all, it just gets hotter and hotter. It wasn’t this bad 100 years ago. But still. MY daughter, who I have been trying to tell that she doesn’t always have to be entertained my TV, DVD’s, PS2 and other things, but to entertain HERSELF if she’s “Bored” by reading.. learned just that on this blackout day. She learned my little Cause and Effect lesson that day…. THE HARD WAY. I was able to teach her, by example, how to use her HEAD effectively when presented with a problem like this. Rather than let the dairy stuff completely spoil in the fridge, I transferred it to the freezer to try and keep it from going bad just IN CASE the blackout didn’t last too long. My remark about lying on the still cool tile? Completely true. (I do not lie on my blog or generally in real life either) Keep hydrated, wear as little as possible (while still being decent when out in public), and light colors so as not to trap the heat in your body. Many other things I was able to teach her that day. It was lovely in that respect.

EVERYONE in the country was outraged that such a thing could occur in the first place though. That was the fault of the government and showed a lack of forethought and emergency plan or “In Case Of” scenarios. Hopefully they learned their lesson as thoroughly as Arianna did that day.

It was also mentioned that considering where I live, I should be more concerned with the things going on around me and it should cause me to value life or some such. Let me tell you all something. My Nickname is CNN. Cyn News Network. Got that? I am and always have been, quite aware of the world that I live in. Jeez.
Blah.

Ok everyone, watch out. Cyn is going to get mildly political here. Which I NEVER talk about two things typically… Politics and religion. If somebody doesn’t like what I say here, feel free to go. Come back tomorrow when I’m being more playful. I’ve got a lesson to teach here! It is MY blog anyway. This will be the one and ONLY time I bring up either subject. OKAY? Promise.

First. Get out your map. (Go on, I’ll wait) A real map. NO cheating. I live in Bahrain. BAHRAIN. It is an island. And a TINY ONE AT THAT. Can you find it? I bet not without a map locator on the net. Ok. Now look it up on the net if you want. See where I live? I know, it’s hard, even then. Did you find Qatar? Bahrain is a little chip off the coast of Qatar and Saudi Arabia. Look at the size of Qatar will ya? It is HUGE! And nowhere near as developed as Bahrain at present, but from what I’ve heard, it’s beginning to boom. Bahrain may be an itty-bitty place, but it is a lovely mix of old and new. Of Modern and Traditional. That is what I like about it really. The crime rate is really quite low also.

Anyway…back to the map!

Please notice that I am not, literally in the middle of the Middle East Conflict or anywhere NEAR the military action going on in Iraq or Afghanistan. Thank God. I am about a good 2 hrs plane ride from Iraq. 3 hrs from Afghanistan. I’d say the distance between San Diego, California and Seattle, Washington? Bahrain is 4 ½ -5 hours by plane away from Palestine and Jerusalem in the opposite direction. The only thing I do hear, is from time to time, the F-16 fighter jets flying over the island to go to Iraq from one of the US aircraft carriers in the Gulf. I also heard them when they would leave for Afghanistan. That’s about it. (It sounds just like Top Gun, FYI and makes your heart pound)

Just because I’m not dodging bullets and suicide bomb*rs delusional enough to think that Allah (God) will reward them for killing themselves and innocents for a “cause, even if it is called a Jih*d (holy war)” everyday does not mean there aren’t terrorists here. There are, I’m sure. Difference is, the government caught 6 of them with links to Osama the Nutcase’s organization just last month as a matter of fact. God knows what they had up their sleeves. Anyway, it is probably only a matter of time before something happens here, I’m sure.

Bahrain is the central command for the US Navy’s Fifth Fleet and has been for longer than I’ve been alive. It is also, as previously mentioned, a financial hub for the Middle East. Bright side to all of this tiny island stuff is, everyone knows everyone. Gossip travels faster than a F1 car driven by Michael Shumaker (sp?). If you don’t know someone or something, you know someone that can tell you, definitely. So it is that they can find people up to mischief, cause people here have a hard time keeping their mouths shut. That is for damn sure!

And before you start in on the whole Jih*d thing, and another lecture, (spare me) I will tell you that I don’t agree with the fact that people (kids and teenagers) that throw stones get bullets for an answer. That is complete bullshit. So hush up and don’t start. I see both sides. Both sides are at fault.

I personally believe that if President Clinton couldn’t get those two sides to reach an agreement, as hard as he tried, then they, neither one, really wants to have peace. (Bless Bill’s philandering heart! I don’t really think his getting a blowjob in the Oval office affected his actual work much. I mean, hell, a world leader was having a discussion with him on the phone and the guy had no clue what Bill was “up” to. Ha!)

I am all too aware of what is going on in this region. Z’s niece, her husband, and 5 month old daughter lived in first the compound in Saudi Arabia that was bombed by those militants last year in May. The bomb went off directly in front of their villa. Every single one of their neighbors was killed, yet they miraculously survived. They will bear their scars forever, particularly her handsome husband who now has Frankenstein type scars on his face and head, one of which almost lost him his eye. Amazingly the baby didn’t have a scratch on her. They literally crawled through the burning wreckage of their house. Or what was left of their house. So yes, I understand just how frightening it can be.

Well, that is about all we have time for today folks. Tune in tomorrow for a more lighthearted post, hmmmm?

Stupid Fffing Country

Can you feel the rant coming on? I know you can. It's really only a small one. Well, small by MY standards anyway!!

A question: What do you think is the worst thing that can happen in a country in late August in the Middle East with early morning temps of 105 degrees PLUS around (judging by lack of ability to draw oxygen into my lungs) 85-90% humidity? Hmmmmm???

Answer: A BLACKOUT. A WHOLE COUNTRY-WIDE BLACKOUT. Did I mention that I live on an island in the Persian Gulf? Attached to the nearest land mass by a 30km long causeway? Oh, well NOW I did.

Details:

Early this morning while I was still unconcious (another bout of insomnia.... passed out from exhaustion around 5am) the electricity went bye-bye. It woke me up. I thought to myself... "Aw shit, stupid basssards, how long I gotta wait for them to fix it this time?" (still sleep slurring my words in my head) See, it isn't odd for them to just cut the power supply for a half an hour or hour to sections of the country at a time to conserve power. I just thought it was yet another waiting game.

Nope.

After about an hour I started calling people on my moblie (cell) phone. That's when I found out the whole country was down. The damn power was out the whole day.

Maybe your don't realize just how dependent this country is on the electricity supply. I sure didn't , not until this blackout. There are the obvious things. NO Air Conditioning, tv, groceries spoiling, blah blah blah. yeah so. But also? No house phone cause the tel co computers are ALSO down for land lines. Thank God the mobiles were working, but they were so overloaded, that it took forever to get through. The Gas Stations? Closed. Only 4 had generators. Seems the newfangled gas pumps need electricity. (Aparently there were some amazing fistfights I missed at the 4 gas stations that actually WERE pumping!) One of em ran out of Gas somewhere during the middle of the day,which pissed people off even more! The traffic lights were all off also. All of them. Needless to say, on a good day, with the lights, there are accidents. Shut them down? People get all mind fucked and can't manage to drive! Accidents every freaking place. Tons of em. Water supply? Strapped. See, we were informed to use as little water as possible. Electric pumps are used to fill the big water tanks everywhere from the main water lines which come from desalinization plants which run on .........ELECTRICITY. get the picture?

The local radio station has an emergency generator. So do the 5-star hotels. The malls? No. Grocerey stores? no. The whole country shut down. Basically, we're pretty screwed today. It's 10:40pm and still some areas don't have electricty... my SIL what bought me the purse is one of em.

And me? I wrote this post by hand the old fashioned way with pen and paper while sitting with Arianna in my car with the Air Conditioning on. People were sitting in their cars, and either sitting in the garage, going around the block, (which I did every now and then and enabled me to catch Dr. Wand Monkey with his mistress- no shit!) I got fed up with cruising or just sitting in the car, so we went home. Ari had to use the bathroom, so I went in with her. Then I got to thinking.... (I hear a collective UH-OH!!!!! from around the globe Hush y'all!!!!!) looking at the cats spread flat out on the floor in various states of lazy... and noticed.. the tile floor in my bedroom is still, after all thse hours, pretty cool! Hmmmmmmmm, I wonder....... Well, if ya can't beat em, join em! I stripped off my tank top and shorts and stretched out in my underthings,on the cool tile floor! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! That was GOOD! (and brilliant of me, I must admit!) Arianna wandered in and said, all appalled "MOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! What-ARE-YOU-DOING????????" "I'm getting cool cutie! Wanna join me?"

The electricity here came back on a few hours ago where I live.

Z? He works technically in Saudi Arabia. Literally on the bridge, Saudi side. He wasn't affected by the blackout, lucky bugger. BUT. He DID get his.

His car is still in the shop after his accident last week. So, the office driver has been taking him to work and bringing him back everyday (you can't take a rental car on the bridge from Bahrain to Saudi). This evening, Z's boss got all huffy, and told him he can't use him to get home. Z was stuck.

So I get a phone call from Z in the dark telling me (right as the elect kicks in) that he has HITCHEHIKED from Saudi. ME: SAY WHAT???? Z: "I hitched to Bahrain". ME: "The fuck you did?!" Z: " Yeeah, but they dropped me at X (Near his sisters house, kinda, but on the highway) and he was walking home! I said "Hang on, where are you exactly? He said "Well, It's pitch black, but I think I'm at XYZ ". Ok, I'm on my way!

Y'all. I was so fucking terrified. It was eerie. The whole country was pitch black. No streetlamps, nothin. Seems the only area with elect was in the near vicinity of my house. I creeped along roads with people driving like crazies on Acid. Me, Praying hard. I couldn't see jack shit. Then, I get to the intersection in front of his sisters house which, when all the lights and stoplights are working, is frigtening and you are highly likely to get killed at any rate. Excecpt NOW it's pitch dark excecpt for the cars coming from both directions at top speed. It took forever to make it across and turn left. I was cruising down the dark street looking for Z, who, it turns out, was wearing a BLACK suit. Mobile phones were shutdown due to overload of the lines... I had to hang a U-turn in another frightening intersection cause I thought I might have seen the white of his shirt on the other side a way back. I picked him up finally and crawled on back home.

Guess what the temp reading in the shade was today? 120+ 80% humidity.

And how was YOUR day?

The Betrayal –part 2 & 3

I don’t know whether to be hurt or pissed as hell. So far I’m about 50/50.

He’s’ still asking about surrogacy as recently as the day or two ago… right after I talked to him about how his last suggestion a month ago to his niece hurt and upset me. The same night that… oh wait… I didn’t tell you that part yet!

This is a doozy. Y’all really won’t believe this crap. I don’t think. But then, maybe you will….

The other evening Z, from out of the blue, said “How about adopting a cute baby from Russia? Those babies are cute!” (oh, yeah, that’s a reason to adopt a kid, cause they are cute) I looked at him and said as cally as my shock would allow: “I don’t suppose you knew that it costs loads to adopt a child from anywhere, do you?” and then I added, since emotionally, the whole adoption thing was a bit TOO much for me “and besides, I STILL haven’t told you how upset I am about you going behind my back and asking “A” (his niece with triplets) to be a surrogate for us, when you know how I feel about the whole surrogate issue.”

You could have heard a pin drop my friends. The look on his face was “deer caught in the headlights of an out of control Semi-truck”. Heh. He didn’t know she had told me and I caught him off guard…. Ie: no time whatsoever to think up a plausible lie.

Me: “didn’t know she told me, did you?”
Z: “no. But I didn’t say that!”
Me: “ yes, you did. Several times in fact. Even after I told you the reasons that honestly, surrogacy is not an intelligent option for us and how I felt about it besides.”
Z: “Oh, I was just kidding…ha ha”
Me: “Look at me when you say that please.” He couldn’t. “No, you weren’t joking, cause you got into details. She told me. And looked at me, woman-to-woman, friend-to-friend with PITY Am, I laughing? And NOW you bring up adoption! Like you think it’s free? Or cheap? It’s not. None of your alternatives are cheap. Or easier. The fact is, I CAN be pregnant, (as my two pregnancies can attest to… 1 full term, and 1 miscarriage) and I WANT to be pregnant. I just have to fight like hell to GET pregnant is all! I am weird, I know, cause I LIKE being pregnant. Even as horribly ill as I get, I like the whole pregnancy thing. And you want to take that away from me. You keep making comments about using someone with a ‘good’ uterus, cause mine must be screwed since the embryos didn’t stick 3 times. Like I’ve said before hon, this really hurts me, my feelings when you say and do these things.”
Z: “You’re oversensitive.”

ME: -------?---?----?----?----?

Then he got in a huff at ME(!) for calling him on it.

I could be a bitch here if I wanted, and hurt him like he keeps hurting me, but I didn’t do it. I could have said any number of things. Like, maybe my uterus doesn’t like his DNA anymore. Like, maybe the severe STRESS that the IVF specialist said I shouldn’t be UNDER when trying to get pregnant- the stress I deal with daily from my MIL, her screaming and cursing me, throwing things around,stealing, troublemaking and HUGE problems, taking verbal shots at me to and in front of Arianna, the stress that he is ADDING to (by getting verbally shitty and abusive and being generally mean to me in the days leading up to my “trigger” shot (example, "you're mean, that's why you can't get pregnant, you should worship my mother she is so innocent! but deal with her, cause I won't ever let her leave me." (Me, gaping in disgusted shock- ME? Worship? HER? But, I"m NOT gonna worship the devil's daughter! NO WAY! - I didn't say it, but boy did I think it!) and leaving me in tears in the ultrasound room before Dr. Wand Monkey even walks in, then sees me-alone- trying to wipe/will them away, and he asks me what’s wrong and I say “I don’t know, maybe I’m tired or it’s all these hormones you’re giving me,” but he looks in my face and KNOWS it’s not that, and then shakes his head at me, looking at me all sad.

He wants me to kiss MIL's ass? Honey, those days are LOOOOONGGGGGGG gone. Been there, done that. Been burned waaaaay too many times and to continue only makes me look and FEEL stupid. And stupid I'm not.

Bloody hell. In my ENTIRE LIFE, no one, not ONE person in my recollection, has EVER called ME mean. Till now. How fucked is that? I've been told I'm TOO NICE and forgiving quite a few times. But mean? uh, no.

Does Z not realize that for surrogacy, I would STILL have to go through the whole IVF procedure (ie, for his clarification, have to pay the COST of meds and IVF package) except that 3 days after egg collection, they would transfer my embryos to another woman instead of my uterus (which works ok, is healthy and normal, thank God)?? I mean, for people that have problems with their uterus this is a completely necessary plan. It is reasonable. But for me? My uterus is NOT the problem. I have PCOS. My ovaries are fucked, stubborn, etc… whatever . My tubes, clear. Both of em.

Ok, I sound pissed, don’t I? Well I am. And I’m very hurt too.

Know why? Huh? Cause, when I was talking this over with N (hamster owning niece) tonight and mentioning his surrogate comments… she got confused… and told me, Oh, I thought you were talking about him saying it the other night. Me: “WHA? The other night?” She said, “yeah, I was at “A’s” house and he was asking her “be a surrogate for us. Come on!” He said it twice, and she said “Oh be quiet!” and turned her back on him and changed the subject. I didn’t know he had said it to her before also!”

Gee, that would be the day after the conversation I related above about surrogacy and adoption.

Well, shit.

Shouldn’t I sound pissed? I really AM so pissed. Hurt. Pissed. Angry. I can’t make up my mind. Shouldn’t I be hurt? Angry? I don’t THINK I’m being oversensitive here.

Am I?

Ricky and Lucy

Went to go visit N at work yesterday. I met the little hamsters. Yeah. THE HAMSTERS! Ricky and Lucy.

They are… RED! She is light, orangey red, and he is RED!!! Like my hair red. He also has really big balls. She was NOT joking. Or Exaggerating. I mean, he walks funny cause of it. For the record. He is actually HEWGE also, as in OBESE. But very cute. She is NOT cute, that Lucy hamster. She looks like a rat. I don’t Love Lucy. But I love me some Ricky the hamster with gi-normous testicles. I was talking to him and he came up to the side of the cage where I was and stood up (how he balanced with that fat tummy and big ole balls is waaaaaaaay beyond me!) and wiggled his little nose and whiskers at me. Yes, I was talking to the damn hamsters. WHAT? I talk to animals. Hell, I cuss at lizards even . (ewwww) I didn't get to see his "belly button" though... I think that would have been TMI for me for the day, you know?

I still can’t believe she keeps the little buggers at work though.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

I will now answer any odd Ricky the hamster questions you might be chomping at the bit to ask me.

Inventory

Hello my darlings. Ms Scarlett has a new handbag babies! WOOOOHOOO!!!! With a matching wallet.

My SIL (the most normal one of the bunch... ok, and she is also the RICH ONE) came back from her vacation. She always brings gifts back. She knows what a accessory addict I am, so I got a purse with a matching wallet. LOAVE IT! She buys good gifts too. She is well known for her exquisite taste... well, that and the fact that she loves to buy expensive things. Last year, she brought me back a lovely camel colored Gucci shoulder bag. (I needed a camel colored bag badly at the time!) This trip?

I got Burberry! Wheeeee! It's my first Burberry bag-hell, anything Burberry!- evah!! Never mind that everyone else got a SHITLOAD of stuff. I'm just grateful I got anything, much less a lovely bag and wallet like this!

Now I just have to figure out what to wear it with.... see, it's the NEW collection ... and is pale baby pink, with baby blue stripe and pale beige. Hmmmm. I have exactly ONE baby blue blouse, LONG SLEEVED. No. that won't work now.....

You know me.... I'll figure somethin out, devious wench that I am!

Oh, and by the way... MONSTER will be back shortly after September 1st. God help me. I NEED A DAMN JOB BEFORE SHE GETS BACK! Can you imagine me being stuck in the house ALL DAMN DAY WITH HER???? This would NOT be good.

I'm gonna go cry now, or maybe just throw a hissyfit. I don't know yet. What I DO know is that this news just ruined all my new purse happy. Dammit.

Oh no, A Meme!

Was wandering over at Genuine's, as usual, when I came across this meme he stole... swiped... borrowed, from a friend, and quite frankly, I'm feeling a bit naughty, as usual, and decided to -ahem!- borrow it also.

Please join in. (that means DO IT!)

Are you more...
01) Uptown or downtown? UPTOWN
02) Country or rock and roll? ROCK AND ROLL , BUT DEPENDS ON MY MOOD (but generally..it's ALL good baybeeeeeeeeeeeee!)
03) Extrovert or introvert? EXTROVERT
04) Top or bottom? BOTH! (and QUITE a few others besides!!!)
05) Timid or brazen? BRAZEN (duh!! With an answer like #4???? what do YOU think?)
06) Slow and drawn out or fast and furious? DEPENDS ON MY MOOD AND #4 ANSWER OPTION
07) Pitcher or catcher? CATCHER, I THROW LIKE A GIRL! (now,basketball is a WHOLE nother matter altogether! I'll whip your ass!)
08) Lefty-loosey or righty-tighty? RIGHTY
09) Into singin' in the rain or feelin' no pain? IT'S ALL GOOD.
10) Prone to bark or meow? MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!(I purrrrrr TOO depending on #4 AGAIN.)
11) Spider-Man or Wolverine? WOLVERINE. HE'S SO.... ALPHA MALE. ROWRRRR!!! (can't I have both?) ALSO DEPENDS ON #4 (PLUS, I'D LIKE TO GIVE THAT UPSIDEDOWN KISS THING A TRY WITH SPIDEY- damn sexy that!)
12) Crazy genius or starving artist? CRAZY GENIUS, ISN'T THAT OBVIOUS? (did you know that it is a fine line between genius and insanity??)
13) Alpha or omega? DEPENDS ON MY MOOD. (and #4)
14) Good time charlie or the third little pig who built his house out of bricks? CHARLIE (isn't it obvious??)
15) A cool cucumber or a hot pepper? USUALLY COOL, BUT DON'T PISS ME OFF OR YOU'LL HAVE FIRE COMIN OUTTA YER ARSE, GOT IT?
16) A bowler or a golfer? BOWLER (but I'm willing to give golfing a try)
17) Chocolate or vanilla? CHOCOLATE,NO... VANILLA...NO CHOCOLATE....ONE OF EACH PLEASE!
18) Meat and potatoes or haute cuisine? MEAT AND POTATOES
19) Livin' large or laughin' easy? BOTH. I WANT MY CAKE AND TO EAT IT TOO... ALONG WITH #17
20) Catch of the day or the house specialty? HOUSE SPECIALTY... I HATE, HAAAAAATE FISH. *gag,retch, heave*

Sing It Girl!

This is really too cute for me NOT to blog.

I was sitting here, stalking-erm, I mean, visiting my favorite blogs and Z and Arianna are in the other room watching MTV... I hear the "Moulin Rouge" version of "Lady Marmalade"... ok, fine.... but then, when we get to the Christina Hootchielierra part.... I hear my daughter belting it out at the top of her lungs, word for word, wail for wail and almost note for note. This got me to chuckling and actually, I was kinda impressed.


My kid is a bit of a naturalist. I've told her she is a natural born Supermodel. She likes wandering around the house in her undies and a tank top or tshirt. I'm sure she's gonna be tall. She's all legs like me. I've told her she can make loads of College money walking the catwalks of New York, Paris and Milan just like that. She snickersa at me.

So I hopped up from the computer to look at her singing her heart out and guess what? She's prancing around the room singing Christina's part, making fun of her in her Catwalk outfit. This cracked me up to no end.

I'm SO screwed if she asks her French teacher what "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir" means. (They teach French at her school from 1st grade onwards and she's in 5th this year.)

I can just hear the comment at the parent-teacher conference now......

Buckle Up!


It’s funny how some occurrences in your life, or the lives of people close to you can trigger memories of your own experiences.

This evening, when he was literally down the street from home, Z got in a car accident. He’s ok, except for some nasty whiplash and bad back pain. He was at a full stop, had been for a few minutes actually, with his left hand signal on when a guy cruising along going at least 40-45mph not looking at the road in front of him slammed into the back of Z’s car. Didn’t even break. OUCH.

Z said that he was in such pain; it took him a few minutes to actually be able to get out of the car. I believe it. I’ve been there. Fortunately for him, for ONCE he was wearing the seatbelt that I constantly harp on him to wear. Otherwise, his head would have gone through the windshield at the very least. His car isn’t drivable… neither is the guilty party’s either.

When he finally got home, I checked him over…Doctor Cyn , my alter ego took over, but within about 30 minutes… I started insisting I take him to the ER. He was in a lot of pain and had trouble moving.. I figured he had whiplash, I could see swelling even, but his back was really bothering him too. He didn’t want to go. Big Sissy. I told him, you think the pain is bad now?? HAH! Wait till you wake up tomorrow. Wouldn’t you rather have some “happy pills” to numb the pain now?” He just stared at me. So I changed my clothes, got my car keys, and ordered his ass into the car.

I have been accused of being too descriptive… using too much detail, specifically by him. (Sorry, I’m a detail kind of person! It’s what makes me , ME!) By comparison, he gives the most half-ass answers and explanations you’ve ever heard in your life. Frankly it drives me up the damn wall. So, with that in mind, I followed him into the exam room. Sure enough, he was giving half ass answers to the ER Doc.

So naturally I butted in to the conversation. The doc was satisfied that he didn’t have any internal injuries or anything serious from the seatbelt and just the whiplash. Um, NO. I told him, “Doctor, I was observing him walking from the car to here… he is walking very funny, completely different, and having what looks like bad spasms, cause he will stop mid-step.” Doc to Z: “Is this so?” Z: nods yes and rolls eyes at me. Next thing he knows, doc has him walking down the hallway. Yup, pulled the hell out of some muscles… but had an x-ray just to be sure it wasn’t anything else. Better safe than sorry I say.

He’s just happy he got a 3-day sick leave to be honest.

The doctor kept asking me how I knew the symptoms etc.. of the other typical types of injuries. I finally told him, I could never forget the ones I’ve suffered myself. I then showed him the painful result of the worst one.

I’ve been in too many car accidents; two in particular were pretty bad. The very worst one was when I was 13 and it was one of my injuries from this one that I showed him. My whiplash injury. It was so severe that I had to wear a neck brace for 9 months 24/7 excecpt for when I showered. My initial whiplash injury was bad enough, but it’s what happened in Phyiscal Therapy that really screwed me up. Part of the Physio in the beginning by mistake put me in a type of traction. A traction machine that would stretch my neck by means of a collar placed on me pulling my neck upwards. I would cry and whimper in pain and finally they realized they were screwing me up more than helping me when I started teetering funny.

I’m in the mood to list my injuries from this accident, but first I want to explain how I got so screwed up.

My friends brother was driving a huge GMC truck, she was in the middle seat, and I was in the passenger seat. He was a big dude. (I mean, BIG, about 380lbs) We were driving along, and it was, admittedly late at night. We ran out to get something or other (I was spending the night) and I think I dozed off on the way back home. We were in the far lane next to a curb, a drunk driver was in his far lane ahead of us…. Suddenly, he swerverd across 5 lanes to drive directly towards us in OUR LANE. My friends brother Ron had to make a split second decision which probably saved our lives. He decided to swerve right to avoid a head on collision , so he hopped the truck up onto the sidewalk and slammed on the breaks….the truck continued to skid, bouncing off a telephone pole, snapping head on a street lamp (you know those big silver ones like on a highway?) off and the cement level, went through a pole with a don’t walk sign and a small traffic light on it. The truck took that down too. Finally the truck stopped. I guess. I don’t remember ANY OF THIS HAPPENING. If I was awake, I’ve mentally blocked it out due to the trauma and severe shock I experienced. This is from the police report and reenactment and Ron’s statement to the police.

I don’t know how long we were there… I don’t remember. I remember coming to in the early pre-dawn light. Police cars everywhere and firemen, paramedics and an ambulance. Strangely enough, I was the worst injured, yet, because I didn’t have external bleeding except from the few lacerations under my chin, I wasn’t getting medical attention. I vaguely recall wandering around in a daze looking for Chrissy and Ron, not realizing what had happened then my friend’s father coming and hugging me. It seems I’m a very protective friend even when I’m unconscious. Ron was not injured at all. Hah. Pays to be heavy sometimes, doesn’t it?

My friend Chrissy, at the first impact when I was thrown forward, slid down in the seats (she was shorter than me also) and my body protected her. She did get a CB bracket stuck in her leg (so since she was bloody, she got all the medical attention). My head slammed into the windshield and my chest into the whole dash. Hard apparently. I must have whipped back. Then slammed forward again when we took out the second pole cause my head hit the windshield again in almost the exact same place, but then slammed down into the dash so hard it left an indentation of my chin in the thick plastic-like material with the material all splintered from where it cut my chin and jaw in several places.

Anyway, would you believe the paramedics didn’t take me to the hospital? My friends parents took me home to my mom. I kept wanting to sleep. She wouldn’t let me. I wanted to vomit and was badly nauseous also. SHE took me to ER after one good look at me. I was apparently in a severe state of shock.

After an MRI and countless x-rays where I just remember lots and lots of agonizing pain… this is a couple of hours after the accident now… I’m sure you all have figured I have the mother of all concussions, don’t you? Yeah. By this point, I was seeing everything in triplicate. Lacerations to the chin and jaw. Severe whiplash and a lumbar injury.

Shall I get to the internal injuries now? Cause those are amazing really. Cracked left collarbone. 3 separate cracks in my sternum (bone that holds the ribs together in front and protects your heart) and a hairline crack in 2 ribs. My entire chest from my neck, to just below my navel was completely BLACK and PURPLE. But mostly black from the bruising. One more injury to tell you…. My diaphragm (the muscle that moves in your abdomen when you breathe, low in your abdomen) was, to quote the Doctor, “all shredded to bits”, which, in addition to the other injuries, would explain why every breath was hell for me. All this wrapped up in a very severe case of shock.

I didn’t go to school for 4 months. My vision was blurred for about 3 of the four months. I was in so much agony, and on so many pills for pain that only took the edge off. There started the beginnings of my bouts of insomnia. As I previously mentioned, I had to wear the neck brace for 9 months…. Also, a back brace for almost a year all the time too. The total irony? About 2 weeks after I had the accident, I developed a HORRIBLE case of chickenpox. Then? A month after that I developed Mononucleosis.

I’ve never been the same physically, since. I have also worn my seatbelt every time I step in a car from the day of that accident onwards.

Occasionally, even now, almost 20 years later, like last week, my old injuries act up. My neck will stiffen up and I can’t turn my head. My back will spasm so bad that it hurts to breathe.

In case you were wondering what I showed Z’s doctor tonight? I showed him the hard painful bump on my spine, just below where the neck meets the shoulders…. Where my spine had started to fuse together as a result of the traction I was mistakenly treated with. 3 years with a chiropractor in my mid 20’s and lots and lots of adjustments prevented it from fusing, but the scar tissue is still there under the skin surrounding the spine.

I got sideswiped on the way to a new job here in Bahrain also about 5 years ago. I had just dropped Arianna off at Kindergarten , driven to work, and turned left, there was no car coming. From 4 cars back, a car whipped out and floored the gas, I didn’t hear the screech of breaks, cause he didn’t break….the passenger front door stopped him. I turned my head and saw his face when he hit me. And then I screamed. And the car spun sideways 4 times before stopping even though my foot was all the way down on the brake. The agony was instantaneous. The whole passenger side was caved in, the doors hanging drunkenly in their moorings. I ended up in the hospital for 5 days. Again with the damn neck brace.

Ah, funny how the memories come rushing back.

So now, from this serious post for today…. A serious request to you all. Yes, I’m gonna nag you now.

nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag

Please, please wear your seatbelts. Buckle up your children in car seats properly. I would hate for anything to happen to any of you.

You Reap What You Sow


Ya’ll know about my unwanted house guests, right? No, I don’t mean my monster in law, I mean the lizards!!

Well… if you will kindly remember that I mentioned that Z refused to kill the lizards that are coming in more and more every day? Yeah, he keeps saying “oh, they are scared of you. They won’t come near you. Blah blah blah.” *Cyn recieves extremely dirty looks*

Never mind that last night one almost jumped on my damn head when I was closing the curtains in the living room. Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! (it was hiding behind the curtain and I didn’t know it!) Ugh, creepy.

So, this afternoon when he comes home from work, he tells me a little story about what happened to him this morning while the Sleeping Princess (that’s me!) was fast asleep…OKI WAS UNCONSCIOUS! Finally, after finally having passed out from exhaustion at around 5am. I was WIDE AWAKE until 5. Curses.

Apparently, after shaving, he was washing residual foam off his face, with the water running, still half asleep. After wiping water out of his eyes, he sees something jump at him from the drain. He rubs his eyes again… looks, and sees…….

The LIZARD PEEKING AT HIM FROM THE DRAIN!

Then, said lizard JUMPS AT HIM! Mind you, his face is really low over the sink! He jumps back from the sink, and only because the sink bowl is wet, does the lizard slip and slide while trying to jump on him! He - Z - was freaking out.

Remember when I said, “Kill a lizard with one good THUMP from a broom or something?” and he told me off and said NO! (ok, and I got called a few names here and there too, along with a few dirty looks). Well, personally, what he did next, I think is much more cruel than my suggestion.

He turned the water on so it slid back down into the sink drain…..the HOT water…… for like 15 minutes. The SCALDING HOT WATER.

Why? Just cause it dared to try and jump on him when he was still sleepy? If I was that lizard, I’d rather get my head quickly bashed in , but that’s just me.

Remember what my Daddy said about sharks not attacking people at Fla beaches from my Daddy's Day post? And then later I was vindicated when proven right?

Ditto for today. When will people start LISTENING TO ME?

Sigh. This woman's work is NEVER, EVAH done.

And How Was YOUR Day???


Hiya darlings!

Have you ever sat with a family member and begun what seemed at first to be a completely boring conversation? Then the next thing you know….. you are frantically scrambling mentally to commit ALL of what you just heard to memory thinking… “I have GOT to blog this!”? Yes? Good. Then welcome to my world.

Now I realize that Z’s family’s antics are deserving of their own blog at the very least. As is, I realize now how completely STUPID I was when I lived in LA, working at the top day spa & salon that was frequented by celebrities and industry people every day. Why stupid, you ask? Besides the fact that I was realizing, right about the time Z said “oh honey, I got a job offer on the other side of the planet, lets move, shall we?” that I should get back into the entertainment field, even if it meant becoming somebody’s bitch… erm, I mean, some celebrities Personal Assistant (aka: Slave), cause I had just found out how very much they get paid, and the perks. Yeah, I could handle that! I mean, just based on my daily dealing with these exact type of people, and my being a “people person” with generally patience in excess, that I could actually be happy in this field. Hell, before I was 17 I one of my very very good friends was a VP at Capitol/EMI Records in LA. Dumb dumb me. I moved. I had shitloads of contacts and ideas in my head, and I moved. Never mind that. I was Stoopid (yes, with a capital S) because my catch phrase for my MIL, ie: Monster-in-law, became so very popular. Imagine my surprise when I found out by watching E! Online (which depresses me, cause I could do so much better on that show!) to hear that Jennifer Lopez (aka, “The ass”) has been slated to play the much aggrieved Daughter-in-law to Jane Fonda’s MONSTER IN LAW character. Yes my lovlies, the name of the film is Monster In Law. It took this movie to get Jane Fonda’s butt out of retirement. I shoulda trademarked or patented that damn catch phrase. Hence, my stupidity.

But I digress…… (as usual, I know. Shut UP already! This is MY blog, and it’s ALL ABOUT MOI! )

Anyhoo, back to our scheduled program! So, Sitting on the sofa with Z’s niece “P” this evening. (Small background, um Z’s sisters daughter, 1 ½ MONTHS younger than me, and 2nd in line to my throne of people that Monster hates with a passion. Yup, her OWN granddaughter. In case you are wondering who’s first? DUH!!! It’s ME! Where you been? Go read the archives for the love of God!) I innocently ask P “how’s work?”

I shouldn’t have ought to have done that. Nope. No sireeee Bob! I got waaaaaaaay more than I bargained for. Gather round my lovelies while I share the joy with you.

I expected one of two answers, to be honest. Either “Ok” or “crap, as usual”. Instead, I heard “It’s ok, except when I came into work this morning, I discovered my hamsters were missing.”
*WHAT THE FUCK????*

“Did I hear you correctly? You lost your hamsters? At work? ” P replied, “yes. Well, not lost, really. The broke out of their cage in the night.” With a sad, sad face. “But we eventually found them!”

WELL FUCK ME. Hamsters at work.

Maybe you are all thinking, so, maybe she works in a pet shop. You are ALL ON CRACK! She works for a Mobile Telecommunications company. A very well known one in all parts of the world, except maybe North America. I had to ask.. cause, well, I’m a nosey bitch, and that’s why you all LOVE ME SO! Sigh. Yeah, apparently she told a guy she was bored, Being the only woman in the office full of men, and was a little lonely and needed to perk up her work cubicle. The guy bought her hamsters. In a cage. With a wheel (a habitrail?) and, apparently a little hamster house also, which ties in to the story later. Trust me. She kept them at work. (Now I’m sure you all realize that by this point I’ve completely given up trying NOT to laugh and am laughing like hell right in her face) There are two. A boy and a girl. This ALSO ties into my story later. There will be a pop quiz at the end, so pay attention! YES! YOU IN THE BACK! I see you. Stop passing notes!

So. Apparently her hamsters that she had hidden so well that most of the people on her floor had no idea she even had there decided to take a stroll in the middle of the night and forgot the way back home. Smart little furry bastards. Anyway, P sounded the alarm to a few of the guys that knew about her little pets and rounded up Ricky and Lucy (yes, I’ve named them since P never did) and dropped them back in their cage. I said, “well, it’s a girl and a boy, so soon you should have a whole bunch of hamsters at work!” I thought her story over.

I should have known better, and quite frankly, so should you!

Just as my laughter was dying down and I began to catch my breath… she started on about her hamsters.

P: “Yeah, I sure will have a ton of baby hamsters. Know why? Ricky, my boy hamster, he has HUGE BALLS. I don’t know how he can even walk, much less how he broke out.”
Me:------- blank stare, gaping mouth, gasping for air.
P: “Yeah, they are as big as his head! It’s like he has two heads. And he has no shame! He lays in his little hamster house on his back….”
Me: --------- blank stare, still open mouthed,
P: “ On his back with everything inside the house except his bottom half, with his HUGE BALLS in everyone’s face that walks by. It’s so embarrassing. He lays like that all day.”
Me: *mutters* “maybe needs ventilation…”
P: “Well except for the few times I’ve caught him and Lucy in the 69 position! (And she makes the hand gesture to illustrate her point, as if I NEEDED ANY HELP!?????)
Me: -----??---- sputters out “69??? Huge? Hamster? Balls? OHMIGOD!” and there begins my asthma attack for the evening in the middle of my hysterical laughter. I’m feeling lightheaded from lack of oxygen, but I’m thinking to myself “MUST…. REMEMBER….THIS… FOR…MY…READERS….!!!” And she continues….

P: “And the guys in the office come by to talk at me, and I see they are distracted by his balls. They call other guys to come and look, then they sit and snicker behind their hands like that!”

Hey y’all…. Sorry to interrupt…. But, I bet you thought it couldn’t get any worse than this, didn’t ya? Guess what? YOU’RE SOOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause NOW she talks about the two guys inspecting Ricky’s privates and once they got over the size of his testicles…or maybe not… one of them, the one with an IQ of about 39 I think, says… “Oh look! I didn’t know hamsters had belly buttons! Would ya look at that!?”

Except it wasn’t Ricky’s belly button (and P, at this point, smacks her forehead in disgust and shakes her head)… I look at her in horror, knowing what is coming next, but hoping I’m wrong..

I wasn’t wrong.

Me: -----------
P: “ The stupid guy kept saying ‘Lookie that! HIS BELLYBUTTON!’ But it was cold I guess or something, and the little furry bastard was back on his back with his ass hanging out again and what stooped thought was his belly button was his penis. It had gone in and it kinda looked like an innie, sort of, except that it was right where a DICK SHOULD BE in relation to the testicles and all… and how did this guy not know this? He just kept saying “didn’t know hamsters had belly buttons” over and over again.”
Me: gasping…….sputtering…
P: “and no fuckin WAY I was gonna tell him “Oh, that’s his penis, ya know?”
Me: “um, Yeah, Uh-huh”.

Then, a flash of my genius, my utter brilliance floats to the top of my consciousness… (Modest little thing, ain’t I??)

Me: “Well, look on the bright side, at least he didn’t get aroused while the guys were there and start humping Lucy!”

*Cyn takes bow*

Now who would have EVAH thought I would have such a story to relate for your reading pleasure simply by asking “how’s work?”? I know I never did.

(By the way, there isn’t any Pop Quiz.)

MR. PERFECT


Hey y'all.... came across this joke today and you know I just HAD to share it with you! Enjoy.


A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this:

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE ...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:

>1) WON'T BEAT ME UP
>2) WON'T RUN AWAY
>3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.

Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you? And what do you want?"

"Hi," he said, " your search is over, for I'm the man of your dreams. I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away."

"Well, then," she said, "what makes you think that you're so great in bed?"

To which he replied with a smile...……… "Well, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

By Request & My OCD Confession

A couple of people requested a VS story.

I’m feeling generous. You’ll get a couple today. How’s that? I hope you like them.

My favorite customers when I was working at VS were the men. They would come in and look totally lost. Happy, but lost! You have to approach them much like you would a strange animal. Slowly and tentatively. The best is when we had to ask their wife/girlfriend/significant other’s size.

The poor thing would start looking around at the women in the shop, sizing up their backsides and breasts, and attempt to describe them. With hand gestures. Hahaha. “Oh, her breasts are like that woman there, and her hips are like the women two people over from the breasts…. And, she’s about your height…” etc…

Better than this? Um, once I got an obviously gay man coming in to buy a bunch of things for himself. He looked more like a she, if you get my drift. I get on quite well with most gay men, fortunately, which is good for me, cause I made a KILLER sale that day! (we didn’t get commission, but had sales targets!)

Another time, I got one man who was obviously very ,um, manly, and he wanted women’s underwear… for himself. (Aren’t I the lucky sales person?)

A friend of mine, Carol, who was probably the most outrageous person I have EVER known in my entire life, worked with me. We would make each other laugh by just looking at the expressions on the other’s face. When we were both scheduled in the bra room, during slow periods during the day, we would have to put out stock. Sometimes the bras would come without size tags on them, Carol would put a cup on her head, and say, OH LOOK! THIS ONE WILL FIT YOU!!!!!!!!! And then laugh like a madwoman, slapping her thigh.

Speaking of bras and organization and all these good things, brings me to another sort of related subject.

During a discussion with a very good friend today, discussing, of all things, my anally retentive organized underwear drawer, this friend said “OOOH, OCD meets Victoria’s Secret!”. It has been said by this friend that I might just have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder!) Could be. Could be.

Actually, upon further reflection, I realized this friend is right (as usual). Sigh.

~ For the men that are weak of heart (or are afraid of TMI) please stop reading here and cut down to the comments and leave one. (Although, knowing the men that read MY blog, I bet they will keep on reading, won't ya fellas?!)

Cheryl b. is fascinated with my whole bra situation, as witnessed in her comment on yesterdays post. I sent her an email answer as to where I buy my bras. As of late, since there is no VS here, and I’ve outgrown (hahahahaha) their sizing structure anyway, I buy at a British Department Store Chain called Marks & Spencer. There is one here, although, when I lived in the States, I would stock up like HELL each trip to the UK I would make. Z would say, you want to go shopping X, Y,Z place, and I would be like, I don’t care what we do in London, just let me stock up on my bras at Marks! (insert loud whimpering and whining by Husband here) They have really well made bras and merchandise in general. I occasionally mail order some bras also. But not so much anymore, now that Marks has opened here. All that said, I do have some really rather nice ones, seeing as I’m so picky when it comes down to it.

Lets see now, a really pretty half sheer/half satin blush pink embroidered one (bra), I liked it so much, I bought it in cream also... a pretty pale yellow one... it's all sheer net with flowers embroidered in the same baby yellow color thread, (are you figuring out that I love bras with embroidery and lace on them? Good on you!) I hate plain bras. I have a few, but, those are for when I have to wear them. I've a pretty lavender one too. Funny, I don't have a red one. (bright red clashes with my hair... I can wear either Cherry red or burgundy red) MY FAVORITE bra right now? White shimmery satin, bridal glaring white with a beautiful design along the top of the cup all the way across each , ahem, cup..... with a pretty little bow where the strap meets the cup... I LOVE THIS BRA! I have begged the store-in writing!!- to bring more in other colors, or preferably black. I love it in general. So comfortable and pretty. I had a beautiful black cotton bra, which sounds totally boring... but... it had vibrant purple flowers and bright red rosebuds- with stems- embroidered all over it. It finally died, that bra. I was sad. I have a bad habit of killing bras. Sad but true. I can't believe I just wrote that long ass para about my bras. Oh well.

Now about my OCD….

Old habits die hard.... have you ever looked in those drawers in the Victoria's Secret Bra room before? If you have, then you know what my undie drawer looks like. All folded a certain way, standing up,(curved part up),in order of color, dark to light. (Actually, come to think of it, my undies are like that too..... by color, cotton's all together, then cotton with lace edging, then straight lace , then "the special ones".
My heavens that makes me sound anal retentive, doesn't it? I'm just Organized is all. It makes my life easier this way.(Arianna's clothes and stuff is like this too. My friend “A” is the same. Exactly the same as I am. When I saw her drawers one day when she was gathering some clothes to change into... I cracked up and fell over on her bed laughing my ass off.)

Yeah,I guess it kinda IS OCD meets Good Housekeeping & Victoria's Secret, when it comes to me, innit? Now that I think about it, I'm pretty anal about clothes being hung up too.

There is a store I shop at, and I love seriously LOAVE their hangers like crazy, so I ask for extra hangers! They give me now without my asking. Pant hangers and shirt hangers. They are thin, sleek, charcoal grey and have rubber stuff on the edges of the shirt hangers so that they don't slip off! Well hell. Holy Shit. Um, my closet is similar. yup. Casual tops-together, all similar colors together, then work shirts/blouses similar colors together....slacks, by color.... suits together.... OMG! OK! OK! SO I worked a lot of years in retail, so sue me.

Upon continued reflection, kitchen drawers kept in order (ie: can opener, peeler, accessories, and related stuff... rubber spatulas (for baking) metal spatulas for icing cakes, etc.. together. All cooking utensils in one drawer- separately... blah blah blah blah and so on.
· serving platters all together, pyrex stuff together, baking pans , etc....
· canned goods... like products together....
· I don't like things scattered all over the kitchen counters either. (call me silly, I like to actually SEE them)
· linen closet.... yuup, u guessed it, all towels together, by color... ditto for sheet sets. All blankets together. (Not by color, for some stupid reason but by THICKNESS!)

I'm actually pretty particular about the house. I like things in their place, pretty much. Not TOO anal about that, just like it to look neat. Maybe it's just the Libra in me, but I like things to look pretty and nice and aesthetically pleasing. Because of my asthma (ok and the cats) I'm so anti-dust it's hilarious. But it's for health reasons. I wasn't this bad till I moved here. (I clean the A/C filters every 2 weeks and disinfect them now, 10 months out of the year)

DID I neglect to mention that Arianna is not like me in this respect at all, despite all my very best efforts? Lets hope she grows into it, shall we?

In fact, she can rip apart a room in under 5 minutes. When I saw the state of her dresser drawers and closet, ok, and room in general, I almost had a breakdown. We ended up with a knock down drag out, with, in the end, me, physically and emotionally exhausted, supervising her re-doing everything that I had done..... I didn't touch NOTHING 2nd time around. They aren't in “order”, but at least they don't look like a litter of puppies got at them and strew them around her room.

*shudder, twitch*

Maybe the only person other than my friend "A" that would understand is Mindy. (from what I read on her blog about her childrens toy organization)

Yes, I know there is a cure for OCD, but the question is, do I really want to cure it?

I'll Show You Mine.......Show Me Yours!!

I got to thinking... (frightening, I know) and was thinking about my first ever job.

I started working when I was 14 1/2 at a store that had an ice cream counter. Due to certain circumstances, I really needed to get a job. So, while it wasn't rocket science by any means (and since my Aunt was ALREADY a rocket scientist Project Manager for NASA, I figured one of those in the family was plenty!), it was a little extra money, and it helped out. I worked about 25 hours a week during the school year, and 40 hours a week in the Summer. It was kinda fun. The counter was next to the electronics and Photo developing section, so, sometimes, I got to cover for that dept also.

One of the guys I worked with, he was a blast! He used to mess with me by cranking up the temperature (or down, whichever way you want to look at it) so that the freezer we had to scoop from had the ice cream almost like a solid rock. I ended up spraining the tendon between my thumb and forefinger 3 times on my right hand (and my right wrist twice!). The storage freezer in back was kept at 5 below zero. You had to put on a big ski parka to go in there and get the stock when it ran low out in front! Do you have any idea how heavy 10 gallon drums of ice cream is? Lets put it this way..... my biceps looked AMAZING!

The best thing about that job was that I could get things for the house with my employee discount. Now, that was a perk.

The store manager was .... weird. Mr. Kort. I have to try and describe him for you. He was about 5'6, slightly balding in the front on top, but tons of salt and pepper hair, he would do this freaky thing with what hair he had left by moussing it or something, on top and swiriling it around. It was a crack up. He had these big bullfrog eyes that popped out of his head with thick bushy eyebrows that arched like he was perpetually in shock. Really really big lips and on top of that? A pencil thin moustache like Boris from Bullwinkle. Add to this one of the most massive potbellies I've ever seen. His voice was exactly like... oh whats his name? The character Tim Conway played on The Carol Burnett Show that said "MRS.. WWWWWWHHIIIIIGGGENSSSS"
? Just like that! It used to crack my mom up whenever she heard him talk. He was awfully weird but nice. And he talked...real. slowwww. I always wanted to tell him "hurry up!!!", but I never did. Come to think of it, he shuffled around real slow too.

I did this for about a year until I moved into proper retail. Actually, I met a store manager from a retail chain during some fashion merchandising classes I was taking in High School and he liked me and thought I had good natural sales ability, so he offered me a job. Cool, no? Ooh, I moved up from minimum wage!

I worked there for a couple of years, moved into bigger retail chains when I entered college, including..... working 2 retail jobs AND a full college schedule to pay for college! I eventually had to admit that I couldn't work like that one full time, one part time, and a full class schedule, so, I got a waitressing job instead. (I still have nightmares about it) It was 4-5 hours a day, but more money than I made (tip wise+ paycheck) than I was making in retail!

Guess where my second retail, part time job was? Victoria's Secret. Maybe if y'all ask me real sweet, I will tell you a few stories about my days working there.

And to you ladies that shop there? When you are in the bra room? Please have mercy on the staff, don't go pawing through the damn drawers. That is back stock for WHAT IS HANGING ABOVE IT! OK? Y'all make a goddamn mess and a nightmare from hell for the poor staff that has extremely anal retentive managers that check those drawers to make sure they are color coded, by size, and folded a specific way... ALL THROUGH OUT THE DAY. So please be nice to the overworked and underpaid staff of your local Victoria's Secret.

Now, I'd love it if you all would share with me what your first jobs were. Fair is fair, I showed you mine, now show me yours!

Patience, Grasshopper

Easier said than done, Master. So, oh wise one, put a sock in it! *ah SO*

Well, Ms. Perky-I-like-to-psychoanalyze-everyone-cause- I-have-a-degree-in-psychatry-but- didnt-manage-to-do-anything-with-it (also known as the recuritment agent Eliz*beth from the employment agency) called me today. The second interview, (last minute, migrane, middle of nowhere, remember?) the guy was yo-yoing back and forth between myself and another lady...... she won. I think he was so indecisive and confused between both of us, he proabably flipped a damn coin. Dammit. He really LOVED me, but, hey, not enough. Back to the drawing board.

Big time suckage, my friends. Big time. This is reallllllly frustrating. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't AUGUST HERE IN BAHRAIN. sigh. Well, I hope my pal Carrie Jo is having better luck than I am.

I hope I'll have a better report for you sooner, as opposed to later.

Bugger em' all!

WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK…….

Lee, my buddy over at Oh No, the Blog! does this "What I Learned This Week" thingie every Friday on his blog. Well, I don't have a bizillion readers like some of my lovely blogsphere friends yet, but, I like the whole thing on looking back on your week.

If you think about it, you really pretty much DO learn something new everyday. Maybe we just don't take the time from our busy schedules to stop and appreciate it. I think that maybe we should.

So, on that note, From this week on.... and y'all had better comment, cause it makes me feel all loved and special and needed..... (so make me happy, will ya? Gimmie a little blog love!) I'm going to copycat Lee. And if you haven't checked out his blog yet, please do so! He is a great guy, with a fabulous sense of humor and a big old sweetheart! He is also a new Daddy. Super Daddy.

Without further ado, since I KNOW you are all chomping at the bit to know what I've learned this week.....

1) I learned that when you wake up with a migrane, and you look and feel your worst... after finally having passed out thankfully after 3 nights of insomnia.... THAT is the morning that the employment agency will call you (all perky and loud) and say "Hi! you have an interview in an hour and a half in the middle of nowhere, Good Luck." As you look at your reflection in the mirror in horror still in your pj's with bed hair, head threatening to explode and you realize "Oh my GOD! I'm so fucked".

2) I learned that if you cuss loud and long enough at the lizard staking out territory and running laps in your bedroom, it will hide from you in fear.

3) I learned that even with a migrane and getting lost on the way to an interview that I had no time to prepare myself mentally for (what with the exploding cranium, bed hair and all), I can still impress the shit out of a potential employer!

4) I learned that when my regular blog visitors start NOT leaving comments like they used to... it really depresses me. (and you ratfinks, you know WHO. YOU.ARE!) I love you guys-some of you I even LINK!-... I'm STILL not getting any blog lovin! Sniff sniff..... look what you made me do? Cry like a baby. I'm SO broken hearted.

5) I learned upon finishing reading the latest book in the Harry Potter series (for the second time, yes, I read them all IN ORDER...again), that I was upset that the new book isn't out yet. I mean REALLY UPSET. Come on J. K., you lazy bitch, get yer Oh-MY-I'M-RICHER-THAN-THE-QUEEN-OF-FREAKING-ENGLAND ASS in gear and get that new book out! People like Amalah and myself are waiting. Jeez!

Well, that's about all from me this week. I didn't get out much.

Please tell me what you learned. Come on, I know you learned SOMETHING!

Just Plain STOOPID

Well hello my lovelies! Lady Scarlett is freshly back from viewing King Arthur. (yeah smartasses, that would be ME!) Guess what? More silly shit to regale y'all with, naturally!

I know I have been really ripping the local arab men up on my blog lately, and, well, I'm all for equal rights and all that good stuff. So, therefore, without futher ado...... time for me to start up on the ladies of the region.

There is really so much for me to say. Where to begin? Sigh.

Ok, some ladies cover, in varying degrees for different reasons. The country I live in, it is not, I repeat NOT MANDATORY to cover, regardless of what some stupid asswipe might have said on tv. Got it? I don't cover here. If I cover from the neck down, it's usually cause, well, to be honest, I can't be bothered to change to go to the pharmacy or grocery store for milk, ya know? Hell, you can throw that black abaya on over your pj's and you're good to go. The new style is much like a black silk long sleeve bathrobe down to your ankles, very lightweight, and personally, I think it's FUCKING FANTASTIC that you can go out in the equivalent of your bathrobe and be considered respctfully dressed!

Some of them, most really, cover due to their strong religious beliefs. Well that is fine and dandy. You go girl! Some cover because of their husbands or father's religious beliefs, not necessarily because the want to. This, I belive, is shitty. Don't go there girl! Just say no! (excecpt they can't. But it was a nice dream.) There are varying degrees of cover also. Some just wear everything long, skirts (down to the ground) and shirtsleeves, buttoned up to the neck and a scarf on their head. Some wear the previously mentioned DAMN SKIN TIGHT, which to me, WHY BOTHER? Everything shows anyway since you look like you can't breathe dammit! Others wear the new abaya cut quite fashionably, snug and amazingly tailored.... with no scarf. Fine. Some with. Also fine. With varying degrees of hair hanging out, front and back. Whatever. Then there are the types you've probably seen on tv, the abayas that look like a damn tent... the old fashioned ones. Again, whatever. There is every combination of what I have mentioned that you can think of. Some with no makeup, some with some makeup, and some... that quite frankly, look like drag queens they have so much packed on. Honey, RuPaul & Boy George have NOTHIN on these women! Girrrrrrrrlllll! *snap snap*

Then we come to my favorites..... the Lulu's. The Ninja Turtles. The ones that cover their faces. Now what you might not know is that there are also a couple of this type as well. There is the one with only the eyes showing, which is kinda sexy and mysterious if you think about it.... frequently, you will see these pretty, beautiful big eyes, perfectly made up peeping out at you. I have seen some of these ladies in the public bathrooms, when they remove it to fix things.... MY GOD, SOME OF THESE WOMEN ARE SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL you just want to stare at them. The Saudi ladies in particular, a lot of them are as pale as I am, beautiful features and skin! Now on to the second type..... the ones that wear a complete black veil, not exactly thin either, over their entire fce.... nothing shows, even if you look closely.

And that last example, my darlings, is what walked down the aisle before the lights went out at the movies this afternoon. I was just staring at her and her husband. I couldn't help but think to myself..... "how the FUCK is she gonna watch the movie in the dark with her WHOLE FACE AND EYES obscured by that thick veil? For the record, I kept looking at her, I thought maybe in the dark, she would remove it, but no, she kept it down the whole time!

And before any of you ask how they eat like that in public..... Both types of face veils are short and fall to the breast area. They put food in their right (always) hand and cram it up under. FYI.

Why did I post about this? Well, a little education never hurt anybody. AND, well, I thought it was pretty shitty to take somebody to the movies with the equivalent of a sack on their head.

Class dismissed.

Oprah and the Trolls

Actually, I had a hard time even typing that header for this post, if you must know. I'm sitting here laughing my lily white ass off.

Z is not a native English speaker. Even so, after 15 years with me, it is WAAAAY improved, but still, we get little glitches now and then. Tonight is a prime example of a glitch.

See, in his office, August is low season. Dead. In his office, the guys have 2, YES 2 (!) 45" Plasma Screens hanging on the wall. Attached to a satellite dish. The guys alternate between the news and various music channels throughout the day. As he works technically in Saudi, the office is ALL MALE. This is an important fact in my story.

See, apparently, everyday at 3pm, the boys watch Oprah. Yes, Oprah Winfrey. Isn't that a hoot?

Z was trying to tell me about the topic of Oprah's show today, asking if I saw it. No, I didn't. Enlighten me. So, he goes on to tell me like so.....

"Well, Oprah's subject today was people that overcame some type of problem in their life, an adversity, and she had these, um, trolls on that..." (and he makes a hand gesture to make his troll point places his had about maybe 2 foot off the ground) and that my darlings, is when it clicked in my head....as he continued saying.... "yeah the trolls, this one troll, he had a problem wi....WHAT??" I can ONLY IMAGINE what my face looked like, but I think my eyes had bugged out and my mouth was gaping open and I said:

"TROLLS???? DO YOU MEAN TO SAY DWARVES?????" and he replied, "Oh yeah, trolls, dwarves, same thing..." At which point, I went into hysterical laughter and said "no they are not the same thing!!! First, there is no such thing as TROLLS! They are some fairy creature that guard bridges and, well, are generally evil mean things. Dwarves are NOT TROLLS!" He keeps insisting there is no difference. I keep insisting there IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.

Now before I finally get some comments from people ripping me a new a-hole for laughing at dwarves, I want to tell you that, I WAS NOT LAUGHING AT THE DWARVES! I was laughing at his grammatical MURDER. GOT IT? He managed to use the word "adversity" properly, but ffed up the word dwarves? no. no. no. No hell. (another one of his beauties, instead of Hell No!) Cat, back me up on this!

Of course he went on calling the trolls to irritate me, and told me that this dwarf couple had 6 kids (of which 2 were twins!) and I said "and they were all normal size, right?" "Yeah! How did you know??" "well, cause it happens all the time!"

The dork is still calling them trolls though.

Things That Make You Go......... WHAT THE HELL????

Before I get to the subject, I'd like to reiterate my comment of a few weeks ago. To all you lurkers out there..... I. DO. NOT. BITE. (ok, maybe I nibble a little) Leave a damn comment already. I'm feeling so UNLOVED here! *sniff sniff* You have no idea how happy I get when I see comments.

My goal is to be a 'Comment Ho'... just like Genuine!! He's MY IDOL. Ok, So is Mindy. (love ya Min!!) Hell, Hula Doula has whooped my ass too! (you GO Girl!) Allright. I admit it..I'm jealous. There. Happy now?

Now on with our scheduled programming.................

In case I forgot to mention it... 2 weeks ago I lost my job. I. Am. JOBLESS. (I really hate this shit) In August. August in Bahrain is..... well... deserted. Everyone in the country scoots out on vacation for a month. Yes, people get 30 day vacations here. Quiet YOUS! My vacation just got screwed all to hell....now it's postponed. Ugh. ie, how am I gonna get a job when most of the employers are ON VACATION???????? Yeah, exactly. I'm SO FUCKED. I went on ONE interview last Sunday.... at a company I've been DYING to get a job at for over 6 years. Pray for me, willya? I could use all the help I can get.

So, today, my mobile phone rings...(cell phone for the Americans out there) guess who? My boss - Mr. 'F' -that just decided to let me go 2 weeks ago.. checking on me to see if I have a new job... that he's thinking of me.. WHAT THE HELL?????

He let me go, why? Cause there wasn't enough work in English for me, really, to justify paying me my big fat cushy salary.... that's why. He realized this a little late dammit. I left a job where my boss ADORED ME. Like... LOVES ME.... I could DO NO WRONG IN HIS EYES PEOPLE! The rest of the staff loved me. I was IN CONTROL. I was an OFFICE MANGER. I made decisions with almost no interference (excecpt final sign off approval from the owner.. my boss...)on a daily basis. Why did I leave? Cause...... 62% higher salary darlings, thats why! Stupid, stupid me. Sigh. I mean, my prior boss, we shall call him T, has been calling me during the past 6 months to check on me and see if Im happy. He was so bummed when I left, really hurt... he gave me the puppydog look dammit every day from the day I resigned... and it took him almost 4 months to replace me, cause he wasn't happy with anyone.... I FOUND MY OWN REPLACEMENT FOR HIM! The employees would go to her, my friends sister mind you, and tell her that "no offence, but I really miss Cyn". Well shit.

So now, today, I have my last boss, F, calling to check on me. Attack of guilt? Probably. It WAS nice of him though. He didn't have to.

But the bottom line? I'm still shit out of luck with a job.

Adventures At The Mall....part 2

Bonjour Y'aaaaaalllllllll!!!!!!

Sorry. I watched "Slap Her, She's French!!" last night on cable. That is some crazy funny shit. I reccommend that you all run off to your friendly neighborhood DVD shop and rent it posthaste! Cracked my ass up. Especially the girlfight. Heh. Arianna was laughing so hard, she fell off the sofa!

Anyhoooooo, we went to the mall again tonight for a little walk and (for me at least) looking for some blog victims to post about. Do I sound hard up for a topic? So sue me. I'm out of work and not getting out much at all since my car, my BABY CAR, has been at the mechanic back and forth ATTEMPTING to fix the busted air conditioning. Sigh. Sigh. SIGH. So, tonight....... we hit the mall!

No funky man whores in thongs tonight that I saw. BUT! I did see something completely stupid. I mean, waaay stupid.

Arab men, the white "robes" that they wear that you've seen on TV, they are called THOB. The material with the black band they wear on their heads is called Gutra and Agaal respectively. Bear with me, this is part of my tale people! So, some men wear the headgear, others don't.

Now, there has been a trend in the past couple of years that I just could not stand.... younger guys in their teens and early 20's wearing BALL CAPS on their heads with the thob. I mean, it looks lame. Not stupid, but STOOOOPID. Tonight I saw a guy sitting in the food court in his own little fashion. Fashion nightmare more like! He was wearing a pristine white thob and on his head.....

A black beret.

A. Fucking. Beret. BONJOUR Y'ALLL!!!! Well fuck me... twice. I thought I was hallucinating. I kept staring, blinking. Thinking it would just. go. away. Nope, no such luck. He also had way below the collar dark curly hair flowing from beneath the beret. And he was strutting. and I ? Well darlings, I was laughing. Then I said....

"Slap him he's French....NOT!!!!!!!!!!"


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***


Also, as a side trip to my mall adventure... what is the worst thing, ladies, and well, for the men out there that understand (Amy, I'm referring to your man Jason here!) that could happen to me being out of work, assets pretty much frozen in the bank till I have a new work contract to present to the Fuc*ers at the bank ??

SHOES babies. Shoes. Lots of pretty new shoes. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I'm being TORTURED. To those of you that understand, namely the members of the Imelda Marcos Society for Shoe and Handbag Addiction, follow me.

In ONE DAMN STORE. I found, countem...... 7 pairs of shoes I wanted. In my size. (9 1/2 for the yanks, 41 for the Europeans) How FUCKING UNFAIR IS THAT???? They were pretty. I think I might be losing my mind also. Most of them were 40's Movie Star GORGEOUS. Which is TOTALLY ME! Faux Crocodile in Camel color, Black, and a lovely chocolate brown. Suede Slingbacks. Beautiful, dainty, girly, slingbacks. Have I mentioned how much I lurve slingbacks people????? I wanted them. They were in TWO colors that I have no idea WHAT the hell I would wear them with, but I want them. Baby Pink and Baby Blue suede. I saw the blue ones first. Found myself singing The chorus to "Blue Suede Shoes" under my breath while petting them.

Oh, and the sexy stacked wood wedge heels with spaghetti thin ankle straps? Black, Dark Chocolate Brown, Beige, aw hell.... so many styles, colors........Oh my GOD! Thin heels, low heels (um low to me is 2 inches high) high heels (pushing 4 inches). Do you have any idea how often such a miracle as me finding so many shoes in in one shop that I WANT badly- in my size no less- happens? Never. Maybe I have a gizillion shoes... but I'm still very picky about my shoes when all is said and done. Now, I'm sad. No retail therapy.

And no, the measely lip gloss I bought does not come anywhere NEAR retail therapy. (but it IS so very pretty!)

Sigh.

The Unwelcome Visitor

Slight problem.  I HAVE A DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I don't know where the hell it has hidden itself, dammit. If you will kindly remember, I hate, loathe, and despise lizards almost as much as I do snakes.

Last night we were alerted to its presence by the shrieks of Arianna from the living room. "EEEeeeeeeekkkkkk!! LIZARRRRRRRRRDDDDD!!!".  I was blog surfing as usual in the hallway. No way in HELL I was going in there.  Z was supposed to kill it while it was in the L Room, but NOOOOOOO, he decided to use the broom he was supposed to smoosh it with to shoo it back out the front door. Arianna and I are saying KILL IT! KILL IT! No, poor little thing.  He wasn't gonna kill it.  He insisted on tossing it back outside.  I said "Why, so it can come back inside??"  Z says, "No, I'm going to put it outside."  One tiny problem.  Little bastard was running from the broom so fast  he fell off the ceiling near the front door and made a break for it.....  

While I was sitting here IN THE HALLWAY!!  Lizard, with Z CHASING HIM -broom smacking up and down-went running past ME like a bat out of hell on the floor, running as fast as his little legs would go (which, BTW, is GODDAMN FAST).... straight into my bedroom, up onto the wall and between the freestanding closet and the wall... and Z shrugged and left it there.  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!  Me: "Did you get it?" Z: "no. It went behind the closet"  ME: "WELL GET IT OUT!!!!Ewwww!" Z: "I'm outta here" and he walked out the house leaving his daughter and I staring at each other with gaping mouths.  How the hell can I sleep thinking it might CRAWL ON ME in my sleep?? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Gross.  I went hunting it, but hell if I know where it hid itself.  I gave up, prayed it didn't slip in my closet somehow, and took off after Z. Hung out at the triplets' house for a bit and came home.  Z left before us, had crawled in bed and was fast asleep.  With the lizard in there.  I did a cursory check of the bedroom walls before attempting sleep, and guess what?  There he sat, the little sonofabitch. STARING. AT. ME. from up near the ceiling.  Little reptile asshat. 

On the bright side, at least it pays attention when I curse it out.  He even raised his little head off the wall and stared at me with its beady little eyes as I did so. How is it possible for a lizard to look 'hurt"? He did laps around the room, contemplated running back down the wall to run about on the tile floor, and then my cussing at him started in earnest. He ran back UP the wall. Then when he couldn't take my verbal abuse anymore, he ran and hid behind the curtain.  Bastard. How the hell I slept in that room is beyond me.

Yes, I know I have a load of cats in my house. But. They are Persian cats. High maintenance, purebread,Lazy buggers. I love them , but they are lazy as hell. The most reaction I get is Isis, the pure white one with big blue eyes, the Mama and Boss, IF she notices one, she stares at it transfixedly for a while, as if willing it to do something, then when it moves, Isis takes flying leaps and  proceeds to fling herself against the wall.  Repeatedly.  It's kind of comical to watch, actually. But seriously, like what? She's gonna knock it off that way?  I mean, she's hitting the wall WAAAAAY too low. then IF a lizard ends up on the floor, the silly cat PLAYS WITH IT.  She doesn't kill it, she plays with it.  The others cannot be bothered to bestir themselves. Sigh.

Damn lizards. Useless cats.

Lizard update:   I still have no idea where the hell the lizard is.  Arianna is freaked and spent most of the morinng over at her friends house.

Shudder.  I'm open to suggestions. Raid kills them, but I have asthma, so the raid murder will trigger an attack. Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. Husband is saying "oh give the poor thing a break". I say the poor things carry disease and I don't want em in the house. gag.

2nd Update 10:10pm: 

JUST FOUND ANOTHER DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM WHEN WE MOVED THE SOFA. A BIG S.O.B. Looked PREGNANT and very very dark green.  (A lovely dark moss green one which contrasted in a very bad way against the pale lavender of my bedroom walls) It IS freaking HUGE.  I mean, As long as your hand! yes, yours. And about 2 inches wide. Ewwwwwwwww.    Z chased it..... BEHIND our $&*$^*)($&*&$#0 headboard, then decided he was tired of looking for it after 5 minutes. He sprayed half a can of Raid, so it sent me into an asthma attack, and I can't breathe. Then he was rolling his eyes at me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Oh shit, I just realized my purse is on the floor next to my side of the bed....open... oh GAWD......

This freaks me out y'all. You don't understand. When I was very little... about 4 I'd say,  in Florida where we have tiny lizards that look like baby gators, I was walking past the wall of the house and one of the little bastards fell on my head and got in my hair. In my then pretty long wavy platinum blonde hair.  I had a major freak out, I don't even remember how we got it out, I was so freaked.  I guess I mentally blocked that part out. I've had a problem with them ever since.  Understand NOW???

You should see me, I walk in my bedroom, well, run through the door actually, looking up and around at the perimiter of the ceiling.... looking for them.  I must look like a damn mental case. I'm still  paranoid one of these lizards will fall on me. (especiallt that little fast stupid one) Before I go to the bathroom, I cautiously lift up the lid AND seat then bang them a few times in warning,  before sitting down. Would YOU want to be sitting doing your business and have one crawl across your ass? I THINK NOT!

By the way? Did I ever tell you that they grow Big-ass FLYING cockroaches here also? One flew on me, on my bare arm, walked UP my bare arm- in my sleep!- about 6 months after I moved to Bahrain, obviously  woke me up, and I screamed the damn house down flapping my arm like a crazywoman and slapping at it. I could see it in the moonlit room, big and dark.

*shudder, twitch*

Adventures at the Mall

You know dear readers, I think of you all the time.  I see things and try like a fiend to commit them to memory, MEMORIZE every little detail so that I may relate it to you here.  take last night at the mall for instance.

You know those instances where you wish like hell you had a digital camera with you? Well, last night was one of those instances. I mean, I have a camera phone, but the pic wouldn't be clear and very grainy.  So. we are wandering along minding our own business when I hear Z and Arianna snickering.  I tear my eyes away from the store window and ask "whats cracking you two up?" They both motion in front of us with their eyes and Z says "look, someone's got a wedgie!".  I obligingly look where indicated and stare, dumfounded, trying to believe my eyes.  I mutter "goddamn Pinocchio" under my breath. (If any of you have seen Shrek 2, you know what is coming next)

A guy is walking in front of us in those new male version of capri pants. White. linen. actually, the material is a gauzy linen material with lots of pockets.  Sandals. Short waist length shirt. Big deal you say? Well........ said guy is cinnamon complected, which is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that he doesn't have a wedgie.  What IS a big deal is that those pants? They are about as thick as 1-ply toilet tissue. The big deal is that HE IS WEARING A DARK COLORED T-BACK THONG ABOUT TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,OR BIG, I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH. It's a scary sight, belive me.  and there he is prancing around the mall with his ass showing.  MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Now THAT's what I call advertizing! Why advertizing you may ask?  Well, at the time, we were all walking in front of Star*ucks, where there was the usual congregation of Saudi's hanging out "hunting". SO? Well, it is fairly well known in the region that they have a "thing" for asses.  Male or Female, if you get my drift.  Not all of them, just a really big percentage. Come on, they live in a country where the only women they can see are their mother, grandma, aunties, and sisters, and eventually thir wives and daughters, and then only in the privacy of their home.  The schools are segrated, naturally.  The guys have needs, so, unless they go on vacation or are screwing the housemaids, they are a bit limited for sex, ya know?  I suppose anything will do.  Sodomy is against Islam, so, in Saudi, if they are caught and there is proof, they risk public beheading. (Yes, just like you saw in Farenheit 9/11) Shudder. (thank God they don't do that here where I live) It's (sodomy) fairly rampant even still.  Anyhooo, I turned to the left to watch THEM watch HIM walk by. This sent me in to serious laughter.  Can you blame me really?

Rule no 1: Dark undies, white bottoms....NO! Change ONE of them before leaving the house.
Rule no 2: Look in a damn mirror before you leave!

All of you please feel free to comment on this.....I can feel good ones coming on.

 

The Betrayal

 Not to interrupt my party over on the previous post.... (keep posting on there for the party, BTW!) But, well, I hust have to vent.  I read over on Chez Miscarriage the following just now, and ,well, I just can't keep quiet, because it struck something deep in me that I've been dealing with for a while now. 

 From Chez Miscarriage:
Dr. Love said, You use a gestational surrogate when there's no uterus, not when there's a damaged uterus. You don't use a surrogate to increase your chances of having a baby. You use a surrogate when you have no other options, when there's no hope, when you're at the end of the line.
How interesting, I said the very same thing to Z last week, and a few weeks before that. And a month ago and two months ago when my 4th IVF cycle got cancelled. And the 3 times before that he has mentioned it… in 2004.

A couple of  nights ago, his niece, the mother of the triplets and I went to the movies. Fortunately I am and have always been very close with her. She is one year older than me. On the way there, she confided to me that her Uncle, my husband, asked her to be a surrogate for us. I don’t know how I continued to keep driving the car, actually. That hurt me so very much. I replied the most flippant as I could. “Has he lost his fucking mind? You just delivered triplets! What kind of nutcase would ask that of a woman that just delivered triplets?” She said that’s what she told him also.

He had mentioned it to me.  Several times. I thought he was just running the idea past me. Kinda like how he was buttering me up for the idea of a second wife last year. (a really rich one, so he could “take care of me”) )hes' muslim) I guess I was wrong. Bullshit then, and bullshit now. I told him what I thought of his suggestion about a surrogate. “Why? My damn uterus is fine. Then I went on to basically state verbatim what Dr. Love said above.” Glad to have a doctor backing me up on that one. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. There is other crap in my reproductive system that is messed up-ovaries- but my poor uterus is just fine, thank heavens. I can’t believe that after I told him how against the whole idea I was all those times he mentioned it, he STILL went to her and asked her. She said he was very serious about it.  Maybe I’m a bitch, but I’d really like to scratch his eyes out. I haven’t confronted him about it yet. and I heard about it from someone else. He didn't even tell me he is approaching people about it. And if you think that she is the only one he has asked or will ask, I've got a lovely piece of land in Siberia I'd like to sell you that is PERFECT for winter holidays.

He asked me if when Aunt Flo starts if I want to take Clomid this time. I looked at him, with his comments in the back of my head and said, “No. Not now. Be reasonable. I just lost my job. I have to have a job.” Right now you guys, I’m so hurt, I really hate him. I feel betrayed. He went behind my back knowing how I felt on the subject, like everything else, and it kinda makes me wonder…

What else has he gone behind my back about?

Party Update

Hello my darlings! Party is back ON! Do you HEAR ME?????? BACK ON!  Lets have it oh, all weekend long. I'm curious how much mischief we can all get into!  I admit I'm curious in the extreme. So, party will start today, Friday, and last until Sunday evening.  Yes, one big sleepover/slumber party.  Hows that lovlies?

Bring a friend. Refer a friend. And you lurkers out there??? (you know who you are!) STOP THAT SHIT AND POST A COMMENT WILLYA????????  Jeez, why you hiding? I don't bite.....much.

Also, can someone give me some help jimmying the lock on the Monster's bedroom door.  (Hey, she did it to MY dressing cupboard while I was on vacation, and has since broken the lock in the door of it completely) Turnabout is fair play.

Music? Check. Stripper? Check. Food? Check. Booze? Check! Twister? Check. Magic 8 ball? Check. Friends from all over the planet? Check, I think!

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!
 
Didja miss me?????? You better have! I missed you guys, LOADS.

At least my blog does not look like a cheap slasher film victim anymore. Whew! (Thanks Kim!)

It has been an interesting few days lately. Lost my job, yesterday was my last day,BUT I have an interview lined up already!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!

Just found out that my airconditioning compressor in my car.. is dead. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! In this heat??? The weather was ... dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn................. 125 today! Plus humidty. goody. I have sucky luck this week, no?  Will take it to fix on Saturday.  (it's only gonna cost about 400 bucks!)*gags, shaking head, sobbing*  This BLOWS. Seriously.

My inet is out of order at home probably until day after tomorrow... so, I'm getting my fix here at my SIL's house.

OHMIGOD, I missed my blog so much......... and all of you too! It's good to be home.

Kisses for all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! (was it good for you too???)

Party Postponed  Well it is until tomorrow due to the obvious technical difficulty Blogger.com is having (bless their hearts!) I've sent them a request to straighten this all out.   So, Party is Tuesday instead. Sorry for the delay.   Love, Scarlett Cyn

Hello, My Name is.......    Hello, my name is Cyn, and I am an accessory addict. I mean SERIOUSLY y'all!   WHEW!!!! I thought that would be harder to do. Wait a cottonpickin minute here! I don't want to stop this!   See, I've started my own little fraternity/ club .. whatever, and honestly honeys, I'm so very proud.  It is called "The Imelda Marcos Society for Women With Shoe and Handbag Addiction". I even have a few members! Importantly, Amalah  is already a member my drinking buddy Katie too, and a friend here named Aseel (she has it BAD girlies! Will elaborate later) and most likely Martha and Mindy will join in the not too distant future. We have our own motto too! "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'TOO MANY' SHOES OR HANDBAGS,  so you can just STOP YER BITCHING!!!"  Don't you just loave us? Yeah, I thought you did.   I was chatting with my darling Amalah on IM the other day and we got to talking about strappy sexy evening or whenever-the-hell-we-feel-like-wearing-them shoes and our little NEED for them. Ok, ok. I was also telling her about my latest acquisition. Anyhoo.... I got to thinking yesterday.... and here is part of my tally:   Evening/Dress sandals: 6 pairs (WHAT? I'm really, really picky) Boots: 2 pairs (WHAAAAT???? I know that is nothing, but I live in the freaking Middle East for Christsakes! Like I NEED BOOTS???) High Heeled pumps.....8 plus one GORGEOUS Open Toe one that is so amazing that even I can't find something to top it! It's my favorite! (3 3/4 inch heel girls!) Strappy sandals (heeled and otherwise and oh so sexy, naturally): Ahem....erm..... well....... lets just say OVER uh, 20. hows that? loafer-work type shoes:  4      And um, just for the record, I did inventory of my handbags yesterday, and.. the tally, as of TODAY, stands at:   23 handbags, 6 wallets, and 4 evening bags (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I told you I was extremely picky about my evening  accessory purchases!! Jeez.)  And before any of my male readers (and you know who you are!) start commenting on that number of purses, let me tell you a little somthing my dahling men..... I USE EM ALL! Yes, that is right, I rotate and switch. Frequently, sometimes daily. Like, the black Gucci with the Bamboo handle (my recent FAVORITE, im SO in loave with it!) one day, then a beige or camel purse the next, then my pride and joy, a cordovan colored (that's like Burgundy- yes wine- for the men) Cartier handbag with MATCHING WALLET.  I loave that one so much, I don't use it ALL that often cause I don't want it to get hurt.  I'm all about matching my shoes and bags too! So, Shhhhhhhh! Not all my stuff is that expensive though, before you start having major freaking coronary attacks! "Hello? 911? Um, Yes, I realize this is long distance, but, um, I think someone needs your help... his name is ____ and I think he is having a heart attack." If it makes the cringing males feel any better.... I buy them myself. Now my previously mentioned friend Aseel? She is waaay worse than me. I mean, completely bonkers over shoes. I am SO normal compared to her. Like I tell Z when he bitches about my shoes, "Hush! Be glad I'm not Aseel, ok?" (although his reply is often "yeah, but you COULD BE. I mean, the potential is there!") She moved back home here from Boston, and when her container shipment of stuff arrived, she told me about how she was lovingly unpacking her 60+ pairs of shoes she had shipped back. 60+ people! In addition to the LOAD of shoes she has here already.  It's so bad, that her sisters, 3 younger than her, have asked to be left her shoes in her will.... and, um, she is only 29. The younger sisters fight over the shoes. In. the. will.  (Hell, I just want her jewellery, but that is another post ENTIRELY!) Yeah. So, I'm nothing compared to her. She said she would live on doritos and snickers in college to be able to buy shoes instead.  Uh huh. I can totally understand that, can't you? A girl's gotta priortize, right? So, if you're interested in joining my little society, please let me know, hmmmm? Later, I will regale you with the contents of my makeup STOCKPILE. (Let's put it this way... I am the Aseel of the cosmetics world, got it?) Good.   And don't forget my DAMN PARTY TOMORROW!!!!!