Patience, Grasshopper
Easier said than done, Master. So, oh wise one, put a sock in it! *ah SO*
Well, Ms. Perky-I-like-to-psychoanalyze-everyone-cause- I-have-a-degree-in-psychatry-but- didnt-manage-to-do-anything-with-it (also known as the recuritment agent Eliz*beth from the employment agency) called me today. The second interview, (last minute, migrane, middle of nowhere, remember?) the guy was yo-yoing back and forth between myself and another lady...... she won. I think he was so indecisive and confused between both of us, he proabably flipped a damn coin. Dammit. He really LOVED me, but, hey, not enough. Back to the drawing board.
Big time suckage, my friends. Big time. This is reallllllly frustrating. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't AUGUST HERE IN BAHRAIN. sigh. Well, I hope my pal Carrie Jo is having better luck than I am.
I hope I'll have a better report for you sooner, as opposed to later.
Bugger em' all!
8/09/2004
8/07/2004
WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK…….
If you think about it, you really pretty much DO learn something new everyday. Maybe we just don't take the time from our busy schedules to stop and appreciate it. I think that maybe we should.
So, on that note, From this week on.... and y'all had better comment, cause it makes me feel all loved and special and needed..... (so make me happy, will ya? Gimmie a little blog love!) I'm going to copycat Lee. And if you haven't checked out his blog yet, please do so! He is a great guy, with a fabulous sense of humor and a big old sweetheart! He is also a new Daddy. Super Daddy.
Without further ado, since I KNOW you are all chomping at the bit to know what I've learned this week.....
1) I learned that when you wake up with a migrane, and you look and feel your worst... after finally having passed out thankfully after 3 nights of insomnia.... THAT is the morning that the employment agency will call you (all perky and loud) and say "Hi! you have an interview in an hour and a half in the middle of nowhere, Good Luck." As you look at your reflection in the mirror in horror still in your pj's with bed hair, head threatening to explode and you realize "Oh my GOD! I'm so fucked".
2) I learned that if you cuss loud and long enough at the lizard staking out territory and running laps in your bedroom, it will hide from you in fear.
3) I learned that even with a migrane and getting lost on the way to an interview that I had no time to prepare myself mentally for (what with the exploding cranium, bed hair and all), I can still impress the shit out of a potential employer!
4) I learned that when my regular blog visitors start NOT leaving comments like they used to... it really depresses me. (and you ratfinks, you know WHO. YOU.ARE!) I love you guys-some of you I even LINK!-... I'm STILL not getting any blog lovin! Sniff sniff..... look what you made me do? Cry like a baby. I'm SO broken hearted.
5) I learned upon finishing reading the latest book in the Harry Potter series (for the second time, yes, I read them all IN ORDER...again), that I was upset that the new book isn't out yet. I mean REALLY UPSET. Come on J. K., you lazy bitch, get yer Oh-MY-I'M-RICHER-THAN-THE-QUEEN-OF-FREAKING-ENGLAND ASS in gear and get that new book out! People like Amalah and myself are waiting. Jeez!
Well, that's about all from me this week. I didn't get out much.
Please tell me what you learned. Come on, I know you learned SOMETHING!
8/06/2004
Just Plain STOOPID
Well hello my lovelies! Lady Scarlett is freshly back from viewing King Arthur. (yeah smartasses, that would be ME!) Guess what? More silly shit to regale y'all with, naturally!
I know I have been really ripping the local arab men up on my blog lately, and, well, I'm all for equal rights and all that good stuff. So, therefore, without futher ado...... time for me to start up on the ladies of the region.
There is really so much for me to say. Where to begin? Sigh.
Ok, some ladies cover, in varying degrees for different reasons. The country I live in, it is not, I repeat NOT MANDATORY to cover, regardless of what some stupid asswipe might have said on tv. Got it? I don't cover here. If I cover from the neck down, it's usually cause, well, to be honest, I can't be bothered to change to go to the pharmacy or grocery store for milk, ya know? Hell, you can throw that black abaya on over your pj's and you're good to go. The new style is much like a black silk long sleeve bathrobe down to your ankles, very lightweight, and personally, I think it's FUCKING FANTASTIC that you can go out in the equivalent of your bathrobe and be considered respctfully dressed!
Some of them, most really, cover due to their strong religious beliefs. Well that is fine and dandy. You go girl! Some cover because of their husbands or father's religious beliefs, not necessarily because the want to. This, I belive, is shitty. Don't go there girl! Just say no! (excecpt they can't. But it was a nice dream.) There are varying degrees of cover also. Some just wear everything long, skirts (down to the ground) and shirtsleeves, buttoned up to the neck and a scarf on their head. Some wear the previously mentioned DAMN SKIN TIGHT, which to me, WHY BOTHER? Everything shows anyway since you look like you can't breathe dammit! Others wear the new abaya cut quite fashionably, snug and amazingly tailored.... with no scarf. Fine. Some with. Also fine. With varying degrees of hair hanging out, front and back. Whatever. Then there are the types you've probably seen on tv, the abayas that look like a damn tent... the old fashioned ones. Again, whatever. There is every combination of what I have mentioned that you can think of. Some with no makeup, some with some makeup, and some... that quite frankly, look like drag queens they have so much packed on. Honey, RuPaul & Boy George have NOTHIN on these women! Girrrrrrrrlllll! *snap snap*
Then we come to my favorites..... the Lulu's. The Ninja Turtles. The ones that cover their faces. Now what you might not know is that there are also a couple of this type as well. There is the one with only the eyes showing, which is kinda sexy and mysterious if you think about it.... frequently, you will see these pretty, beautiful big eyes, perfectly made up peeping out at you. I have seen some of these ladies in the public bathrooms, when they remove it to fix things.... MY GOD, SOME OF THESE WOMEN ARE SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL you just want to stare at them. The Saudi ladies in particular, a lot of them are as pale as I am, beautiful features and skin! Now on to the second type..... the ones that wear a complete black veil, not exactly thin either, over their entire fce.... nothing shows, even if you look closely.
And that last example, my darlings, is what walked down the aisle before the lights went out at the movies this afternoon. I was just staring at her and her husband. I couldn't help but think to myself..... "how the FUCK is she gonna watch the movie in the dark with her WHOLE FACE AND EYES obscured by that thick veil? For the record, I kept looking at her, I thought maybe in the dark, she would remove it, but no, she kept it down the whole time!
And before any of you ask how they eat like that in public..... Both types of face veils are short and fall to the breast area. They put food in their right (always) hand and cram it up under. FYI.
Why did I post about this? Well, a little education never hurt anybody. AND, well, I thought it was pretty shitty to take somebody to the movies with the equivalent of a sack on their head.
Class dismissed.
Well hello my lovelies! Lady Scarlett is freshly back from viewing King Arthur. (yeah smartasses, that would be ME!) Guess what? More silly shit to regale y'all with, naturally!
I know I have been really ripping the local arab men up on my blog lately, and, well, I'm all for equal rights and all that good stuff. So, therefore, without futher ado...... time for me to start up on the ladies of the region.
There is really so much for me to say. Where to begin? Sigh.
Ok, some ladies cover, in varying degrees for different reasons. The country I live in, it is not, I repeat NOT MANDATORY to cover, regardless of what some stupid asswipe might have said on tv. Got it? I don't cover here. If I cover from the neck down, it's usually cause, well, to be honest, I can't be bothered to change to go to the pharmacy or grocery store for milk, ya know? Hell, you can throw that black abaya on over your pj's and you're good to go. The new style is much like a black silk long sleeve bathrobe down to your ankles, very lightweight, and personally, I think it's FUCKING FANTASTIC that you can go out in the equivalent of your bathrobe and be considered respctfully dressed!
Some of them, most really, cover due to their strong religious beliefs. Well that is fine and dandy. You go girl! Some cover because of their husbands or father's religious beliefs, not necessarily because the want to. This, I belive, is shitty. Don't go there girl! Just say no! (excecpt they can't. But it was a nice dream.) There are varying degrees of cover also. Some just wear everything long, skirts (down to the ground) and shirtsleeves, buttoned up to the neck and a scarf on their head. Some wear the previously mentioned DAMN SKIN TIGHT, which to me, WHY BOTHER? Everything shows anyway since you look like you can't breathe dammit! Others wear the new abaya cut quite fashionably, snug and amazingly tailored.... with no scarf. Fine. Some with. Also fine. With varying degrees of hair hanging out, front and back. Whatever. Then there are the types you've probably seen on tv, the abayas that look like a damn tent... the old fashioned ones. Again, whatever. There is every combination of what I have mentioned that you can think of. Some with no makeup, some with some makeup, and some... that quite frankly, look like drag queens they have so much packed on. Honey, RuPaul & Boy George have NOTHIN on these women! Girrrrrrrrlllll! *snap snap*
Then we come to my favorites..... the Lulu's. The Ninja Turtles. The ones that cover their faces. Now what you might not know is that there are also a couple of this type as well. There is the one with only the eyes showing, which is kinda sexy and mysterious if you think about it.... frequently, you will see these pretty, beautiful big eyes, perfectly made up peeping out at you. I have seen some of these ladies in the public bathrooms, when they remove it to fix things.... MY GOD, SOME OF THESE WOMEN ARE SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL you just want to stare at them. The Saudi ladies in particular, a lot of them are as pale as I am, beautiful features and skin! Now on to the second type..... the ones that wear a complete black veil, not exactly thin either, over their entire fce.... nothing shows, even if you look closely.
And that last example, my darlings, is what walked down the aisle before the lights went out at the movies this afternoon. I was just staring at her and her husband. I couldn't help but think to myself..... "how the FUCK is she gonna watch the movie in the dark with her WHOLE FACE AND EYES obscured by that thick veil? For the record, I kept looking at her, I thought maybe in the dark, she would remove it, but no, she kept it down the whole time!
And before any of you ask how they eat like that in public..... Both types of face veils are short and fall to the breast area. They put food in their right (always) hand and cram it up under. FYI.
Why did I post about this? Well, a little education never hurt anybody. AND, well, I thought it was pretty shitty to take somebody to the movies with the equivalent of a sack on their head.
Class dismissed.
8/03/2004
Oprah and the Trolls
Actually, I had a hard time even typing that header for this post, if you must know. I'm sitting here laughing my lily white ass off.
Z is not a native English speaker. Even so, after 15 years with me, it is WAAAAY improved, but still, we get little glitches now and then. Tonight is a prime example of a glitch.
See, in his office, August is low season. Dead. In his office, the guys have 2, YES 2 (!) 45" Plasma Screens hanging on the wall. Attached to a satellite dish. The guys alternate between the news and various music channels throughout the day. As he works technically in Saudi, the office is ALL MALE. This is an important fact in my story.
See, apparently, everyday at 3pm, the boys watch Oprah. Yes, Oprah Winfrey. Isn't that a hoot?
Z was trying to tell me about the topic of Oprah's show today, asking if I saw it. No, I didn't. Enlighten me. So, he goes on to tell me like so.....
"Well, Oprah's subject today was people that overcame some type of problem in their life, an adversity, and she had these, um, trolls on that..." (and he makes a hand gesture to make his troll point places his had about maybe 2 foot off the ground) and that my darlings, is when it clicked in my head....as he continued saying.... "yeah the trolls, this one troll, he had a problem wi....WHAT??" I can ONLY IMAGINE what my face looked like, but I think my eyes had bugged out and my mouth was gaping open and I said:
"TROLLS???? DO YOU MEAN TO SAY DWARVES?????" and he replied, "Oh yeah, trolls, dwarves, same thing..." At which point, I went into hysterical laughter and said "no they are not the same thing!!! First, there is no such thing as TROLLS! They are some fairy creature that guard bridges and, well, are generally evil mean things. Dwarves are NOT TROLLS!" He keeps insisting there is no difference. I keep insisting there IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.
Now before I finally get some comments from people ripping me a new a-hole for laughing at dwarves, I want to tell you that, I WAS NOT LAUGHING AT THE DWARVES! I was laughing at his grammatical MURDER. GOT IT? He managed to use the word "adversity" properly, but ffed up the word dwarves? no. no. no. No hell. (another one of his beauties, instead of Hell No!) Cat, back me up on this!
Of course he went on calling the trolls to irritate me, and told me that this dwarf couple had 6 kids (of which 2 were twins!) and I said "and they were all normal size, right?" "Yeah! How did you know??" "well, cause it happens all the time!"
The dork is still calling them trolls though.
Actually, I had a hard time even typing that header for this post, if you must know. I'm sitting here laughing my lily white ass off.
Z is not a native English speaker. Even so, after 15 years with me, it is WAAAAY improved, but still, we get little glitches now and then. Tonight is a prime example of a glitch.
See, in his office, August is low season. Dead. In his office, the guys have 2, YES 2 (!) 45" Plasma Screens hanging on the wall. Attached to a satellite dish. The guys alternate between the news and various music channels throughout the day. As he works technically in Saudi, the office is ALL MALE. This is an important fact in my story.
See, apparently, everyday at 3pm, the boys watch Oprah. Yes, Oprah Winfrey. Isn't that a hoot?
Z was trying to tell me about the topic of Oprah's show today, asking if I saw it. No, I didn't. Enlighten me. So, he goes on to tell me like so.....
"Well, Oprah's subject today was people that overcame some type of problem in their life, an adversity, and she had these, um, trolls on that..." (and he makes a hand gesture to make his troll point places his had about maybe 2 foot off the ground) and that my darlings, is when it clicked in my head....as he continued saying.... "yeah the trolls, this one troll, he had a problem wi....WHAT??" I can ONLY IMAGINE what my face looked like, but I think my eyes had bugged out and my mouth was gaping open and I said:
"TROLLS???? DO YOU MEAN TO SAY DWARVES?????" and he replied, "Oh yeah, trolls, dwarves, same thing..." At which point, I went into hysterical laughter and said "no they are not the same thing!!! First, there is no such thing as TROLLS! They are some fairy creature that guard bridges and, well, are generally evil mean things. Dwarves are NOT TROLLS!" He keeps insisting there is no difference. I keep insisting there IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.
Now before I finally get some comments from people ripping me a new a-hole for laughing at dwarves, I want to tell you that, I WAS NOT LAUGHING AT THE DWARVES! I was laughing at his grammatical MURDER. GOT IT? He managed to use the word "adversity" properly, but ffed up the word dwarves? no. no. no. No hell. (another one of his beauties, instead of Hell No!) Cat, back me up on this!
Of course he went on calling the trolls to irritate me, and told me that this dwarf couple had 6 kids (of which 2 were twins!) and I said "and they were all normal size, right?" "Yeah! How did you know??" "well, cause it happens all the time!"
The dork is still calling them trolls though.
8/02/2004
Things That Make You Go......... WHAT THE HELL????
Before I get to the subject, I'd like to reiterate my comment of a few weeks ago. To all you lurkers out there..... I. DO. NOT. BITE. (ok, maybe I nibble a little) Leave a damn comment already. I'm feeling so UNLOVED here! *sniff sniff* You have no idea how happy I get when I see comments.
My goal is to be a 'Comment Ho'... just like Genuine!! He's MY IDOL. Ok, So is Mindy. (love ya Min!!) Hell, Hula Doula has whooped my ass too! (you GO Girl!) Allright. I admit it..I'm jealous. There. Happy now?
Now on with our scheduled programming.................
In case I forgot to mention it... 2 weeks ago I lost my job. I. Am. JOBLESS. (I really hate this shit) In August. August in Bahrain is..... well... deserted. Everyone in the country scoots out on vacation for a month. Yes, people get 30 day vacations here. Quiet YOUS! My vacation just got screwed all to hell....now it's postponed. Ugh. ie, how am I gonna get a job when most of the employers are ON VACATION???????? Yeah, exactly. I'm SO FUCKED. I went on ONE interview last Sunday.... at a company I've been DYING to get a job at for over 6 years. Pray for me, willya? I could use all the help I can get.
So, today, my mobile phone rings...(cell phone for the Americans out there) guess who? My boss - Mr. 'F' -that just decided to let me go 2 weeks ago.. checking on me to see if I have a new job... that he's thinking of me.. WHAT THE HELL?????
He let me go, why? Cause there wasn't enough work in English for me, really, to justify paying me my big fat cushy salary.... that's why. He realized this a little late dammit. I left a job where my boss ADORED ME. Like... LOVES ME.... I could DO NO WRONG IN HIS EYES PEOPLE! The rest of the staff loved me. I was IN CONTROL. I was an OFFICE MANGER. I made decisions with almost no interference (excecpt final sign off approval from the owner.. my boss...)on a daily basis. Why did I leave? Cause...... 62% higher salary darlings, thats why! Stupid, stupid me. Sigh. I mean, my prior boss, we shall call him T, has been calling me during the past 6 months to check on me and see if Im happy. He was so bummed when I left, really hurt... he gave me the puppydog look dammit every day from the day I resigned... and it took him almost 4 months to replace me, cause he wasn't happy with anyone.... I FOUND MY OWN REPLACEMENT FOR HIM! The employees would go to her, my friends sister mind you, and tell her that "no offence, but I really miss Cyn". Well shit.
So now, today, I have my last boss, F, calling to check on me. Attack of guilt? Probably. It WAS nice of him though. He didn't have to.
But the bottom line? I'm still shit out of luck with a job.
Before I get to the subject, I'd like to reiterate my comment of a few weeks ago. To all you lurkers out there..... I. DO. NOT. BITE. (ok, maybe I nibble a little) Leave a damn comment already. I'm feeling so UNLOVED here! *sniff sniff* You have no idea how happy I get when I see comments.
My goal is to be a 'Comment Ho'... just like Genuine!! He's MY IDOL. Ok, So is Mindy. (love ya Min!!) Hell, Hula Doula has whooped my ass too! (you GO Girl!) Allright. I admit it..I'm jealous. There. Happy now?
Now on with our scheduled programming.................
In case I forgot to mention it... 2 weeks ago I lost my job. I. Am. JOBLESS. (I really hate this shit) In August. August in Bahrain is..... well... deserted. Everyone in the country scoots out on vacation for a month. Yes, people get 30 day vacations here. Quiet YOUS! My vacation just got screwed all to hell....now it's postponed. Ugh. ie, how am I gonna get a job when most of the employers are ON VACATION???????? Yeah, exactly. I'm SO FUCKED. I went on ONE interview last Sunday.... at a company I've been DYING to get a job at for over 6 years. Pray for me, willya? I could use all the help I can get.
So, today, my mobile phone rings...(cell phone for the Americans out there) guess who? My boss - Mr. 'F' -that just decided to let me go 2 weeks ago.. checking on me to see if I have a new job... that he's thinking of me.. WHAT THE HELL?????
He let me go, why? Cause there wasn't enough work in English for me, really, to justify paying me my big fat cushy salary.... that's why. He realized this a little late dammit. I left a job where my boss ADORED ME. Like... LOVES ME.... I could DO NO WRONG IN HIS EYES PEOPLE! The rest of the staff loved me. I was IN CONTROL. I was an OFFICE MANGER. I made decisions with almost no interference (excecpt final sign off approval from the owner.. my boss...)on a daily basis. Why did I leave? Cause...... 62% higher salary darlings, thats why! Stupid, stupid me. Sigh. I mean, my prior boss, we shall call him T, has been calling me during the past 6 months to check on me and see if Im happy. He was so bummed when I left, really hurt... he gave me the puppydog look dammit every day from the day I resigned... and it took him almost 4 months to replace me, cause he wasn't happy with anyone.... I FOUND MY OWN REPLACEMENT FOR HIM! The employees would go to her, my friends sister mind you, and tell her that "no offence, but I really miss Cyn". Well shit.
So now, today, I have my last boss, F, calling to check on me. Attack of guilt? Probably. It WAS nice of him though. He didn't have to.
But the bottom line? I'm still shit out of luck with a job.
8/01/2004
Adventures At The Mall....part 2
Bonjour Y'aaaaaalllllllll!!!!!!
Sorry. I watched "Slap Her, She's French!!" last night on cable. That is some crazy funny shit. I reccommend that you all run off to your friendly neighborhood DVD shop and rent it posthaste! Cracked my ass up. Especially the girlfight. Heh. Arianna was laughing so hard, she fell off the sofa!
Anyhoooooo, we went to the mall again tonight for a little walk and (for me at least) looking for some blog victims to post about. Do I sound hard up for a topic? So sue me. I'm out of work and not getting out much at all since my car, my BABY CAR, has been at the mechanic back and forth ATTEMPTING to fix the busted air conditioning. Sigh. Sigh. SIGH. So, tonight....... we hit the mall!
No funky man whores in thongs tonight that I saw. BUT! I did see something completely stupid. I mean, waaay stupid.
Arab men, the white "robes" that they wear that you've seen on TV, they are called THOB. The material with the black band they wear on their heads is called Gutra and Agaal respectively. Bear with me, this is part of my tale people! So, some men wear the headgear, others don't.
Now, there has been a trend in the past couple of years that I just could not stand.... younger guys in their teens and early 20's wearing BALL CAPS on their heads with the thob. I mean, it looks lame. Not stupid, but STOOOOPID. Tonight I saw a guy sitting in the food court in his own little fashion. Fashion nightmare more like! He was wearing a pristine white thob and on his head.....
A black beret.
A. Fucking. Beret. BONJOUR Y'ALLL!!!! Well fuck me... twice. I thought I was hallucinating. I kept staring, blinking. Thinking it would just. go. away. Nope, no such luck. He also had way below the collar dark curly hair flowing from beneath the beret. And he was strutting. and I ? Well darlings, I was laughing. Then I said....
"Slap him he's French....NOT!!!!!!!!!!"
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Also, as a side trip to my mall adventure... what is the worst thing, ladies, and well, for the men out there that understand (Amy, I'm referring to your man Jason here!) that could happen to me being out of work, assets pretty much frozen in the bank till I have a new work contract to present to the Fuc*ers at the bank ??
SHOES babies. Shoes. Lots of pretty new shoes. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I'm being TORTURED. To those of you that understand, namely the members of the Imelda Marcos Society for Shoe and Handbag Addiction, follow me.
In ONE DAMN STORE. I found, countem...... 7 pairs of shoes I wanted. In my size. (9 1/2 for the yanks, 41 for the Europeans) How FUCKING UNFAIR IS THAT???? They were pretty. I think I might be losing my mind also. Most of them were 40's Movie Star GORGEOUS. Which is TOTALLY ME! Faux Crocodile in Camel color, Black, and a lovely chocolate brown. Suede Slingbacks. Beautiful, dainty, girly, slingbacks. Have I mentioned how much I lurve slingbacks people????? I wanted them. They were in TWO colors that I have no idea WHAT the hell I would wear them with, but I want them. Baby Pink and Baby Blue suede. I saw the blue ones first. Found myself singing The chorus to "Blue Suede Shoes" under my breath while petting them.
Oh, and the sexy stacked wood wedge heels with spaghetti thin ankle straps? Black, Dark Chocolate Brown, Beige, aw hell.... so many styles, colors........Oh my GOD! Thin heels, low heels (um low to me is 2 inches high) high heels (pushing 4 inches). Do you have any idea how often such a miracle as me finding so many shoes in in one shop that I WANT badly- in my size no less- happens? Never. Maybe I have a gizillion shoes... but I'm still very picky about my shoes when all is said and done. Now, I'm sad. No retail therapy.
And no, the measely lip gloss I bought does not come anywhere NEAR retail therapy. (but it IS so very pretty!)
Sigh.
Bonjour Y'aaaaaalllllllll!!!!!!
Sorry. I watched "Slap Her, She's French!!" last night on cable. That is some crazy funny shit. I reccommend that you all run off to your friendly neighborhood DVD shop and rent it posthaste! Cracked my ass up. Especially the girlfight. Heh. Arianna was laughing so hard, she fell off the sofa!
Anyhoooooo, we went to the mall again tonight for a little walk and (for me at least) looking for some blog victims to post about. Do I sound hard up for a topic? So sue me. I'm out of work and not getting out much at all since my car, my BABY CAR, has been at the mechanic back and forth ATTEMPTING to fix the busted air conditioning. Sigh. Sigh. SIGH. So, tonight....... we hit the mall!
No funky man whores in thongs tonight that I saw. BUT! I did see something completely stupid. I mean, waaay stupid.
Arab men, the white "robes" that they wear that you've seen on TV, they are called THOB. The material with the black band they wear on their heads is called Gutra and Agaal respectively. Bear with me, this is part of my tale people! So, some men wear the headgear, others don't.
Now, there has been a trend in the past couple of years that I just could not stand.... younger guys in their teens and early 20's wearing BALL CAPS on their heads with the thob. I mean, it looks lame. Not stupid, but STOOOOPID. Tonight I saw a guy sitting in the food court in his own little fashion. Fashion nightmare more like! He was wearing a pristine white thob and on his head.....
A black beret.
A. Fucking. Beret. BONJOUR Y'ALLL!!!! Well fuck me... twice. I thought I was hallucinating. I kept staring, blinking. Thinking it would just. go. away. Nope, no such luck. He also had way below the collar dark curly hair flowing from beneath the beret. And he was strutting. and I ? Well darlings, I was laughing. Then I said....
"Slap him he's French....NOT!!!!!!!!!!"
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Also, as a side trip to my mall adventure... what is the worst thing, ladies, and well, for the men out there that understand (Amy, I'm referring to your man Jason here!) that could happen to me being out of work, assets pretty much frozen in the bank till I have a new work contract to present to the Fuc*ers at the bank ??
SHOES babies. Shoes. Lots of pretty new shoes. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I'm being TORTURED. To those of you that understand, namely the members of the Imelda Marcos Society for Shoe and Handbag Addiction, follow me.
In ONE DAMN STORE. I found, countem...... 7 pairs of shoes I wanted. In my size. (9 1/2 for the yanks, 41 for the Europeans) How FUCKING UNFAIR IS THAT???? They were pretty. I think I might be losing my mind also. Most of them were 40's Movie Star GORGEOUS. Which is TOTALLY ME! Faux Crocodile in Camel color, Black, and a lovely chocolate brown. Suede Slingbacks. Beautiful, dainty, girly, slingbacks. Have I mentioned how much I lurve slingbacks people????? I wanted them. They were in TWO colors that I have no idea WHAT the hell I would wear them with, but I want them. Baby Pink and Baby Blue suede. I saw the blue ones first. Found myself singing The chorus to "Blue Suede Shoes" under my breath while petting them.
Oh, and the sexy stacked wood wedge heels with spaghetti thin ankle straps? Black, Dark Chocolate Brown, Beige, aw hell.... so many styles, colors........Oh my GOD! Thin heels, low heels (um low to me is 2 inches high) high heels (pushing 4 inches). Do you have any idea how often such a miracle as me finding so many shoes in in one shop that I WANT badly- in my size no less- happens? Never. Maybe I have a gizillion shoes... but I'm still very picky about my shoes when all is said and done. Now, I'm sad. No retail therapy.
And no, the measely lip gloss I bought does not come anywhere NEAR retail therapy. (but it IS so very pretty!)
Sigh.
7/28/2004
The Unwelcome Visitor
Slight problem. I HAVE A DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I don't know where the hell it has hidden itself, dammit. If you will kindly remember, I hate, loathe, and despise lizards almost as much as I do snakes.
Last night we were alerted to its presence by the shrieks of Arianna from the living room. "EEEeeeeeeekkkkkk!! LIZARRRRRRRRRDDDDD!!!". I was blog surfing as usual in the hallway. No way in HELL I was going in there. Z was supposed to kill it while it was in the L Room, but NOOOOOOO, he decided to use the broom he was supposed to smoosh it with to shoo it back out the front door. Arianna and I are saying KILL IT! KILL IT! No, poor little thing. He wasn't gonna kill it. He insisted on tossing it back outside. I said "Why, so it can come back inside??" Z says, "No, I'm going to put it outside." One tiny problem. Little bastard was running from the broom so fast he fell off the ceiling near the front door and made a break for it.....
While I was sitting here IN THE HALLWAY!! Lizard, with Z CHASING HIM -broom smacking up and down-went running past ME like a bat out of hell on the floor, running as fast as his little legs would go (which, BTW, is GODDAMN FAST).... straight into my bedroom, up onto the wall and between the freestanding closet and the wall... and Z shrugged and left it there. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Me: "Did you get it?" Z: "no. It went behind the closet" ME: "WELL GET IT OUT!!!!Ewwww!" Z: "I'm outta here" and he walked out the house leaving his daughter and I staring at each other with gaping mouths. How the hell can I sleep thinking it might CRAWL ON ME in my sleep?? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gross. I went hunting it, but hell if I know where it hid itself. I gave up, prayed it didn't slip in my closet somehow, and took off after Z. Hung out at the triplets' house for a bit and came home. Z left before us, had crawled in bed and was fast asleep. With the lizard in there. I did a cursory check of the bedroom walls before attempting sleep, and guess what? There he sat, the little sonofabitch. STARING. AT. ME. from up near the ceiling. Little reptile asshat.
On the bright side, at least it pays attention when I curse it out. He even raised his little head off the wall and stared at me with its beady little eyes as I did so. How is it possible for a lizard to look 'hurt"? He did laps around the room, contemplated running back down the wall to run about on the tile floor, and then my cussing at him started in earnest. He ran back UP the wall. Then when he couldn't take my verbal abuse anymore, he ran and hid behind the curtain. Bastard. How the hell I slept in that room is beyond me.
Yes, I know I have a load of cats in my house. But. They are Persian cats. High maintenance, purebread,Lazy buggers. I love them , but they are lazy as hell. The most reaction I get is Isis, the pure white one with big blue eyes, the Mama and Boss, IF she notices one, she stares at it transfixedly for a while, as if willing it to do something, then when it moves, Isis takes flying leaps and proceeds to fling herself against the wall. Repeatedly. It's kind of comical to watch, actually. But seriously, like what? She's gonna knock it off that way? I mean, she's hitting the wall WAAAAAY too low. then IF a lizard ends up on the floor, the silly cat PLAYS WITH IT. She doesn't kill it, she plays with it. The others cannot be bothered to bestir themselves. Sigh.
Damn lizards. Useless cats.
Lizard update: I still have no idea where the hell the lizard is. Arianna is freaked and spent most of the morinng over at her friends house.
Shudder. I'm open to suggestions. Raid kills them, but I have asthma, so the raid murder will trigger an attack. Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. Husband is saying "oh give the poor thing a break". I say the poor things carry disease and I don't want em in the house. gag.
2nd Update 10:10pm:
JUST FOUND ANOTHER DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM WHEN WE MOVED THE SOFA. A BIG S.O.B. Looked PREGNANT and very very dark green. (A lovely dark moss green one which contrasted in a very bad way against the pale lavender of my bedroom walls) It IS freaking HUGE. I mean, As long as your hand! yes, yours. And about 2 inches wide. Ewwwwwwwww. Z chased it..... BEHIND our $&*$^*)($&*&$#0 headboard, then decided he was tired of looking for it after 5 minutes. He sprayed half a can of Raid, so it sent me into an asthma attack, and I can't breathe. Then he was rolling his eyes at me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Oh shit, I just realized my purse is on the floor next to my side of the bed....open... oh GAWD......
This freaks me out y'all. You don't understand. When I was very little... about 4 I'd say, in Florida where we have tiny lizards that look like baby gators, I was walking past the wall of the house and one of the little bastards fell on my head and got in my hair. In my then pretty long wavy platinum blonde hair. I had a major freak out, I don't even remember how we got it out, I was so freaked. I guess I mentally blocked that part out. I've had a problem with them ever since. Understand NOW???
You should see me, I walk in my bedroom, well, run through the door actually, looking up and around at the perimiter of the ceiling.... looking for them. I must look like a damn mental case. I'm still paranoid one of these lizards will fall on me. (especiallt that little fast stupid one) Before I go to the bathroom, I cautiously lift up the lid AND seat then bang them a few times in warning, before sitting down. Would YOU want to be sitting doing your business and have one crawl across your ass? I THINK NOT!
By the way? Did I ever tell you that they grow Big-ass FLYING cockroaches here also? One flew on me, on my bare arm, walked UP my bare arm- in my sleep!- about 6 months after I moved to Bahrain, obviously woke me up, and I screamed the damn house down flapping my arm like a crazywoman and slapping at it. I could see it in the moonlit room, big and dark.
*shudder, twitch*
Slight problem. I HAVE A DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I don't know where the hell it has hidden itself, dammit. If you will kindly remember, I hate, loathe, and despise lizards almost as much as I do snakes.
Last night we were alerted to its presence by the shrieks of Arianna from the living room. "EEEeeeeeeekkkkkk!! LIZARRRRRRRRRDDDDD!!!". I was blog surfing as usual in the hallway. No way in HELL I was going in there. Z was supposed to kill it while it was in the L Room, but NOOOOOOO, he decided to use the broom he was supposed to smoosh it with to shoo it back out the front door. Arianna and I are saying KILL IT! KILL IT! No, poor little thing. He wasn't gonna kill it. He insisted on tossing it back outside. I said "Why, so it can come back inside??" Z says, "No, I'm going to put it outside." One tiny problem. Little bastard was running from the broom so fast he fell off the ceiling near the front door and made a break for it.....
While I was sitting here IN THE HALLWAY!! Lizard, with Z CHASING HIM -broom smacking up and down-went running past ME like a bat out of hell on the floor, running as fast as his little legs would go (which, BTW, is GODDAMN FAST).... straight into my bedroom, up onto the wall and between the freestanding closet and the wall... and Z shrugged and left it there. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Me: "Did you get it?" Z: "no. It went behind the closet" ME: "WELL GET IT OUT!!!!Ewwww!" Z: "I'm outta here" and he walked out the house leaving his daughter and I staring at each other with gaping mouths. How the hell can I sleep thinking it might CRAWL ON ME in my sleep?? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gross. I went hunting it, but hell if I know where it hid itself. I gave up, prayed it didn't slip in my closet somehow, and took off after Z. Hung out at the triplets' house for a bit and came home. Z left before us, had crawled in bed and was fast asleep. With the lizard in there. I did a cursory check of the bedroom walls before attempting sleep, and guess what? There he sat, the little sonofabitch. STARING. AT. ME. from up near the ceiling. Little reptile asshat.
On the bright side, at least it pays attention when I curse it out. He even raised his little head off the wall and stared at me with its beady little eyes as I did so. How is it possible for a lizard to look 'hurt"? He did laps around the room, contemplated running back down the wall to run about on the tile floor, and then my cussing at him started in earnest. He ran back UP the wall. Then when he couldn't take my verbal abuse anymore, he ran and hid behind the curtain. Bastard. How the hell I slept in that room is beyond me.
Yes, I know I have a load of cats in my house. But. They are Persian cats. High maintenance, purebread,Lazy buggers. I love them , but they are lazy as hell. The most reaction I get is Isis, the pure white one with big blue eyes, the Mama and Boss, IF she notices one, she stares at it transfixedly for a while, as if willing it to do something, then when it moves, Isis takes flying leaps and proceeds to fling herself against the wall. Repeatedly. It's kind of comical to watch, actually. But seriously, like what? She's gonna knock it off that way? I mean, she's hitting the wall WAAAAAY too low. then IF a lizard ends up on the floor, the silly cat PLAYS WITH IT. She doesn't kill it, she plays with it. The others cannot be bothered to bestir themselves. Sigh.
Damn lizards. Useless cats.
Lizard update: I still have no idea where the hell the lizard is. Arianna is freaked and spent most of the morinng over at her friends house.
Shudder. I'm open to suggestions. Raid kills them, but I have asthma, so the raid murder will trigger an attack. Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. Husband is saying "oh give the poor thing a break". I say the poor things carry disease and I don't want em in the house. gag.
2nd Update 10:10pm:
JUST FOUND ANOTHER DAMN LIZARD IN MY ROOM WHEN WE MOVED THE SOFA. A BIG S.O.B. Looked PREGNANT and very very dark green. (A lovely dark moss green one which contrasted in a very bad way against the pale lavender of my bedroom walls) It IS freaking HUGE. I mean, As long as your hand! yes, yours. And about 2 inches wide. Ewwwwwwwww. Z chased it..... BEHIND our $&*$^*)($&*&$#0 headboard, then decided he was tired of looking for it after 5 minutes. He sprayed half a can of Raid, so it sent me into an asthma attack, and I can't breathe. Then he was rolling his eyes at me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Oh shit, I just realized my purse is on the floor next to my side of the bed....open... oh GAWD......
This freaks me out y'all. You don't understand. When I was very little... about 4 I'd say, in Florida where we have tiny lizards that look like baby gators, I was walking past the wall of the house and one of the little bastards fell on my head and got in my hair. In my then pretty long wavy platinum blonde hair. I had a major freak out, I don't even remember how we got it out, I was so freaked. I guess I mentally blocked that part out. I've had a problem with them ever since. Understand NOW???
You should see me, I walk in my bedroom, well, run through the door actually, looking up and around at the perimiter of the ceiling.... looking for them. I must look like a damn mental case. I'm still paranoid one of these lizards will fall on me. (especiallt that little fast stupid one) Before I go to the bathroom, I cautiously lift up the lid AND seat then bang them a few times in warning, before sitting down. Would YOU want to be sitting doing your business and have one crawl across your ass? I THINK NOT!
By the way? Did I ever tell you that they grow Big-ass FLYING cockroaches here also? One flew on me, on my bare arm, walked UP my bare arm- in my sleep!- about 6 months after I moved to Bahrain, obviously woke me up, and I screamed the damn house down flapping my arm like a crazywoman and slapping at it. I could see it in the moonlit room, big and dark.
*shudder, twitch*
7/26/2004
Adventures at the Mall
You know dear readers, I think of you all the time. I see things and try like a fiend to commit them to memory, MEMORIZE every little detail so that I may relate it to you here. take last night at the mall for instance.
You know those instances where you wish like hell you had a digital camera with you? Well, last night was one of those instances. I mean, I have a camera phone, but the pic wouldn't be clear and very grainy. So. we are wandering along minding our own business when I hear Z and Arianna snickering. I tear my eyes away from the store window and ask "whats cracking you two up?" They both motion in front of us with their eyes and Z says "look, someone's got a wedgie!". I obligingly look where indicated and stare, dumfounded, trying to believe my eyes. I mutter "goddamn Pinocchio" under my breath. (If any of you have seen Shrek 2, you know what is coming next)
A guy is walking in front of us in those new male version of capri pants. White. linen. actually, the material is a gauzy linen material with lots of pockets. Sandals. Short waist length shirt. Big deal you say? Well........ said guy is cinnamon complected, which is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that he doesn't have a wedgie. What IS a big deal is that those pants? They are about as thick as 1-ply toilet tissue. The big deal is that HE IS WEARING A DARK COLORED T-BACK THONG ABOUT TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,OR BIG, I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH. It's a scary sight, belive me. and there he is prancing around the mall with his ass showing. MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now THAT's what I call advertizing! Why advertizing you may ask? Well, at the time, we were all walking in front of Star*ucks, where there was the usual congregation of Saudi's hanging out "hunting". SO? Well, it is fairly well known in the region that they have a "thing" for asses. Male or Female, if you get my drift. Not all of them, just a really big percentage. Come on, they live in a country where the only women they can see are their mother, grandma, aunties, and sisters, and eventually thir wives and daughters, and then only in the privacy of their home. The schools are segrated, naturally. The guys have needs, so, unless they go on vacation or are screwing the housemaids, they are a bit limited for sex, ya know? I suppose anything will do. Sodomy is against Islam, so, in Saudi, if they are caught and there is proof, they risk public beheading. (Yes, just like you saw in Farenheit 9/11) Shudder. (thank God they don't do that here where I live) It's (sodomy) fairly rampant even still. Anyhooo, I turned to the left to watch THEM watch HIM walk by. This sent me in to serious laughter. Can you blame me really?
Rule no 1: Dark undies, white bottoms....NO! Change ONE of them before leaving the house.
Rule no 2: Look in a damn mirror before you leave!
All of you please feel free to comment on this.....I can feel good ones coming on.
You know dear readers, I think of you all the time. I see things and try like a fiend to commit them to memory, MEMORIZE every little detail so that I may relate it to you here. take last night at the mall for instance.
You know those instances where you wish like hell you had a digital camera with you? Well, last night was one of those instances. I mean, I have a camera phone, but the pic wouldn't be clear and very grainy. So. we are wandering along minding our own business when I hear Z and Arianna snickering. I tear my eyes away from the store window and ask "whats cracking you two up?" They both motion in front of us with their eyes and Z says "look, someone's got a wedgie!". I obligingly look where indicated and stare, dumfounded, trying to believe my eyes. I mutter "goddamn Pinocchio" under my breath. (If any of you have seen Shrek 2, you know what is coming next)
A guy is walking in front of us in those new male version of capri pants. White. linen. actually, the material is a gauzy linen material with lots of pockets. Sandals. Short waist length shirt. Big deal you say? Well........ said guy is cinnamon complected, which is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that he doesn't have a wedgie. What IS a big deal is that those pants? They are about as thick as 1-ply toilet tissue. The big deal is that HE IS WEARING A DARK COLORED T-BACK THONG ABOUT TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,OR BIG, I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH. It's a scary sight, belive me. and there he is prancing around the mall with his ass showing. MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now THAT's what I call advertizing! Why advertizing you may ask? Well, at the time, we were all walking in front of Star*ucks, where there was the usual congregation of Saudi's hanging out "hunting". SO? Well, it is fairly well known in the region that they have a "thing" for asses. Male or Female, if you get my drift. Not all of them, just a really big percentage. Come on, they live in a country where the only women they can see are their mother, grandma, aunties, and sisters, and eventually thir wives and daughters, and then only in the privacy of their home. The schools are segrated, naturally. The guys have needs, so, unless they go on vacation or are screwing the housemaids, they are a bit limited for sex, ya know? I suppose anything will do. Sodomy is against Islam, so, in Saudi, if they are caught and there is proof, they risk public beheading. (Yes, just like you saw in Farenheit 9/11) Shudder. (thank God they don't do that here where I live) It's (sodomy) fairly rampant even still. Anyhooo, I turned to the left to watch THEM watch HIM walk by. This sent me in to serious laughter. Can you blame me really?
Rule no 1: Dark undies, white bottoms....NO! Change ONE of them before leaving the house.
Rule no 2: Look in a damn mirror before you leave!
All of you please feel free to comment on this.....I can feel good ones coming on.
7/23/2004
The Betrayal
Not to interrupt my party over on the previous post.... (keep posting on there for the party, BTW!) But, well, I hust have to vent. I read over on Chez Miscarriage the following just now, and ,well, I just can't keep quiet, because it struck something deep in me that I've been dealing with for a while now.
From Chez Miscarriage:
Dr. Love said, You use a gestational surrogate when there's no uterus, not when there's a damaged uterus. You don't use a surrogate to increase your chances of having a baby. You use a surrogate when you have no other options, when there's no hope, when you're at the end of the line.
How interesting, I said the very same thing to Z last week, and a few weeks before that. And a month ago and two months ago when my 4th IVF cycle got cancelled. And the 3 times before that he has mentioned it… in 2004.
A couple of nights ago, his niece, the mother of the triplets and I went to the movies. Fortunately I am and have always been very close with her. She is one year older than me. On the way there, she confided to me that her Uncle, my husband, asked her to be a surrogate for us. I don’t know how I continued to keep driving the car, actually. That hurt me so very much. I replied the most flippant as I could. “Has he lost his fucking mind? You just delivered triplets! What kind of nutcase would ask that of a woman that just delivered triplets?” She said that’s what she told him also.
He had mentioned it to me. Several times. I thought he was just running the idea past me. Kinda like how he was buttering me up for the idea of a second wife last year. (a really rich one, so he could “take care of me”) )hes' muslim) I guess I was wrong. Bullshit then, and bullshit now. I told him what I thought of his suggestion about a surrogate. “Why? My damn uterus is fine. Then I went on to basically state verbatim what Dr. Love said above.” Glad to have a doctor backing me up on that one. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. There is other crap in my reproductive system that is messed up-ovaries- but my poor uterus is just fine, thank heavens. I can’t believe that after I told him how against the whole idea I was all those times he mentioned it, he STILL went to her and asked her. She said he was very serious about it. Maybe I’m a bitch, but I’d really like to scratch his eyes out. I haven’t confronted him about it yet. and I heard about it from someone else. He didn't even tell me he is approaching people about it. And if you think that she is the only one he has asked or will ask, I've got a lovely piece of land in Siberia I'd like to sell you that is PERFECT for winter holidays.
He asked me if when Aunt Flo starts if I want to take Clomid this time. I looked at him, with his comments in the back of my head and said, “No. Not now. Be reasonable. I just lost my job. I have to have a job.” Right now you guys, I’m so hurt, I really hate him. I feel betrayed. He went behind my back knowing how I felt on the subject, like everything else, and it kinda makes me wonder…
What else has he gone behind my back about?
Not to interrupt my party over on the previous post.... (keep posting on there for the party, BTW!) But, well, I hust have to vent. I read over on Chez Miscarriage the following just now, and ,well, I just can't keep quiet, because it struck something deep in me that I've been dealing with for a while now.
From Chez Miscarriage:
Dr. Love said, You use a gestational surrogate when there's no uterus, not when there's a damaged uterus. You don't use a surrogate to increase your chances of having a baby. You use a surrogate when you have no other options, when there's no hope, when you're at the end of the line.
How interesting, I said the very same thing to Z last week, and a few weeks before that. And a month ago and two months ago when my 4th IVF cycle got cancelled. And the 3 times before that he has mentioned it… in 2004.
A couple of nights ago, his niece, the mother of the triplets and I went to the movies. Fortunately I am and have always been very close with her. She is one year older than me. On the way there, she confided to me that her Uncle, my husband, asked her to be a surrogate for us. I don’t know how I continued to keep driving the car, actually. That hurt me so very much. I replied the most flippant as I could. “Has he lost his fucking mind? You just delivered triplets! What kind of nutcase would ask that of a woman that just delivered triplets?” She said that’s what she told him also.
He had mentioned it to me. Several times. I thought he was just running the idea past me. Kinda like how he was buttering me up for the idea of a second wife last year. (a really rich one, so he could “take care of me”) )hes' muslim) I guess I was wrong. Bullshit then, and bullshit now. I told him what I thought of his suggestion about a surrogate. “Why? My damn uterus is fine. Then I went on to basically state verbatim what Dr. Love said above.” Glad to have a doctor backing me up on that one. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. There is other crap in my reproductive system that is messed up-ovaries- but my poor uterus is just fine, thank heavens. I can’t believe that after I told him how against the whole idea I was all those times he mentioned it, he STILL went to her and asked her. She said he was very serious about it. Maybe I’m a bitch, but I’d really like to scratch his eyes out. I haven’t confronted him about it yet. and I heard about it from someone else. He didn't even tell me he is approaching people about it. And if you think that she is the only one he has asked or will ask, I've got a lovely piece of land in Siberia I'd like to sell you that is PERFECT for winter holidays.
He asked me if when Aunt Flo starts if I want to take Clomid this time. I looked at him, with his comments in the back of my head and said, “No. Not now. Be reasonable. I just lost my job. I have to have a job.” Right now you guys, I’m so hurt, I really hate him. I feel betrayed. He went behind my back knowing how I felt on the subject, like everything else, and it kinda makes me wonder…
What else has he gone behind my back about?
Party Update
Hello my darlings! Party is back ON! Do you HEAR ME?????? BACK ON! Lets have it oh, all weekend long. I'm curious how much mischief we can all get into! I admit I'm curious in the extreme. So, party will start today, Friday, and last until Sunday evening. Yes, one big sleepover/slumber party. Hows that lovlies?
Bring a friend. Refer a friend. And you lurkers out there??? (you know who you are!) STOP THAT SHIT AND POST A COMMENT WILLYA???????? Jeez, why you hiding? I don't bite.....much.
Also, can someone give me some help jimmying the lock on the Monster's bedroom door. (Hey, she did it to MY dressing cupboard while I was on vacation, and has since broken the lock in the door of it completely) Turnabout is fair play.
Music? Check. Stripper? Check. Food? Check. Booze? Check! Twister? Check. Magic 8 ball? Check. Friends from all over the planet? Check, I think!
Hello my darlings! Party is back ON! Do you HEAR ME?????? BACK ON! Lets have it oh, all weekend long. I'm curious how much mischief we can all get into! I admit I'm curious in the extreme. So, party will start today, Friday, and last until Sunday evening. Yes, one big sleepover/slumber party. Hows that lovlies?
Bring a friend. Refer a friend. And you lurkers out there??? (you know who you are!) STOP THAT SHIT AND POST A COMMENT WILLYA???????? Jeez, why you hiding? I don't bite.....much.
Also, can someone give me some help jimmying the lock on the Monster's bedroom door. (Hey, she did it to MY dressing cupboard while I was on vacation, and has since broken the lock in the door of it completely) Turnabout is fair play.
Music? Check. Stripper? Check. Food? Check. Booze? Check! Twister? Check. Magic 8 ball? Check. Friends from all over the planet? Check, I think!
7/22/2004
I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Didja miss me?????? You better have! I missed you guys, LOADS.
At least my blog does not look like a cheap slasher film victim anymore. Whew! (Thanks Kim!)
It has been an interesting few days lately. Lost my job, yesterday was my last day,BUT I have an interview lined up already!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!
Just found out that my airconditioning compressor in my car.. is dead. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! In this heat??? The weather was ... dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn................. 125 today! Plus humidty. goody. I have sucky luck this week, no? Will take it to fix on Saturday. (it's only gonna cost about 400 bucks!)*gags, shaking head, sobbing* This BLOWS. Seriously.
My inet is out of order at home probably until day after tomorrow... so, I'm getting my fix here at my SIL's house.
OHMIGOD, I missed my blog so much......... and all of you too! It's good to be home.
Kisses for all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! (was it good for you too???)
Didja miss me?????? You better have! I missed you guys, LOADS.
At least my blog does not look like a cheap slasher film victim anymore. Whew! (Thanks Kim!)
It has been an interesting few days lately. Lost my job, yesterday was my last day,BUT I have an interview lined up already!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!
Just found out that my airconditioning compressor in my car.. is dead. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! In this heat??? The weather was ... dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn................. 125 today! Plus humidty. goody. I have sucky luck this week, no? Will take it to fix on Saturday. (it's only gonna cost about 400 bucks!)*gags, shaking head, sobbing* This BLOWS. Seriously.
My inet is out of order at home probably until day after tomorrow... so, I'm getting my fix here at my SIL's house.
OHMIGOD, I missed my blog so much......... and all of you too! It's good to be home.
Kisses for all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! (was it good for you too???)
7/19/2004
7/18/2004
| Hello, My Name is.......
Hello, my name is Cyn, and I am an accessory addict. I mean SERIOUSLY y'all! WHEW!!!! I thought that would be harder to do. Wait a cottonpickin minute here! I don't want to stop this! See, I've started my own little fraternity/ club .. whatever, and honestly honeys, I'm so very proud. It is called "The Imelda Marcos Society for Women With Shoe and Handbag Addiction". I even have a few members! Importantly, Amalah is already a member my drinking buddy Katie too, and a friend here named Aseel (she has it BAD girlies! Will elaborate later) and most likely Martha and Mindy will join in the not too distant future. We have our own motto too! "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'TOO MANY' SHOES OR HANDBAGS, so you can just STOP YER BITCHING!!!" Don't you just loave us? Yeah, I thought you did. I was chatting with my darling Amalah on IM the other day and we got to talking about strappy sexy evening or whenever-the-hell-we-feel-like-wearing-them shoes and our little NEED for them. Ok, ok. I was also telling her about my latest acquisition. Anyhoo.... I got to thinking yesterday.... and here is part of my tally:
And um, just for the record, I did inventory of my handbags yesterday, and.. the tally, as of TODAY, stands at: 23 handbags, 6 wallets, and 4 evening bags (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I told you I was extremely picky about my evening accessory purchases!! Jeez.) And before any of my male readers (and you know who you are!) start commenting on that number of purses, let me tell you a little somthing my dahling men..... I USE EM ALL! Yes, that is right, I rotate and switch. Frequently, sometimes daily. Like, the black Gucci with the Bamboo handle (my recent FAVORITE, im SO in loave with it!) one day, then a beige or camel purse the next, then my pride and joy, a cordovan colored (that's like Burgundy- yes wine- for the men) Cartier handbag with MATCHING WALLET. I loave that one so much, I don't use it ALL that often cause I don't want it to get hurt. I'm all about matching my shoes and bags too! So, Shhhhhhhh! Not all my stuff is that expensive though, before you start having major freaking coronary attacks! "Hello? 911? Um, Yes, I realize this is long distance, but, um, I think someone needs your help... his name is ____ and I think he is having a heart attack." If it makes the cringing males feel any better.... I buy them myself. Now my previously mentioned friend Aseel? She is waaay worse than me. I mean, completely bonkers over shoes. I am SO normal compared to her. Like I tell Z when he bitches about my shoes, "Hush! Be glad I'm not Aseel, ok?" (although his reply is often "yeah, but you COULD BE. I mean, the potential is there!") She moved back home here from Boston, and when her container shipment of stuff arrived, she told me about how she was lovingly unpacking her 60+ pairs of shoes she had shipped back. 60+ people! In addition to the LOAD of shoes she has here already. It's so bad, that her sisters, 3 younger than her, have asked to be left her shoes in her will.... and, um, she is only 29. The younger sisters fight over the shoes. In. the. will. (Hell, I just want her jewellery, but that is another post ENTIRELY!) Yeah. So, I'm nothing compared to her. She said she would live on doritos and snickers in college to be able to buy shoes instead. Uh huh. I can totally understand that, can't you? A girl's gotta priortize, right? So, if you're interested in joining my little society, please let me know, hmmmm? Later, I will regale you with the contents of my makeup STOCKPILE. (Let's put it this way... I am the Aseel of the cosmetics world, got it?) Good. And don't forget my DAMN PARTY TOMORROW!!!!! |
7/17/2004
Party At My Place!
Well darlings, her bags are packed, and her broom is dusted off, serviced, and ready to go. Looks like take off is tomorrow morning. So, blog party is set for Monday. GOT THAT? Monday! Bring a blog friend. Actually, maybe I should say that it STARTS Monday? This could be a two or three day party. I might even get creative and send invitations, but if not, please come over. This is not an "Invite only" party, but more of a B.Y.O._. party.
I don't know how long she's going for, but I must admit, it will be a nice break if nothing else.
I'm really not mean. I'm just.... worn out. Everytime she leaves, the family gets closer, everyone is nice to each other and friendly (yes! Even to me!!) no dissent, no upset, no troublemaking. It's nice. I'm sure that I wouldn't hate living here so much if we had moved here without her as was the plan. I've been in the thick of it from day one. Sigh. Well, it isn't as if she didn't warn me what she would do the day before we left to move here. She got right in my face that day and said "You think you'll be happy there? HAH! I'm going to make you so miserable you 'll wish you never heard the word Bahrain. I"m gonna blacken your name so badly that you won't want to be seen in public or hold your head up!" And that is what she set out to do.
Well, at least she keeps her word.
The first years here were the worst. (Well, in retrospect, it seems that way, although, maybe now I'm just kinda numb to all the bullshit?I dunno.) Going anywhere was pretty uncomfortable for the longest time. She spread her poison far and wide. I knew what she was doing. I saw their behaviour change towards me. Talk about uncomfortable!! Lordy! His family here is HUGE, I mean massive. So, that's a lot of venom!
Her son refused to believe it. He is the master of self-delusion and denial, unfortunately. It was the same stuff she had done it the States, only worse and more wide spread, since her audience was larger. Here is like living in a small town. Talking shit to the neighbors and family. Nothing new. I was just myself and tried not to show how much it hurt.
The one bright side is, that somewhere along the way she started "hanging herself". Cousins and friends (not all mind you) started seeing that what they were hearing and what they actually SAW were two very different things. They noticed that SHE was the only one talking, not me, no matter how they tried to bait a comment out of me. I could have said tons. But I didn't, haven't. I have held it all inside all thse years, so forgive me if you guys hear it. Only a few select girlfriends of mine really know. I need an outlet every now and then, ya know? Like my blog. Fortunately, his cousins that I LOVE had the wake up calls first and soonest! My realtionships with his immediate family (sisters, brothers, etc..) are still and will probably always remain strained. I have done all I can over the years but I'm not going to kill myself anymore. If after 15 years they aren't gonna wake up, to hell with it I say!
So, yeah, I've had baby breaks from her before, (three weeks to two months)but it's been a long haul this time around. It just made me sad, cause it showed how nice things could be without her around. I wouldn't be surprised if she is gone for less than a month. Z is talking about talking Arianna with him there on a vacation for a week or two next month. So maybe she will stay longer if they go. I don't know. Can you imagine me here on my own for two weeks? Heh.
So, reminder: Party is day after tomorrow I have: Liquor, Twister (that could be fun-especially if we get the stripper in the mix!), yes, a stripper (maybe he can bring a friend?), and I'll even self-cater! Feel free to bring whatever you like. If you are all good..... I might even do the booty shake dance or bellydance for you!
7/14/2004
Pucker Up!
Ya know, I was moseying on around in Quizilla's site and decided to take THIS quiz, cause, well, it sounded interesting and not overly lame. (Well, actually, I took a few others, but the pics were a bit TOO Nekkid and soft-porn-ish, ya know?) Sooooo, guess what kind of kisser I am?
TA DAAAA!
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I bet you're wondering how accurate it is, aren't ya? Heh. If y'all ask me real nicely, I might just tell you how accurate it is (or not)!!
Go on, bite the bullet and take the damn quiz. Im a nosey thing! I showed you mine, now show me yours!!!!!
*snicker, guffaw*
Ya know, I was moseying on around in Quizilla's site and decided to take THIS quiz, cause, well, it sounded interesting and not overly lame. (Well, actually, I took a few others, but the pics were a bit TOO Nekkid and soft-porn-ish, ya know?) Sooooo, guess what kind of kisser I am?
TA DAAAA!
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I bet you're wondering how accurate it is, aren't ya? Heh. If y'all ask me real nicely, I might just tell you how accurate it is (or not)!!
Go on, bite the bullet and take the damn quiz. Im a nosey thing! I showed you mine, now show me yours!!!!!
*snicker, guffaw*
7/13/2004
Lovin It
Was snooping around over at Genuine's (as usual)and I found a hilarious link in his most recent post. I've seen previous work of Mr. Squirrel and I thought to share this latest piece of art with you.
Genuine said he pee'd his pants it was so funny, and to be honest, I came damn near close myself. Turn up the sound, but if you're at work, not too loud...OK? (caution: high pitched foul language)
What do you mean you don't have large?
Was snooping around over at Genuine's (as usual)and I found a hilarious link in his most recent post. I've seen previous work of Mr. Squirrel and I thought to share this latest piece of art with you.
Genuine said he pee'd his pants it was so funny, and to be honest, I came damn near close myself. Turn up the sound, but if you're at work, not too loud...OK? (caution: high pitched foul language)
What do you mean you don't have large?
The Farewell
Last night I went to my friend's farewell dinner at a Thai restaurant. She's moving to Boston to continue her education. I wasn't too impressed with the food, but it was fun!
About ten of us, all women, in a pretty secluded room. We were cutting up and being loud and obnioxious and we EVEN drove off the Asian Bulldyke and her very girly girlfriend that were sitting-fine, half laying- at the opposite end of the room. Otherwise, the place was totally empty that time of night. Ok, they left about after an hour or so, and even then only when they noticed that their dirty looks in our direction weren't working...... Heh.
It was a load of fun. There wasn't even liquor involved. We were cutting up so very much, even making fun of my ex-psychotic demon from hell boss's daughter!(the boss, not the daughter) I,naturally, had to imitate all the people being discussed or otherwise raked over the coals, because, well, that's just me! Boss's daughter included.
We were discussing the extremely low cut blouse etc... she wore into the office (trust me, not much to show off) and how shocked we were, cause, well, her father IS the Chairman and CEO, and is religious enough to have built A MOSQUE with his own money back in Pakistan! But she teeters in all hanging out. Have I mentioned that this company is an Islamic Infrastructure Fund Management Company? Well, it is. ie: wear it, but it's totally inappopproiate for going to daddy's work. Sooooo, of COURSE I had to show how extreme it was, so,for those that had missed "The Daddy's Girl free show", I ended up SHOWING them by adjusting my own low V-neckline of my blouse DOWN while keeping an eye on the bulldyke in the far corner to make sure she wasn't looking and shaking my stuff in a fair imitation of her! We all ended up howling. It was pretty funny.
Then after we ate... we sang! Ah... Karaoke! Why in the hell we ended up singing love songs and 70's and 80's hits is beyond me. Some of us attempetd to sing alone, but then there was a mike malfunction, so we ended up singing in a group. It was a total crack up! Pretty much completly off key and with much hilarity involved. Yes, poor Lionel Richie, thank God he will never know what we did to his beautiful love song "Hello". And of course, it wouldn't have been right if we didn't sing/butcher "Hotel California", now would it? Actually, that sounded pretty good!
I later dragged my ass in the bed at around 1:30am after dropping one of my girlfriends home.
Whew! Must do that more often! Come on, who's gonna sing with me?
All this on top of hearing that MIL has to get her backside to Iran posthaste by Saturday or her house purchase is all in the toilet! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I don't know how long she's gonna be gone for, but,hot damn(!) it's a break! At least she will be able to talk dirty to the men over there in her own language. I wonder if that neighbor across the street she had the hots for still lives there. He was a widower. (ie: fresh meat)I will arrange blog party when I have her departure details!
Hey, should we call a stripper?
Last night I went to my friend's farewell dinner at a Thai restaurant. She's moving to Boston to continue her education. I wasn't too impressed with the food, but it was fun!
About ten of us, all women, in a pretty secluded room. We were cutting up and being loud and obnioxious and we EVEN drove off the Asian Bulldyke and her very girly girlfriend that were sitting-fine, half laying- at the opposite end of the room. Otherwise, the place was totally empty that time of night. Ok, they left about after an hour or so, and even then only when they noticed that their dirty looks in our direction weren't working...... Heh.
It was a load of fun. There wasn't even liquor involved. We were cutting up so very much, even making fun of my ex-psychotic demon from hell boss's daughter!(the boss, not the daughter) I,naturally, had to imitate all the people being discussed or otherwise raked over the coals, because, well, that's just me! Boss's daughter included.
We were discussing the extremely low cut blouse etc... she wore into the office (trust me, not much to show off) and how shocked we were, cause, well, her father IS the Chairman and CEO, and is religious enough to have built A MOSQUE with his own money back in Pakistan! But she teeters in all hanging out. Have I mentioned that this company is an Islamic Infrastructure Fund Management Company? Well, it is. ie: wear it, but it's totally inappopproiate for going to daddy's work. Sooooo, of COURSE I had to show how extreme it was, so,for those that had missed "The Daddy's Girl free show", I ended up SHOWING them by adjusting my own low V-neckline of my blouse DOWN while keeping an eye on the bulldyke in the far corner to make sure she wasn't looking and shaking my stuff in a fair imitation of her! We all ended up howling. It was pretty funny.
Then after we ate... we sang! Ah... Karaoke! Why in the hell we ended up singing love songs and 70's and 80's hits is beyond me. Some of us attempetd to sing alone, but then there was a mike malfunction, so we ended up singing in a group. It was a total crack up! Pretty much completly off key and with much hilarity involved. Yes, poor Lionel Richie, thank God he will never know what we did to his beautiful love song "Hello". And of course, it wouldn't have been right if we didn't sing/butcher "Hotel California", now would it? Actually, that sounded pretty good!
I later dragged my ass in the bed at around 1:30am after dropping one of my girlfriends home.
Whew! Must do that more often! Come on, who's gonna sing with me?
All this on top of hearing that MIL has to get her backside to Iran posthaste by Saturday or her house purchase is all in the toilet! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I don't know how long she's gonna be gone for, but,hot damn(!) it's a break! At least she will be able to talk dirty to the men over there in her own language. I wonder if that neighbor across the street she had the hots for still lives there. He was a widower. (ie: fresh meat)I will arrange blog party when I have her departure details!
Hey, should we call a stripper?
7/11/2004
Ok, NOW I'm Sad.
Maybe despondent would be a better word? Yeah, probably. Wanna know why? Because, While browsing on E! Online, also known as my secret vice... Ted's Gossip pages.. I found this:
Whoop There It Isn't: Test audiences apparently got Too Much Information (or something) from a Colin Farrell nude scene at screenings of A Home at the End of the World, reports Us Weekly. Despite whoops of approval from female fans, we'll be seeing less of Farrell's natural gifts in the final version. Producer John Hart emphasizes that the actor "has no reason to be shy," and director Michael Mayer elaborates: "People felt [his penis] was too distracting from the emotional moment in the scene." Doncha hate when that happens? Hello? Bonus footage! Alas, in what may be the unkindest (director's) cut of all, Farrell's extended version won't even appear on the DVD.
AW HELL NO!!!!!!!!!! Not even bonus footage??? BASTARDS!!!!!! That director is just JEALOUS because he is problably small and drives a PORCHE TOO! Screw it, I say women of the world BOYCOTT THIS DAMN TRAVESTY OF A FILM, or,alternatevly, maybe we could sign a petition to at least have it in the DVD? *yes, I'm groveling, ok?* Jeez. Can't this dumbass realize that 5-8 seconds of full frontal Colin would send his opening weekend sales through the roof? That wuss.
I should have known something was up, first I scarfed more cherries (So luscious and juicy and sweet and tart) than I should admit to yesterday, and now this. Colin. Cherries. Me and Colin rolling naked in cherries. (In a dream. Confused? Check my April archives.)
This is SO gonna be a shitty week, I can feel it.
PS: What?!? Is 3 posts in one day too much for ya? Deal.
Maybe despondent would be a better word? Yeah, probably. Wanna know why? Because, While browsing on E! Online, also known as my secret vice... Ted's Gossip pages.. I found this:
Whoop There It Isn't: Test audiences apparently got Too Much Information (or something) from a Colin Farrell nude scene at screenings of A Home at the End of the World, reports Us Weekly. Despite whoops of approval from female fans, we'll be seeing less of Farrell's natural gifts in the final version. Producer John Hart emphasizes that the actor "has no reason to be shy," and director Michael Mayer elaborates: "People felt [his penis] was too distracting from the emotional moment in the scene." Doncha hate when that happens? Hello? Bonus footage! Alas, in what may be the unkindest (director's) cut of all, Farrell's extended version won't even appear on the DVD.
AW HELL NO!!!!!!!!!! Not even bonus footage??? BASTARDS!!!!!! That director is just JEALOUS because he is problably small and drives a PORCHE TOO! Screw it, I say women of the world BOYCOTT THIS DAMN TRAVESTY OF A FILM, or,alternatevly, maybe we could sign a petition to at least have it in the DVD? *yes, I'm groveling, ok?* Jeez. Can't this dumbass realize that 5-8 seconds of full frontal Colin would send his opening weekend sales through the roof? That wuss.
I should have known something was up, first I scarfed more cherries (So luscious and juicy and sweet and tart) than I should admit to yesterday, and now this. Colin. Cherries. Me and Colin rolling naked in cherries. (In a dream. Confused? Check my April archives.)
This is SO gonna be a shitty week, I can feel it.
PS: What?!? Is 3 posts in one day too much for ya? Deal.
Monster-in-Law vs. The Electrician
It is common knowledge that my husband has a WIDE evil streak in him. It is also common knowledge that my MIL hates my guts and is evil incarnate. I’m not just saying that. Her own blood says it too! But what he did last night? To his own mother? Genius, pure genius! It was so good; I just HAVE to share it with you all!
The electrician for the compound was supposed to be coming over to fix whatever it was she was bitching about, (I didn’t really pay attention, cause her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me, if you must know!) Now the electrician’s English isn’t all that great. And my MIL’s is almost non-existent (although she does manage enough to talk shit about me whenever the opportunity arises and she knows the necessary words, like BITCH and f**k you!) So, she was asking her precious son what she should say to the electrician. This is what he taught her:
“I give you blowjob”
She dutifully repeated it over and over, very carefully. (Me, turning my face to the wall trying not to laugh my ass off.) After a few minutes, she said it was a bit hard for her to say, how about another way? Ok, sure!
“Lick me please?” and “Do me hard!”
Again with the repeating and learning. (This is killing me, honestly!) Then she said there was something else she wanted fixed, so, he taught her:
“Please screw me”
At this point, I was shaking with laughter, and she got suspicious. Well, I couldn’t help it! He said, “No, Cyn is laughing at the TV, aren’t you?” And I nodded and said “yeah…. *snicker*… TV, funny!” Then he said to her: “Try this mom:”
“I want your dick”
At this point, I looked at him and said quietly, “I’m sure she will know that one! You screwed up!” As she repeated, she realized she did know what DICK is… and started freaking out. I looked at him and said, “See, I told you!” You forgot about that neighbor that used to sneak over after you and your brother went to work when we were engaged! They would sit and drink and smoke and Lord knows what else! Hahahahahahahah!” Then I proceeded to give in to my bout of uncontrollable hysterical laughter, convulsing on the sofa!
On the off chance that you are offended that I find this so very amusing, or that I’m retelling this on my blog? Tough shit. I actually have permission to retell this from Z! Z even went over to her granddaughter’s house right after and told a roomful of her 30-something grandkids and their husbands and they all proceeded to have similar reactions to me. In fact, the mom of the triplets was laughing so hard, she called her MOM (MIL’s daughter) and told her, and she promptly laughed her ass off too!
This is almost as good, as when we were all in Las Vegas and she noticed there are these HUGE, I mean really huge margarita glasses people are drinking from. So there she sits on the slot machine stool, jealous and thirsty for booze. She shouts to a passing cocktail waiter “”HEY MISTER, YOU HAVE BIG ONE?? GIVE ME BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and kept right on yelling it at him until he figured it out after she finally pointed at one that someone was drinking from, right as a highly unnatural lull in the casino noise happened. Stares aplenty!! My SIL wanted to die right there. But she still laughs about it to this day!
But honestly, the blowjob one? Killed me.
Ok, I know you want to comment. Go ahead.
It is common knowledge that my husband has a WIDE evil streak in him. It is also common knowledge that my MIL hates my guts and is evil incarnate. I’m not just saying that. Her own blood says it too! But what he did last night? To his own mother? Genius, pure genius! It was so good; I just HAVE to share it with you all!
The electrician for the compound was supposed to be coming over to fix whatever it was she was bitching about, (I didn’t really pay attention, cause her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me, if you must know!) Now the electrician’s English isn’t all that great. And my MIL’s is almost non-existent (although she does manage enough to talk shit about me whenever the opportunity arises and she knows the necessary words, like BITCH and f**k you!) So, she was asking her precious son what she should say to the electrician. This is what he taught her:
“I give you blowjob”
She dutifully repeated it over and over, very carefully. (Me, turning my face to the wall trying not to laugh my ass off.) After a few minutes, she said it was a bit hard for her to say, how about another way? Ok, sure!
“Lick me please?” and “Do me hard!”
Again with the repeating and learning. (This is killing me, honestly!) Then she said there was something else she wanted fixed, so, he taught her:
“Please screw me”
At this point, I was shaking with laughter, and she got suspicious. Well, I couldn’t help it! He said, “No, Cyn is laughing at the TV, aren’t you?” And I nodded and said “yeah…. *snicker*… TV, funny!” Then he said to her: “Try this mom:”
“I want your dick”
At this point, I looked at him and said quietly, “I’m sure she will know that one! You screwed up!” As she repeated, she realized she did know what DICK is… and started freaking out. I looked at him and said, “See, I told you!” You forgot about that neighbor that used to sneak over after you and your brother went to work when we were engaged! They would sit and drink and smoke and Lord knows what else! Hahahahahahahah!” Then I proceeded to give in to my bout of uncontrollable hysterical laughter, convulsing on the sofa!
On the off chance that you are offended that I find this so very amusing, or that I’m retelling this on my blog? Tough shit. I actually have permission to retell this from Z! Z even went over to her granddaughter’s house right after and told a roomful of her 30-something grandkids and their husbands and they all proceeded to have similar reactions to me. In fact, the mom of the triplets was laughing so hard, she called her MOM (MIL’s daughter) and told her, and she promptly laughed her ass off too!
This is almost as good, as when we were all in Las Vegas and she noticed there are these HUGE, I mean really huge margarita glasses people are drinking from. So there she sits on the slot machine stool, jealous and thirsty for booze. She shouts to a passing cocktail waiter “”HEY MISTER, YOU HAVE BIG ONE?? GIVE ME BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and kept right on yelling it at him until he figured it out after she finally pointed at one that someone was drinking from, right as a highly unnatural lull in the casino noise happened. Stares aplenty!! My SIL wanted to die right there. But she still laughs about it to this day!
But honestly, the blowjob one? Killed me.
Ok, I know you want to comment. Go ahead.
Deal With It!!
Ok, so I have a small addiction to these quiz thingies! Maybe I'm just a sheep in fox's clothing!*snicker* SO???
And for the record, as I drive down this imaginary highway of my life, I'd be driving in an Aston Martin Vantage! (You know, that sweet piece of automative genuis in the Beyonce & Jay-Z video for Bonnie & Clyde? Yeaah baby! Come to MAMA!) Anyhoo... heres my road sign. Cute, no?
Where are you on the highway of life?
From Go-Quiz.com
And because I can be a nosey thaang, I'm going to naturally ask: what's yours?
Ok, so I have a small addiction to these quiz thingies! Maybe I'm just a sheep in fox's clothing!*snicker* SO???
And for the record, as I drive down this imaginary highway of my life, I'd be driving in an Aston Martin Vantage! (You know, that sweet piece of automative genuis in the Beyonce & Jay-Z video for Bonnie & Clyde? Yeaah baby! Come to MAMA!) Anyhoo... heres my road sign. Cute, no?
| ||||||||||||||
From Go-Quiz.com
And because I can be a nosey thaang, I'm going to naturally ask: what's yours?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)