The Inquisition Confession - Week 23 (or something)

It's that time of the week again. The time when I unleash the bits and pieces that make me, me at your request. Sometimes the questions are easy to answer, others? I have to reach back in my memory and dig out, and occasionally it takes a lot of nerve for me to post the answer at all. God help you all, it's a long one this week.

But I always do. So. To this week's questions:


Catrina asked me :

Have you ever bought something from the Home Shopping Network on television?

Nope honey, I sure haven't. Not that I haven't been tempted and come damn close several times.

I had a funny feeling someone might ask me what Wenchie did this week:

How did you and your husband meet?

We met on the way to a gay club.

I bet THAT got your attention, now didn't it?

Actually, in LA? At least back then, I'd found, the best music, least hassle, and most fun is in the gay clubs. You can let your hair down and have a good time dancing without worrying about feeling like you're in a meat market. (Back me up here, Cat! HELP!) Well, in my case, except for the odd lesbian that grabbed my ass once or twice, but that's neither here nor there.

Soooooo, anyway, I was very good friends in college with Z's younger brother for at least 8 months and I had heard a lot about this older brother, but had never met him, (who happened to be gay) and a bunch of friends were going out dancing that night, and I was invited to come along. At the time I was taking more than a full load of classes day and night, AND working full time as well and had just dragged my tired ass in from a night class. They kept insisting I come along, and I said "I'm really not in the mood to drive all that way" and they said oh, don't worry! C's brother is gonna drive us! So, I said "I finally get to meet the elusive "Z", huh? Well, ok, I'll come." I got ready and eventually they showed up.

He was driving his jeep, I hopped in the backseat with my pal Bonnie after a brief introduction to Z and off we all went, music blaring to go meet our friends at the club. Sitting behind Z, every now and then I caught him looking at me in the rearview mirror (which he still denies vehemently to this day!), but I didn't think much of it. So…….

It was really fun. A big group of us dancing, then later we all went to a huge booth and started talking. Z and I started talking, and we kind of 'clicked', even though he was going on and on about the breakup of his relationship and about the girl he had been seeing (he denies this too- SO delusional, poor schmuck). I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "What the hell am I? Dr. Ruth? Every single guy friend I've been talking to lately has been talking to me about his relationship problems!?UGH." On and on he went about the breakup of the relationship…yadda yadda yadda….but still and all, we got along really well. Like I said, we 'clicked'.

The next day in class, C told me "you know? I've NEVER seen my brother click like that with anyone before! I think he really likes you." After that, Z and I went from friendship to dating at light speed. There wasn't one day that we didn't see each other. It's all kind of a blur, honestly. I kept on dating him even after I found out he dragged me to his ex's work to show me off to make her jealous-which she WAS. (AFTER I ripped him a new orifice or two for using me like that). I can't even define when things changed between us from friend to more than that, but I know it was more than a month till he kissed me. (I remember thinking he must not like me that way-other than as a friend- since he hadn't made a move of any kind up to that point.). One night he told me how much he liked me and I said "you're kidding? I thought you didn't like me in that way!" and he said "Why on Earth would you think that?" I said "You haven't even tried to give me even the smallest kiss!". He told me he had decided to take it slow. Well, up until that point, anyway. Next thing I knew, I was being kissed out of my mind! Heh. So much for taking it slow. He went from not kissing me at all, to taking any opportunity to do so. More often than not, I would find myself backed against a wall being kissed senseless when no one was around.(which wasn't all that often at his house, people were always over and monster and brother living there too!) He loved those sneaky, blow-your-mind kisses. Ok, ok. So did I. I am still fond of them, whenever I get one. My favorite memory? We went down to the garage to go somewhere (it was a condo), I don't remember where, he looked at me, then in my eyes, and next thing I knew, he had me seated up on the jeep bonnet, standing between my knees, hands in my hair, and his mouth plastered to mine. When HE was done, he helped me down, and got me seated in the jeep somehow. Talk about blow-your-mind! Whooh.

Even after I found myself developing feelings for him, I recall devoutly praying he wouldn't turn out to be a jerk in the end like so many others. He tended to do sweet things that really appealed to me. He would come visit me at work, just because he missed me, with a rose in hand. Once he surprised me with a bottle of perfume 'because it smelled like you, to me". Ahhhh, those were the days.

I had promised myself I would NEVER be the first one to say the words "I love you" ever again. The death-knell with most men, those 3 little words. Then one night he dropped me off at Bonnie's to get my car, and as I hopped out of the passenger seat, those very words exploded from his mouth: "Good night! I love you.". I froze, then slowly turned around to look at him, not sure I'd heard correctly. He looked horrified like he wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel or something in disbelief.

One thing that made me look at him as more than a friend was something he told me late one night when we were talking. (That was one thing I liked. We could talk about anything back then.) He told me about his eldest sister and her husband and how much he HATED him for fucking around on his wife (Z's sis). I said "Are you sure?" He said "from a very young age, I saw him with his hand up my other sister's SIL's (got that?) skirt working her with a fervor. I was about all of 9 years old. He tried to blackmail me with money and candy to keep my mouth shut. Even then I wouldn't have told her. Later as I got older, when I moved here to the States, he got me jobs where he worked under the condition I not say we're family. So, my co-workers not knowing that this dork is my brother-in-law, were talking about him screwing this co worker and that, Male and female. Anything he could get INTO he would do. I hate him for screwing around on my sister. The whole family does. But we can never tell my sister, because it would kill her. And she's in denial about him besides." I looked at him in a totally different light from that moment on. I'd been cheated on in the past, and, emotional baggage and all, was really afraid of getting hurt again. I figured that someone that was that incensed over infidelity would probably never cheat on me. (His ex had cheated on him too, btw, and that's why he broke up with her.) I thought, I could marry a person like this.

We met March 21. He asked me to marry him June 21. We were engaged for about a year and a half. So, basically, it's all my BIL C's (Shayda's) doing, my marriage, when you get right down to it. He was even our best man.

What's funny is that most everyone that knew us, all the people he worked with too, we're all betting it wouldn't last more than 1 year. (The ex and her friends gave us 6 months, actually.) That I would get fed up with his shit-cause, well, he CAN be a real bastard when he wants to and likes to mind fuck with people and push every last button (although at the time, he really didn't do that with me)- and we'd divorce. C still talks to z's ex every now and then, and her ass is still burning. She STILL asks "are they STILL married?" all snide like. Even with his mother's daily OUT LOUD chanting prayers that he divorce me (even telling Ari this) and doing her best to make it happen I was determined to show them all…….

And here I sit over 14 years later, somewhat worse for wear, tortured by a truly evil woman, emotionally worn out more often than not, but still here. But, I've worked my ass off in this marriage to make it last as long as it has, to make it work. No one can ever say I didn't, cause they would be lying through their teeth Damn me, but I'm a stubborn, determined, obstinate wench. Stubborn, stupid, whichever way you want to look at it, I suppose.

It'll probably be my undoing eventually, you know?

Next question. Last question.

Ah, Cheryl b.; I love her. I really do. Sometimes she's so predictable. (Once upon a time she worked in a s*x shop, you understand?) SO that is why I say she is 'predictable', so to speak. Don't believe me? Check out what she asked me *snicker* :

Do you own a vibrator? If so, what kind?

I could have sworn I had this conversation on IM with someone, and I mistakenly thought in my muddy memory it was Cheryl, but now, on further consideration, I remember it was …. Carrie Jo.

No Cheryl honey, *sobs* I don't own one. *whimper, sob, sniffle* They don't sell them here where I live and customs goes through the packages IN FRONT OF YOU at the post office. *waaaaaaaaaaaah* Can you just imagine if they whipped one of those out of a box at the PO? Sweet Lord.

*Stomps feet like 2-year old* (hee heee) I don't. I don't. I don't.have.one… more's the pity. Unlike SOMEONE I know that received FOUR for Christmas last year. Look babe, you have got to get ME in good - or put in the good word for me at least woman! - with Santa for this year! Hook me up, yo!

But hey, I'm not against a 'care' package!

Well, thanks one and all for the questions this week. Sorry I didn't get my replies up sooner. Work was a tad bit hectic this week. I'll do better next week, I promise.

Entertainment and Stuff....

Lets see now, I've been requested -very politely, I might add-to post something entertaining. Let me think.....

*blank stare....crickets chirping*

Entertaining.... could that be the instantaneous onset of a migrane right after a big-ass sneeze about an hour ago? No. I don't think that's particulary entertaining.

How about Miss Scarlett, my hussy cat having kittens today? (for the record 1 solid black boy who has already been named Merlin and a black&white... girl, I think) That's mildly entertaining. Also the fascination all the other cats have with the whole birthing box thing. They are all taking turns hanging over the side and looking in, then looking at me like "What the hell?".

Still, only mildly enteratining.

What was a wee bit entertaining was the wedding reception party I attended last night. It was a bit entertaining and a wee bit sad when this older woman (early 50's) tripped on the hem of her evening gown and fell down-backwards!- in the middle of the dance floor directly in front of where I was sitting. 3 people tried to help her up but she almost took them down with her in the process. Did I mention that it was all on video? Good lord, better her than me!

Now that was actually a bit amusing.

What I find highly amusing is that when I was driving home at about 2:15am, my Mama called my mobile phone and we had a lovely chat for well over an hour. I got home about 2:35 and, since the reception is horrid in my house AND Monster likes to try and eavesdrop even though she knows next-to-nil English, so I sat in the car talking in peace, quiet, and relative privacy. What's amusing about that?

Monster spying on me from the windows, is what! And then? When I thought Mama was winding down and gonna hang up, I got out and started towards the front door from the garage with the strong wind whipping my floor length Carribbean blue organza gown and my almost waist length hair around me, still chatting. I stood at the little wrought iron gate with its arch of fuschia bourganvilia that opens onto the walkway to my front door, enoying the night, enjoying just hearing my Mom's voice when I see it, a movement at the window.

Monster's window. Once........ Twice.............. and again 10 minutes later, thrice.

Nosy old bat. I knew what she was going to do. Silly old nosy bitch.

and boy did she.

She snitched to Z this morning. Gave her typical report.. with her own evil, insuinating slant to things. Can you guess?

"Yeah, Z, "C"came home at 2:35 and then she sat in the car talking on the phone until3:00, then she got out and stood at the gate talking on the phone until about 3:15-3:20. What was she doing? Who do you think she was talking to? Hmmmm????"

This much I know she said. I don't know what else she said, because Z said to me "So, did Mom call you last night? And I said "Yeah. She said hi and sent you her love. She mailed a big summer care package of stuff for Arianna." He said "oH, what time?"

My reply? "The same time your mom told you, I'm sure, give or take 10-15 minutes." Stupid, y'all, I'm not.

I said "And the reason I stayed outside was so that I could talk to my Mother in privacy and peace without some nosey thing trying to eavesdrop and figure out what I was saying and who I was talking to." To which I recieved a simple nod.

Well darlin, that's about as entertaining as I'm gonna get this post. What can I say? It's been a slow week. But anything could happen, you know? Next post will be.......answers to the inquisition, and SOON!

A Good One! Or Two.

What I love about these "reality" talk shows like Jerry Springer, for instance, are the comments from the audience.

I just HAD to share this one with you all because, well, it still has me chuckling.

Comment made to a transvestite (and an U.G.L.Y. one too, not one of those gorgeous ones!) by a really pretty female audience member:

"Honey, I know you got hit with an ugly stick, but DAYUM, did you have to hit every single branch on the way down the tree?"

bwahahahahahahaha. That IS good. I've never heard that before.

And a comment said to me today on the phone by someone (a male) trying to spell a company name to me...

Him: "P-T-D. P for Paul. T for Tree. D for... Degenerate."

Me: ------------blank look------"uhh"---------

Me: "Did you just say DEGENRATE OR AM I HEARING THINGS?"

Him: "Yeah. Degenerate. WHAT?"

Me: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhaaaa NO YOU DIDN"T! HAHAHAHAH DEGENERATE!??!!"
" Oh my God. Off the top of your head? "

Him: *laughing with me*"Well, what would you suggest Cyn?"

Me: "Oh I don't know, how about..... D for DOG?"

Him: "Well, I guess there is that."

Then both of us proceeded to laugh our buts off for a while longer until I eventually subsided into little giggles. Yeah. Giggles. Good thing I know him pretty well, huh? Extremely professional of me, isn't it?

As if I could control myself? As is, today, not much later, I heard one of the Sr. bosses say loudly to a manager in his office "well, your 5 minutes you asked for is up. Thanks!" to which he got up and walked out of his office leaving them sitting there.

This sent me in to fresh guffaws doubled over on my desk trying to muffle the almost shrieks escaping me.

At least my bosses like it when they make me laugh. This added to the fact that I picked up a pepsi from a fast food rest that was sitting on my desk, and the second I got the straw near me for a sip, the whole damn thing overflowed like a volcano... on my blouse, on my lap DOWN MY BLOUSE. It was like a puddle in my cleavage of Pepsi. Thank heavens my blouse was shades of brown and beige today. Poor H, my assistant, she was sitting in front of me and went into hysterics. I can't say I blame her. She told me "You should have seen your FACE!".... really, my week wanted only something like this.

Now then.

Any one have questions?

Carrie Jo? Ollie? ANYONE? Helloooooooooooooooo? Whasamatter? Yer fingers broken? Careful now, I've got a Pirate Wench friend now who'll make ya walk the plank!

I'm waitin. *twirls a lock of hair between fingers*

The Brain Fart

That phrase, my friends, is the best thing to ever come out of Britney Spears' mouth. (Notice I said come out of, not go in? Heh heeeeee, I'm bad)

Anyhoo, it's the best thing Britney did because I had one, obviously,which Wenchie so adorably reminded me of. It seems I forgot - GASP!!!- to ask y'all to hit me with your Inquisition questions this week. My bad. (Why am I tempted to do a Dobby-like punishment of myself?) (for those of you with a blank look on your face, Dobby, the house elf from Harry Potter? Bashes the shit out of himself when he does something wrong with the nearest wall, or piece of furniture? Sigh. Go watch a H.P. movie, willya?)

So. QUESTIONS. BRING. THEM. ON.EVERYONE. I'm ready. (I think) Yes Wenchie, this means YOU!

Now WHY Did I Do That?

I'm sure many of you have had people joke with you about putting your mobile phone on 'vibrate' and sticking it in your pocket, right? haha. Something along the lines of "the phone company will be running a test during which your cell phone will be vibrating for 10 minutes, sit on it and enjoy." or something like that. Yeah. Lord knows I have had it said to me and SMS'd it in return. I mean, it's a joke. Who the hell would actually do such a thing, right? Do you know anyone that would do such a thing? No?

Well now you do.

But I did not, I repeat DID NOT do it on purpose!!

I was at work and as a rule, I switch my mobile phone to silent. Now, whatever mode my phone may be in, it's always on "vibrate" as well, just so that I can notice it jumping around when it rings. Problem is that on this day I forgot to switch it to "silent" so it was on the usual MAX ringing volume 5 when I was talking to my assistant in my office. It started ringing loud and as there were lots of people around, including bosses, and I didn't want to get nailed for the phone ringing, I snatched up the phone with every intention of muffling the sound as best and as quickly as I could.

So I sat on it.

And then promptly jumped about a foot in my chair ("WOoooOH!") because I remembered about the whole vibration alert thing a little late. Like when it was under my buttcheek. My assistant was chuckling her head off (who could blame her, really?) and in the end I was laughing too. But hey! At least the sound was muffled and the phone didn't ring very long.

You know something? Those phones have quite a lot of kick in them!

I pray ONE of you at least can tell me they've done something almost as dumb as this. I feel like such an....ass. And a vibrating one at that!

A Good Friend

Do you know what the sign of a really good friend is?

When you are feeling absolutely rotten, sad and down, moping and brooding all over the place and feeling a million miles away from the people that know and love you best. (Homesick x 100)

The phone rings, and it is your friend that lives in a completely different country on the other end of the line whose dear voice you haven't heard in ages calling for no specific reason other than to tell you how much they miss you and love you and when-oh-WHEN are you going to get around to bringing your ass over for a visit? (I'm trying honey, really, I'll be there before, oh, the end of the decade? Haha!)

That phone call is just what I needed, right when I needed it most. Never mind the fact that I was choked up by the end of the call, even as I laughed my tail off. How absolutely contradictory of me. It's amazing how much we crammed into such a short phone call particulary considering the fact that we speak in our own weird abbreviated code and double-time. .

So thanks, Breezie Lee, for the phone call. It and YOU was just what the proverbial Doctor ordered. You're a true-blue buddy and I love you for it. I was still in my funk, but feelin the love, long-distance style!

* Note to self : Must learn some Italian before visiting Breezie in Italy... whenever that will be.

Red Haze Of Fury

Most all of you know I have infertility problems. That I have had these problems for the past 15 years at least. Those of you that know me personally and well, know how much I love and adore children. God above, I'm not even safe in a grocery store, since I had a hard time keeping my hands off this happy little strawberry blonde 6 month old girl I saw just an hour ago. I wanted to squeeze and kiss her to pieces, (ok, and take her home to love forever) but contented myself with talking to her and getting a big toothless smile instead.

Therefore, when I read something like this, my Irish temper, which is usually like Mt. Etna with rare but explosive eruptions, snaps. Completely and totally.

Someone let me at this bitch, PLEASE? I could pound her murderous ass to pieces using my bare hands with a smile on my face until I got tired. I'd like to grab her by that poofy bleached hair and drag her naked over hot coals mixed with broken glass. (Creative, aren't I?)What made me even more furious? That the autopsy showed that the 3 year old girl and 9 year old boy FOUGHT BACK. Or tried to.

These poor babies were fighting for their lives against... their mother who allegedly (HAH!) (for all you politically correct people out there) stabbed them EACH over 200 times. Goddammit, look at the size of your average 3 year old. How the hell is there even space to stab one over 200 times?

I'm not a person given to hate, I'm really not. I've hated, truly, about 1 or 2 people in my entire life. Even monster I don't hate, but I really dislike her INTENSLY and she disgusts me.

But this Tonya bitch? I hate her. If she hated her kids that much, she should have given them to Social Services or a relative. I've been mad as a parent, I'm sure everyone has at one point or another, but to use several different knives to hack up your own kids? That you carried in your own body? That you stayed up late with when they were teething, or sick. That give you unconditional love just because you are Mama?

What really disgusts me is that I'm sure she is going to cite "temporary insanity" and get off, or just get stuck in a mental ward somewhere. I have one hope for her....and it's called jail justice. If you don't know what it is, just remember what happened to Jeffrey Dhammer. THAT is jail justice. Scott Pe*erson will proably get his, too.

God I'm so pissed I have chest pains.

I can't belive I just ranted a whole post about this. I think I'm going to be sick.

Later babies.

So Typical

"Recover Post" my ass, Blogger.com.

There is this cute little link-thingie staring at me from my blogger.com dashboard entitled "recover post". So, when I actually tried it after writing a LONG ASS POST (yes, even longer than usual to fully describe my trauma) and something went wrong, I tried to 'recover" said post with much hope.

It does NOT, repeat NOT, work, people.

But I bet you THIS post manages to get posted,huh?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????*sob*

The Post In Which I Spill My Guts

Or something like that. I think I'll cut right to the chase this week, hmmm?


Cheryl b sounds like she has had one helluva hard time lately. Check out her question this week:

Have you ever gotten so fed up with your piece of shit job that you walked out in the middle of your shift? (something I may or may not have done last night hee hee)

First things first. Cheryl b!!! What damn rock have you been hiding under, woman? I’ve missed you honeybunch! *Huuuuuuuuuuuuug*

Now to answer your question.

Hell yes. Been so fed up I almost walked out the front door. Several times. Fortunately -or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it- right as I got anywhere near the front door, I remembered the bills and the car loan payment going to be due that stopped me in my tracks. Barely. Most of the time it was when I waiting tables with Cat and trying to put my ass through school.

Cat, remember the square dancers? UGH. (“Gee, who wants the table of 25 that just crawled in 15 min to closing?”) Molly fixed them but GOOOOOD. I totally didn’t mind (ok, only a little) what she did to them. Best milkshake that boy ever had. Yeah, I bet. Goddamn Schooner Sundaes and milkshakes. I still have nightmares about that crap. Do you? Pop Quiz Cat: what’s “Sub 55”? Heh. Bet I got you.

Speaking of Cat, here’s her question:

At what age will you stop trying to get pregnant?

I’ll stop trying when :

a) they tell me I have no more eggs or they are all dried up
b) they decide that I need a hysterectomy (I hope to God not!) or I’ve hit my menopause
c) my early 40’s
d) when I’m dead.

You know how I am Cat, when I set my heart and mind on something. Determined and patient.

Hey Pirate Wench! You are safe darling, when you asked me:

Have you ever been stalked or stalked someone yourself? (I hope I haven't used this one already, or I'm going to have to resort to "If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be?")


Well, I haven’t really stalked anyone technically, although I was with a friend who was stalking this guy she had a crush on in High School, but I was truly trying to talk her out of it cause it freaked me out. So I guess you could say I was an accessory to the stalker?

I don’t think my autograph hunting really counts, because, well, I went where I knew the celebrity would be (inside info from my boyfriend, my first true love), and as they say: I came, I saw, I conquered. (If any of you are a wee bit hung over, that means I got my autograph and/or photo and left.)

Been stalked? Um, there was this guy here that was sorta stalking me for about 3 years. But in a non-threatening kind of way. He saw me at the weddings and would always try to chat me up in dark parking lots as I was leaving (with my then-young daughter- HELLO???) and I wouldn’t give him the time of day. Then one day I was in the elevator at work with him and didn’t realize it, and about 30 minutes later, he called my office looking for me. Turns out he had called every single company in the building trying to find me till he succeeded. I told him I am married and he said “So?”, which irritated me more than anything. I politelty told him to take a hike. I think he is one of Z’s distant cousins or something too. Lame, no? What a dork.

As for the flavor of ice cream I’d be…. That all depends on which flavor is most lickable. Yes, I said LICKABLE.

For the record? Can I just say that Ollie has me green with envy at her freezerful of FREE, yes FREE Dove ice-cream bar samples. But I love her anyway. Ollie baby, just remember… sharing is caring.

Well thank you my lovlies for your questions. I just LOVE IT when I get questions.

Until my next post, see ya!

What's On…

This morning Z woke me up and said "You know something? You were singing in your sleep just now. You woke me up." Me, ever practical, said "What time is it? Oh. So basically you have to get ready for work anyway, hmm?" (yeah, I’m quick like this groggy and sleepy, imagine me wide awake with caffeine? Scary, huh?) Then, curious, I asked "How loud?" and he replied, "Loud enough to wake me up… and it was a slow song". Me : (in my head) So…. Loud enough to wake the dead, then. (Please understand that it took a 6.2 earthquake to wake his ass up, OK?) "Well, was I at least good?".

Hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeee.

So, further to my little nocturnal concert, I was thinking as I was driving today, -ok, when I wasn't singing-, "Hmm…. This is quite a mix of stuff, why not share the love?" And so I am. As if you give a damn. But Hey! It's my Haven, ie: I post, link, talk about, what I want, when I want. Nyah nyaaaah nyyyaaaaaaahhhhh! Every now and then when I'm surfing some of my favorite blogs, I notice that people mention what is their current playlist or what they are listening to lately and thought "why not?". I mean, I've picked up on some cool music that way!

So without further ado, the music that has me shaking my ass and other body parts, and singing my head off…. In the car, while watching a movie, listening to the radio, Italian & European Music TV (Love. It.), or, apparently, while sleeping…

Title / Artist

Keep This Fire Burning/ Beverly Knight
If There's Any Justice/ Lemar
Runaway / The Corrs
Breathless / " " (get the picture yet people?)
Best of The Corrs / The Corrs (ok, and the new CD too. Love THEM!)
*Signs / Snoop Dog featuring Justin Timberlake
*Femme Like You/ Kmaro
**I Just Wanna Live / Good Charlotte
Arms Wide Open / Creed
My Sacrifice/ Creed (Good Lord that singer is HOTT! )
*I Got It / Kevyn Lyttle
**Somebody Told Me / The Killers (it’s SO early 80’s)
**Billy Idol's Greatest Hits/ DHOH! Billy Idol (rowrrr)
*1/2 Step / Ciara featuring Missy Elliott
Someday / Nickelback
Astronaut (CD) / DuranDuran-my fave tracks,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10..you get it Since U Been Gone / Kelly Clarkson (what? WHAT??!!!!)
Angels / Robbie Williams
No Regrets/ Robbie Williams (I love an underdog, you realize?)
*, ** Rag Doll / Aerosmith (Hell, I love me some Aerosmith too!)
Love Is Only A Feeling / The Darkness (I wonder if it hurts to hit notes like that?)
Dové L'amore / Cher (I love me some Cher like a drag queen does)
Shania Twain's Greatest Hits / Shania Twain (Yeah, I like select country music too!)
Songs About Jane (CD) / Maroon 5. All. Of . It. Y’all.


General listening from the top of my head, and I realize probably like you really give a damn…

Luna (the CD) / Allesandro Safina (Yes, Opera. SHUT. UP. DAMMIT)
Somethin Stupid / Nicole Kidman & Robbie Williams
I Will Love You / Nicole Kidman (again) & Ewan MacGregor(,drool-EWAN)
Braveheart Soundtrack/ Various
Anything sung by……/ ENYA
Marc Anthony (aka. Mr. Jennifer Lopez. waaaaahhhaa)
Ricky Martin (he makes me shake my bon bon. heh.)
Pretty much anything with a bagpipe
You name it… / Beethoven
You name it… / Tchaikovsky
Whatever show tune enters my mind……
Duran Duran / Anything sukahs! They are MY GUYS!!!!!



* Means shaking my booty, and getting DOWN, y'all! A real "ass shaker"!
** Rocking out

This is by no means a complete list. Not by a LONGSHOT. I love latin music too. Don’t even get me started. Nuh-uh. There is actually more country music too, but it’s particular songs I like as opposed to artists.

What I listen to all depends on my mood, or what I’m feeling. You might catch me listening to a double CD of Adam Ant one day, Classical the other, and Aerosmith the next.

Feel free to tell me some of your favorites. Do we share any? I’m sure I’ve forgotten to mention hundreds.

SPILL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pretty please?)

The Bird

Well dear readers, it seems we have a new take on an old favorite, courtesy of my Monster-In-Law.

It seems that I can't even go to the grocery store without some Sh*t going down at my house.

Today was a day off from school for Arianna and so she was having loads of fun with the live-in au pair I've arranged since I went back to work. Arianna really, REALLY likes her, and she is one picky kid, let me tell you! (For my peace of mind, you understand? Monster does NOT like to look after her granddaughter and throws it up in our face if she looked after her when I went to an interview or something so I said "F-her!" and arranged for the au pair, Shony. There are not babysitters like you find back home in the States, or in the West for that matter, so here? It's live-in nannies. Bless her heart, she does the laundry too!

Anyway, beyond MIL being an odd grandmonster for not liking to look after the kid, Ari doesn't like it either and it is a lot less hassle all the way around. It's worth every penny, since I have the aforementioned peace of mind. So.

You think you're safe going to the grocery store for a few items (literally), wouldn't you think? Yeah, I thought so too!

Not.

I came back 30-40 minutes later and heard the following:

1) Shony caught Monster throwing my SHOES across the (BIG) kitchen at the wall........ AGAIN. Usually she gets set off if a pair of my shoes is sitting next to Z's shoes. For some ffed up reason, this sets her off. Don't ask. Hell if I know why. Then again, if any of you have theories WHY, I'd LOVE to hear them. And speaking of clothes, personal effects, this leads me to….

2) MIL rummaging through the RUNNING washing machine-yet again- while I was away and taking MY STUFF ONLY out and tossing it EVERYWHERE. (Everywhere constitutes the following locations for your enlightenment: Behind the washer & drier and/or, on the floor wherever they may land and/or, (my personal WTF?? favorite) on top of the bowl of fruit in the middle of my kitchen table. Now me? All whites (me, Z, Ari) together to make up a load. Ditto for colors. Ditto for darks, you know to get optimum performance out of the machine and proper water useage. This drives MIL up the G.D. wall, seeing our clothes together. (No, not the kitchen one. Just in general) It would seem that the thought of my clothes being in the same wash cycle (much like the shoe situation) with her son's- you know, my husband!- is intolerable. Shony is completely baffled by this. Join the club honey. I mean, jeez. I'm MARRIED to the guy. You're freaking the hell out about my shoes sitting next to his or my clothes in the same washer? She must go completely APESHIT at the thought of he and I sleeping in the same bed together. And sweet lord, sometimes… you know, every once in a while, when we-gasp!- you know, do what most married couples do and have sex…his body is actually inside mine. You know, whenever THAT is. No wonder she freaks the f*ck out every time the door is shut and we are in there, nookie or not. By the way, did I ever tell y'all that one day she walked past Shony in my room and proceeded to take all of Z's work clothes (yeah, suits, dress shirts, ties, and belts) out of our closet and take them to her room? (Before ANY of you ask, NO, he said nothing about this even though I bitched my head off about it,(ok, I'm paranoid about her being near my closet, she has VERY STICKY FINGERS, if you get my drift) so he now has to go to MOMMY'S room to get dressed for work). I was so pissed, I told him "why don't you go sleep in her room too?" My bad. But it felt goooood.

So yeah, again with my laundry thrown all over the damn place. I really hate when she waits till they are clean AND dry and THEN dumps the clothes all over the damn floor. Best part? She lies about it. Now she tries to blame Shony. One teensy problem about this theory of hers…… she's been doing this crap for YEARS. Ie: waaaaay before Shony was ever in the picture. Liar liar pants on fire.

3) Now for the oddest and truly funny-in a sad sort of way- thing that happened while I was gone. Monster, pissed that Shony and Ari were having fun playing playstation or some such together, cursed them BOTH out pretty badly in Persian and then proceeded to flip them the bird. Or try to. Now this sent both Ari and Shony into bouts of hysterical laughter because instead of using the middle finger like the majority of the planet? She used her INDEX FINGER and wiggled it about. (I know about 75% of you made the motion with your own hand just to see the visual effect. Don't be embarrassed about it. I did it too. It's a hoot, no?) Arianna apparently laughed in her face, figuring out what she meant and said "Oh, you mean this?" and , well, did it properly and then, just to confuse her… made up her own version which entails doing the whole 'wiggle the finger thing" with your pinkie.

Now before any appalled people get all affronted about Ari doing the 'bird" properly, she knows what it is, but that she isn't allowed to use it (particularly around me!) Secondly, if anyone is offended that I don't reprimand her about being disrespectful to her evil grandmonster? I used to jump her tail about it every single time. But then? Monster was cussing me out and staring an all out war IN THE WHOLE DAMN FAMILY that I tell Ari off for nothing and punish her for nothing. (When what I was doing was admonishing her to treat elders with respect, don't talk to/ hit/yell at/ fill-in-the-blank, grandma like that) Basically, I'm fed up, so, I figure, Ari is just as big, physically, as monster, she can fight her own battles, especially if her Dad isn't going to involve himself in this. Kid has a lot of repressed anger towards G-ma because of all the stuff she's seen me go through- as a helpless spectator- all these years and the stuff she hears about me daily. Well, formally repressed anger. She doesn't take any crap anymore and gives as good as she gets.


So come on y'all, wiggle that index finger with me on the count of 3!!

1…………………..

2……………………………..


3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, Hell.

I'm kind of embarassed, actually. I completely forgot to ask y'all for Inquisition questions this week. Must have been the coffeecake muffin orgasm from yesterday. Yeah. that's it. So on that note...

Questions! Questions! I'm taking questions (and Pirate Wench, you do in fact get to ask me TWO this week, if you are so inclined.), so, as it's a bit of a late start, y'all have till Wednesday (as in the day after tomorrow) morning, 11:00 am Pacific Time to get your questions in to me.

ie: NOW, sukahs. I'm waiting with bells on (but I won't tell you where!!!!!!!!!!!) hee heee heeeee!!!

*bells tinkle*

MMMMmmmmmmmmm.......

I almost had an orgasm today at work. It was a near thing.

(Bet that got your attention, didn't it? Imagine the GOOGLE hits I'm going to get from this post. Heeeee, I'm such a blog whore sometimes!)

But I really did. Almost. Have. An Orgasm. A co-worker was very kind to assist me...

by giving me something new on the market here.... a Sara Lee Cinnamon Pecan Coffeecake Muffin. (Now, now, what did you think I meant??? Shame on you!) One bite of that coffecake muffin and I was moaning my head off, eyes closed in sheer bliss. Thank GOD I have my own little private office now and that my boss is away on a business trip. Whew!

It's. So. Goddamn. Good. Run.. don't walk(!!) to your nearest store and get one. See if I'm not right! (Which I am. Always.)

A question: based on this, does it mean if I eat more than one I can have multiple orgasms? I think I need to go shopping.

BYEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Inquisition Confession Week 2 Gazillion and three

Hey babies! Tomorrow is Scarlett's Haven's FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to ME!

And to celebrate, I'm going to a friend's birthday tonight where I plan to get very friendly with the peach flavored vodka on the rocks, and/or lots of Amaretto most likely interspersed with rum. Most likely all , actually... Now to tide you over until you can find out how tipsy I ended up, read on babies, read on!

This week's questions read a little something like this:

Cheryl b asked me:

What is the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?

This is a good one. Really.

I’m not much into eating ‘unique things” in that, I’m basically a Beef, Chicken/Turkey or Veggies kind of woman. Well, don’t tell anyone (Shhhhh!) but I really LOVE me some BACON. I have a thing about eating cute animals. I just can’t do it.

Chickens? Ugly. Cows? Generally speaking? Ugly. Turkeys? FUGLY. Pigs? They fall into a middle ground. See, baby pigs are cute. Adult pigs? Ugly.

Things I won’t eat even if you beg me? Rabbit. Deer. Squirrel. Quail. Frog’s legs. *gag*. Snake. (Although I am of the opinion the only good snake is a dead one, preferably on my shoes or purse)

I don’t like eating odd organs and parts, either. My husband eats liver, chicken liver, and the neck and sucks on cartilage and crap from bones and it GROSSES ME THE HELL OUT. *gag, retch* And for some strange reason, that is the time he decides he wants a kiss from me. Sorry, um, nooooooooooooooo. Garlic I can handle. Onions, I can handle. Kidneys and liver and stuff? Um, NO. Those organs clean the crap out of our bodies and you wanna eat that? Hell no.

I think the weirdest thing I’ve eaten would have to a tie between be shark and elephant steak. Shark was in the form of soup and it was TOTALLY due to a language-barrier type accident…I think. It was when we were living in Paris when I was 8, and I asked an ADULT to order me chicken soup. I noticed it tasted funny. A few bites in… between much sign language and bad English… we finally figured out it was shark and next thing I knew? I was gagging and running for the toilet. Ditto for the steak.

Enough about the food. Damn, but I'm hungry.

Catrina made me nostalgic and her question is right on, since she knows me so well! Cat asked me….

Does Manama have any type of theater arts? If so, what plays have you seen recently?

Cat. The only real theater type stuff is in Arabic, and I can’t understand most of it,but it’s not what we are used to. I think it is in the works to make something to have such plays and stuff here. But not yet.

I’m DYING to go to the theater. Proper theater arts. I miss it So. I have to content myself with TCM Channel for now. That’s one of the things I want to do when I come home for my visit this year. Hit some quality production theater. And I know just who to drag with me!

Meow meow.

To my most favorite Pirate Wench- you get TWO questions next week due to the whole repeat thing. I understand darling. The rum made you do it. MWAH!

Between A Rock And A Hard Place


That is precisely where I was the other evening at my SIL’s barbeque.

We were all sitting with my SIL’s lovely Irish neighbor and the neighbor’s Mom, who was visiting from Ireland and reminds me- personality wise- of my dearly departed Nana, and we were all discussing culture differences between Middle Eastern, Irish and Western men in general terms. More specifically the whole ‘Mama’s Boy’ issue and also care/responsibility of the elderly between different cultures.

Hmmmmm. You know this was interesting and awkward, now wasn’t it? Yes indeedy.

It was one of those instances where if I had said what I really wanted to (ie: hello? Hypocrites?? Stop acting for the benefit of the neighbors.) it would have resulted in a knock down drag out battle where I most likely would have been dog piled on by my husband’s respective family members. So I bit my lip, then tongue, and dug my nails into my palm in an effort to keep my thoughts to myself. But damn me it was a close one.

Although I admit, to some extent, it STILL cracks me up just thinking about it.

I can’t stand hypocrites. I do my best not to be one in fact. So much so that when my daughter brings home the odd C in Math and her dad is telling me to “Say something to her about that!” I say, “Well, I really can’t I rarely did much better than that…. EVER in Math.” (yeah, and here I sit working in a bank. That is hilarious, don’t you think?) So when the conversation switched to where parents should go to when they are O.L.D, that Nana jr said “well, I assume I will be in an old folks home at some point like most others, even though it is my understanding that things are different here in this part of the world.”. To which everyone (yeah, you know who I’m referring to.. the whole damn lot basically!) showed proper horror and disgust saying “well in this culture, it is a sign of respect to take your parents in once they are old, and everyone takes care of the parents needs, etc..”

I listened to this ever-increasing load of complete and utter BULLSHIT with complete astonishment while trying very hard to control my usually very expressive face. I came so close to saying-and embarrassing the lot of BIG FAT LIARS- “oh, and none of you do jack shit for your mother, and YOU in particular, Ms. Showoff “I’m-stinking-rich-now-and-always-said-that-once-I-became-successful-I would-take-care-of-mom-and-get –her out-of-your-hair C&Z-and-get-her-her-own-apartment-and-a-full-time-maid-nurse-and-driver-to-take-care-of-her-but-that-was-also-a-complete-load-of-shit-because-now-she-has-to-nag-for-TWO-FUCKING-MONTHS-for-me-to-send-my-DRIVER-cause-I-can’t-be-bothered-to-take-her-myself-to-buy-her-some-bread-and-veggies-to-shut-her-nagging-ass-up-for-a-day-or-two,but-have-no-problem-flaunting-my-new-$30,000 diamond watch (has her eye on a Chopard one that costs $90,000,btw)-and-new-$5,000-dollar-diamond,gold,ruby and turquoise-chandelier-earrings.” (Are y’all gagging and retching by now? Oh Goooooood. I have company at the porcelain throne. Uh-huh. Fab.)

More horror and disgust at the way “westerners” take care of their elderly by dumping them in a ‘home’, etc ensued to which Nana Jr said “well, in some cases, the parents don’t WANT to live with their children - she went on to put everyone in their respective places, so I felt she had it well in hand at this point--They prefer somewhere else, or a home where they can get proper medical attention. Also, usually they go live with the eldest son or child.” To which some at the table STUPIDLY said “oh yeah, they usually do that here too, so that’s alike.” I made sure I stared at EACH ONE IN THE EYES.

Did I ever mention that Z is the second youngest of 7? Yes, I said second YOUNGEST. Uh-huh.

This became a very uncomfortable conversation because… well, for obvious reasons.

Then they moved on to the Mama’s Boys topic. Heh. It’s better I not even consider joining in this conversation. But you know something? The Irish ladies noticed my silence because I had been extremely animated and talkative until then.

Did I ever mention that Z never knows where ANYTHING is in the kitchen? Or his bureau drawers? Or his wallet for that matter. Ok, basically anything, anywhere. Good thing some things are attached, huh? Yeah.

What I really wanted to say was “Honey, the Irish have NOTHIN on guys here!” and both Irish ladies, particularly Nana Jr. were looking at me wonderingly.

I don’t think I’ve been this uncomfortable in a coon’s age. Can you blame me?

I can just imagine the comments I’m going to get on this. Oh yeaaaahhhh. Anyone gonna help me out from this boulder?

An Appetiser

First of all. I want questions. It's that time of the week again. You have roughly 48 hours to get your Inquistion question in. Just wanted to remind y'all is all. Thankseversomuch!!

Now then, I just HAD to blog this, cause it is really so damn funny. Well, at least I think so, for whatever that's worth.

Last night after dinner Z was sitting on the sofa watching-what else?- CNN holding one of our newest kittens whom I call Gypsy right now for lack of a better name, in his arms sitting on his chest. She can literally fit in your palm and her eyes opened last week. Gypsy is freaking GORGEOUS Y'ALL! She is pure snow white with huge blue eyes. I want to eat her up even on a bad day.

Anyway, Gypsy saw me walking through the room and started SCREAMING at me like"Hey! I'm OVER HEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEE MOM!" and she looked so damn adorable that I couldn't resist and ran over to her making kissy noises and telling her what a pretty girl she is ......(now picture this)

And I end up standing between Z's knees in my nightie, bent over with my tail in the air and rubbing my nose back and forth on her soft fluffy big round white head making kissing noises while Gypsy's meows almost ceased and turned to purring interspersed with little mews (I translated this to mean "good slave".). Z was laughing at me with a smile on his face and then he suddenly got all tense and started pushing me away. This was right about the time I heard rude remarks coming from the hallway from the ever running mouth of my Monster-In-Law. She then slammed her bedroom door still ranting-loudly-under her breath and Z started laughing and said "She's SO pissed. Imagine how it looked and sounded from HER ANGLE? She couldn't see the cat for all that red hair and your butt waving in her face! She thought you were rubbing up on me! Wahahahahaaaaaaa." Me: "Like you let me???? hey, hang on a second......

Nnow that you put it that way.......... Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahaha. Here kitty kittyyyyyy!"

Panties, etc....

Well! I bet that got your attention, now didn't it?? I can just imagine what kind of traffic I'm gonig to get from Google on that one! haha.

Actually, it refers not to what you are most likely assuming- yes, this means YOU!- but to the oh-so-appropriate phrase: Don't get your panties in a bunch.

So, like, DON'T, okay? Thanks.

There is a post in the works, a real one, not a bit like this little masterpiece here, no way! A real one. Just hold on a bit, hmmm? and remember one important thing....

Patience is a virtue, and who has many virtues left by now anyway? Do what you can.

Love,

Scarlett Cyn

My Confession

Did you all know what next Thursday the 21st is? It's the first birthday of Scarlett's Haven! Wow! Almost a whole year. I can hardly belive it. You've been with me through my ups and downs. My struggles to become pregnant. My unemployment and job search, trials and tribulations and all the crap in between. Some readers have come and gone, but to those of you who have stuck with me, I give you my thanks and my love.

And to those of you who are fairly new to my Haven, welcome. Thanks for coming by and thinking it was worth another visit. I hope I can improve year by year. Hang around, it just might get interesting!

Now then.

Well everyone, it's that time of the week again. Thanks for visiting and giving me a few questions.

Catrina asked this week a medical question since she's a nurse and all (oh, and loves me):

Have YOU had your blood sugar checked?

To answer Cat and those of you that give a rats’s ass, yup, sure have! Every so often I check it. So far, so good. (now where-oh-where is some wood for me to knock on?) *tap,tap,tap* Yes, thankfully, so far my blood pressure is usually pretty much near if not perfect, good cholesterol levels, and blood sugar within normal range. Actually, I’m more hypoglycemic & anemic than anything.

Got wood? (Careful there wise-ass men readers!)

Now then, on to my next quesiton....

Carrie Jo, I believe, misses Yahoo! IM-ing with me, (I miss you too babycakes! MWAH!!) because she asked me:

Has anyone ever caught you doing something embarrassing? What was it? (heehee I'm evil, I know.)

Yeah Carrie Jo, you're evil, but I love you for it! Well, I have to say my most embarrassing moment(s) had to be when Monster walked in on Z and I making love. MORE THAN ONCE. (And what I still want to know to this day is….. “Why in the HELL did I have to be on TOP SEVERAL OF THE TIMES SHE WALKED IN?”. The ‘me being on top’ part is what stuck in my memory.) Also, she wouldn’t knock, she would just walk in and STARE at us in all our glory for the longest time before she would get the hell out and there we were, HORRIFIED. No knocking, or anything, just walks in and....... S.T.A.R.E.S.- A.T. - USSSSS.

Sicko freak. Traumatizing as hell too.

Before any of you say anything, yes, I’ve heard of locks, but we locked it, (or so we thought) but she kept screwing with the locks. I know for a fact, because we kept replacing them. And yes, all those caps were necessary!!

Cheryl b, my buddy, my pal asked me a sort of typical, yet somehow tame (and you long time readers will know what I mean) question this week:

Who is your favorite super hero and why? Also, are there any that you think are hot?

My favorite SUPERHERO has to be this guy! Heee hee!! But to answer your question properly, My favorite male superhero is Superman and my favorite female is Wonder Woman.

Superman, I think, because he was the underdog orphan, you know? He had to learn to deal with his superpowers but was still just an average Joe, or Clark to be more precise. He always took time to help people in need. Also? I always wished I could fly with him like that witch Lois Lane. Sigh.

Now Wonder Woman. I always wanted her golden lasso (still do), invisible airplane and those bulletproof bracelets. She was kick ass, but still very feminine. Gorgeous too. She always saved the world from bad guys, because she was all those things I listed before, and intelligent.

Superman. answers your second one too. He was damn hot! (oh yeah, double t)

Well, that's all the answers to the questions I had this week. Blogger must have pissed off Ollie and Wenchie this week. Blogger bastards.

A Thought Or Three

It's sometimes a little bit scary, the avenues and paths my mind will wander along. But first. To begin with, a little reminder to get your questions in for this week's Inquisition. You have until 12 Noon, Tuesday, Pacific Time to get your question in for me to answer. All of you continue to amaze me with your questions.

Now then. I'm curious what you all are going to think of this. I found out that Z's specialist for his Diabetes ALSO specializes in treatment of PCOS. Hmmmmmm.Coincidence? I wonder. Turns out that Z spent as much time (giving wrong info about my past treatment history apparently. sigh.) talking about my PCOS as about his diabetes. If only he had given accurate information the doctor would have been informed. Like, for example, he neglected to mention that I had been taking glucophage AND Clomid when I got pregnant a few years ago with the baby I miscarried. He kind of left the bit about the Clomid out. Then, he couldn't remember the name of the meds I was taking for MY IVF trials after that first failed one. Uh huh. Shall I continue?

I will say one thing. I kinda love this doctor of his. Know why? Cause he asked Z last week "So, where's the boss?" (ie: me.) Love. That. Haaaaaaaaaaaahaaahaaahahahhahahahaha. He also complimented me and said that I made his life very easy since I apparently have such excellent medical knowledge and background.

Thanks doc. Right back atcha babe!

How about a casual observation from my desk here at work. It's a hoot, believe me.

Picture this: I'm sitting at my desk in my office talking to my assistant and another secretary when I notice out of the corner of my eye out on the triangular ledge outside my window a couple of pigeons. I casually remark "Oh look, he's showing off. I bet she's in heat". Mere seconds later, they start mating right there in front of us. Once. Twice. Thrice. and four times. I find I have only one thing to say to this really, once I stopped laughing.........

Lucky bitch.

Clap On!

Reason Number 28 not to get dressed in a dark room early in the morning:

You look down at your lap at a red light about 3 blocks from work and realize that you didn't put on the black slacks with with your cream snakesin print blouse and matching open toed heels you thought you did, but Navy instead. Not a big deal you say?

It is when look over at the BLACK-AS-SIN BLAZER you brought with you lying on the passenger seat.

Say it with me now............."DOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Lets blame it on the fact that I left work at 9pm last night, hmmm? Will y'all let me?

Please tell me some of you have had such Homer moments?