The Pirate Wench

Yo ho ho and a bottle (or two) of rum!

Aye aye me hearties! ScarlettCyn the Pirate Wench at your service.

Well, I'm a pirate wench as a result of the quanity and quality of rum I consumed last night. At least I think I qualify as one. Sure feels like it, that's for sure!

I love rum. Almost as much as I love Amaretto di Sarenno. So imagine how happy I was to go to my friend Katie's BBQ last night and see the hard liquor on the table with not just Bacardi BUT Malibu... and a bartender of sorts behind it all! (What? It had been a very rough week, and I was feelin a little sinus-ey)

Yes, I was officially, completely and totally SHITFACED DRUNK OFF MY ASS for the first time in my life.. And I didn't even intend it to happen that way (or so fast). Allow me to explain.

I woke up yesterday with a mild fever and some aches and pains and a runny& congested nose. I felt like utter hell. My boss wanted to send me home, but I refused. SO he compromised by letting me leave somewhat on time.(4:45) By then I was slightly better, went home, changed, got Z and Ari and drove back into town to Katie's place. Up onto the roof we went to the pool area. (she lives in a fancy schmancy apt bldg). What was the nicest part of the evening is that when Katie saw me coming up the steps, she hopped up from where she was sitting, SQUEALED and literally RAN AT TOP SPEED to me and gave me the biggest hug I've had in AGES. About 25 people stared at our little spectacle. But Lord above, did I feel so loved by that greeting. I don't know that I've ever had such a greeting excecpt by Arianna when she was younger (or now when it's time to pay allowance).

She had caterers there and there was a BARTENDER making really simple drinks. (Screwdriver, champagne, wine, hard liquor on ice, etc..). I got happy seeing the Bacardi and also a bottle of Malibu. (because Im really fond of Rum) So, since everywhere else I've gone no one bothered to have rum, I. got. happy. I figured I would start easy and get a wussy drink like Rum and Coke.

BIIIG mistake.

See, it was pretty dark, and I couldn't see very well. So I had no idea how strong it was. But it was tasty, and I polished it off after a time. I couldn't see that said rum and coke was about the color of weak iced tea. Uh-huh. By halfway through the second one, I figured I was pretty spacy, then I rememberd I hadn't eaten ANYTHING since the night before and it was now around 7:30pm. Katie kept it coming and by the end of the 3rd one, I was honest enough to admit I was well and truly wasted. She asked me in front of the smiling bartender "another one? Let me get you another one! To which I said "I think I'd better wait for the food, then maybe later" to which the GRINNING bartender looked at me coquettishly and said "But I have another TRIPLE right here waiting for you!".

Shit. He's been feeding me TRIPLES in HIGHBALL GLASSES on an empty stomach? OH MY GOD. Lets put it this way. I had to go to the ladies room and Ari helped me navigate down two sets of stairs during which time I kept thinking "Maaan am I wasted! Wheeee!" and frankly, I have no recollection how much time I sat there with what I am quite sure was a lame expression on my face but she was hovering outside the door saying "mom?????" a few times. I finally went back. by the time I got back, it was just about time for food. I ate and began to feel a bit better... right about the time Katie, my darling Katie whipped out the bottle she had hidden for me of Amaretto.

Katie fixed me 4-5 fingers or so worth on-erm-with some ice, personally. And like I can turn down amaretto? Um, no.I didn't turn down the other 3 she gave me either come to think of it.

I discovered that I am well and truly entertaining when I am drunk and immensly funny too. I think I was doing impromtu stand up in the middle of everyone.

Halfway through the rum and coke's earlier, I found a lovely older scottish gentleman and we were chatting. Actually, I would have talked about just about anything just to keep hearing that accent. Later, his 20 something son and I were chit chatting. (when I was drunk off my ass).

I was beyond tipsy.

I vaguely can recall buts and pieces of the drive home. I do remember stripping and diving under the covers, but not much after that.

I woke up pretty clear headded today, surprisingly.

Who was the sucker that asked me a few Inquisitions ago if I'd ever been drunk? Well, now you know. I turn into a comedian and performer.

Aren't you devestated you missed seeing it?