The Advisor

About a week ago I recieved an IM via Facebook from a sweet, kind hearted young woman I used to work with several years ago.  She needed to talk - badly - and needed advice from someone she knows and trusts that has gone through what she is going through.

She is 12 weeks pregnant with multiples and absolutely terrified.

She WAS pregnant with five (seemingly healthy) babies, but her doctor scared the everloving shit out of her and bullied and scared her into selective reduction.  This is an option that MUST be offered to any woman pregnant with multiples of three or higher. Offered, not bullied. She has some regrets at this point. She is currently carring a set of identical twins and one lone wolf. God willing all goes well.

But she needed suggestions, advice, and answers to questions that only I, in her universe, could provide. She had been given no advice from her physician on taking care of herself and her unborn children.  Healthy eating choices, and all other sorts of things with a primary focus on behaviours and habits that will give her the best end-result; keeping these babies in utero as long as possible and being born as well- developed, strong and healthy too. Every day they stay in counts hugely when you're growing half a sports team in your belly!

Being pregnant with multiples is not like a normal pregnancy. Don't fool yourself into thinking it is. It isn't. EVERYTHING is maginified in ways you cannot imagine.  It is an amazing and yet terrifying experience and I am happy to share my experience with her and anyone else.

She contacted me again last night with some further questions/concerns which I think I helped her with. One OBGYN is pushing her to do a Cerclage, while three others are advising against it. She wanted to know if I had done one. (I didn't) I explained that of course it is her choice, but if she chooses not to do it, then she must modify herself a bit and be infinetly more cautious. Personally, and I am not a physcian, but she has already done one surgical procedure (the selective reduction) and the pregnancy is progressing well. In her shoes I still wouldn't do it, and I had a history of FOUR miscarriages, one of which was multiples (way more multiples than I ended up delivering).

I just want to hug her, she is so very scared. It is a very intimidating thing to go through.

As a result of this, and some recent encouragement from a beautiful friend of mine (yes YOU Ms. D!) I have been reminded why I ultimately (mainly) started Scarlett's Haven well over 10 years ago; because if I can help one person struggling with either infertility, or pregnancy with singletons, multiples and the trials and tribulations of raising of kids (multiples or otherwise) and make them laugh or smile through their tears and fears, then that is what I should do, and what God and the Universe wants me to do.

So here I am once again, for her, and, if it helps, for you too.

Smile baby, we got this!
XXOO ~Scarlett Cyn

The Graduate

Well Miss A is graduating on Monday and as such, we have spent the past few days trawling the malls looking for a dress for the occasion. So far the only thing we've found is a fabulous pair of lack patent leather, peeptoe slingback stilettos. SCORE! The only thing we've lost during this excercise?

My sanity.

Completely, utterly. This girl walks into a store saying "I'm not going to find anything here!" Gee, great. Positive attitude. GAH. She typically is a nightmare to shop with on a normal outing. For an occasion this important = HELL.  Even the quads are pointing at dresses - some of them pretty nice actually!- and saying "Heeeey Sissy!! Lookit this one!"  Followed by a horrified look from her. Daddy and Mommy's suggestions get a similar reaction. I wish I could go through this at least marginally drunk.

Heeeeeyyyy, now there is an idea!

Yearning

Guess who crawled out from under a rock? (HI!!)

Yeah, me.

I really need to make time for this again, somehow. I've missed blogging. You will understand I've been a wee bit busy though, what with work and raising a moody teenage girl and Quadruplets and all.

But I'm back. Hello? Anybody still out there??

mama wants sleep

Its midnight and the room is in shadows. Anya has woken Connor. AND Rory up with her loud "talking and growling". Aidan is a little restless laying like a prince in our huge curtained four poster bed.

Rory is on my shoulder tossing and turning and Connor is in Nanny Siony's arms now WIDE awake looking at Anya through the shadows like "shut the heck up! And like he would dearly love to smack her one.

Connor loves his sleep. A LOT.

Aidan was cranky because MIL went on a trip for a month today. Wouldn't sleep nap, whatever and was generally grumpy until his big sister Arianna started making fart noises and asking him if he wanted to make pooopy, which he seemed to find utterly hilarious. Even with his beloved aunties doing their combined best to get him down to sleep it took a good long while.

Ah, all are settled now. Rory at my breast in bed, Aidan cuddled in daddys arms. Connor is with Siony having his midnight snack as usual and Anya is hogging up the crib at the foot of our bed, stretche out and deep asleep, just as she likes it. My little bed hog; I love them all so.

Now I will try and catch more than a catnap for a change.

Front Page

Funny thing. After we had the quads, we were on the cover of the Gulf Weekly- all of us in bright color- yes, photo and interview. Now this week, my boss, the CEO of the company where I work is on the cover of the same paper!

We were on the cover, naturally, about having had the Fantastic Four. They were on the cover supporting freezing the stem cells from a newborn umbilicus. Which I totally agree with but unfortunately could not afford to do for my babies. I wish I could have, but it would have cost us roughly $16,000 to do for the babies. Out of the question financially for us.

But I digress.

I thought it was cool and very brave of he and his wife to come out and mention the loss of two previous children. He had personally mentioned this to me in complete confidence almost two years ago when I was having one of my miscarriages and was so supportive, understanding and positive even though his wife was pregnant again at the time. He told me not to stop trying - never to give up. My response? "You don't know me- I don't give up and believe me, I won't!" He smiled at me and said good!

It is nice to see him on the cover with his wife and two children- one of which was the baby that was on the way all those months ago.

Good on you man. You're one of the best and most honest men I've had the pleasure to work for.

But Andy? I was on the cover first! :)

Bon Apetit!

I just have to say it- I absolutely LOVE my weird babies to death! They are weird cause they love, love, LOVE broccoli! They woof it. That and split green peas and carrots.

They just make me laugh so much. They growl and say muuum! And smack their hands on the highair tray for more and get really irritated if they don't get another spoonful fast enough for their liking.

I absolutley adore my little darlings so very much and am glad they enjoy the healthy homemade food I whip up for them. It gives me a real sense of satisfaction and is totally worth the time it takes to do it.

Bon Apetit my loves!

Angels really DO exist

Ah let's see now... Last Thursday Anya decided to look me right in the face and say very clearly in a loud voice "MAMA!" I got so very happy, so she smiled at me with that ear-to-ear grin of hers and did it again.

As if that wasn't enough of a slice of Heaven, then yesterday when I came home from work I was standing just inside the front door and saw Anya in the living room investigating things in the walker. I watched her for a minute and then softly called her name- she startles easily at times- and her head whipped around. She stared at me with what seemed like disbelief and then a huge smile plastered her beautiful face and she turned the walker around in a heartbeat and RAN as fast as her little legs could push her in that contraption to me. When she skidded to a halt by slamming into my shins, she looked up at me with an expression of triumph and held her arms up an open to me.

I melted.

Then leaned over and snatched her up into my arms and held her so very tight while I kissed her to bits.

She did the same again this morning when I was coming down the stairs to leave for work.

She is my angel... And the best surprise I have ever had in my entire life. I am blessed and beyond grateful for all of my children.

blogging from my BB!

Well this IS fascinating! I finally had the thought that even though Ari hoggs up the laptop 24/7 I could perhaps blog from my BB. Fancy that! Oh well, better late than ever, eh? And MUCH easier than fighting a teenager for the one working laptop in the house. Gasp!

So, let's try this on for size and see how it goes, shall we? We shall see just how much I can multi-task. Or something.

Mama Cyn

Something funny has happened since I gave birth to quadruplets.... I've apparently become the 'go to' person for expectant & new fathers (particulary those with twins on the way) that know me at work, and their wives, which in a way is kind of cool. Like I'm some kind of expert. Well I suppose that in some weird way I am.

I mean, I got pregnant, I carried them well, worked until about 5 weeks prior to delivery, no serious complications in a very uneventful pregnancy until I developed a nasty lung infection that made all hell break loose and sent my ass straight into ICU for a week prior to delivering. Had nice gorgeous babies with good Apgars. I'm back at work. I haven't totally lost my mind(yet) - I dont' think. I'm managing... somehow.

Ok, I have in-house live-in help while I'm at work. I pay for it, which I call piece of mind while I am at work that allows me to concentrate and do what I need to do to get paid, have medical insurance for all of us, life insurance coverage on me, and the benefits I get via my job that benefit my whole family and literally put food on the table and diapers on my babies precious little butts.

But when I'm home, and in the middle of the night, and all weekend long- I'm very hands on. I stayed home till the babies were almost 5 months old. I was ON 24/7 and looked it. I slept precisely 2 hours a day - not counting the couple of times I would fall asleep while peeing. Not for long, but you know, a catnap. My numb butt woke me up. It got to the point during my 3am-5am sleep that when a baby would cry and I would fly upright in the bed, hubby would force me back down and I would pop right back up, mostly still asleep. Again, he would gently push me down until I would stay down, insisiting that i would get those couple of hours in my tired self.

I guess what I'm getting at is that what I started my blog for, and am continuing it, has been mirrored in real life. And for that, I'm doubly grateful. Because if my experiences and 'knowledge' such as it is, can help someone have a better day, or make their pregnancy or infertility journey a little bit easier to get through, then all the better in my book.

Mama's Haven

Hello again! Have had several things running in my mind to post, but unfortunately, trying to get Arianna off of the laptop during summer break is proving to be mission impossible. I think she's upstairs in the shower or something right now... saw no one on it so I jumped while I could.

I just want to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who have hung in there, and wondered just what in the hell I've been up to for such a long time, and those of you who know me from other bloggers comments sections, and those of you that have gone from my first blog here on blogger.com to my own domain that has gone batshit crazy- then into hiatus when all computer devices were dead, then took forever to get internet up in our new house, then for me to get my mind back in order to blog again... so glad you've stuck around. It means the world.

Think I will make some modifications to how I blogged before. I want this to not only be my haven, and it is, but also to be a record of the Quads baby and childhood memories.

It is only logical for it to work this way in my mind since it began and was a chronicle of my rollercoaster adventure to get and stay pregnant. I have to admit though, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up with anything more than, possibly twins, by some weird chance. I only thought I would possibly get pregnant with one, and that would be ok. To end up so blessed? Not in a million years.

So I think I will seperate specific stories with labels of each child's name. Aidan, Anya, Connor, and Rory respectively. Tales about the quads in general under a seperate label within this blog, and of course, my usual antics about the rest of my world.

So, thanks for coming. Get some snacks, have a seat, fasten your seatbelt, and hang on for one hell of a ride!

Mama Needs A Snuggle

Hello. Am tired. Beyond. Belief.

Had a L-O-N-G day and then when I got home, late, things kinda went downhill from there- with the excecption of Z holding Connor at the front gate waiting for me to come from parking my car. (with my horny cat half-draped off the upstairs balcony yowling for someone to come make her day and be quick about it!) That's some welcome home, I tell you.

Z's friends came over for a bit while I was making dinner (and burning onions on low instead of sauteeing them.) How I managed to burn them on low temp I'll never know. Aidan had fallen asleep in my arms, so Z put him on his mom's bed in her downstairs bedroom and I thought he took him upstairs to his own bed with the others with nannies watching over them while I cook.

I heard crying but thought it was upstairs, so I didn't go running. Turns out Z's mom had gone in her room, and then come back out again shutting the damn door- Aidan woke up, cried a bit, then freaked the hell out at being alone and went into total meltdown. When I realized, I ran to him, and it took a good 45 min to get him calmed down. So I guess that means i'm pissed and tired. my poor guy. You wouldn't believe that about an hour after his freak out he was sitting on my lap rocking himself back and forth like he's in a rocking chair laughing uncontrollably at his daddy telling him "I LOVE YOU!" over and over again.

Party at my place!

Okay, so most weekends I might leave the house once and thats to raid the nearest drive-thru and run back home faster than you can blink. Well, that and to get formula. (because seriously, I have TWO breasts, not FOUR Of course I have to supplement with formula.) But more often than not, there is a baby hanging from my boob- or more accurately, wrapped around one.

Due to other varied circumstances beyond my/our control, my bestest girlfriends and I don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. We're closer than close, and really, both of them were really there -specially N- when I was pregnant and in ICU, hospital, and hell, prior to my quad pregnancy even through my miscarriages. I miss my girls, ya know?

Well totally unplanned, they both, plus 1.5 (another friend who's hugely pregnant from work) all showed up at my house today. Well SURPRISE! YAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. My afternoon turned into "musical laps" for the babies and it was great. Made my whole month, I swear.

Kisses

Thanks ladies, it was great to see you.

Ugh, back to work tomorrow...I wonder who's not going to show up this week?

Scarlett Cyn is BACK from hiatus!

I've been awfully quiet for a year now. I was without inet service since we moved into our new place last fall for 6 months. Then my laptop died. Hubby's laptop also bit the dust. My WP blog is down for whatever reason and I am back to my original blog here- at least for now- indefinetly.

I have been busy and rather... occupied. Pun entirely intended.

I became mother to quadruplets on February 1st of this year. I had my 3 boys and another girl who was the surprise of my life- we didn't know she was in there. I thought I was having triplets all along -and so did my doctors. Imagine our collective surprise there in the operating room? Boy, Girl, Boy..BOY! I thought we were having triplet boys. So much for that. Fortunately, I got to use all the names we had picked out. Aidan, Anya, Connor, and Rory - in order of birth, respectively. Big sister Arianna is so happy and so proud. She's absolutely wonderful with them.

I went back to work on May 11th. Things have been a little, well, busy, ever since.

I find myself missing my blog. Blogging in general. And, I want to document all that I've gone through not only for myself to look back on, not only to share with others, but so that my children will have something to look back on, so that everything is documented- my mommy memories and experiences. I've already waited too long, and I don't want to miss anything else.

So I invite you to join me in my daiy shennagans and new multiple mommyhood to the Fantastic Four stories!

I didn't realize it was THAT BIG!

I'm talking about my archives. What did you think I was talking about?

........


.......................

*gasps!!!* Y'all are SO DIRTY MINDED! What AM I going to do with ya?

Anyhoooo, I just realized that I have a gizillion posts in my archives that need transferring to my new blog over at Scarlett's Haven. And I think I will wait for my laptop to do that.

Yeah, my laptop should be out of the shop very soon. My MOTHERBOARD crashed. ugh.

Bear with me.

DOES THIS EVEN WORK ANYMORE?

Ugh!!

Blogger.com has totally betrayed my loyalty and perserverance.

Fuckers.

No wonder I finally got my own domain name....you know... this one: www.scarlettcyn.com

SO FED UP!!!!!!!!!

To all my loyal and faithful readers, aka "my posse":

I think you will all agree with me that it is waaaay past time for me to kiss blogger.com adieu. Right?

To that end, I've moved on to greener pastures and decided to get my own private digs where I will (hopefully) not have to deal with crazy-ass shit like my blog freezing up for over a week and NO ONE AT BLOGGER HELPING (OTHER THAN A LAME ASS COMPUTER GENERATED EMAIL that was good for NOTHING WHATSOEVER) REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY DAMN HELP MEEEEEEEE PLEEEASE???!!! EMAILS I SEND! (hint, hint!!)

Say it with me now, "Blogger.com!?! It's been great, but, KISS MY GRITS!"

Yes! That's RIGHT! I've got my own brand-spankin new HAVEN! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Check it out: For a good time, click this link!

Let me know what you think! Until then,

"Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"

Hello?

I think my blog went on vacation and didn't bother to take me along. Damn traitor.

Will anyone even SEE this post?

Blogger helpdesk is SO NOT HELPFUL. So thanks for nothing guys.

*crickets chirping.....louder and louder* (or is that locusts?)

sigh.

Oh What The Hell!???

Hello. Is this thing on??? *taps screen* Can't seem to get my posts to display on my blog lately. Hell if I know why.

I, my dears, feel like absolute shit right now.

My day was ok until my daughter asked me at lunch (in a restaurant) "Mom, what is a hooker?" After I picked up my dropped jaw from the tabletop, I replied "well...... um, a hooker is a woman who expects and gets money from a man in return for affection, to put it simply."

How'd I do y'all?? Well, it shut HER up, at least.

so far, so good.

Mama 1, Arianna 0

Then came Z a little while later interjecting a very odd question into the silence at the table. Curious? Who's curious?

He asked Ari, "So, do you think Mom and Dad still love each other and will stay together or do you think that they will separate like sometimes happens to families and maybe some of your friends parents too, when the parents change and don't feel the same way and don't love each other the same anymore? You know, like your Aunties (his sisters) and uncles. Your uncles aren't bad people, they and your aunties just didn't feel the same way anymore as they initally did, is all." (these divorces he is referring to happened six and ten years ago respectively.)

I don't know who was more shocked, me or Ari. We stared at him, then each other, then....

Well, it was a weird-ass question, I tell you.

She just stared at him with big eyes and said "what brought that on?" and I just looked down at my plate. He just shrugged and said "I dunno, answer me."

Dad 2 billion, Mama 1 and confused and feeling slightly nauseous, Ari ......confused.

He sort of dropped it, sort of. But then, later tonight, Ari was freaking out on me, and when I asked her what was wrong, she wailed (and she is not a wailer) "I don't want to be an only child! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Great. Now I feel like shit. A useless, reproductively-challenged, confused woman. The worst thing is that I'm letting her down, not just myself.

I just found myself apologizing to her, and we both ended up crying. God knows I've tried so hard for another child. God knows I want another one. FOR ME. For her, and to hell with everyone else. To fail in this most simplest of things for most women is so damn frustrating.

Ugh. Somebody get me an Amaretto drip, STAT!!

Geee, and how was YOUR day?

Testing, TESTING!!!

Hey, I've been trying to post something all day long and both from work and home, it is just NOT showing.

So, I am asking for a little help, from you, my beloved readers.

1) If you see this post, please let me know.

2) Could you be a sweetheart (as I know you ALL are already!) and tell me the title of the last post YOU see? (cause frankly? I'm getting irritated as hell.) And it's getting on my last damn nerve that it isn't showing up. And due to the occurances in London today, my neves are already pretty much shot to hell anyway as horrified and disgusted as I am!

And in case what I wanted to show ISN"T showing, I simply wanted to say this: My prayers and thoughts go out to all of those affected by todays terrible events. God Bless you all.

Horrifying Deja Vu

I was just wrapping up a meeting I was attending away from my office when I saw the news starting to trickle in on Sky News (the UK version of CNN) on the wall of plasma screen tv's of the explosions in London today.

I had the same sick feeling that I did back on September 11 when I first heard about the attacks on the WTC buildings. I thought to myself "power surge, my ass, this is an attack of some kind. I hope it isn't only the beginning."

Never have I wished I was more wrong.

In the past hours, I have been glued to my cnn.com homepage, watching the unfolding scenes and news with complete horror.

It's happening all over again, and I'm willing to put my money on the brain behind it, too. It has all the earmarks of The mad genius, for that is what you-know-who is, perverting and distorting the tennants of a religion for his own purposes. The timeline, the synchronization was too disgustingly, sickeningly perfect. One hell of a trademark.

My heart, prayers, and sympathy goes out to the people of London.

What is interesting is my theory about the whole horrific happenings today. The day after it was announced that London had won the Olympics bid and the G8 Summit. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wouldn't be surprised if there were 'sleepers' waiting for news of which city won the bid to make their move today. Sick bastards.

If you will excuse me, I need to go email a few friends that live in the London area. To say I'm concerned would be an understatement.

The world is a frightening place my friends. Truly.

Horrifying Deja Vu

I was just wrapping up a meeting I was attending away from my office when I saw the news starting to trickle in on Sky News (the UK version of CNN) on the wall of plasma screen tv's of the explosions in London today.

I had the same sick feeling that I did back on September 11 when I first heard about the attacks on the WTC buildings. I thought to myself "power surge, my ass, this is an attack of some kind. I hope it isn't only the beginning."

Never have I wished I was more wrong.

In the past hours, I have been glued to my cnn.com homepage, watching the unfolding scenes and news with complete horror.

It's happening all over again, and I'm willing to put my money on the brain behind it, too. It has all the earmarks of The mad genius, for that is what you-know-who is, perverting and distorting the tennants of a religion for his own purposes. The timeline, the synchronization was too disgustingly, sickeningly perfect. One hell of a trademark.

My heart, prayers, and sympathy goes out to the people of London.

What is interesting is my theory about the whole horrific happenings today. The day after it was announced that London had won the Olympics bid and the G8 Summit. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wouldn't be surprised if there were 'sleepers' waiting for news of which city won the bid to make their move today. Sick bastards.

If you will excuse me, I need to go email a few friends that live in the London area. To say I'm concerned would be an understatement.

The world is a frightening place my friends. Truly.

What day (week) is it again?

Well! I must say that my Amaretto stupor induced by my dear friend Bre was a doozy, apparently. Since I JUST realized that I never posted any answers to last week's Inquisition questions. Yup, definetly going to hell for that!

My most sincere apologies, since I'm sure you were all salivating into buckets waiting in anticipation for my answers! (Yeah, RIGHT!)

Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Cheryl b asked me:

Aside from having Ari and not murdering Monster what is the thing you have done in your life that you are the most proud of?

That I have survived this situation I've gotten myself into (where, exactly to begin?)with my dignity and self respect pretty much intact, all things considered. Although I 'm pretty sure that I will at least be beatified for the letting Monster continue to walk the Earth, or I got a "Go Straight To Heaven for all the Hell in your Earthly endeavours" card.

I'm proud of the fact that I've survived this long after so much hardship. God knows it has NOT been easy. I've always believed in doing my very best and giving my all in everything I do. That way, in case things don't work out the way I hoped/planned/dreamed, I know that I did everything I could possibly do, and this applies to all aspects of my life. I hope that at the end of my life, whenever that may be, that I don't have many more regrets than I already do.

When I was so sick, back in 99, dying actually, and all of the hell I was going through, I had severe insomnia on top of everyting else, and I kept wondering why was he letting me live? What was his reasoning? I figured that he must mean for me to do something that I hadn't gotten around to yet.

Perhaps He just didn't want Arianna to be raised by the crazy old bat from such a young age as 4 or 5. I was terrified I wouldn't survive any of it at the same time, afraid, knowing there were problems and complications and risk each time they put me under anesthesia that I could never wake up and that Ari, my beautiful angel that I wanted so badly, that I went through so much to have with a relentless determination, I knew that if I died with her so young, that Monster would so completely spoil and ruin any good memories of me and poison her memory of me, if not erease me altogether. This thought kept me fighting and determined to overcome it all.

As is, it's bad enough the damage done with me around. *shudder, gag*

Mare asked me something that had me hunting back in the foggy recesses of my childhood.

Question, question...okay, since I just got done throwing my son his first real birthday party (he turned two, but he didn't have a party last year, oh and I'm exhausted by the way), what was your favorite childhood birthday party?

It's funny, whereas some things are so crystal clear, others I have to really concentrate on. I think its fascinating how our memory works. So mare, here's what I came up with.:

Probably when I turned 7. It was my first birthday in Los Angeles. I had a Wonder Woman cake, a bunch of girls from school over, and I got a portable record player and the soundtracks for Grease and Saturday Night Fever. (Quiet, wiseasses!) Oh, and a really cute basset hound stuffed animal. These are the things that stick out in my mind.

Man, but that cake was bad-ass.

Either this b-day or a couple of years later…. Farell's Ice Cream Parlour. (a very close call indeed) It was very old fashioned, like from the Victorian era, and they had massive sundaes. I chose the 'Pike's Peak' for my party. They were named after various mountains because, well, that's what they looked like. Mountains of icecream! They would put about 40 scoops of ice cream or so – I'm serious!- in what looked like an old silver washtub, with toppings, like hot fudge, pineapple sauce, caramel, strawberries, etc… whipped cream, nuts, sprinkles… etc! After we ate proper food, they brought this sucker out on a STRETCHER! Then we all attacked it like little heathens!

Afterwards we went to the local roller rink and ice skated for hours. That was fun too!

Oh, and happy belated birthday to your little man!


The remainder of my answers will follow in a while........ (that will keep y'all on your toes, now won't it?????) Now if you will excuse me, I need to go have a nice allergy-triggered sneezing fit. (Damn sandstorms all day have screwed with my allergies and sinuses. AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Kisses,

Scarlett Cyn

PROOF

Because I wasn't really sure that you'd believe me if I just wrote about it.

See, on a little trip to my local 7-11 type store nearby, I went to buy some soap and while browsing, I happened to look up and THIS (naturally!) caught my eye.

See? This is why there is such a thing as CAMERA PHONES, people!

And it says "For external use only".

Number one... WHY?

Number two..... Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????

This is a hoot, is it not??

It's really just so that you don't have that "not so fresh" feeling, but if so, then what the HELL with the name? Jeez.

Some pervert with a fantastic sense of humor, no doubt.

What do YOU all think?

Good Lord Above!

Michael Jackson.

Is here.

Where I live.

I dare you to find where I live on ANY map without using your internet. Go on. I dare ya!

Have you heard that he had left the country about 3 days ago for some 'rest and relaxation'? The tiny-ass little island -smaller than Washington DC -I live on is presently hosting MICHAEL JACKSON as a guest ofone of the King's adult sons! They flew him- in with them- in on the private jet.

Of course, the private jet is a 747 last I heard and cost a few hundered milion bucks after fitting it out with God knows what.

And I swear, if I hear ANY MORE MJ songs, which are not played normally all that often, on the local radio station and the Brit DJ's begging (read WHINING. Krazy Kevin in particular was overdoing it this morning) over the air for an interview, and the local DJ's not much better, I just might scream loud enough for y'all to hear me back home in the US.

In case you're wondering "WHAT THE FUCK IS MJ DOING THERE?" well...

He isn't visiting with me, that's for damn sure.

See, MJ's big brother Jermaine (remember "Do What You Do (when you did what you did)" back in the early 80's? THAT Jermaine. Well, he converted to Islam ages back and practically lives here. Apparently he loves it. Well, it is charming here where I live. Definetly. (excecpt for the god-awful heat, but otherwise, ok.) He wears the full Arab kit - out (clothes) and blends right in. Loads of people have seen him hanging out in Starbucks in the mall having a coffee with friends. No paparazzi, nothin.Once in a blue moon you see in the paper that Jermaine was here at all.

I'll bet you MJ would kill for that kind of life. Although,poor thing, you can't exactly compare the two brother's careers. It would be like comparing LaToya and Janet. Apples. Oranges. But still and all.

I seriously never, ever would have thought that of all the places in the world MJ would go to after that trial would be here. Amazing. Seems he's been friends with this ADULT son of the King for many years.

Well, that's nice. I hope MJ gets the rest and relaxation he obviously needs here. Heaven knows he'll never find anywhere as perfect as here to hide out and be on the down -lo. Who knows? Maybe he'll find some inspiration in the region and make a new album, with a whole Arabic music flavor and have a huge hit. I'd honestly like to see his kids have something in the end, not see it all squandered away.

Today? Today I feel super sorry for Michael Jackson. Because I guarantee he is EXHAUSTED and jet-lagged out of his mind. The Jet lag to get here from Los Angeles is hell on earth.

Been there, done that Michael. BBLEAAAH.

Now for a quickie Movie review.


If you go see War of the Worlds? Don't forget to breathe. There were parts that had me..... gasping for breath and jumping in my seat.

Spielberg is a freaking genius. As if THAT is a newsflash. Tom was "eh" in the film, but considering the character, he did well, I think. The story line was a bit predictable after the first 30 min, and I admittedly wanted to smack Dakota Fanning once or 10 times,perhaps even 20 times, but other than that, generally a good movie (even tho I predicted the ending, as usual)

This movie MUST be seen in a cinema. Not on DVD for the first time. Even if you have a big screen TV and surround sound. I have these and I'm telling you... go to the cinema. Buy some over priced popcorn (don't get me started. I was brushing my teeth for 30 minutes) and raisinetts (buy two and eat one for me. I love those and can't get em here!) and an even more overpriced ticket and sit back and enjoy Spielberg's genius. Because really, no one does alien life forms quite like him!

Ta ta for now. Inquisition answers coming in a bit.

Who Else But ME?

Who else, I ask you, could attend a farewell party where there were Secret Service agents to be found (who for obvious reasons shouldn't be found)?

Yes, yours truly!

Z and I went to a farewell dinner party at this GORGEOUS restaurant/contemporary art gallery set in a huge old... traditionally styled estate property in the heart of the city with huge courtyards. It was just like something out of an old movie like Ali Baba and the 40 thieves or Aladdin or something. Absolutely gorgeous. In the middle of one of them was one of the largest single centerpiece fountains I've ever seen. I could have stayed at this place forever. I could not help but wonder where the 'harem' or ladies quarters used to be!

But, as usual, I digress.

So, Z and I walk in, greet our darling hosts, and they direct us to the bar. Yaaay. (Pay attention Wenchie!) I sashay up to the bar, I notice everyone else is having wine, but I'm just not in the mood for wine... and then I spy rum! La la... I order some grog... erm, I mean a rum drink, and then I scan around to see if there is anyone I know.

Well, there isn't anyone, but I noticed a guy off in the corner near a window overlooking the other room where the guests are.... so he smiles at me,I smile in greeting (I always get a little nervous initially when I dont know anyone at a party.. then I make the rounds) and he smiles back, then gets a "Oh shit!" look on his face and ducks his head down.....

and that's when I realize I was making nice and friendly to the Secret Service agent assigned to watch over the Admiral of the 5th Fleet who was in attendance and who probably wasn't supposed to be making friendly with the other guests, I presume. I turned back to face Z and muttered "Shit, shit, secret service, shit!" to which he replied "huh??". I whispered very quietly making motions behind me with my eyes to indicate the guy at my back.

But I couldn't help thinking to myself... I'm at a party and there's Secret Service agents! Cool!

Ok, the party was crawling with Americans and boy was I loving it! I went around introducing myself, rum in hand, and, as it was 'open seating', picked a table with Z in tow, made friendly with the other people at the table, Z realized the lovely lady from South Carolina was a former client of his, and we had a nice time.

Dinner was served, made more acquaintences in the buffet line, mostly Navy personnell, and later, after a few more rum drinks when dessert was served and I had just placed a particulary luscious sliver of dark chocolate cake on my plate was I yanked over by an acquaintance of Z's ,Cleo, a lady from the US Base, to meet the Admiral. Literally dragged by the arm (she is a lovely funny lady and the Admirals secretary) by this petite 4' 11 lady with a 6'5 personality.

And honeys? He is the youngest Admiral I've ever seen. Early 40's would be my guess and such a lovely, funny gentleman. So, somehow, cake abandoned, the Admiral of the Largest fleet in the US Navy and I had a lovely chat with Cleo about oh so many things for a good 45 minutes. And all the time, I could feel the eyes of the S. S. boring into my back. Well, with him and the head of PR for the base, who, ladies? Was freaking GORGEOUS.

I mean, that was a yummy piece of man. Did I get a good pre-Independence Day gift of what? Maybe I didn't get fireworks, but I got SAILORS and senior officers with impeccable manners! If there is one thing I really love, it's great conversation. It was a nice bit of home, and it never fails to make me homesick. I was in my element and extremely comfortable. I come from a family of military men. My father and brother were both in the Navy. As was one of my maternal uncles, who was, at the time, the youngest EVER Lt. Cmdr in the US Navy. Others in my family were in the Air Force or Army. Dad tried to get me to join the Navy in fact. (If that isn't hilarious, I don't know what is! Me? In the navy? Uh, no.)

Before I knew it, the party wound down, and people began saying their goodbyes. The Admiral was bundled out from some alternate secret exit just like in the movies by his 'keepers'.

All in all, a very lovely evening that I hated to see end.

Two Questions

Hi everyone!

Monster in Law is gone. Whooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo!!!I have a question or two for you....

1) WHERE'S MY DRINK?? I thought it was a party!

2) Has anyone got any more questions for me this week?

3) I saw the movie Monster In Law last night. Anyone curious as to my reaction? (ok, so asked 3. It IS MY blog, after all!)

Bre?? Pirate Wench? Cheryl?

Man I hate drinking alone!

Oh wait a tic! I'm not alone! Garfield, say hello to the nice people! Good BOY!

I Just Wanted To Say

Daddy, I TOLD YOU SO! (how many times in my life have I ever been able to say that?)

Further proof that my reasoning as a child under the age of 8 was flawless and frighteningly accurate found on CNN.com today:

There were 12 shark attacks on Florida beaches in 2004, down sharply from 30 in 2003. Experts credit the busy hurricane season in 2004 for the lower numbers.

Hah! "Sharks don't come this close to shore", my ass!

You know that you’re tired when…

As you may have probably guessed….I overslept this morning. Then, thanks to the Ministry of Works (whom I assume are responsible for the morass that are the Kingdom’s crap infrastructure) and the Ministry of Transportation (read: police) I was even later to work, along with half the country who encountered more than one closed or heavily under construction (read: torn up less than single lane-yes, it’s possible) road on a main artery into town from the ‘suburbs’. For those that would say it’s just ‘Growing Pains’ of a country that is ever increasing and growing, I say bullshit and it shows a complete lack of forethought.

But that is neither here, nor there… much like me in the car this morning! Back to the oversleeping part.

Because, well, advances in technology continue to amaze me. At the rate we’re going, I wouldn’t be surprised if there are robots and civilization much like in the movie I Robot within my lifetime.

Why, you may ask?

Because this morning I hit the snooze button on my mobile phone (cell) so many times that finally, I got a note pop up on the screen that said: “CHECK ALARM TIME”.

Heh. That’s funny. Wise-ass Nokia. I, even in my comatose-like sleep was amused by that message.

But you know what is even funnier?

I shut the damn thing OFF after that. I was having such a good, deep sleep… and SUCH wonderful dreams – no, I’m NOT gonna tell you!- that I just didn’t want to get out of bed.

Guess what woke me up, finally?

My husband? Nope.

Arianna? Nope.

Siony pounding on my door? Nuh-uh.

It was Angel. ONE of my cats. (Homeland Security, remember?) The one that usually wakes me up if Garfield doesn’t. But I guess she was as frustrated as the damn phone alarm was… she tried nudging my shoulder with her head. I pushed her away sleepily. She nudged my cheek with hers, (and she has the longest, thickest whiskers I’ve ever seen on any cat ever so you can imagine the tickling sensation!) She then tried meooowing loudly in my face as I vaguely recall. NOPE. Nada.

Next thing I know, she is standing with her front paws on my cheek, claws carefully in (I was sleeping curled up on my side), and pushing down with all her strength.

She is a goddamn huge animal, people! She is a supermodel of cats, big, long legged and strong and beautiful.

Did you catch that ‘strong’ part?

Needless to say, I’m awake now. She bitched at me, following me around the house as I got ready in a constant stream of chatter until I walked out the door.

Great. One of my damn cats is lecturing me. How do I know she was lecturing me? Because of the looks of pity on the faces of the other cats that could understand her, sitting there looking from her to me, that’s why!

Sheesh! Hope you guys had a better start to your day than I did!

So Close....

And yet, so far! I am sadly excited that today I went to the local telephone bastar...erm phone company to sign up for wireless broadband internet!

Yaaaaayyyy!

Not that this was entirely without incident. Oh NOOOOO. My buddy H and I decided to go into debt... uhhhh.... I mean sign up for this wi-fi (oooh, I sound like I know what I'm talking about, and I so... DON'T!Ha haaaa!) (Ok, I know more now then I did this morning when I woke up. I'm a quick learner, what can I say?) broadband/get a laptop too dealie bob that the bastar... phone company MONOPOLY have on offer.

You pick and choose whichever laptop of 5 major brands your little heart desires and then, they let you pay for it as part of your inet bill till it's paid off. Yes I did my due dilligence (as if I wouldn't ! PLEASE!!!! Give me a LITTLE credit! Jeez!)! It is actually a good deal. Better than having to shell out up front and you (read: ME! I GET! I GET!) a nifty kick ass laptop, and not some toy looking one either! But a bad ass one with lots of STUFF and goodies and- aw HELL YEAH! - surround sound speakers built in! *shakes butt, Shakira style* ( cause you know I can and DO!) And my laptop is so PURTY TOO!!!

Only I don't have it in my clutches... yet.

H and I went to one of the distributors she knows of who is participating in this scheme. They had tons of laptops and so we made like little girls in Toys R Us! Giggling and tapping and playing with each and every one, verbally dissecting whatever dork designed some of them making them look like something you buy for a child in Toys R Us. We both drooled over the RED Ferrari Accer laptop, and she's saying to me "I think Scarlett should SO have this! Scarlett. Red laptop. Scarlett. Haaaaaaa." While looking at each other, then to the laptop wistfully, back. forth. back. stroking the damn thing... petting it nicely... playing with the keys...then I looked at the price and we both backed the hell up likity-spllit.

No babies, Scarlett is not going to have the pretty, pretty Ferrari Red laptop. (It was designed for the Ferrari F1 team) Somebody pass me a tissue. It was like freshly lacqured red nails. It ws the same color as the Maranello I was drooling over on the road the other day and I don't even drive stick shift, officially. *sigh* Lets be realistic here.

Ok, I was NOT being cheap. It just wasn't part of the 'package dealie bob" thinkg from the tel company is all!

In the end, H and I decide to go for the same one and do a few extras while we are at it. I love her to pieces, this woman. I'm so glad I've stolen her away from the evil bastards we both worked for and she will be working with me again in my current job in a few weeks. Yaaay! but I digress.

Because then, once we decided, we had to go to the phone co office down the street and apply for the special offer thingie. And that is where our fun began.

Nobody knew diddly squat. We stood in line, got out, then went to butt in line and got help, if you want to call it that. Turns out the guy we were dealing with was SO DAMN CLUELESS. He ended up making some lame ass excuse and sending us to another branch... in a mall on the other side of town. I thought "Cool, cause Z's cousin works there, she is very sweet and helpful. Maybe she can help us.".

Excecpt she'd already gone home for the day. GREAT! Then? H and I managed to find an absolute tortoise to help us do everything. Touche the Turtle took, I swear to you, a minimum of 20 minutes to imput 5 lines of information,(ie: address for installation, name, user Id name, and what type of inet service. which laptop make I wanted. Yes, that's it.) get a printout, and hand it to me. Another 15 min for H's application. He moved so damn slow, and looked, well, asleep, and we were SO THIRSTY DAMMIT and the lights were cooking our brains they were so hot and we were both exhausted and dizzy by the time he finished with us.

At the end of it all... H said "Maybe their computer system is just old and slow" to which I replied "if THEIR computer system is slow, what the hell are WE GONNA GET? We're screwed."

Now we are just waiting for the approval message to go pick up our shiny silver and black new laptops.

I hope it's faster than Touche was! Jeez.


PS:

a) Monster's flight is confirmed for Monday, ie: day after tomorrow. Party is at my blog on Tuesday if you're interested! Please RSVP if you are WoooohooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo (Cat, thank you for your prayers. Since you're on a roll with the big guy upstairs, wanna buy a lotto ticket and we split it 60/40? (me 40) ) Just a suggestion.

b) I.... shit. I forgot what I was gonna say...... oh yeah! Questions for this week's Inquisiton please darlings.

c) I'm in the market for a digital camera. I don't suppose anyone is going to give any suggestions or props for a good one that you might have and just love to pieces. I want minimum 5.1 megapixels and must have digital zoom of 3 or 4. Preferably one of these Cram It In The Purse sizes, not the big clunky ones. Thanks in advance.

That is all.

Dude Looks Like A Lady!

The little while back I was IM'ing with a friend and she said something to me that took me by surprise.

I saw her online and so I IM'ed her to see how she was feeling and how the recovery was. You see, my friend Sheena used to be my friend Robie. Yeah, as in used to be a man. Sheena and Nikki (my New SIL, former BIL) are very good friends and it seems that although Sheena was taking the meds and in transition to become a woman for much longer Nikki was, and it appears that Nikki's gender reassignment surgery was just the kick in the ass that Sheena needed, so to speak because a couple of months she did the first part of it, and when we talked, she was still high on morphiene from the second "beautificaiton" part of it. (Nikki did it all one shot! And she told me the breast implants she had done at the same time was MORE PAINFUL than the whole 'make a kitty' surgery! Of course, that also could have been her residual morphiene talking.. I must ask again!)

So..... Sheena said "I'm doing ok. It's painful, but I'm glad it's all finally done now! Cyn I only wish I could have: your skin, your hairline, and your ovaries."

Well slap me with a silly stick! My first response was "Thanks for the compliment. My ovaries aren't good for anything, why the hell would you want em?" Poor Sheena didn't know about my infertility problems - I thought Nikki had told her ages ago- so it was a totally innocent comment. She simply said after I explained that 'just look at your gorgeous daughter! I'd love to get my hands on some of your dna, is all honey!".

Aw, that was sweet. Sheena is pretty damn gorgeous herself. When she was living in NYC before she went home to Sweden to do her surgery, modeling scouts used to approach her on the street (from BIG AGENCIES, TOO!) to some in. About 6 feet tall, long viking golden blond hair and big blue eyes, killer bone structure. Absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen her after all the hormones and now that the surgery is done, but she must be even more beautiful now with all that estrogen softening up the hard edges.

As a side note to all the ladies out there: But you know what I 've noticed? That both Sheena and Nikki have hormonal mood swings just like PMS. Isn't that fascinating?

There is a huge difference between Nikki's situation and Sheena's. While Sheena's family welcomed her with open arms and have gotten past her life-changing decision, I can truthfully say that Nikki's haven't.

It is as if, to the majority of them, that she is dead. In the seven months since I told them, one SIL refused to accept it, (well, both did actually and the third one was just floored because she didn't even know that he had been living as a gay man for years in the first place!) But the eldest SIL, she said for no one to ever mention HIM to her again, that as far as she is concerned HE is dead. I replied, "well, HE is dead, but SHE lives." Whatever. No. They are all, and I quote "humilated and embarassed" about 'his' "selfish choice and didn't he think?? WHat will people say?" I was , frankly, appalled by their reactions. What will people say? Who gives a shit? Nothing if you don't tell them! DOH! The one in the US says that she is too ashamed and embarassed and will not tell her husband (who is the biggest pervert you never would want to meet) nor her 30-something kids.

Give me a damn break.

It is odd though, Nikki is the baby of the family and whereas previously, 'his' name was constantly mentioned at least once whenever we were all together, now? Nothin. Zero. Zip. Zilch. No one mentions him now, and when friends or people here ask how "he is" I sit silent and watch Z and his mother trip over each other to lie about where 'he' is and what 'he' is doing because in this society, it's not actually something you can talk about, so they maintain that Nikki is still a 'he'.

Sigh. At least there are a few that have hung in there.

There is the gay older brother, who is the most EVIL Queen I have ever met in my life. Friends, that appple did not fall far from the tree, let me tell you! He is over the moon about the whole thing, which also strikes me as false because he has loathed and despised Nikki her whole life. Then there is monster, who can't stop calling her by her male name, and boy is she gonna be in trouble when she's with Nikki in Iran and she calls her by the old male name!! Gah!!

Then there is Z. I guess he has accepted it, he had to. He and Nikki were always inseperable. Z is 3 years older than Nikki, and they grew up thick as thieves. But I can tell it makes him awkward. But I can tell you that Nikki is his favorite sister! So that is something. Ari and I remain.

Ari and I are of the same mindset, which makes me very happy. Nikki is the same person on the inside, just the outside is a bit different. Ari agrees with this. As Arianna says: "I don't get it, the how part of it, but I understand that for 'her' it makes sense. I've always told him he was girly! Whatever makes her happy is ok by me! I still love her."

She asks to IM with Auntie Nikki whenever she gets a chance! Arianna and Nikki have always been close since she was only a few weeks old and I'm glad they are continuing that way.

The same goes for me and my Mama. Nikki is the same exact person on the inside... only the packaging is different.

And that is pretty much what it boils down to: It's what's on the inside of a person that counts. Do what you can and be happy. No one is promised tomorrow.

So Nikki and Sheena, this one's for you! I love ya girlies from the bottom of my heart!

Better Late Than Never!

Terribly sorry for the delay in answers, everyone!

This week I asked my own question about what I apparently have in common with Sa*dam Huss*in.

Ollie was almost spot on about the Sad*am H question: I have a deep love of Cheetos- and I'm bad I guess, cause my child and fuzzball cats are all equally addicted to them. Turns out he got grumpy when he didn't get any Cheetos…. His guards didn't know what to do. So they substituted Doritos… no more grumpy dictator!! Apparently he can finish off a family size bag in 10 min flat. Impressive. I won't claim such a feat, definitely!

Now then, let's cut to the chase, shall we?

This week, Mare Imbrium asked me:

Somebody gives you a gold card and tells you to have fun. Where do you go and what do you buy?

EVERYWHERE! I'd go all over the world shopping! Italy, Spain, Hong Kong (I love my electronics!), London, New York, shall I continue? I think you get the drift. Anywhere I can. I guess the easy call for me would be shoes, bags, and jewellery. Since you ruled out the car and house *pouts* (haha) I would also buy things for others too, because I really like giving gifts. Also perhaps some furniture, but I have to be in the mood for that, really.


Cheryl b, my sweet, reliably naughty friend came at me with:

Speaking of......your question is: Have you ever faked an orgasm? Remember, you promised to answer ALL questions truthfully.

I wish I could answer that question with an explanation like Mare's, but I have to just bite the bullet and sadly say that Carrie Jo honey, you DID answer it for me. "BTW, I could answer Cyn's question for you, Cheryl: What woman who has ever been sexually active HASN'T? ;o) -Carrie Jo "

Not that I make a habit of it or anything… and I honestly did it more, the few times I have done it,, when I was younger. (Hah! Me sitting here at the ripe old age of 33!!)

Bre asked me on a more serious note:

uhm, with all the shit you put up with, have you ever thought of seriously taking Ari and leaving Z?

I'd be lying if I said I haven't. Every now and then, for years, yes I have considered it. Even before I moved here 7 years ago. But so far I haven't obviously done anything about it.

I must admit that being a child of divorce I always swore to myself I would do everything I could to avoid subjecting my own children (child) to that. To that end, I have seriously worked my tail off at this marriage. I can honestly say that, completely at peace, finally having realized it for myself that it is a two-way street, and it takes both people to make any relationship work, not just marriage. More than anything, I am glad that at least, the fundamental friendship that Z and I had from the beginning is there still. When HE wants to, we can laugh and joke and enjoy a song, and that is nice.

That isn't to say I don't understand why my parents divorced. I really honestly do, and I never blamed myself, or either one of them (although, if we are pointing fingers, Dad didn't help things any!), it just made me sad, period.

That being said, I believe that everyone has a limit that they must reach that enables them to make that final step, and I just guess mine has not been reached quite yet. That's what happened with Mama and Daddy. Mama put up with a lot too. I guess I am like her in that respect as well, the internal strength, and that makes me very glad to have learned/inherited that from her.

Wow! This week's answers have ended on a rather serious note, have they not?!

Thank you for your questions ladies. Most appreciated!

Light a Candle...

Guess who is going away for a few weeks?

Monster! She's going to Iran!! Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!!! Well, she's going to sell her house, because her relatives there are just as whacked as she is and waited until my New SIL (the one that used to be my BIL) was at work, went past the doorman with a locksmith friend, and broke into it and stole whatever cash and stuff they could find.

Yes, kind of scary, that, isn't it?

But hey! It's all good, right? Even if it's only for a few weeks, and not the 3 months its supposed to be... I have to look on the bright side, right?

One teensy problem, friends: There is one flight a week to Tehran, and it is on Monday... and the one for the coming Monday? Is. FULL, She is on waitlist. SO, please light a candle and say a prayer that come Monday, I can sing "And she's leavin... on a jet plane... I don't know when she'll be back again!... blah blahllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa *hums rest of song*

Giggle, Snort,*MOAN* Snicker, GUFFAW!!!!!!

While cruising about the net this morning, something caught my attention (you will SO understand in a minute... keep reading!) I had yet another instance of "I'VE GOTTA BLOG THIS!!!!". I realize I normally just link to an article, but this was too good not to post in it's entirety.

The comments in blue are, obviously, my comments) Check it out:

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - New research indicates parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off when a woman is having an orgasm but remain active if she is faking. (well DUUUUUHHHHH)

In the first study to map brain function during orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain governing emotional control is largely deactivated. (Hmm, now that is truly interesting.)

"The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go. (And you needed to do a study for this? Isn't it just common sense? I mean REALLY!! I could have told all of this to them and pocketed the research money AND saved them a lot of time and effort!!) Women can imitate orgasm quite well, as we know, but there is nothing really happening in the brain," said neuroscientist Gert Holstege, presenting his findings Monday to the annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology. (Well, nothing happening but the intense concentration of the woman woman making DAMN sure her partner doesn't KNOW she's faking it!)

In the study, Holstege and his colleagues at Groningen University recruited 11 men, 13 women and their partners. (Ah, a man did this study. Wouldn't you like 10 minutes alone with his wife for a little chat? I bet she fakes it and he's wondering!) I'm sure the women neuroscientists there were sniggering behind his back, don't you?

The volunteers were injected with a dye that shows changes in brain function on a scan. For men, the scanner tracked activity at rest, during erection, during manual stimulation by their partner and during ejaculation brought on by the partner's hand. (Am I mistaken, or aren't the last two techniques the same thing? What about Oral? Man, I'm naughty!!)

For women, the scanner measured brain activity at rest, while they faked an orgasm, while their partners stimulated their clitoris and while they experienced orgasm. (Where do I sign up?)

Holstege said he had trouble getting reliable results from the study on men because the scanner needs activities lasting at least two minutes and the men's climaxes didn't last that long. (Awwww, poor things!) However, the scans did show activation of reward centers in the brain for men, but not for women. (No shit Sherlock!)

Holstege said his results on women were more clear.

When women faked orgasm, the cortex, the part of the brain governing conscious action, lit up. It was not activated during a genuine orgasm. Even the body movements made during a real orgasm were unconscious, Holstege said.

The most striking results were seen in the parts of the brain that shut down, or deactivated. Deactivation was visible in the amygdala, a part of the brain thought to be involved in the neurobiology of fear and anxiety.

"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said.

Shutting down the brain during orgasm may ensure that obstacles such as fear and stress did not get in the way, Holstege proposed. "Deactivation of these very important parts of the brain might be the most important necessity for having an orgasm," he said. (Really? You don't say? Might be? Again... DUHHHHH!!)

Donald Pfaff, professor of neurobiology and behavior at Rockefeller University in New York, said the interpretations were reasonable. "It makes poetic sense," said Pfaff, who was not connected with the research. By EMMA ROSS, AP Medical Writer

I still say they are schmucks since pulling any woman off the street and asking her would have had the same basic result (without the nifty pictures and stuff, but still!) I basically boils down to this:

As womankind has known since the begining of time, a Genuine Orgasm is best!(how I would love to trademark that phrase!)

Author's Note: (Quiet Peanut Gallery! You know what I mean!) Basically experiencing the real thing vs. a "When Harry Met Sally" incident.

Women don't choose to NOT have an orgasm, it's something that either happens or doesn't largely based on the willingness of their partner to ensure that they are relaxed and comfortable enough to 'let go' to have a real one. But in faking it, they make a concious decision (obviously) to make their partner happy, since they get nothing from faking it at all. It's all a matter of stroking the male ego while ours is left at their mercy.

Drat, and Double Drat!

I almost forgot to beg... erm grovel.... uh, nag-ahem!- request/remind you all to get a question in for this week's Inquisition. So do it already, willya?

Shall I give you a deadline and make you completely jittery and anxious about getting your question in on time? Ok. 12 noon on Wednesday, Pacific Time is your deadline. Answers to follow soon thereafter!

In the meantime, I'll ask you this: What do I (apparently) have in common with Sadd*m Huss*in? (I bet THAT woke y'all up, now didn't it?) I'll give you a hint... it's not day of birth! (crappy hint, huh?)

Hide and Go Seek!!!

I have a problem. Things like this really bother me. Yes, reading things like "CIA chief has 'excellent idea' where bin Laden is" as a news headline irritate the shit out of me.

Now while I am not the most violent and bloodthirsty of wenches you may ever encounter, this whole "the US respects Sovreign Nations" bullshit and applying it to the whole situation regarding O*ama Bin La*in, rubs me the wrong way.

There are plenty of ways that this tall, evil, and unfortunately intelligent problem could be, ahem, taken care of, no matter where he is hiding. I mean jeez, isn't that one of the proper uses of US Special Forces and MI5? All those legions of James Bond type guys and they aren't being used for such a good cause? How depressing. Some people need to be obliterated from planet Earth, and he is one of them. Definetly.

But I'm slightly confused, because one minute we hear from "intelligence officials" that: "We don't know where he is" then the next "We think we know where he is", and then two breaths later "We have an excellent idea where he is" then we back to the "We don't have a friggin clue". I'm sure that O*ama the psychopath is sitting in his hidey hole somewhere laughing his freaky ass off at the whole hide and seek game he is playing, and apparently winning.

As Mama always said "there is a time and place for everything" and honestly, it is way past time to get this lunatic, particularly when it seems that the people that should know WHERE he is already do!

Ok, I'm through ranting now.

I Was Sort Of Wondering.....

I have a little question for any of you out there (and if you have PCOS, even better! You know what I mean!! That it would be for the same reason!) that might have taken Glucophage, aka Metformin:

When kicking in with a newly prescribed 'high' dose, (ie: I was taking it previously, but NOT LIKE THIS! Stopped it, and have now begun taking it all over again) have any of you ever felt so sick and near to vomiting that all you could do was take very shallow breaths to keep from hurling? I can usually handle nausea, but this is particulary bad. Doc has put me on two tabs in the am and two in the pm and damn me if it hasn't brought me low yesterday and today! I'm kind of hoping this feeling will pass sooner than later. As is, as I type, it's all I can do to just sit here and not make for the porcelain throne.

Help a sistah out, willya?

PS: In vengance for Z being a weak schmuck, I did what any caring wife would do...... I snitched to his Diabetes specialist that he has been cheating on his diet (when I'm not around) and eating all sorts of things he shouldn't,(other than sugar and sweets, I mean), like very oily fatty foods, particulary prepared by Monster, whose motto has always been "the more oil the better", and he's not checking his blood for days unless I nag him into doing it, etc.. ie: he has become complacent since it is 'under control' and since he views me as a nagging shrew and refuses to understand that I have only his best long term intrest at heart, I had to whip out the big guns.

Whew! That was a derious run on sentence, wasn't it? Anyway, Doc said thank you for informing him of all this, and he looked quite ready to nail him to the wall. I told Doc that I've repeatedly told him when he tries to come back with the argument "see? I will check my blood after eating such and such a food... my sugar level is ok" to which I reply, I'm 'nagging' not because of your sugar level, but because Type 2 diabetes doesn't disappear one day, and these things you eat affect your whole body! Heart, liver, kidneys, etc... everything! But he doesn't listen. So I snitched.

Heh. Didn't I tell y'all that on my shitlist is not somewhere you want to be?

Further Proof

I had earlier briefly considered also posting another Monster vs. my cats incident, thought better of it, and now, based on a few of the comments I recieved on the last one about Little Man, I've decided to go ahead and post it after all although, I truly believe that what she did the other day was one of the most evil things she has done yet.

When I was living in the US , I came to Bahrain on vacation right before I moved, when Z was recruited to work over here . That was when she and her evil then 51 year-old son that was freeloading off of us for two years called the Humane Society to come and take away my cats.. all 12 of them.

I had arranged for a friend from work, Veronica, to look after them every day that I would be gone for me (monster didn't even have to sneeze on them). Poor Veronica freaked the hell out when she came over to feed, water and clean up after them after work one day after I had been gone 4-5 days and discovered the cats GONE. V later told me that when she arrived at my apartment, Monster was happily cleaning up- going through my personal things, and throwing all the cat things out (meds, shampoos, food,toys, food dishes, brushes and grooming tools, everything you can think of- and it was a LOT of stuff!) and told her "ALL GONE! Heh heh" with a big toothy grin. She said "cat police take". Poor Veronica was freaking the hell out cause they were her responsiblity in my absence. She was begging monster to give her whatever paperwork they had left so she could go and get them out and keep them at her place! but monster said "no paper give. no no.". smiling all the while.

Then I get a call here ON VACATION- 4 days in- from monster saying the "cat police come and take them ALL". I was 10,000 miles away on the other side of the planet unable to do anything. I felt like I was in the worst kind of hell. She kept saying there was no paperwork left, which I felt sure was a big lie. (Veronica later told me she had been begging her for the paperwork for days and days and that she kept saying "No no. No police paper."

I kept wondering who called the Humane Society to come take them, even with my sneaking suspicion, I kept quiet till I got home, sure that they had all been put to sleep and heavily depressed. As soon as we got home -and very late at night - she handed the paperwork to Z saying "I don know, I don know". Y'all know which paper work, the paperwork from the "Cat police" that she said she never recieved!

The next day I called H.S. to see what had happened to my pets. Thank GOD they were a) still alive and had not been euthanized, and b) not been given away either. I begged them to tell me who had called them, but as per the rules, they wouldn't say anything, and thankfully, I explained to them that I had been away on vacation when someone did this and they let me BUY MY PETS BACK at about $75-80 bucks each.Yeah, you do the math. I will never forget the dejected looks on their sad little faces when I walked into the kitty jail before they saw me. I started calling them and they all jumped up and ran to the bars,sticking paws out and meowing like anything. I was SO angry, but relieved that they were all alive.

At the time, in my apartment complex, I a had a vet for a neighbor who took care of the racehorses at the racetrack nearby. When I came back, she took me aside and told me "did you get your cats back?" and I told her yes. She told me that she was there when the officers came and took them and when she identified herself as a Vet and asked what happened, one of the officers said "we were told the owners called and said they didn't want them anymore". She then went on to tell me that encountering my BIL in the laundry room, she asked him and managed to weasel out of him that he is the one that called for them to be taken away, that evil Queen.
I threw a complete hissyfit which was, as usual, no use, since Z refused to believe it.

I can tell you honestly that she is one of the most horrible people I have ever met, and it frightens the hell out of me that my husband came out of someone like that. It really does. He has some of her tendancies, but recieved most of his genetics from his father, thankfully. The "monster tendencies" that he did inherit, I didn't see when we were dating and engaged, mostly because he kept it very well hidden.

Sigh.

Happy Daddy's Day!

*Cues 'Daddy Cool' by Boney M*

To all of you Daddies out there, I'd like to wish you a very Happy Father's Day! Regardless of whatever your kids may address you as, be it Father, Dad, Daddy, Da, DaDa Papa, Pa, Pere, Pop,اقاجان,Baba, Abu,爸, cha, татко ,‏بابا , I wish you all a relaxed, happy day and may your deepest dearest wishes come true!

Kick back, watch a ball game, play a round of golf, or don't do much of anything if you are so inclined, have a great meal and enjoy yourselves! You deserve it! I think we can all agree that without all of you, none of us would be here!

Have a great day, Daddies of the world!

Heartless Murd*ring Bitch From Hell.

Uh huh. I just bet that has y'all wondering, now doesn't it? Some of you might even be thinking to yourself, "I wonder what the hell Monster has done now?".

Crazy old bitch. She just HAD to take a bad situation and make it worse. I'm SOOOOOO fed up.

You will please recall that I have a gizillion pedigree Persian cats. Ok, perhaps gizillion is exaggerating. But it definetely takes two hands to count em, and maybe a toe or two. Today, that number is down by ONE.

Last week I told y'all about Gypsy, she is my little angel kitten who is about 2 months old or so, give or take a week. Gypsy is one of a litter of two born to Isis in her golden years. (That Max is one horny devil, isn't he? He's getting everyone knocked up. You will also recall the 'discussion' (read- ongoing argument) between Z and I to take Max for the snippy of his nutsack, no? Yes!)

Anyhooo, I kind of purposly didn't mention Gypsy's litter mate, her brother, because there was something wrong with him that didn't allow him to grow and develop properly. He was sweet as pie, if a bit 'thick' if you get my drift and looked just like a 90-something year old man. This morning he had what appeared to be a massive stroke (remember Fred from last year? Same thing. I think its because Isis is too old to be getting knocked up- in cat years) and was basically dying for the early part of today. Now you all know that I'm too much of a softie to put him out of his misery by speeding him along personally to cat Heaven, but I am big on letting them go knowing they are loved and as comfortable as possible. Gypsy has always been particulary OVERPROTECTIVE of the little guy, and you could totally see the sadness in her eyes today as she hovered near him. She would go over and give him kisses and then walk away and look at him, standing guard. So I made sure he was in an air conditioned room (since it is about 110-ish plus humidity today) and told Shony to leave it on so he doesn't suffer unessarily. A while later is when IT struck.

I had a 'date' (read: appointment) with my ENT for him to shove all manner of things up my nose, in my ears, and down my throat because I just can't handle the raging sinus infection one day longer, so I left the house for my appointment, again reiterating to Shony to leave little man right where he is and she said "no problem. I'm gonna go take a shower now while you're gone." I go to the doc, much squirming (me) ensues, and shaking of head and tut-tutting (Doc), meds are prescribed, and I'm on my way to pick up Z to come home for lunch. I get home and I notice that Little Man is MIA. This made me sad, and I figured that he passed while I was out at the doctor and playing chauffeur for Z and Shony, um, took care of things so as not to traumatize Arianna.

Wrong. SO GODDAMN WRONG.

Later, when Ari was not around and after I again drove 30 min into town to drop Z off and returned home did I ask Shony for the low-down.

And then I got PISSSSSED OFF.

Turns out the old murdering BITCH FROM HELL, as soon as I was gone to the Doc and Shony in her room goes and...........

Yeah, you guessed it. Dumped Little Man outside in the FUCKING 110+ degree heat, MIDDAY, to finish dying. Do you have any idea how intense the sun is here?

Now I admit that little man already had one paw in the grave, so to speak, but what she did was absolutely horrifying.

By the time Shony FOUND HIM, it was too late, but when she started to describe his condition at the end, I started gagging and made her stop because it was really obvious that he suffered. I am SO PISSED. Turns out Shony already went ballistic on the old witch. Too bad I missed that.

So of course, I tell you-know-who about it, because if I let loose without his having the lowdown, well, it could get ugly, and plus, well, I might have made a lunge for her, and with no one to pull me off, I probably wouldn't have stopped till I was tired. So I tell him "She is a horrible creature. How in the hell could she do this to that poor little cat??" He started making excuses and I said "NO EXCUSES! She never does anything for or to the cats except to abuse them, but this is SICK SHIT! Remember how she admitted to us that not long after she and your father married she tossed his kitten off the roof? three stories? and puddytat went splat? She is an evil animal killer! Tell her she killed Little Man! Let her know that's on her head too, along with all the other stuff she's done!" Z tried to put me off. I have been saying ever since "Did you tell her she's a murderer yet?"

Nope. Of course he hasn't. Wimpy mama's boy. He said "why should I?" I told him he'd better say something, because if I get started it could get beyond ugly, and then I will say something to her face I really shouldn't. Something like, oh, I don't know... something like this: "The way Little Man died, all alone, suffereing and dumped in the heat, gasping for breath, alone, you might consider that the same could happen to you!" And it could totally happen too, that I say something like that, because my daughter found out what happened to Little Man and boy is she pissed.

Look y'all, I am a really kind and loving person, but if you piss me off, and pull cruel shit like this? Well, lets just say, on my shitlist is not somewhere you wanna be, okay? Guess who's on top of that list?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.*talons OUT*

Now Gypsy is stuck to me like white on rice meowing plaintively. Ugh. Poor sister kitty.

Cold Hard Truth

I've been thinkin.... I realize I'm being moody lately, and it's not just the fact that my boss has decided to bring a secretary into the department that will report to me that so far? Just based on what I've seen of her since her interview (snuck in under my radar) and a brief interaction or three when she came to sign a contract, she seems to have an attitude problem (and HR thinks this too, but the whole decision went over our heads) and that she will be paid a LOT more than my current salary before OT even though a) she will be reporting to me, b) I'm Executive Secretary (she, a lower grade to CEO only.) to not only the CEO, but to the Board of Directors AND Executive Office Manager. And she will be getting MORE THAN ME? That is just WAAAAAAAAAAAY fucked.


No, it's not just the whole injustice of that situation. Beyond that whole fucked up situation at work, you know what I think my problem is, among other things? I need to get laid, bigtime.

I seriously need not only to get laid, but to have a mind blowing orgasm or three. Or 5. It would be really nice to just lay back, relax and let go and be pleasured senseless, dazed, and left out of breath vaguely wondering where my asthma inhaler is.

Likliehood of that happening? Not bloody likely! I don't even remeber that last time something like THAT happened.

No wonder I'm moody, dammit! *cusses fluently in three langueages*

I mean jeez, there is only so much one can do for oneself, ya know?

Pure GENUIS!

I have a friend, y'all. Her 'name' is Ollie and you might have noticed her commenting on my blog every now and then. She is one of my fellow infertile buddies who has not lost her sense of humor regardless of what has been thrown her way in her great baby quest. We're pals from a fellow blogger's comment section for what seems like ages now! Not only is she extremely talented and sweet, and super intelligent, but she is, well.....

She's all that and a Costco Size bag of Dorritos/Cheetos! That is some serious goodness right there!

She posted more of her usual GENUIS today, something that struck a chord with me and made me want to run over here and post about it too! There's just one teensy problem.

I couldn't have said it better myself, so hows about you just run over and have a gander yourselves?

You go girl! I'm with ya!

Spilling My Guts

Hey y'all!

I thought I'd merge last week and this week's Inquisition into, well, this week's Inquisition Confession since I was so, erm, tardy in answering. *ahem!*

One or two of you actually threw me for a loop "this week" and made me – GASP!! – think!! Imagine that!?? Well, let's cut to the chase, shall we my darlings?

Bre asked me:

If you had to pick one book and one book only, to read for the rest of your life (say all other books mysteriously vanish) which one would it be and why? I already know, btw that it is some type of romance novel....lol

Bre hon, you've killed me! I have been dragging my tail around trying to figure out what book to tell you. I really have!

That, my dear, was the question from hell for a person that loves reading and is really a voracious reader. Add to the fact that while I may have a generally iffy memory for some things, I am a very 'visual' person and as such, when I read a book, I am immersed in it, in my head it is like watching a movie, if that makes any kind of sense to you.

All the books in the world vanishing but for one? Sounds like the work of Lord Voldemort to me! (Harry Potter fans will be nodding, the rest of you, stop with the blank looks and Google it already!)

Let me see. Some of you will probably be all disappointed in me if I don't say "The Bible", I am sure. And if all the books disappear, I suppose my holding on to a holy book would be a good thing for mankind, now wouldn't it?

But I'm not one to impose religion-any religion, nor am I one to be judgmental between the different religions. In fact, since the three MAIN religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) worship the same entity, yet call Him by a different name; it's all good in my book. God is God and as the Muslims say "God is Great", period!

So, no Bible.

Maybe a huge ass medical reference book, if I want to do some good for mankind?

But that's kind of boring. Hmmm, something like History of the World perhaps from beginning to present. Boy, would that be a big book! I love me some history!

If you are insistent about a romance novel, then, anything by Kat Martin, Catherine Coulter, Jane Feather, Julie Garwood, or Amanda Scott.


Shylah, better late than never, said:

I'm slow and late and all that crap, but I wanna ask anyway. And I know you'll answer cause you love me. What's the funniest thing Ari's ever said?

You're right sweetie, I love ya to bits!!! You asked me a toughie because some pretty funny stuff comes flying out of her mouth. Constantly.

I can't even think, because my mind is occupied with the doozy I heard my boss say yesterday in a speech in front of the whole company! Bless his heart, I know it was meant in the best possible way, but... jeez! It went a little something like this!

He was speaking about people being human and making mistakes, and how that is acceptable, and that everybody screws up,but what he ended up saying was:

"You know, it's ok, because we are all human, and we all screw sometimes. You know! We all SCREW.. heh heh heh.... it's human nature!"

I shit you not, y'all. He really said that! Loud and serious, in front of the WHOLE ORGANIZATION! Now THAT'S what I call a realistic pep talk!

I was digging my nails into my palm and sniggering with my girlfriend at work as quietly as possible. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still laughing my ass off everytime I think about it, and that's pretty often!

Cheryl B. :

What is the nicest thing you have done for someone that didn't know it was you who did it?

Just at work I do that kind of thing about 90% of my day! I usually do things for people, fix things or protect them without them knowing so that my boss doesn't get pissed at them. Anyone that knows me, could tell you I tend to do nice things for people in general and I'm not usually one to brag about what I've done, so if you find out, it most likely wouldn't be from me! It's been said that I'm TOO NICE, in fact.

They're probably right. It always turns around to bite me in the ass. But I am who I am.

Well, thank you all for being so patient with me. I hope you enjoyed reading the answers to your questions. If you don't hear from me before the weekend, have a great one!

Love,

Scarlett Cyn

Dude,Where’s My Dictionary?

Asshole.

I think I have the perfect definition of ‘asshole’, but I really think I need to do a cross check before I say anything.

Hmmmm… let me see now…. *flips through pages*

No, I think MY definition is infinitely better, and I will offer proof to go along with my ‘argument’, because frankly, I think that when you pick up a dictionary, my husband’s picture should be next to the word “asshole”, and this is why (Jeff Foxworthy style):

You might be an asshole if:

You pound-not nudge- your wife repeatedly on the shoulder-and not all too gently either- shouting WAKE UP!! from a sound (read: like a corpse) sleep after she suffered such horrible sinus blockage that she didn’t sleep the night before, felt as if she was being slowly suffocated, and her equilibrium was duly affected by said sinus blockage to the extent that she stumbled around her office like the town drunk for the majority of the day and was nauseated to the point of chucking her cookies and finally ended up medicating herself to the gills just to catch a few winks.

I'm SO not a morning person, even on a good day (well, excecpt in one way that is! hee hee!), and even the CATS and my daughter when she was 2 years old know/knew not to wake me up like this.

So I ask you is this really a way to get woken up? If you'll excuse me, I've got a few calls to make to Random House, Webster's, Oxford, etc... because I know I'm right.

NOT GUILTY

Yes, I perversely sat up until almost 1 am watching the Michael Jackson trial verdicts read live.

One by one I heard 'Not Guilty' read on CNN. I can only imagine the terror MJ was feeling. I was actually quite impressed by the way he and the whole family conducted themselves upon exiting the courthouse.

I won't say whether I personally think he was guilty or not, but I will say this:

Michael, for the love of God, please, PLEASE stay away from males under 18 from now on, for your own sake and that of your children!

Once Upon A Time...

Every now and then I come across an email that I have to post on my blog, not just mindlessly forward via email. Why? Because it just "tickles me scarlett" and I have to share it with you, that's why!!

In all fairness, I will give a shout out to the person who sent it to me... so thanks Haifa! I needed that chuckle honey!

This is the fairy tale we should have been reading as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am. Then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.".

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

'I don't fucking think so!!!!!!'

The End

Y'all know you loved it! Admit it!

The answers.... part 1

Last one first y'all......

Catrina asked me:

Does Maman still smoke?

First off, she means Monster, for all of you curious readers.

And, before I answer that, may I just say that I finally saw a trailer for Monster-in-law? (Quiet, wiseguys!) Yes I did. And my daughter just happened to be sitting mnhest to me in the movie theater when I did, and into the silence that followed.... she was heard to state - not altogether quietly - after the cake scene and the shrieking antics of Jane Fonda......"Wow! That's just like Grandma about you! But... she's worse than that lady on the screen." Then she leaned around me and said, as she reached for some popcorn, "Don't you think that's just like your MOM, Dad?".

Uh. huh.

Have you guys ever choked on popcorn? No? For the record? It's awfully painful.

Now then Cat, she still sneaks and snoops around corners attempting to eavesdrop and spies on us as much as before, if not more which is beyond creepy. As far as the cigs go, Monster tells everyone that she doesn't smoke anymore...for ages. BUT. I've caught her smoking out in the garden. And if that isn't HER ciggie butts out in her favorite corner of the garden, I'll be dammed if I know whose they are.

And now, every afternoon around 4-ish, Shony sees her go in her room, LOCK the door from inside and hide out there for about 15 minutes. When the door is open again? Presto! The reek of cigarettes mixed with copious amounts of perfume.

Nawwwwww, she doesn't smoke. Do ya think?

Next answer will be in a little while. Keep your eyes peeled!

Update.

So far, so good with my little sign project in the ladies room at work. We'll see how long they behave, hmmm?

I just realized that it's Thursday and I didn't ask for Inquisition questions. My bad.

Bad, bad Scarlett Cyn.

So, ask me a question. I'll still do it this week, if a bit belatedly.

For those of you chomping at the bit to know what an Islamic toilet is. Well, it's like a hole in the floor, with a ceramic basin, there is no seat, cause you have to squat. and when I say squat, I mean way the hell down on your haunches. Best description is that it is like a sunken toilet? There is a flush mechanism that works like a regular commode.

What is with the squatting thing, you may wonder? From what I understand it is a matter of cleanliness and not touching your skin somewhere that someone 'unclean' or heathen (ie: non-praying, someone that has not done the ritual absolution (washing) for them to pray) It is for the same reasons highly religious Muslims don't shake hands with the opposite sex or even touch.

I may have completely butchered that, but if there is a Muslim out there that would love to describe it better, please be my guest.

Now then.

Questions lovies, quesitons!

Just Call Me...... SUBTLE

"Vengence is mine", sayeth the Lord. That's what I've always been told.

Well Lord, generally speaking, I tend to agree and leave things in your capable hands, (see? For instance, I've left Monster ALL for you to handle!) but You DID give me a brain, and sometimes, you just need to take matters into your own hands. I don't want to bother you with such teensy problems. You have more important things to worry about! Like the horrid things going on down here on Earth. Sick babies, World Peace, Terrorism, worrying about Monster showing up at your gates and wanting in (ha hahahahahah- yeah right!) and all that kind of stuff. I'm just trying to be helpful, you understand?

Dearest readers: You know something? Just when I thought (assumed) things were going along smoothly here with the bathroom situation at work when I got a DOUBLE surprise the other day.

Go on, I'll let you use your fertile imaginations before I break it to you. I'll wait.........

.....................................*looks at watch*.......................................

Well, the other day I had to tinkle, so off to the Ladies I go. I barrell into the usual stall and I skid to a dead stop in my tracks.

People, we had a floater. And by the looks of things, it had been there for a while.

Ewwwww.

I flushed as fast as possible (for those of you wondering why I didn't just choose another stall, it's because there are only TWO stalls, and the other one is an Islamic-style toilet.) and proceeded still irked like hell... only to disover a few seconds later that...........

no. fucking.paper. again.

In the immortal words of Charlie Brown: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

)(*)&)^%^$%^$$$^$&*(%^())%^#*(%^#)*#%()*%#()#$)(&%^#((*)%^#(*&(%&

Enough is enough, and even I have my limits. So guess what I did?

I plotted and figured out how to get my message across without sounding like a completely accusatory bitch on wheels.

I ended up making a nice and tasteful COLOR sign with pictures and everything on my new toy(color copy machine/scanner/printer/BBQ Grill, that read: "Please flush when finished (with a cartoon-like pic of a toilet) and then a BIG cartoon pic of a roll of "Charmin" with the words "And make sure there is paper for the person after you. Thank you!!!!!!"

Fuck all with the being subtle stuff. I then went and taped the thing at EYE LEVEL inside the stall opposite the toilet so that when you're sitting down, you can't help but look at it! The only thing I didn't do was type it in Swahili, and that's only because the only one here that speaks it is my boss, and well, he's MALE.