The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...

I thought y'all would appreciate these lovely greeting cards. (Julie, we really should go into business together)

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
Inside card) - I never believed in Hell or the Devil until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go....
Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll
probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
Inside card) - Someone completely different than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age..
Inside card) - You should with all those Botox injections every 6 weeks!I think you forgot to Botox your butt though.

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now that we've broken up, I think it's time for you to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
Inside card) - What do you say we stop, hmmm?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
Inside card) - Did you ever manage to find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket...
Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday...
Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Daddy!
(Available only in the Ozark and Blue Ridge Mountain Range areas of the US)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help
but wonder...
Inside card) - What in the HELL was I thinking? Must've been the crack haze...yeah, thats it.

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband becausecause he's an asshole.

16. Wishing you a speedy recovery after your plastic surgery...
Inside card) Because you need to get to a lawyer right after you see what the Plastic Surgeon did to you.

17. Being in a relationship with you has taught me so much and made me realize so many things.....
Inside card) For instance, I realize now that I'm gay. Goodbye.

18. Heard you're leaving!
Inside the card) Finally,Thank God! I thought we'd never get rid of you. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!Your things are packed and in your car.

Hey to my creative buddies, please feel free to add your own genius!