Today's Hissyfit
Now this is more like it.
The "Holy shit I'm going to go through another cycle of IVF" is kicking in. I was kinda wondering when it would, ya know? Then the eternal "What if it doesn't work again?" and "Why the hell DIDN'T it work the last 3 times??" I'm trying to be positive, I truly am. But to be really honest, I'm not worried it won't work....... no. Uh-huh. I'm TERRIFIED out of my fucking mind.
Poor Z. He tries to be sooooooo optimistic. Well so do I. But. I KNOW he's it trying to keep my spirits up. He's a sweetie. But, I think it would work better if he wasn't giving me that pitiful look when he was doing it. It would also help if he didn't look like I told him to decapitate himself when he has to go pay for the IVF package.
I feel guilty. Cause the problem is me. I have to wonder exactly what the hell is going on inside me after these embryo transfers. I really do. I just can't understand why the hell it hasn't worked. So many of the ladies out there have much worse medical reasons for it not working, things they are up against, yet it works for them.
Me, I respond extremely well-I'm very sensitive to the meds at least-, I typically get about 30 follicles per stim cycle of injectibles. Usually about half are big enough on trigger day to give some hope. I don't necessarily get that many "viable" (I hate that damn word) eggs when they are all aspirated though. Beut HEY! something is better than nothing, right? They(it) fertilize. Great. The embryologist tells me, each time, that I have "excellent", "Perfect!" or "beautiful" embryos just waiting to be transferred on ET day. My uterus is absolutely fine. not tilted, bent, or whatever. It's fucking Fabulous. Transfer goes fine. I rest. I wait 1 week.... the 2 weeks..... I feel like absolute shit with severe OHSS pain during this time...and I wait..........then I find out that it was all for nothing. It didn't work. Again.
Why? I get the answer from my DOCTOR that he really, if he were THAT smart,would NEVER say to me.... I Don't Know. Well shit. shit. shit. Excuse me, but if he dosen't know, what the hell can I DO!? To give him credit, he looks just as stupefied as I do when I think about it. I mean, our expressions are identical. That's bad. I put my trust in him, give all the money I can scrape together....... and HE DOSN'T KNOW??? He tells me that "It should have worked." *Buzzer sounds* WRONG ANSWER! I could get violent.
Being surrounded by pregnant people or people that have just given birth doesn't help much. Especially when they are nagging. Especailly the one pregnant with triplets. HELLO! You have a maid AND a nanny and are getting ready for the 2nd nanny to come soon. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I would KILL to be in such a situation. Well, almost kill. You get the idea.
Cyn's having a bad day today......
4/29/2004
The most accurate scientific study I've seen in a while....
A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
If she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in gasoline and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his ass.
Further studies are expected.......
This isn't a real study, it's a joke (I think). But can you believe that a male friend sent it to me??? Have you all actually SEEN a cricket stump? Ouch. Yeah, its pretty accurate.
Do any of you have any other suggestions? *claps hands in glee* aw cumon, you know you do.
A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
If she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in gasoline and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his ass.
Further studies are expected.......
This isn't a real study, it's a joke (I think). But can you believe that a male friend sent it to me??? Have you all actually SEEN a cricket stump? Ouch. Yeah, its pretty accurate.
Do any of you have any other suggestions? *claps hands in glee* aw cumon, you know you do.
4/27/2004
Scarlett's "Dumb-ass of the Week" Award
And the winner is........................................
The dumb ass in the US that stole a big-wheeler full of boxed cherries, drove it straight to his house, proceeded to post "Cherries for Sale" signs, and sell them straight from his backyard by the box. Then the idiot offered to sell "the whole truckload" for a mere $28,000.00!!!!!!!!!!
Police apprehended the fool by following the "Cherries for Sale" signs to his house where he was still in process of selling cherries from the back of the truck.
Question: What the hell would ANYONE do with a whole truckload of cherries???
And the winner is........................................
The dumb ass in the US that stole a big-wheeler full of boxed cherries, drove it straight to his house, proceeded to post "Cherries for Sale" signs, and sell them straight from his backyard by the box. Then the idiot offered to sell "the whole truckload" for a mere $28,000.00!!!!!!!!!!
Police apprehended the fool by following the "Cherries for Sale" signs to his house where he was still in process of selling cherries from the back of the truck.
Question: What the hell would ANYONE do with a whole truckload of cherries???
I've often considered the whole human guinea pig thing with regards to my fertility problems. I mean, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Then I thought that those weasels that run the labs would do lots of poking and prodding and some particulary nasty tests as well. Nah. Don't sound too good. I'd rather end up flat broke, again,I think.With my luck they'd do some real freaky shit to me and I'd end up pregnant with some half-mutant like in X-Men or something. (Wouldn't necessarily mind being impregnated the old fashioned way by Hugh Jackman though! Woof Woof! He's charming, good looking, TALL, has a MIGHTY fine ass, AND can sing Show Tunes in a beautiful baritone... and he isn't gay even though he can and likes sing show tunes) Again.....woof woof. I mean,have you all seen the trailers for the film Van Helsing?????
Now before you all go feeling sorry for Z with all my panting over Hugh Jackman, please take this into consideration first. I have to put up with his pants and slack-jawed dazed drooling and "she's gorgeous/amazing/hot/sexy, etc" over the following: Rebecca Romajn-Stamos, Pam Anderson, Nicloe Kidman,Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kate Blanchette, Madonna,Giselle Bunchden (Model) Uma Thurman, Charlize Theron, Angeline Jolie.... shall I continue or is this enough for you?
Therefore, I must also add to my list of males I would happily roll in bed with (or where ever else we wound up. Well! I'm a creative and imaginative woman!) Ahem.....
Sean Connerey, Mel Gibson (becasue he could make me laugh AND scream!), Aidan Quinn, Pierce Brosnan, Tom Selleck (ditto for Mel's comment),Ewan MacGregor (he's a naughty laddie) Jude Law (he's sooo intense & sensual),a slightly younger Simon le Bon (Duran Duran), Simon's younger brother Jonathan (cause I met him and we had this "connection", but nothing came of it ever,dammit. He sings better than Simon and is..... H.O.T. TRUST ME.sigh.) Definetly Hugh Jackman (Ditto on the Mel comment, AND we could sing Show Tunes)
Ah.... I'd better stop, my mind is on overdrive and I don't want y'all to think I'm slutty or anything. It isn't as if I said "all of them at once" or any such nonsense. I did notice that I seem to have this thing for Tall men with dark hair and light blue or green eyes. Hmmmmm. Goodness gracious. The only one without an accent is Tom Selleck! At least I'm fairly consistent!!!
Please feel free to add your celebrity fantasies!*wink wink* And MINDY, I KNOW we'd have to take turns with Sean, but I love you, so I don't mind sharing!!!!
Wow, I started out talking about freaky infertility test trials and ended up delving into my fantasies. Actually, I'm happily numb after this, so I suppose it was a good thing!
Then I thought that those weasels that run the labs would do lots of poking and prodding and some particulary nasty tests as well. Nah. Don't sound too good. I'd rather end up flat broke, again,I think.With my luck they'd do some real freaky shit to me and I'd end up pregnant with some half-mutant like in X-Men or something. (Wouldn't necessarily mind being impregnated the old fashioned way by Hugh Jackman though! Woof Woof! He's charming, good looking, TALL, has a MIGHTY fine ass, AND can sing Show Tunes in a beautiful baritone... and he isn't gay even though he can and likes sing show tunes) Again.....woof woof. I mean,have you all seen the trailers for the film Van Helsing?????
Now before you all go feeling sorry for Z with all my panting over Hugh Jackman, please take this into consideration first. I have to put up with his pants and slack-jawed dazed drooling and "she's gorgeous/amazing/hot/sexy, etc" over the following: Rebecca Romajn-Stamos, Pam Anderson, Nicloe Kidman,Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kate Blanchette, Madonna,Giselle Bunchden (Model) Uma Thurman, Charlize Theron, Angeline Jolie.... shall I continue or is this enough for you?
Therefore, I must also add to my list of males I would happily roll in bed with (or where ever else we wound up. Well! I'm a creative and imaginative woman!) Ahem.....
Sean Connerey, Mel Gibson (becasue he could make me laugh AND scream!), Aidan Quinn, Pierce Brosnan, Tom Selleck (ditto for Mel's comment),Ewan MacGregor (he's a naughty laddie) Jude Law (he's sooo intense & sensual),a slightly younger Simon le Bon (Duran Duran), Simon's younger brother Jonathan (cause I met him and we had this "connection", but nothing came of it ever,dammit. He sings better than Simon and is..... H.O.T. TRUST ME.sigh.) Definetly Hugh Jackman (Ditto on the Mel comment, AND we could sing Show Tunes)
Ah.... I'd better stop, my mind is on overdrive and I don't want y'all to think I'm slutty or anything. It isn't as if I said "all of them at once" or any such nonsense. I did notice that I seem to have this thing for Tall men with dark hair and light blue or green eyes. Hmmmmm. Goodness gracious. The only one without an accent is Tom Selleck! At least I'm fairly consistent!!!
Please feel free to add your celebrity fantasies!*wink wink* And MINDY, I KNOW we'd have to take turns with Sean, but I love you, so I don't mind sharing!!!!
Wow, I started out talking about freaky infertility test trials and ended up delving into my fantasies. Actually, I'm happily numb after this, so I suppose it was a good thing!
4/26/2004
Are you feeling lucky?
Well yes actually, I am. But it's a little bit frightening. Fine, so I LIED! It's a LOT frightening. Things are going along quite well. So well in fact, that I'm waiting with baited breath....... for the shit to hit the fan cause to be honest, this is NOT NORMAL.
I'm feeling quite positive about the next round of IVF next month. That will probably wear off, oh, I'd say in about 2 weeks or so. (maybe sooner, I'm getting freak out pangs already) My job is going well.I mean, so far, so good. *knocks...POUNDS on wood*. Ditto for Z's new job.*more wood knocking*. Evil MIL keeping her yap shut for the past 2 days (which TERRIFIES Me, cause that is SO not normal. She must be up to something. I'm not paranoid, I'm realistic! There IS a difference.) Actually looks like I've lost some weight. Daughter being nice to mama (me) (ie: no pre-teen psycho hormone surges) for days now. Very odd. As a matter of fact, I don't remember a time in my life that so many things were going well for me at once. See why I'M SCARED??? THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
I thought it was just me, so I kept my terror to myself. But then,what really scared me was that the other day, Z said the same thing. Well great, just when I was doing a good job at ignoring my mild fits of terror. Thanks honey. No, really. THANK YOU.
No, the IVF has to work this time. Cause otherwise....... I might throw a complete hissyfit, and that just wouldn't be pretty.
Jeez, I hope I make it home in one piece.
Well yes actually, I am. But it's a little bit frightening. Fine, so I LIED! It's a LOT frightening. Things are going along quite well. So well in fact, that I'm waiting with baited breath....... for the shit to hit the fan cause to be honest, this is NOT NORMAL.
I'm feeling quite positive about the next round of IVF next month. That will probably wear off, oh, I'd say in about 2 weeks or so. (maybe sooner, I'm getting freak out pangs already) My job is going well.I mean, so far, so good. *knocks...POUNDS on wood*. Ditto for Z's new job.*more wood knocking*. Evil MIL keeping her yap shut for the past 2 days (which TERRIFIES Me, cause that is SO not normal. She must be up to something. I'm not paranoid, I'm realistic! There IS a difference.) Actually looks like I've lost some weight. Daughter being nice to mama (me) (ie: no pre-teen psycho hormone surges) for days now. Very odd. As a matter of fact, I don't remember a time in my life that so many things were going well for me at once. See why I'M SCARED??? THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
I thought it was just me, so I kept my terror to myself. But then,what really scared me was that the other day, Z said the same thing. Well great, just when I was doing a good job at ignoring my mild fits of terror. Thanks honey. No, really. THANK YOU.
No, the IVF has to work this time. Cause otherwise....... I might throw a complete hissyfit, and that just wouldn't be pretty.
Jeez, I hope I make it home in one piece.
4/25/2004
It's probably in my DNA
Yup, I've come to this conclusion that this twisted apeshit sense of humor HAS to be genetic. Well, I mean, it's not as if I wasn't sure before or anything, cause both sides of my family are pretty much a blast, but still. I think my first hint should have been when I was an infant. My Dad used to sit in his recliner after work,let me lay on his chest on my back, and allow me to wiggle my toes in his handlebar moustache.This I did until I got too big, but at least till I was about 2 1/2, as far as I can remember. 2nd hint should have been Dad and Brother Joey speaking to me with a Donald Duck voice whenever the mood struck. Yup, that really should have done it. Dad is silly. Brother is silly. Mama is a crack up too! Actually, Mama does so many things (we are SOOOO ALIKE) I don't know where to begin. But she is a blast. Even now, she does hilarious things, like when she came to vist for Christmas 2002. She was copying Michael Jackson dancing and grabbing his crotch for Arianna making the "tee-heee heeeee, WHOOOOOO!!!" noise along with it. Arianna STILL thinks about it and collapses into hysterics. Between Mama and Dad, I don't know who is worse. I think maybe it's a tie. Everyone in my family is pretty funny. Well, I was worried about my Dad's sister, cause her sense of humor was, well, different if non-existant. I thought maybe it was sucked out of her over the last 30 years she's been an astro-physicist for NASA. I mean, why would you need a sense of humor to work at NASA? It's all *shudder* NUMBERS and stuff.*gag, retch*(can you tell I hate math?) I was worried actually cause my NANA,(her mom) God rest her soul, was the queen of funny, and such a smart ass too! (In my family, we call that intelligence,not sarcasam-get it??). Yup, I was concerned.
Well, at least until I got my email today. I just had to share this with y'all. I've been there, done that and some more. Now I know she's just as wacked as the rest of us. Check out my Aunt's genius. Oh, she is a cat-person too.(I love all animals excecpt reptiles and incects) I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.
How to Give a Cat a Pill:
(1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
(2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in right arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.
(3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
(4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
(5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
(6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill, put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
(7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
(8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow through straw.
(9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
(10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
(11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
(12) Call fire department to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
(13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
(14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
(15) Call local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs.
How to Give a Dog a Pill:
(1) Wrap it in bacon. Drop on the floor
It would be even funnier if it all wasn't so true.
Yup, I've come to this conclusion that this twisted apeshit sense of humor HAS to be genetic. Well, I mean, it's not as if I wasn't sure before or anything, cause both sides of my family are pretty much a blast, but still. I think my first hint should have been when I was an infant. My Dad used to sit in his recliner after work,let me lay on his chest on my back, and allow me to wiggle my toes in his handlebar moustache.This I did until I got too big, but at least till I was about 2 1/2, as far as I can remember. 2nd hint should have been Dad and Brother Joey speaking to me with a Donald Duck voice whenever the mood struck. Yup, that really should have done it. Dad is silly. Brother is silly. Mama is a crack up too! Actually, Mama does so many things (we are SOOOO ALIKE) I don't know where to begin. But she is a blast. Even now, she does hilarious things, like when she came to vist for Christmas 2002. She was copying Michael Jackson dancing and grabbing his crotch for Arianna making the "tee-heee heeeee, WHOOOOOO!!!" noise along with it. Arianna STILL thinks about it and collapses into hysterics. Between Mama and Dad, I don't know who is worse. I think maybe it's a tie. Everyone in my family is pretty funny. Well, I was worried about my Dad's sister, cause her sense of humor was, well, different if non-existant. I thought maybe it was sucked out of her over the last 30 years she's been an astro-physicist for NASA. I mean, why would you need a sense of humor to work at NASA? It's all *shudder* NUMBERS and stuff.*gag, retch*(can you tell I hate math?) I was worried actually cause my NANA,(her mom) God rest her soul, was the queen of funny, and such a smart ass too! (In my family, we call that intelligence,not sarcasam-get it??). Yup, I was concerned.
Well, at least until I got my email today. I just had to share this with y'all. I've been there, done that and some more. Now I know she's just as wacked as the rest of us. Check out my Aunt's genius. Oh, she is a cat-person too.(I love all animals excecpt reptiles and incects) I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.
How to Give a Cat a Pill:
(1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
(2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in right arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.
(3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
(4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
(5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
(6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill, put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
(7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
(8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow through straw.
(9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
(10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
(11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
(12) Call fire department to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
(13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
(14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
(15) Call local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs.
How to Give a Dog a Pill:
(1) Wrap it in bacon. Drop on the floor
It would be even funnier if it all wasn't so true.
4/22/2004
Dionne Warwick doesn’t have SHIT on my husband.
Last night, I made the mistake of saying a small, I mean ITSY thing to my husband and ended up gaping at him like a dying fish. Yes, he floored me yet again. The rat.
See, my elder brother (technically he’s a half-brother, but who really cares?) has this dark blond hair with a big fat shock of PLATINUM BLOND just slightly off center along his hairline. Were talking about “3 finger” width here. (Think booze measurement) It’s natural. And lately, I’ve been growing some hair pretty similar in the same place. (AND NO IT ISN”T WHITE- ITS BLONDE) Difference is, my brother, Joey, has had this hair since he was a little boy. Daddy always told him he’d better not try and rob a bank or something stupid and illegal, cause the police would find him in a millisecond.(he’s tried dying it in desperation, but it won’t take color).
All I said to Z was:
Cyn: “Wouldn’t it be something if we had a little boy with hair like Joey?”
Z: “Well, one of them could, actually.”
Cyn: “ONE of them?”
Z: “Yeah, one of the triplets”.
Cyn: “WHAT TRIPLETS?? You think we’re gonna have triplets?” (Um, for the record, IM NOT PREGNANT)
Z’s response was to look very serious and deep in my eyes and say, “Well, yes actually. For the longest time I’ve had the deep feeling in my gut that we will end up with triplets.” ME: gaping like a fish out of water *sputter, sputter* Then I just accepted that it would probably happen.
See, Z tends to have these “psychic friends” moments. I shit you not. Honest. When we were dating and first married, if I was dieting, for example,if I cheated, he would not only tell me that I had cheated on said diet, but WHAT I ATE. He was ALWAYS RIGHT. ALWAYS. (shit shit shit!)
Often I mull things over in my head and as I’m THINKING them, he opens his mouth and my thoughts tumble out. I say “HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT???” Trust me, it’s kinda scary. Then I think, *Hmm, he also has “called” pregnancies, of so many people that didn’t even know they are pregnant.” Well, jeez. Then recently, he told me he suspected his niece was pregnant with triplets after doing an IUI. Damn me if he wasn’t right. When I found out, I just punched him in the arm when he smirked at me with that “I told you so” look on his face. A number of my forum friends from the IVF infertility board in UK got pregnant as a result of IVF- I was and am very happy for them. About 5 of them are pregnant with triplets. Z called them ALL! Well shit. I didn’t tell them ALL that he called it, but I did tell the latest one (HIYA AUSSIE GIRL!) and it wigged her out too! Pissed me off cause I’ve been hearing “I told you so, didn’t I?” a hell of a lot lately.
He has been telling me for the past 2 years….”Hang on for 2004. I feel in my gut that it will be a turnaround year for us. That things will start falling into place and big changes will happen for us.” Well shit, so far, it’s April and I’m really freaking out. In mid-January 2004, I got a phone call out of the blue asking me to come for an interview. Turns out that it was for a job that I had desperately wanted 5 years ago! I went. A week later, they called me for a second interview. A week after that, I went and met my new boss who offered me the job. Any demand I made, he met. (Hallelejuah! Praise the Lord! Thank you! Thank you!) My salary was increased by 65% a month. Working hours 7:30- 2:45 (i.e.: ideal for IVF, pregnancy and a new baby) 30 days vacation. (Thank you Lord- must be appreciative. 2003 was a shit year from hell.) I resigned from the previous job by Feb 4. Feb 10, I found out that my 3rd IVF try failed. Back to the damn drawing board. There we sit trying to figure out how the hell to come up with the cash for another try. I mean, come on, IVF isn’t exactly cheap, now is it? (In case you didn’t know, every try is roughly the equivalent of a fat down payment on a house. I mean just the meds are at least $3,000)
Are you freaked out yet? Even a little? Hang on, you will be.
Now comes the weird part. 2 weeks after I resigned, Z gets offered a new job, when he was MISERABLE, overworked and underpaid. (I mean, you work like hell and sell over 2.5 million Dollars in sales for the year and then come bonus time, for the 6th year in a row, they come up with a stupid excuse to not give bonus.Talk about ungrateful!!) The new job offer was amazing. Like a dream Gee, guess what Z told his employers?????? Cumon now, guess! “Fuck these a-holes.” And he quit. I typed him a beautiful resignation letter. He started his new job 6 years TO THE DAY he started the one he just quit. (April 1). So far, so good Z. Keep it up.
WAIT! Did I just say that? Then that means that I’m gonna end up with triplets. Twins I think I could handle. I’ve had this feeling I would end up with twins. But 3?? Um, I dunno. That scares me a little.I thought maybe he was channeling the vibes from his niece or something, and asked him as much, but he said, "Um, no. I ‘ve had this feeling for the longest time." Thing is, he looked so happy at the thought of me having the 3 stooges. And that was sweet.
I bet you don’t blame me for freaking out now, do you?? I thought not.
Well shit. I’m in for it now, aren’t I??? I’m kind of glad I punched him in the face last night in my sleep.
Oopsy.
Last night, I made the mistake of saying a small, I mean ITSY thing to my husband and ended up gaping at him like a dying fish. Yes, he floored me yet again. The rat.
See, my elder brother (technically he’s a half-brother, but who really cares?) has this dark blond hair with a big fat shock of PLATINUM BLOND just slightly off center along his hairline. Were talking about “3 finger” width here. (Think booze measurement) It’s natural. And lately, I’ve been growing some hair pretty similar in the same place. (AND NO IT ISN”T WHITE- ITS BLONDE) Difference is, my brother, Joey, has had this hair since he was a little boy. Daddy always told him he’d better not try and rob a bank or something stupid and illegal, cause the police would find him in a millisecond.(he’s tried dying it in desperation, but it won’t take color).
All I said to Z was:
Cyn: “Wouldn’t it be something if we had a little boy with hair like Joey?”
Z: “Well, one of them could, actually.”
Cyn: “ONE of them?”
Z: “Yeah, one of the triplets”.
Cyn: “WHAT TRIPLETS?? You think we’re gonna have triplets?” (Um, for the record, IM NOT PREGNANT)
Z’s response was to look very serious and deep in my eyes and say, “Well, yes actually. For the longest time I’ve had the deep feeling in my gut that we will end up with triplets.” ME: gaping like a fish out of water *sputter, sputter* Then I just accepted that it would probably happen.
See, Z tends to have these “psychic friends” moments. I shit you not. Honest. When we were dating and first married, if I was dieting, for example,if I cheated, he would not only tell me that I had cheated on said diet, but WHAT I ATE. He was ALWAYS RIGHT. ALWAYS. (shit shit shit!)
Often I mull things over in my head and as I’m THINKING them, he opens his mouth and my thoughts tumble out. I say “HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT???” Trust me, it’s kinda scary. Then I think, *Hmm, he also has “called” pregnancies, of so many people that didn’t even know they are pregnant.” Well, jeez. Then recently, he told me he suspected his niece was pregnant with triplets after doing an IUI. Damn me if he wasn’t right. When I found out, I just punched him in the arm when he smirked at me with that “I told you so” look on his face. A number of my forum friends from the IVF infertility board in UK got pregnant as a result of IVF- I was and am very happy for them. About 5 of them are pregnant with triplets. Z called them ALL! Well shit. I didn’t tell them ALL that he called it, but I did tell the latest one (HIYA AUSSIE GIRL!) and it wigged her out too! Pissed me off cause I’ve been hearing “I told you so, didn’t I?” a hell of a lot lately.
He has been telling me for the past 2 years….”Hang on for 2004. I feel in my gut that it will be a turnaround year for us. That things will start falling into place and big changes will happen for us.” Well shit, so far, it’s April and I’m really freaking out. In mid-January 2004, I got a phone call out of the blue asking me to come for an interview. Turns out that it was for a job that I had desperately wanted 5 years ago! I went. A week later, they called me for a second interview. A week after that, I went and met my new boss who offered me the job. Any demand I made, he met. (Hallelejuah! Praise the Lord! Thank you! Thank you!) My salary was increased by 65% a month. Working hours 7:30- 2:45 (i.e.: ideal for IVF, pregnancy and a new baby) 30 days vacation. (Thank you Lord- must be appreciative. 2003 was a shit year from hell.) I resigned from the previous job by Feb 4. Feb 10, I found out that my 3rd IVF try failed. Back to the damn drawing board. There we sit trying to figure out how the hell to come up with the cash for another try. I mean, come on, IVF isn’t exactly cheap, now is it? (In case you didn’t know, every try is roughly the equivalent of a fat down payment on a house. I mean just the meds are at least $3,000)
Are you freaked out yet? Even a little? Hang on, you will be.
Now comes the weird part. 2 weeks after I resigned, Z gets offered a new job, when he was MISERABLE, overworked and underpaid. (I mean, you work like hell and sell over 2.5 million Dollars in sales for the year and then come bonus time, for the 6th year in a row, they come up with a stupid excuse to not give bonus.Talk about ungrateful!!) The new job offer was amazing. Like a dream Gee, guess what Z told his employers?????? Cumon now, guess! “Fuck these a-holes.” And he quit. I typed him a beautiful resignation letter. He started his new job 6 years TO THE DAY he started the one he just quit. (April 1). So far, so good Z. Keep it up.
WAIT! Did I just say that? Then that means that I’m gonna end up with triplets. Twins I think I could handle. I’ve had this feeling I would end up with twins. But 3?? Um, I dunno. That scares me a little.I thought maybe he was channeling the vibes from his niece or something, and asked him as much, but he said, "Um, no. I ‘ve had this feeling for the longest time." Thing is, he looked so happy at the thought of me having the 3 stooges. And that was sweet.
I bet you don’t blame me for freaking out now, do you?? I thought not.
Well shit. I’m in for it now, aren’t I??? I’m kind of glad I punched him in the face last night in my sleep.
Oopsy.
I LOVE MY BED
Yes I surely do.
WHAT??????????????? My bed, a California King (Yes, SIZE DOES MATTER!) with it's jersey sheets.......ah heaven. Have you slept on jersey sheets? NO? Try it! Naked(-ish).
Look , I (dragging a VERY reluctant and nagging Z along) searched for 4 months all over L.A. looking for the perfect mattress when I was engaged. (Z: What's the big deal?? Its JUST a mattress!)It took me longer to find the matterss than it did for me to find my wedding dress! THEN, after finding my darling bed,WE-paid-through-the-nose for the Sealy Posturpedic Beautyrest blah blah something. Z, who was nagging about it just being "a mattress", adores the bed. It's so comfy, you can't sit on it without getting drowzy.
When we moved to the other side of the planet 6 years ago and Z was wanting to sell everything I said "Look sell what you want, but we are shipping the bed..and the new sofas." That was fair, I thought. (The bed survived the 3 month ship trip.... the sofas had a bit of a rough time of it.) Anyway, that mattress is now 13 1/2 years old....... ah, but it's seen a lot of fun, that mattress.
But I digress....... I love my Perfect BED. Well, it is perfect and I was happy...until the damn alarm clock goes off.
This morning, there I lay, after tossing and turning for what seemed like ages to get in just the right position all happy and comfy..finally. (lookee here, I've got a bad back, so it takes a while to get comfy) I sleep, happy. next thing I know.....
deet deet deet. deet deet deet.......... (fucking alarm) snooze.
5 min later................deet deet deet. deet deet deet......(*stupid fucking alarm!!*).... snooze......and so on........ for 35 minutes. Then I shoot out of the bed like my ass is on fire. Damn! Damn! Damn!!!! Gonna be late for work! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Run through the yard, jump in the car and VROOM! FLY to work. (I love my car!vroom vroom.3.5L high performance engine) Make it by the skin of my teeth-2 minutes to spare on the timeclock. WHEW!
Was it worth hitting the snooze button all those times???
You bet your ass!
Yes I surely do.
WHAT??????????????? My bed, a California King (Yes, SIZE DOES MATTER!) with it's jersey sheets.......ah heaven. Have you slept on jersey sheets? NO? Try it! Naked(-ish).
Look , I (dragging a VERY reluctant and nagging Z along) searched for 4 months all over L.A. looking for the perfect mattress when I was engaged. (Z: What's the big deal?? Its JUST a mattress!)It took me longer to find the matterss than it did for me to find my wedding dress! THEN, after finding my darling bed,WE-paid-through-the-nose for the Sealy Posturpedic Beautyrest blah blah something. Z, who was nagging about it just being "a mattress", adores the bed. It's so comfy, you can't sit on it without getting drowzy.
When we moved to the other side of the planet 6 years ago and Z was wanting to sell everything I said "Look sell what you want, but we are shipping the bed..and the new sofas." That was fair, I thought. (The bed survived the 3 month ship trip.... the sofas had a bit of a rough time of it.) Anyway, that mattress is now 13 1/2 years old....... ah, but it's seen a lot of fun, that mattress.
But I digress....... I love my Perfect BED. Well, it is perfect and I was happy...until the damn alarm clock goes off.
This morning, there I lay, after tossing and turning for what seemed like ages to get in just the right position all happy and comfy..finally. (lookee here, I've got a bad back, so it takes a while to get comfy) I sleep, happy. next thing I know.....
deet deet deet. deet deet deet.......... (fucking alarm) snooze.
5 min later................deet deet deet. deet deet deet......(*stupid fucking alarm!!*).... snooze......and so on........ for 35 minutes. Then I shoot out of the bed like my ass is on fire. Damn! Damn! Damn!!!! Gonna be late for work! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Run through the yard, jump in the car and VROOM! FLY to work. (I love my car!vroom vroom.3.5L high performance engine) Make it by the skin of my teeth-2 minutes to spare on the timeclock. WHEW!
Was it worth hitting the snooze button all those times???
You bet your ass!
4/21/2004
The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...
I thought y'all would appreciate these lovely greeting cards. (Julie, we really should go into business together)
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
Inside card) - I never believed in Hell or the Devil until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go....
Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll
probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry...
Inside card) - Someone completely different than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age..
Inside card) - You should with all those Botox injections every 6 weeks!I think you forgot to Botox your butt though.
7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now that we've broken up, I think it's time for you to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time...
Inside card) - What do you say we stop, hmmm?
9. I'm so miserable without you...
Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
Inside card) - Did you ever manage to find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket...
Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday...
Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Daddy!
(Available only in the Ozark and Blue Ridge Mountain Range areas of the US)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help
but wonder...
Inside card) - What in the HELL was I thinking? Must've been the crack haze...yeah, thats it.
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband becausecause he's an asshole.
16. Wishing you a speedy recovery after your plastic surgery...
Inside card) Because you need to get to a lawyer right after you see what the Plastic Surgeon did to you.
17. Being in a relationship with you has taught me so much and made me realize so many things.....
Inside card) For instance, I realize now that I'm gay. Goodbye.
18. Heard you're leaving!
Inside the card) Finally,Thank God! I thought we'd never get rid of you. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!Your things are packed and in your car.
Hey to my creative buddies, please feel free to add your own genius!
I thought y'all would appreciate these lovely greeting cards. (Julie, we really should go into business together)
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
Inside card) - I never believed in Hell or the Devil until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go....
Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll
probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry...
Inside card) - Someone completely different than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age..
Inside card) - You should with all those Botox injections every 6 weeks!I think you forgot to Botox your butt though.
7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now that we've broken up, I think it's time for you to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time...
Inside card) - What do you say we stop, hmmm?
9. I'm so miserable without you...
Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
Inside card) - Did you ever manage to find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket...
Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday...
Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Daddy!
(Available only in the Ozark and Blue Ridge Mountain Range areas of the US)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help
but wonder...
Inside card) - What in the HELL was I thinking? Must've been the crack haze...yeah, thats it.
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband becausecause he's an asshole.
16. Wishing you a speedy recovery after your plastic surgery...
Inside card) Because you need to get to a lawyer right after you see what the Plastic Surgeon did to you.
17. Being in a relationship with you has taught me so much and made me realize so many things.....
Inside card) For instance, I realize now that I'm gay. Goodbye.
18. Heard you're leaving!
Inside the card) Finally,Thank God! I thought we'd never get rid of you. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!Your things are packed and in your car.
Hey to my creative buddies, please feel free to add your own genius!
LIKE A VIRGIN
Like a virgin, bloggin for the very first time, like a virgiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn, when you come and visit my site. whoooaaa whoa whooooooooooooo.
Enough of my singing. Welcome to my long awaited blog!! (Well, by some people- and you know who you are!)
You can call me Cyn. All my friends do! This site is my haven and occasionally - OKAY!- frequently- my place to vent , rant and rave. The place for me to express my views, opinions, and "pearls of wisdom" (ahem!)hopefully with a bit of humor and most probably with a cynical touch of sarcasm. I don't hold back; not my humor, not my opinion, and not my occasionally rude language. Mainly because to do otherwise would not be being ME! I tell it how I see it. Be prepared to hear about any of the following topics on any given day: My infertility struggles this 2nd time around, my family, my daughter, stupid people tricks & celebrity antics, my cats or anything else that tickles my fancy. Don't say I didn't warn you…because I just did!
I can't wait to hear from you!
Like a virgin, bloggin for the very first time, like a virgiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn, when you come and visit my site. whoooaaa whoa whooooooooooooo.
Enough of my singing. Welcome to my long awaited blog!! (Well, by some people- and you know who you are!)
You can call me Cyn. All my friends do! This site is my haven and occasionally - OKAY!- frequently- my place to vent , rant and rave. The place for me to express my views, opinions, and "pearls of wisdom" (ahem!)hopefully with a bit of humor and most probably with a cynical touch of sarcasm. I don't hold back; not my humor, not my opinion, and not my occasionally rude language. Mainly because to do otherwise would not be being ME! I tell it how I see it. Be prepared to hear about any of the following topics on any given day: My infertility struggles this 2nd time around, my family, my daughter, stupid people tricks & celebrity antics, my cats or anything else that tickles my fancy. Don't say I didn't warn you…because I just did!
I can't wait to hear from you!
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