Dionne Warwick doesn’t have SHIT on my husband.

Last night, I made the mistake of saying a small, I mean ITSY thing to my husband and ended up gaping at him like a dying fish. Yes, he floored me yet again. The rat.

See, my elder brother (technically he’s a half-brother, but who really cares?) has this dark blond hair with a big fat shock of PLATINUM BLOND just slightly off center along his hairline. Were talking about “3 finger” width here. (Think booze measurement) It’s natural. And lately, I’ve been growing some hair pretty similar in the same place. (AND NO IT ISN”T WHITE- ITS BLONDE) Difference is, my brother, Joey, has had this hair since he was a little boy. Daddy always told him he’d better not try and rob a bank or something stupid and illegal, cause the police would find him in a millisecond.(he’s tried dying it in desperation, but it won’t take color).

All I said to Z was:
Cyn: “Wouldn’t it be something if we had a little boy with hair like Joey?”
Z: “Well, one of them could, actually.”
Cyn: “ONE of them?”
Z: “Yeah, one of the triplets”.
Cyn: “WHAT TRIPLETS?? You think we’re gonna have triplets?” (Um, for the record, IM NOT PREGNANT)

Z’s response was to look very serious and deep in my eyes and say, “Well, yes actually. For the longest time I’ve had the deep feeling in my gut that we will end up with triplets.” ME: gaping like a fish out of water *sputter, sputter* Then I just accepted that it would probably happen.

See, Z tends to have these “psychic friends” moments. I shit you not. Honest. When we were dating and first married, if I was dieting, for example,if I cheated, he would not only tell me that I had cheated on said diet, but WHAT I ATE. He was ALWAYS RIGHT. ALWAYS. (shit shit shit!)

Often I mull things over in my head and as I’m THINKING them, he opens his mouth and my thoughts tumble out. I say “HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT???” Trust me, it’s kinda scary. Then I think, *Hmm, he also has “called” pregnancies, of so many people that didn’t even know they are pregnant.” Well, jeez. Then recently, he told me he suspected his niece was pregnant with triplets after doing an IUI. Damn me if he wasn’t right. When I found out, I just punched him in the arm when he smirked at me with that “I told you so” look on his face. A number of my forum friends from the IVF infertility board in UK got pregnant as a result of IVF- I was and am very happy for them. About 5 of them are pregnant with triplets. Z called them ALL! Well shit. I didn’t tell them ALL that he called it, but I did tell the latest one (HIYA AUSSIE GIRL!) and it wigged her out too! Pissed me off cause I’ve been hearing “I told you so, didn’t I?” a hell of a lot lately.

He has been telling me for the past 2 years….”Hang on for 2004. I feel in my gut that it will be a turnaround year for us. That things will start falling into place and big changes will happen for us.” Well shit, so far, it’s April and I’m really freaking out. In mid-January 2004, I got a phone call out of the blue asking me to come for an interview. Turns out that it was for a job that I had desperately wanted 5 years ago! I went. A week later, they called me for a second interview. A week after that, I went and met my new boss who offered me the job. Any demand I made, he met. (Hallelejuah! Praise the Lord! Thank you! Thank you!) My salary was increased by 65% a month. Working hours 7:30- 2:45 (i.e.: ideal for IVF, pregnancy and a new baby) 30 days vacation. (Thank you Lord- must be appreciative. 2003 was a shit year from hell.) I resigned from the previous job by Feb 4. Feb 10, I found out that my 3rd IVF try failed. Back to the damn drawing board. There we sit trying to figure out how the hell to come up with the cash for another try. I mean, come on, IVF isn’t exactly cheap, now is it? (In case you didn’t know, every try is roughly the equivalent of a fat down payment on a house. I mean just the meds are at least $3,000)

Are you freaked out yet? Even a little? Hang on, you will be.

Now comes the weird part. 2 weeks after I resigned, Z gets offered a new job, when he was MISERABLE, overworked and underpaid. (I mean, you work like hell and sell over 2.5 million Dollars in sales for the year and then come bonus time, for the 6th year in a row, they come up with a stupid excuse to not give bonus.Talk about ungrateful!!) The new job offer was amazing. Like a dream Gee, guess what Z told his employers?????? Cumon now, guess! “Fuck these a-holes.” And he quit. I typed him a beautiful resignation letter. He started his new job 6 years TO THE DAY he started the one he just quit. (April 1). So far, so good Z. Keep it up.

WAIT! Did I just say that? Then that means that I’m gonna end up with triplets. Twins I think I could handle. I’ve had this feeling I would end up with twins. But 3?? Um, I dunno. That scares me a little.I thought maybe he was channeling the vibes from his niece or something, and asked him as much, but he said, "Um, no. I ‘ve had this feeling for the longest time." Thing is, he looked so happy at the thought of me having the 3 stooges. And that was sweet.

I bet you don’t blame me for freaking out now, do you?? I thought not.

Well shit. I’m in for it now, aren’t I??? I’m kind of glad I punched him in the face last night in my sleep.


Yes I surely do.

WHAT??????????????? My bed, a California King (Yes, SIZE DOES MATTER!) with it's jersey sheets.......ah heaven. Have you slept on jersey sheets? NO? Try it! Naked(-ish).

Look , I (dragging a VERY reluctant and nagging Z along) searched for 4 months all over L.A. looking for the perfect mattress when I was engaged. (Z: What's the big deal?? Its JUST a mattress!)It took me longer to find the matterss than it did for me to find my wedding dress! THEN, after finding my darling bed,WE-paid-through-the-nose for the Sealy Posturpedic Beautyrest blah blah something. Z, who was nagging about it just being "a mattress", adores the bed. It's so comfy, you can't sit on it without getting drowzy.

When we moved to the other side of the planet 6 years ago and Z was wanting to sell everything I said "Look sell what you want, but we are shipping the bed..and the new sofas." That was fair, I thought. (The bed survived the 3 month ship trip.... the sofas had a bit of a rough time of it.) Anyway, that mattress is now 13 1/2 years old....... ah, but it's seen a lot of fun, that mattress.

But I digress....... I love my Perfect BED. Well, it is perfect and I was happy...until the damn alarm clock goes off.

This morning, there I lay, after tossing and turning for what seemed like ages to get in just the right position all happy and comfy..finally. (lookee here, I've got a bad back, so it takes a while to get comfy) I sleep, happy. next thing I know.....

deet deet deet. deet deet deet.......... (fucking alarm) snooze.

5 min later................deet deet deet. deet deet deet......(*stupid fucking alarm!!*).... snooze......and so on........ for 35 minutes. Then I shoot out of the bed like my ass is on fire. Damn! Damn! Damn!!!! Gonna be late for work! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Run through the yard, jump in the car and VROOM! FLY to work. (I love my car!vroom vroom.3.5L high performance engine) Make it by the skin of my teeth-2 minutes to spare on the timeclock. WHEW!

Was it worth hitting the snooze button all those times???

You bet your ass!


The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...

I thought y'all would appreciate these lovely greeting cards. (Julie, we really should go into business together)

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
Inside card) - I never believed in Hell or the Devil until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go....
Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll
probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
Inside card) - Someone completely different than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age..
Inside card) - You should with all those Botox injections every 6 weeks!I think you forgot to Botox your butt though.

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now that we've broken up, I think it's time for you to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
Inside card) - What do you say we stop, hmmm?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
Inside card) - Did you ever manage to find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket...
Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Daddy!
(Available only in the Ozark and Blue Ridge Mountain Range areas of the US)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help
but wonder...
Inside card) - What in the HELL was I thinking? Must've been the crack haze...yeah, thats it.

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband becausecause he's an asshole.

16. Wishing you a speedy recovery after your plastic surgery...
Inside card) Because you need to get to a lawyer right after you see what the Plastic Surgeon did to you.

17. Being in a relationship with you has taught me so much and made me realize so many things.....
Inside card) For instance, I realize now that I'm gay. Goodbye.

18. Heard you're leaving!
Inside the card) Finally,Thank God! I thought we'd never get rid of you. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!Your things are packed and in your car.

Hey to my creative buddies, please feel free to add your own genius!

Like a virgin, bloggin for the very first time, like a virgiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn, when you come and visit my site. whoooaaa whoa whooooooooooooo.

Enough of my singing. Welcome to my long awaited blog!! (Well, by some people- and you know who you are!)

You can call me Cyn. All my friends do! This site is my haven and occasionally - OKAY!- frequently- my place to vent , rant and rave. The place for me to express my views, opinions, and "pearls of wisdom" (ahem!)hopefully with a bit of humor and most probably with a cynical touch of sarcasm. I don't hold back; not my humor, not my opinion, and not my occasionally rude language. Mainly because to do otherwise would not be being ME! I tell it how I see it. Be prepared to hear about any of the following topics on any given day: My infertility struggles this 2nd time around, my family, my daughter, stupid people tricks & celebrity antics, my cats or anything else that tickles my fancy. Don't say I didn't warn you…because I just did!

I can't wait to hear from you!


Hello and welcome to Cyn's blog!

This is the first of many entertaining posts. Except this is by Kim, who created the site.

Some fixups will occur this weekend but in the meantime, I hope you like it! (Especially you, Cyn. hehe)