Old Reliable

Two guesses what I was doing? (Genuine! Behave yourself! Chris, you too!) I was snooping around cnn.com as usual. Naturally I came across yet another weird ass newsworthy item.

You know that against my better judgement, and after I said " No F*cking WAY! He didn't???....." I had to click on the link to this header:

"Man says live wire in bath was to save marriage"

Who in the hell is he trying to kid and exactly how much crack had he just smoked? I mean REALLY! Check this out......
"........Dahlby's wife, Mary, testified Tuesday her husband drew her bath after they spent the day taking a walk and a long motorcycle ride.
While she took her bath, her husband came into the bathroom and dropped the cord into the bath, she said.
She jumped out of the bath, but her husband tried to push her back in the tub, Mary Dahlby said. She got free and ran out of the bathroom."

Uh-huh. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. He was trying to make the marriage work. Work? For WHO exactly? Himself? Trying to SAVE the marriage? or END IT? Damn. Can't you just imagine the conversation leading up to that? "Oh honey, you must be exhausted from our day out today! How about I draw you a nice warm bubble bath for you to soak all your pain away? It will be special so that you'll never feel pain like this again..."

He is SUCH a crack whore. Yes, HE. Whore. (It COULD HAPPEN!)

I can only say this: That poor bitch.

Good Lord, the crap I find on my nice reliable news source... Cable News Network... CNN, also known as Cyn News Network in select circles! This is my slogan: "See It. Read it. Love it."


Run Boy, RUN!!!!

My SIL told me a funny story the other day that I just HAD to share with you all. It was another one of my “I am SO blogging THIS!” moments. It’s almost as good as the hamster and lizard stories.

Almost. Well, I’ll let you be the judge, hmmm?

My SIL was driving the other day and about two cars in front of her she sees this beat up old car being driven by the equivalent of a local redneck with a big fat LIVE SHEEP in the trunk with the lid open, but tied sort of down (the lid, not the sheep) with a bit of rope. We assume this poor little sheep was on his way to be either someone’s dinner for Ramadan.

As if the sight of the sheep hanging from the trunk wasn’t amusing enough? What happened next had me in stitches.

Well, as will usually happen here, due to the SHITTY infrastructure, traffic ground to a stop for one reason or another. Sheep car and SIL were stopped next to a huge dirt lot. I guess the sheep figured it was now or never. As my bemused SIL watched, the sheep made a break for it. It hopped right out of the car and took off up on the sidewalk and into the dirt lot. Said “redneck” noticed (my SIL is screaming with laughter by this point) and decided to give chase. Did he hop out of the car and chase him? Hell no. Of course not!

He jumped the car UP on the pavement and proceeded to chase it IN THE CAR in circles, in the dirt lot, with the sheep hauling ass cause, naturally, it was terrified of a CAR coming at it and was running it’s little ass off. Stupid dude could have probably caught the damn sheep if he had gotten out of the car, but NOOOOOOO, he kept chasing it in the car and sending up great clouds of dirt. It remains to be seen that the damn sheep is highly intelligent in the first place for making a run for his life at the first available opportunity. Well, infinitely smarter than the dumbass that was planning on eating it for dinner at any rate!

Now what you are dying to know is….. did he ever get the sheep or not?

What the hell do YOU think?

Of course not.


The Confession - Week 3

Welcome to The Confession section of my weekly post, The Inquisition, week 3. VERY interesting questions by both Cheryl b and Carrie Jo. Without further ado, here we goooooooooooooo!

Cheryl b asked me a few questions, some serious and one playful one!

1) “What will you do if you don’t get pregnant?” Go Apeshit, (capital ‘A’) probably.

2) “Would you keep trying indefinitely?” Yes, I’m such a stubborn-minded determined and tenacious wench, once I get something in my head, a goal, I don’t give up until it is impossible to achieve it. So yeah, I will keep on trying to get pregnant until either a) I get pregnant (yaaaay! Hopefully) or b) they tell me I’m all dried up and my eggs are no good i.e.: I start menopause, whenever THAT will be.

3) “Would you ever adopt?”

Perhaps later on should option b) above happen before I get another child of my own. I cannot adopt here while living here in Bahrain though. The govt makes it practically impossible to adopt. You can be a type of foster parent, but not really adopt. (since Z is from here) and they don’t have laws to recognize a child not genetically belonging to you blah blah blah (if to adopt from another country). Pain in the ass, no?? yup. Regarding your comment about wanting to adopt rather than risk another miscarriage, in a way I understand. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your miscarriage or the details, but having had one of my own I can but imagine. Mine was drawn out over almost 2 months. The pain was (and is) unlike anything I have ever experienced and completely hellish. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy (i.e.: monster- but it’s a little late even if I did want to wish it on her, you know?).

4) “Have you ever had your toes sucked on, and if so, did you like it?”

Cheryl, you crack me up, woman! Actually, no, I haven’t had them sucked on. Boy is that depressing. (I think I need to have a little talk with Z, don’t you?) I’m feeling kinda neglected here now. Hmmmm. I imagine I would probably like it, even though- a little secret, hmmm?- I’m horribly ticklish! You should see me giggle and squirm during a pedicure! I still think I’d like it though. I have pretty feet (what? I like my feet!) very dainty and feminine (for a 9 ½ -10 [41] and always keep my toes painted and pretty. You’d never believe they are as big, my feet, as they are to look at them!

Now then. Carrie Jo asked me an interesting question too! It goes a little something like this: “Have you or anyone you know experienced deja vu or anything else paranormal in your life?”

Well honey, actually, yes. As long as I can remember (and that is far back I tell you!) I have had many MANY instances of déjà vu. A lot of it comes to me in dreams, but the actual real happening could not happen for months or years. It frequently involves people, places I’ve never seen or been before. It always stops me in my tracks and never fails to freak me the hell out, even after all these years.

My intuition is extremely fine or sensitive. If you want to call it intuition or whatever. I ‘sense’ things deep in my gut, it’s hard to explain it, but there you go. I’m rarely wrong too.

I have a very deep ‘connection’ with a few people in my life that is so strong it freaks us both out. My mom is one of them, for instance. I can ‘feel’ if she is ill or upset even way the hell over here on the other side of the planet.

Paranormal? The most paranormal type thing that has happened to me would have to be last year. For a couple of nights in a row I dreamt of a little boy I knew when I was very little. From about age 3 to around age 8 or 9. He lived across the street from us and his name was Tony. I hadn’t even though of Tony in over 28 years, so why was I dreaming about him smiling at me for days in a row? Weird.

A week later my Dad and step mom called me. (They always talk on 2 phones at once to share the call, or on speaker) Naomi (Step mom) said “C, do you remember Tony from across the street?” I interrupted her and said “Funny you should mention him! Last week I dreamt of him for probably 3 days in a row! I don’t know why! I haven’t thought of him in years!” The line got real quiet. Then my dad said in a very quiet voice “Well honey, maybe he was saying goodbye to you. Tony died last week of a drug overdose. He was in a coma for a few days before he died”.

A little over 10 years ago now, the phone rang at my house in LA. Z answered it then called me to the phone. As soon as I stood up, I looked at him and said “Shelly’s dead, isn’t she?”. He said nothing, I got on the phone and my Mom told me that Shelly had indeed died. It was a sudden death and she was young, only 38. Healthy & fit, not ill at all. What in the hell made me spout that? How did I know? I don’t know. I just did is all.

There are many, many more instances I could share, but… that would take forever. Well, I think I’ve freaked you all out enough for one week, haven’t I?

Thank you all (ok, both!) for your questions.


A Box of Kleenex ™ , Please!

Perhaps I should elaborate and request the COSTCO-size box? (for me!) Yes, that would be better, I think. Thankyouverymuch.

You see things are generally beginning to build up on me, yet I somehow end up managing to plaster a half-ass smile on my face when I REALLY have to, even though it is becoming increasingly difficult to do.

In particular, the prolonged lack of a JOB. This is driving me up a damn wall. Really. The first TWO months of joblessness could be dealt with because, well, because I was going on frequent interviews. It keeps morale up, you know? Even if you don’t get hired, still…. But since the week before my birthday? Nothing. Dry as a damn well, the job market for my field, apparently. Well, let me be more specific. There are jobs, but only for locals, not for people like me who are in a sort of limbo. I’m not a local, but am married to one. I’m an expat, technically, being from a foreign country, but I live here, my husband and child are here. Other ladies like myself are in limbo also. *whine ,whine, whimper*. It has been suggested that I give up my US Citizenship for a Bahraini citizenship. My response to this is to laugh my ass off…… hysterically. Why in the HELL would I give up my nationality? For a job? Screw that. To become a national of a country that I have had Customs officials ask my husband upon seeing his passport “Is this a real passport? I’ve never heard of this place. Let me go check.” While me, with my lovely Blue US Passport breezed through.

Anyway, I think the Employment Agencies are fed up with my incessant calls. I can just imagine their faces when they see my number on their caller ID.

Also, more specifically, my longing for another child. I have tried to not let this get to me, I really have. It is a losing battle, however. But my jobless situation has effectively put everything in my life on hold, including this.

After my last IVF attempt, the cancelled one more than ¾ of the way into the cycle back in the end of May this year, I sank into a deep depression about it all. I saw the German specialist, who, while very kind and understanding, couldn’t tell me much more than I already knew and had figured out on my own. She basically agreed with my suggestion for an alternative option for another cycle since it had ended up with me pregnant in the past. Her reply was “Yeah, why not try it? It’s not like it will hurt!”. Gee, thanks Doc. I didn’t really discuss with anyone, ANYONE that specialist visit. It just made me feel very, very helpless. I guess I’m just ready to talk about it now. I knew it would be a fucked up visit shortly after I sat down with her and she started reviewing off the history that I had just recited slowly and painfully to an assistant as they typed it in the computer for Doc to read. It was WRONG. ALL OF IT, and that, my friends, freaked me the hell out. I tried my best to do damage control as she recited aloud the screwed up mess they had made of my case history in the COMPUTER, but for the love of GOD, I had given details, MINUTE details from the age of 15 up to present. I was 32 when I saw this doc. You do the damn math. You can only correct so much before the physician’s eyes begin to glaze over and you realize that they are on info overload. Well, shit. The only bright spot of the whole experience is that she was extremely gentle during the physical exam and took her time during the ultrasound, showing me bits and pieces, which, you readers that have been with me from the beginning (or have kindly read all my archives) know that that makes me happy! Happy like receiving presents, happy. But for all her kind and gentleness, I still ended up hearing………

“I don’t know” about the past cycle that was cancelled. Or why, perhaps, the 3 previous IVF’s didn’t work. I mean, I had embryos transferred back to my uterus, but I suppose maybe they didn’t use Krazy Glue like I asked? Apparently not. Stupid gap-tooth-size-of-the-Grand-Canyon Wand Monkey Bastard.

I don’t like being told “I don’t know” by ‘specialists’ and a doctor that has been literally crawling around poking, prodding and removing stuff and putting things back into my body for the past TWO YEARS. Call me silly, if you like. But I would have been happy with a theory, for God’s sake. But noooooooooooooooooooo. Nothing of the sort, damn them.

It all made me want to give up. I felt (ok, and FEEL) like a fucking failure as a woman. On top of that? Everyone I knew, everywhere I went, I was SURROUNDED by new babies. One niece had 3 at once. Her sister had a little boy. A friend had a little boy. Another friend had a little girl. All this within a period of 30 days following my cancelled cycle. Yeah, I felt like a failure, and like giving up. Useless. It is a basic thing. Once upon a time, in VERY early Christianity, the priests used to teach that women were for begetting children. That was their purpose in life. Ok, I will admit that I think that is total bullshit. Sole purpose? I don’t think so, but it IS an important one. It isn’t as if MEN could do it, now is it? Um, no.

So, 4 failed IVF’s for whatever reason, and a dog pile of new babies in my life. A month later, I lost my job. Infertility treatment, while considerably much more affordable here than back home in America or in Europe, is still NOT CHEAP. No, not by a long shot. Do you see where I’m going with this? Be a fly on the wall and listen to me try and justify to Z to scrape up some more money for another shot at IVF (Or whatever) when he too is down about it (being the financer for these little experiments on me because really? That’s what they feel like. Trial and error.) Z’s reply? “It will probably just not work again”. Geeeeee, thaaaaaaaanks honey. No, REALLY. I appreciate it. Between THAT and other comments like it, and that look I get from him, is it really any wonder I’ve been on the down low for the past 4-5 months now about getting pregnant?

SO bearing all that in mind, I’ve been a bad Auntie the last few months, I’ll admit.

It kills me to see the newborn babies. The triplets live one house over from mine. I rarely go over there. Why? Because it makes me feel like even more of a failure, that’s why. But sometimes? I can’t help myself, and I give in and go to them. Sometimes, the mom is so worn out, she will call me, cause she trusts me with her babies, and she only trusts me, and her Aunt alone with them (I know CPR) and we are close, so she will call me moaning “HELLLLLP”, and there I go. I love babies. I love children, and they know it. It’s as if I omit this pheromone that only babies and small children can pick up on. Frequently in stores, I end up with strange children touching me, or following me or staring at me from a distance. More often than not I end up spending a few minutes chatting or playing with that child, even if it is only peek-a-boo!

Even my SIL that can go for a year or TWO and not speak to me for God knows why, (we are speaking at present) frequently says, “I hope Cyn gets pregnant, she deserves another one.” which blows my mind every time.

So anyway, the niece with the newborn son (almost 4 mos) came to visit over the weekend with the little tyke and his 1 ½ year old sister. That little girl has almost IDENTICAL coloring to my daughter, Arianna. Seeing them together, cause Ari ADORES this child, really choked me the hell up. Add to that, this little boy loves his Auntie Cyn. Seriously y’all. He and I hung out together for well over an hour all by ourselves. Even when I finally let him go, whoever was holding him didn’t seem to matter, cause he always ended up staring at me and following me with his eyes and smiling at me with that dopey baby smile that can melt you like butter. Little bear.

I thought seeing him and holding him would cheer me up. I really, really did. But, it didn’t. No siree. Nuh-uh. I also had to hear various family remarks while Z was holding him too. Then? The looks like I was depriving him of a child and his sad little face.

Fuck. Deeper into the pit for me. *Sigh*

But in the back of my mind, there is always that little glimmer of hope, for you see, I’m such a stubborn and determined thing. Yes I am. I am not really a quitter. Also in the back of my mind? My little conversation last week with my doctor friend (Dr. R) at the hospital where I also have done my IVF and other various medical needs. I was on my way to an appointment with another doctor (who I found out was running late, as usual) when I saw this Orthapedic Surgeon’s office door open. He always gives me a hard time for not stopping by to say hello but really, he is usually insanely busy. So, I decided to go wait for my other appointment by sticking my head in to say hello. Dr. R was happy to see me and jumped up to give me a big hug. Sat me down, asked after me and etc… and then he said quietly “My dear, are you still wanting to try for a baby?” and I said “yes. I know Wand Monkey left, etc…” and Dr. R said “Forget him, never mind. There is yet another Doctor who has just joined. I’ve known him for 8 years, and he is a specialist and has amazing success rate. He is a good friend of mine. Let me call him NOW!”. (this is in addition to the doc that came back that I mentioned a couple of wwkes ago. The one that did my Investigative aLaprascopy 2 years back that dumped me on Wand Monkey.)He hopped on the phone and gave him a little chat up and told him to expect to see me soon, etc… Kind of him I thought. The more he talked about him, the more hopeful I got. DO you know what freaked me the hell out? When I heard his first name, which I have only heard ONE other person have before. This new doc has the same first name, Shafeeq, as my doctor in the states that enabled me to get pregnant with Arianna. Then that angel of hope, the silly bitch, hit me with one of her golden arrows.

Perhaps it’s a good sign? An omen? Lord, but I hope so. Am I deluding myself? Perhaps, but what the hell.

I told Z about him, and even HE got excited about that. One small problem though. Remember that fucked up Patient history in the computer from the specialist visit? It is still there. So, I will have to type up everything myself, I think, and pre-deliver it to him for him to go over before I even set foot in his office.

Ok, another problem. I need to be working before I can try again. Who the hell would hire me pregnant, if it worked? Nobody. That’s who. A third problem? Yes, naturally. The money for another trial. That usually shuts Z up right quick when he starts up about me not going to the doctor or making an appointment, I must say.

As you can see, I am slowly trying to give myself pep talks (even though I still end up in tears and down more often than not). Last night is a fine example. But regardless of how I spent last night being best friends with the tissue box, I made myself go over to play with the triplets today for the longest time. I even enjoyed it. (How could I not? Two of them the boy and smallest girl looked so glad to see me, they were grinning and their faces lit up! Then I felt like a complete asshole for not coming more.)

But God it is oh so hard not to be down. I am getting identical looks from Z and Arianna now on the subject of a baby, and it is really too much. I feel like I’m on a teeter-totter and I can’t get down from it.

Oh my. Could I possibly rattle on any more than I have already?

I doubt it. Forgive me for this rant, but you know? It’s my damn blog. Deal honeys, deal.

PS: Where the hell are my Inquisition questions? HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?????? Are you all drunk this weekend or what? (I'm starting to wish I was) Jeez. *sniff, sniff* YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!


Questions, Questions!

It's that time of the week again! I'm all ready for another episode of The Inquisition. Are you, dear readers? I certainly hope so!

Same 'rules' as the previous two weeks. Ask a question. You have until 12:01am Tuesday (Pacific Time) to ask me whatever your heart desires. Then? At some point later in the day on Tuesday, you shall have the answers you seek!

Ready? On your marks! Get set............................ GO!!