Dionne Warwick doesn’t have SHIT on my husband.

Last night, I made the mistake of saying a small, I mean ITSY thing to my husband and ended up gaping at him like a dying fish. Yes, he floored me yet again. The rat.

See, my elder brother (technically he’s a half-brother, but who really cares?) has this dark blond hair with a big fat shock of PLATINUM BLOND just slightly off center along his hairline. Were talking about “3 finger” width here. (Think booze measurement) It’s natural. And lately, I’ve been growing some hair pretty similar in the same place. (AND NO IT ISN”T WHITE- ITS BLONDE) Difference is, my brother, Joey, has had this hair since he was a little boy. Daddy always told him he’d better not try and rob a bank or something stupid and illegal, cause the police would find him in a millisecond.(he’s tried dying it in desperation, but it won’t take color).

All I said to Z was:
Cyn: “Wouldn’t it be something if we had a little boy with hair like Joey?”
Z: “Well, one of them could, actually.”
Cyn: “ONE of them?”
Z: “Yeah, one of the triplets”.
Cyn: “WHAT TRIPLETS?? You think we’re gonna have triplets?” (Um, for the record, IM NOT PREGNANT)

Z’s response was to look very serious and deep in my eyes and say, “Well, yes actually. For the longest time I’ve had the deep feeling in my gut that we will end up with triplets.” ME: gaping like a fish out of water *sputter, sputter* Then I just accepted that it would probably happen.

See, Z tends to have these “psychic friends” moments. I shit you not. Honest. When we were dating and first married, if I was dieting, for example,if I cheated, he would not only tell me that I had cheated on said diet, but WHAT I ATE. He was ALWAYS RIGHT. ALWAYS. (shit shit shit!)

Often I mull things over in my head and as I’m THINKING them, he opens his mouth and my thoughts tumble out. I say “HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT???” Trust me, it’s kinda scary. Then I think, *Hmm, he also has “called” pregnancies, of so many people that didn’t even know they are pregnant.” Well, jeez. Then recently, he told me he suspected his niece was pregnant with triplets after doing an IUI. Damn me if he wasn’t right. When I found out, I just punched him in the arm when he smirked at me with that “I told you so” look on his face. A number of my forum friends from the IVF infertility board in UK got pregnant as a result of IVF- I was and am very happy for them. About 5 of them are pregnant with triplets. Z called them ALL! Well shit. I didn’t tell them ALL that he called it, but I did tell the latest one (HIYA AUSSIE GIRL!) and it wigged her out too! Pissed me off cause I’ve been hearing “I told you so, didn’t I?” a hell of a lot lately.

He has been telling me for the past 2 years….”Hang on for 2004. I feel in my gut that it will be a turnaround year for us. That things will start falling into place and big changes will happen for us.” Well shit, so far, it’s April and I’m really freaking out. In mid-January 2004, I got a phone call out of the blue asking me to come for an interview. Turns out that it was for a job that I had desperately wanted 5 years ago! I went. A week later, they called me for a second interview. A week after that, I went and met my new boss who offered me the job. Any demand I made, he met. (Hallelejuah! Praise the Lord! Thank you! Thank you!) My salary was increased by 65% a month. Working hours 7:30- 2:45 (i.e.: ideal for IVF, pregnancy and a new baby) 30 days vacation. (Thank you Lord- must be appreciative. 2003 was a shit year from hell.) I resigned from the previous job by Feb 4. Feb 10, I found out that my 3rd IVF try failed. Back to the damn drawing board. There we sit trying to figure out how the hell to come up with the cash for another try. I mean, come on, IVF isn’t exactly cheap, now is it? (In case you didn’t know, every try is roughly the equivalent of a fat down payment on a house. I mean just the meds are at least $3,000)

Are you freaked out yet? Even a little? Hang on, you will be.

Now comes the weird part. 2 weeks after I resigned, Z gets offered a new job, when he was MISERABLE, overworked and underpaid. (I mean, you work like hell and sell over 2.5 million Dollars in sales for the year and then come bonus time, for the 6th year in a row, they come up with a stupid excuse to not give bonus.Talk about ungrateful!!) The new job offer was amazing. Like a dream Gee, guess what Z told his employers?????? Cumon now, guess! “Fuck these a-holes.” And he quit. I typed him a beautiful resignation letter. He started his new job 6 years TO THE DAY he started the one he just quit. (April 1). So far, so good Z. Keep it up.

WAIT! Did I just say that? Then that means that I’m gonna end up with triplets. Twins I think I could handle. I’ve had this feeling I would end up with twins. But 3?? Um, I dunno. That scares me a little.I thought maybe he was channeling the vibes from his niece or something, and asked him as much, but he said, "Um, no. I ‘ve had this feeling for the longest time." Thing is, he looked so happy at the thought of me having the 3 stooges. And that was sweet.

I bet you don’t blame me for freaking out now, do you?? I thought not.

Well shit. I’m in for it now, aren’t I??? I’m kind of glad I punched him in the face last night in my sleep.


No comments: