Afternoon Delight Gone Wrong

A funny thing happened today. It was another one of my “OHMYGOD I HAVE TO BLOG THIS!” moments, but with a bit of a twist, you see.

Something strange occurred today. Nooshi, our darling houseguest, went out with N (hamsters-story update later bout them) shopping and all. Arianna went out with Az and her 3 yr old to the Ritz Carlton’s beach club. Z and I were watching TV. Then, well, Monster goes out too. After a while, Z looks at me and says “Did you realize we’re home alone?”. I have to admit, it took a few seconds for me to register and remember where everyone was.

I’m sure you ALL can imagine what happened next. I mean, really! This being home alone happens, like, NEVER. You can bet your ass I wasn’t channeling Macaulay Culkin, that’s for sure.

So, ahem, after…. um, you know. I was there just kind of, well, relaxing with my eyes shut when Z attempted to make an observation-botched it- and ruined all my warm fuzzy numb feelings with one simple question.

Curious, aren’t you? Ok, I give. I’ll tell you. Ready?


………..are you sure you’re ready?……..


He said to me “What’s with the Smurf on your face?”

Me:*thinking, mind clearing rapidly: “Did he just say SMURF or am I imagining?”*

Z: “Smurf on your face. Heh.”

Me: *Eyes flying open in absolute hysterical mirth. “He DID say Smurf!!!!!!* “YOU SAID SMURFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA”----really loud, I mean SO DAMN LOUD, MY LAUGHING” HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHA!!! Question is, what is that smurf DOING on my face???” Hahahahahaaaaa heee heeeeee heee heeeeeeee


Me: “Is it Papa Smurf or Brainy or Handy Smurf??” Waaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha—More extremely loud uncontrollable and totally hysterical laughter, except now it is BOTH OF US laughing like mental patients allowed to self-dose meds.

Z: “Waaaaaaaaaaaaa…. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…… HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA….wheeze…. wheeze….. Haahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

Me: “Well, at least… gasp, chortle, guffaw, shout shriek…….. ahahahahahahahha,it isn’t…….. hahahahah Gargamel….!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa”

Continues for about 4 minutes of me and him laughing uncontrollably until I finally shout in the middle of my gut wrenching laughter…”HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA BLOG THIS????? I HAVE TO BLOG THIS!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHAHAHAHHA where the hell is my asthma inhaler??? Hahha “must……..*wheeze* BLOG…….*gasp* …. This!!!!!!!…… MUST…haahhhhhaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa *puff, inhale* wheeze,,, laughing……. *puff, inhale* heee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehahahahhaaaaa heeeeeeee.

Of course, he then said the most WRONG thing possible to me…….

“You’ll never blog about THIS! Never. NO WAY. Heh.” All smug and sure of himself.

I think I’ll quote Tweety Bird and Bugs Bunny on this one, shall I?

“He don’t know me very well, DO HE?”

Don’t I freaking wish!? Actually, I am.

It seems my dear friend Genuine gave me 10 million bucks. (Isn’t he a sweetheart?) I mean, geez Gen, I know I’ve been out of a job for a few months, okay, FOUR MONTHS, but still! 10 million is MORE than enough to help me get by.

But, you know, since I would be completely stupid to look a gift horse in the mouth, I’ll take it!

Oh shit. This is an imaginary $10 Mil. Just great. Oh what the hell, I’ll play along. It’s nice to dream.

Genuine is having a fantasy-ahem!- a daydream that he can be in Bill Gates’ shoes for a year, and decided to be generous as we all know him to be, and share the love.. AND the money. Such a kind and giving man, our Gen. He is curious as to what we-the readers of his blog- would do if we had $10 Million. So, since he is an imaginary Gazillionaire, I get to be an imaginary multi-millionaire. Ok, that works for me.

Gen honey, you asked for it, you got it!

First things first.

I’d pay off mine and Z’s debts in full and get an excellent attorney to protect my ass (ets) and tell the banks we owe money to KISS MY GRITS.

I’d buy a lovely condo by the beach for my Mom and hand her the title. In the drive would be a cute little sports car for her to scoot around in and make sure she had enough money each month and the best doctors. Mama’s hip like that and she deserves the very best!

I’d put a few hundred thousand in an account for Arianna’s college tuition and fees.

I’d pay monster a monthly fee of maybe $3,000.00 or so to stay away from me and bug off. (look she has 7 kids, I shouldn’t be the only one supporting her, dammit!) Cause the only thing she loves more than herself is MONEY. (If you think I’m buying HER a house, you’re out of your damn minds!) Say it with me now: “AW HELL NO!”
If 3,000 seems like a lot, I’m thinking all inclusive here. She should be able to pay rent here in Bahrain for a place, utilities, food, phone, and have some left over for shopping. Ie: OUT OF MY HAIR. Priorities y’all, priorities!

Daddy doesn’t need the money…. Since he’s invested heavily in property over the years. Instead I’d buy myself a lovely home in South Florida right on the waterway near his home so I could be close to him, Nothing over the top… just right, with a little dock on the property for my boat. My speedboat.

I would buy a couple of properties to rent out here in Bahrain as an investment, a couple for several reasons: 1) NO property taxes, 2) The cost of land and houses to purchase in dollars is low when you consider the fixed exchange rate, and the value is skyrocketing in leaps and bounds like Tigger on acid 3) high rents make for steady income.

I will open some type of construction or contracting company in Qatar. It is booming right now, and there is loads of money to be made, so, all income would be good for my children and future grandchildren. It takes money to make money!

So what if I have money already? Nothing lasts forever! Not for me to just sit and spend although I have no problem spending at anytime! I’m a planner, what can I say?

Speaking of children…. I’m going to the BEST Infertility doctor on the planet, wherever he/she might be. Gimmie my baby (ies)! IVF is tricky; I could end up with twins easily. Two birds with one stone and all that!

Of course, once I had my babies, it would be time for… my tummy tuck. Wheee! And a slight breast reduction/lift. (Stop crying guys. Only down to a D cup or so!) I’m happy with the rest of me. I’d pay for Mama’s facelift though. I’m not being mean, she would love to have one, even though I think she still looks beautiful. I still remember when I was in 3rd grade in the school lunchroom and Mama came in to give me something. All the kids at my table and the one on either side got quiet. Mama came in all smiling at me like a golden angel looking so beautiful as usual, and gave me what she came to give, and left again. All the kids were saying… “I didn’t know your mom was a movie star!!!!” all awed. I was so proud that day!.

A lovely little manor house in either Scotland or Ireland sitting on a few acres with a beautiful view. Like 5 acres at least. That really is my dream, that. I’d split my time between this house and the Florida one.

You knew it was coming, didn’t you? Shopping. Whenever I feel like it, dammit. I love decorating and shopping, and now I have at least two homes for me to fix. And fill. With clothes, and furniture, and stuff. Heh. Not crazy-what-the-hell-is-she-gonna-do-wear-it-once kinda shopping. But shopping.

Now then. I would donate money to charities often. For AIDS research, Cancer research, and perhaps selfishly, finding a cure for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, since there isn’t one, and it affects so many people’s health in so many ways like it does mine. PCOS isn’t life threatening usually, but I would hate for my daughter to suffer from it like I do. It is a big fear of mine. I would like to see cures for all three in my lifetime. That would be wonderful.

Now that I’ve done my Good Samaritan thing, it’s time for me to treat myself….CARS! (Scarlett likes her cars, oh YES SHE DOES!)

I would travel for pleasure a few times a year and make sure I took my good friends with me to enjoy even more! My expense. I’d throw separate, KI*LER Blog parties too! Fly everyone down for the weekend, and have an absolute blast, singing karaoke drunk to the gills and wonderful food, dancing and activities.

A case of Crown Royale and a case of excellent and very expensive wine for Genuine as a thank you for the money.(Never let it be said I’m not an appreciative lady!) I know he’s filthy rich, but hey, it’s simple manners!

I wouldn’t want to spend it all. No. I have income coming in from businesses and investments and would keep the bulk of the money in savings. I’m a planner and I spend wisely by nature. I’m one for getting the best value for money.

So there you go Genuine. Curiosity appeased now? *wink*

I wonder what MY readers would do with 10 million?

Size DOES Matter!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving yesterday! I did. I love turkey day. Yes I do!

I just had to make a quickie post about the turkey I worked on yesterday. The turkey weighed in at around 48 pounds. That sucker was SO BIG. Goodness, it took forever to cook.

Yes, I said 48 pounds. But it tasted great.

I also had to share one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while (well, until today, but that’s another post!). My student, after quite a few glasses of Chivas Regal on the rocks (of which I poured some into my empty water glass and he told me “Hey! That’s whiskey!” and I said “ yeah, I know”, and I promptly downed it!) said to the room at large: “But a turkey is just a big chicken, isn’t it??” We all gave him a huge “NO!” and he said “Yeah, it is. It’s just an INFLATED CHICKEN, right?”.

Inflated chicken?…………….

*Shocked faces, mouths gaping in disbelief*


“Um, no. A turkey is totally different from a chicken. They are distant cousins or some such, but…. An inflated chicken? Heheheheheheheeeeeeee NO.”.

I think I’ll leave y’all with that thought.


Change of Plan

Hello all! First things first!

It’s after 1:00am on Thanksgiving. Hiya! Yeah. Like I don’t have anything better to do. Well, remember how I said how I was saying how nice and cool it was yesterday around 1pm-ish at 90 degrees? Me and my BIG mouth.

It is cold as a witch’s tit outside. (I’ve been dying to use that phrase for ages! Thank you for humoring me.)

Speaking of tits…judging by the reaction of my breasts, (hee heeeee!) plus figuring in the damn wind chill factor, it’s at least in the mid 40’s tonight-easily. It was 67 late in the day and it’s a hell of a lot colder now. Of course, that didn’t stop me from standing outside looking up at the beautiful full moon hanging in the clear sky with tons of stars shining bright with my loose hair blowing about me in the wind a little while ago! Nope! An absolutely gorgeous night. I love looking up at the stars. I always have.

Anyway, it’s about damn time it gets cold, I say! It’s finally acting like late autumn, early winter here on this little island. Heh. Lets put it this way.. I’m wearing my fuzzy pink slippers. WHAAAAT? I have tile floors, for Chrissake! Jeez.

Well, back to my topic, eh?

There has been a slight change of plan for Thanksgiving. Now I’m giving cooking lessons.

Yeah, you read correctly, THANKSGIVING COOKING LESSONS. Me. Giving. Cooking. Lessons. Then eating at the student’s house. Oh what the hell!

Move over Emerill, Scarlett’s in the house! BAM, Bitch! Take that!

The FATHER of the triplets (‘J’) wants ME to teach him the proper thanksgiving doo-dads. From the thawing of the BIGGEST FUCKING BUTTERBALL I EVER DID SEE, to the homemade stuffing…. Yadda yadda yadda. All of it. See, HE loves to cook. He does most of the cooking in the house, or the maids do. But, he wants to learn a proper roasting turkey technique. (Thanks honey, for bragging on my roast turkey and cornbread stuffing!) Yeah, Z bragged like hell (he DOES LOVE my cooking) and next thing I know, I’m being told to save my stuff for Christmas, and make a shopping list, carte blanche-he’s buying- and to teach him from A-Z.

I thought I would let you all know, since it is SO damn important, now isn’t it? I can’t help it, I am tickled at the whole thing. Notice he didn’t want me to teach his wife, Z’s neice? She was muttering something about getting recipies from the internet and he said “F that, I’m just gonna get Cyn to teach me so I can do it from now on myself!”. Bless his heart, I’ve NEVER seen a man love food quite like him! His brain is not in his skull but in his stomach. He is a real sweetheart though.

I’m still trying to get over the shock that I’m going to give my stuffing recipe away. I mean, it’s really simple, but oh-so-good, and even picky CHILDREN have begged for thirds.

*sigh* A girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do!

PS: PLEASE DO NOT PUT STUFFING IN THE ASS OF THE TURKEY WHEN BAKING! I know it looks all pretty and stuff and they do that on TV and in movies, but it is SO not healthy. In fact, you can get really sick that way. Cook it separate, and then, towards the end, when all the lovely turkey juices are in the bottom of the roasting tray? Cram it AROUND the bird, NOT UP IT”S BUTT. Got it? Then cook for another 30 min like that or so.

This PSA was just because I care about your well being.


Happy Turkey Day!

Well, we have arrived at my second favorite day of the year. My very favorite is Christmas.

Ah... even though it entails me being in the kitchen pretty much all day... I love it! It's fortunate that I enjoy cooking. I find it quite theraputic, actually. So... that being said, there is a Butterball turkey calling my name and loads of work to do.

Like the homemade cornbread, sage & onion stuffing. A big, perfectly golden roasted turkey,Southern candied yams. Lots of mashed potatoes & gravy, cranberry sauce, hot white dinner rolls, steaming hot veggies, etc... At the end....................

Pumpkin pie.

Scarlett Cyn loves her some pumpkin pie, I tell you. In fact, I don't like to share it much. Yeah, THAT MUCH I LIKE IT. Apple or sweet potato pie you can have all to yourself, in fact! But the pumpkin? Um, no.

Well, after some thought, perhaps, if you ask me real nice... I might give you some.

I wish I wasn't so far away from my family at this time of year, particularly my Mom. That's the hardest. My Daddy makes the best roast turkey I've ever tasted in my life. (He's a great cook! Mom is good too, but even she will say dad makes a killer turkey!)

I hope all of you will take this time to say a prayer of thanks and to count your blessings, no matter how bad things may be.

I'm thankful for my decent health, for my beautiful daughter,my hubby,my family, my wonderful friends and blog readers far and wide who know I am sending each and every one of them my love on this Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


Confession Week 7

Here I sit typing away waiting for the storm to break. Earlier today I was thinking to myself when I went out “You’ve totally lost your mind woman! It’s 90 degrees (32) outside and you were just thinking how nice and cool it is today! Yeah, It was actually ‘cool’ at 90.” Jeez. Since early afternoon it’s been overcast though, and suddenly became extremely windy. I love the wind because it sets my wind chime on the patio off! Hee hee. It seems we are due for some kick ass thunderstorm system to blow through tonight. Woo. Hoo.

Without further ado, I will get to this week’s Confession.

Mare Imbrium asked me the following thought provoking question:

What is the secret to staying married for 14 years, especially during the onslaught of baby/toddler hood?

Well Mare’s question has really given me pause for thought and made me….well, think. I don’t know if it’s a secret or what, but, I’ll answer as best as I can, how’s that hon? By no means is my marriage perfect, but, well, I guess it can best be described as a potentially never-ending work in progress.

Prepare yourselves; this is going to be a long-ass answer.

First of all, I firmly believe that marriage is NOT easy by any means. I think that these days (OMG, I sound ancient, don’t I?) people give up too easy. Now I don’t mean you shouldn’t leave his ass in a millisecond if he’s going to swinging bars or hitting you or some such or you’ve discovered his unquenchable need for H*okers or some such. If you are truly unhappy or miserable or being mistreated or you are the only one making a real effort at your relationship, then no, there will come a point when you need to move on with your life. Ever seen “WAR OF THE ROSES”? It’s a bit camp and stereotypical, but watch it closely. If his touch makes your skin crawl or watching him chew his food makes you want to scream or choke him, it’s probably a good idea to re-evaluate your situation, you know? (A good film by the way!)

But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a generally ‘normal’ relationship here, people. It takes BOTH partners to make it work, patience, understanding, some occasional sacrifice and lots of give and take (hopefully) in equal measure and not taking the other person for granted. Marriage is work, it doesn’t just happen all by itself. I’m famous for my analogies, and so I will give you one now:

Marriage or any relationship for that matter is like a car. (Stop laughing!) It needs guidance. Yes, you can start the engine and put it in drive, but you need to keep your eyes on the road ahead and your hands on the steering wheel. It needs maintenance. The occasional oil change/ service and car wash so you can see out the windows. It needs gas (love and affection) to keep running. You can drive the car on a perfectly, seemingly straight road, guiding it over the speed bumps in your life (problems, troubles) steering it through traffic and intersections (work and family) but consider what will happen if you take your hands off the wheel. The car will continue to go straight for a time, but eventually, it will do one of a few things: 1) roll off the road into a ditch 2) veer and hit a tree or parked car 3) generally crash with oncoming traffic 4) make you end up on the wrong end of a red-light. (Can you think of other things? I could go on for ages with this analogy, you realize? I think you get the hint though!)

If one partner is giving all the time (or most of it) and the other is doing all the taking, that will eventually put quite a strain on the relationship, guaranteed. I won’t pretty things up here, Egad! Why would I do that now after all this time? The give and take ratio in my own marriage is NOT 50-50. more like 85-15 (me 85%) This is where my patience and understanding (or weakness if you want to think of it that way) comes in. In my own defense, my patience and understanding are not unlimited. When I’ve reached my boiling point, he knows it, believe me.

It all boils down to the old cliché: “It takes TWO to Tango” my friends. Otherwise, you end up dragging someone around like the dance floor of your life.

As you all have some idea, I HAVE put up with a lot. There is actually a lot that I haven’t yet related as well, and not only with Monster, but she is a big part of it. I think that I am probably TOO understanding, actually, but that is me. I am by nature a giver. I enjoy receiving as much as the next person, everyone needs to be on the receiving end, but I am, and have been since I was a little girl, happiest when I am making others happy. That does not mean I will happily allow myself to be used and ‘walked on” like an area rug. No, cause honestly I HATE being used, it pisses me off in fact. But I digress.

I also think it is the “little things” that really do matter and help things run smoothly. Be careful, I’m going to go a wee bit “Stepford Wife” on you now.

Be feminine. A little lipstick or lip-gloss and mascara never killed anyone and there is NO excuse for not wearing a bit for your husband. Screw that, wear it for you first, him second. It will make you feel pretty. Don’t allow yourself the excuse that you can’t do it because you are busy with the baby/chores/work/cooking …etc. It’s all a matter of time management or perhaps I should say multi-tasking. Mascara and tinted lip-gloss or lipstick can be slapped on while you’re on the toilet, so there IS time. It isn’t as if peeing takes such intense concentration, or anything ELSE for that matter, so why not? It takes no longer than a normal bathroom trip to do. Every now and then, wear your hair down if it’s long-ish, not just in a ponytail. I know you feel haggard, we all do, but you don’t have to look it. Does that make sense?

If you’re a good cook or just like to cook, cook his favorite meal once in a while. Or the thing you make best that he likes. Let your feelings for him show, all the way to your eyes. Direct eye contact with a man is the equivalent combination of a deer and headlights. Get my drift? Put perfume on not only to go to work. Put some on for him… then, have him smell where you put it. First the wrist, then the forearm….. then, lean in for the kill… ahem, I mean, arch your neck and let him smell it there. (most men are simple creatures –sorry fellas, but you KNOW you are!- get them that close and they are probably already a wee bit frisky).

Frisky is good. Keep that interesting too. Missionary gets the job done, but is damn boring after a while, don’t you think? I sure do! Don’t forget kissing. Kissing is a lovely pastime. And not just a peck, either. I mean a curl your toes kind of kiss passing in the hallway… then both of you wander on with whatever you were doing.

Once the kids start coming along, it is more important that you have time out of the house, together…. Just the two of you. Even if money is tight, you don’t have to spend a load of money to have a nice hour or two out together. Leave the baby/kids/whatever with Grandma or Auntie or a friend for an hour or two. Ideally all night every few months would be great so you can have a great rest and a lovely romp with your honey wherever the mood strikes. Yes, I said WHEREVER. Drive somewhere and just walk around holding hands. Talk occasionally. It doesn’t really matter where you go or what you do, as long as you are together without the screeching of your kids. Don’t talk about the bills and problems. Just enjoy being alone together. If you are only gone a couple of hours… DON”T CALL TO CHECK ON THE KIDS. They will be ok with whomever you have left them with; otherwise you wouldn’t have left them there, now would you? So shut the damn cell phone off if need be and just… BE.

The most important thing I can say is together time. Most especially when you have a child/children. Mommy/Daddy time is EXTREMELY important. Mommy/Daddy time is different than the time mentioned above. I know that what with work and household chores the immediate urge for most women is that once the kids are in bed to jump in and get the house in some sort of order and get prepared for the day to come. Laundry is a never-ending nightmare from hell. The world won’t come to an end if you take 15-20 minutes out of your evening chores for a cuddle on the couch, so do it. A lot of marriages go bad once children come for this important reason, and I really think it is a shame and totally unnecessary. I have seen this first hand in relationships of people close to me, and it saddens me. The wife gets caught up in motherhood and neglects the husband emotionally and physically. It’s like the husband was only good to be a sperm donor or something. I’ve watched this happen and I’ve also heard the comments about it from several husbands. In some instances, the wives didn’t let the husbands touch them after they had their babies for months and months! One in particular moved her husband into the guest bedroom when she came home from the hospital with the baby and he stayed there for over a year! They went from having an overactive love life to NONE. See what I mean? Sperm donor. Men might not like to admit it, but they need to feel needed by the woman in their life. Just think of how they are when they get sick! Me personally, I have always made an effort to give attention to Z. He can never say he felt neglected or unloved or anything else after I gave birth, that is for damn sure! Once of our nieces decided she liked how I did things and has taken a page from my book. So far so good and she has a normal relationship with her hubby as opposed to her sisters.

My constant efforts (all 85% of the give and take) and attention love, and sacrifice on so very many levels, not to mention my stubborn pig-headed determination in the face of Monster’s constant and frequent avowals and prayers to see us divorced if it kills her (I SO don’t want her to win. Childish of me, I know, but there it is!) have kept me married for so long. Of course I love him. If I didn’t I wouldn’t still be here. But to follow my own advice, never take anything for granted.

We’ve been together since I was 18. If our marriage breaks up for any reason, I know that with clear conscious, I can say I gave 250% and then some.


Cheryl b asked: I know you said that you would answer any question, but you don't have to answer this one if it makes you uncomfortable.

If you could magically get pregnant and be guaranteed a perfect pregnancy and healthy baby at the end of it but had to leave your husband would you do it?


Because of infertility problems and all the hell that it puts a relationship through, I can understand how that can affect and potentially dissolve a marriage. But if someone leaves for that reason? I think there was more wrong with the relationship to begin with. But that’s just my opinion.

Bonus question: Who is your favorite Muppet's character and why? Mine has always been Miss Piggy.

I’ve always been fond of Miss Piggy too, the little nympho oinker. “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I always loved Foz E. Bear too. Why? Cause, no matter how bad things went, he kept on chugging. On with the show! The eternal optimist of sorts! Plus? He’s so cute! Gonzo too. The two old geezers up in the balcony always cracked me up with their smart-ass cracks.

By the way Cheryl… thanks babe! Now I have the theme song from The Muppet Show in my head now. Love you too honey!

Apparently it is deep question week. Here comes what Carrie Jo asked me:

What is your idea of Afterlife? How do you picture it? And do you believe in reincarnation? OK, that's three, but they're all related!

Yes I belive in an Afterlife, absolutely. A relative of mine, a couple actually, had life after death experiences and they described it the same. Very beautiful and peaceful, the whole white light and joy, peace and the feeling of never wanting to leave, etc... that you've all undoubetedly heard of before.

If any of you have ever seen the movie "What Dreams May Come", it is a beautiful film and really makes you think. I would hope that Heaven or whatever you want to call it is something like that. I also think that loved ones that have passed on come to help you from one world to another. I 've heard too many stories of the dying that right before the leave they call out to a loved one long gone right before they take their last.

This may be comment provoking as well, but I also believe in a type of reincarnation. I don't necessarily belive that people come back as spiders, etc... but I HAVE been to a place for the first time and felt deep in my soul that I've been there before even though, in this life, I haven't. I felt it when I went to Edinburgh. I knew my way around like I'd been there several times before, hard to describe, really. It would explain the pull I've always felt for Scotland, definetly.

I am in no way begging for a religious discussion, so.... I just think that perhaps some people's souls have unfinished business or lessons to learn and come back.

Anyway, there you go. That's it for this week's Inquisition Confession. Lordy, but I feel like Dr. Ruth today. Maybe I should think about starting a seperate blog for assvice (advice). Or just a weekly advice thing. Hmmmm, something to think about.


Shrimp Decapitation, etc...

I realize it’s LONG overdue, my post about my escapades. But first things first.

Just a reminder to get your questions in before Tuesday 12:01am Pacific Time for this week’s Inquisition. Now, on to my promised post!

It involves a new (!) fast and powerful twin engine boat, the sea, me, wind in my hair, loads of laughing, sandy beach, and... me fishing successfully! It also involves some shrieking and fits on Monster’s part, AS USUAL, but I will keep that to as much as a minimum as possible. Oh ok, and a fair amount of cussing at fish on my part, but hey! It worked to some extent.) Where to begin?

Well, first, N, remember her? The hamster owner from a previous post? Well, she called her cousin, who has the previously mentioned boat and arranged for a day out since my friend Nooshi is visiting us still. (Love her!) So out we went, or so we thought. But first? Monster had to have a big-ass hissyfit. Oh yes! You see, we are NOT ALLOWED to go out and have fun. Oh no siree. For example, the previous night? We had gone to a friends house for a quiet evening and some drinks, and chatting and music. Z, Nooshi, and myself. We were out till 2am. Thank you to ‘P’ for the lovely evening AND the delicious bottle of White Cabernet Sauvignon he graciously let me finish ALL BY MYSELF. (I didn’t realize it, but he kept refilling)*grin* . He’s such a sweetheart, really. Anyhooo, on the way home, Z gets a message (designated driver that he was) from his sister saying are we all ok, and that their mom is calling her nonstop wondering where we are. Pissed is more like it. Anyway, before he can reply at the next red-light, the mobile rings… it’s sis. What follows next is a minute by minute blow by blow of our whole day. See, she has been having FITS about us actually going out and having fun most nights. Especially for not taking her along. Ugh. I’m sorry. But if ANYONE comes to stay with me, you will be taken care of and entertained properly, dammit! There isn’t LOADS to do in Bahrain, granted, but I’ll figure something out. So. She was PISSED. Again. (This has been a nightly thing going on, btw.) Her excuse is that she should be informed of where we all go and with whom, what we do, and ETA also. (I can hear you all cussing all the way over here… yes, you Carrie, Cheryl, and Hula!) Did I neglect to mention it’s Z’s 40th B-day today? HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY. (Yes, a 40-year old man is supposed to report to his mommy his whereabouts and goings on.) As is he tells her practically anything.

So. He told her we were going to the beach. (a white lie. Didn’t mention the boat or anything else, OR who was going). When she heard the word beach….. She freaked the hell out. Started screaming and shrieking and throwing and slamming things. Cussing at… well, me as usual (but that is NOTHING compared to the special curses/hexes thrown my way this evening) but everything in general about us going out all the time. Then, when she saw that N (hamsters) was coming… she really freaked. Yes, she loathes this particular granddaughter almost equally with me. THAT is really saying something, believe me. I grabbed Arianna and hustled her and Nooshi and N out of the house. Yes, Arianna just shakes her head and told Nooshi “She’s a psycho old lady, try and ignore her screams… I know it’s hard. I wish she would shut UP.”. (Out of the mouths of babes)

We all took off praying we didn’t all drown at sea from the curses raining down on our heads.
We arrived at the resort where Captain keeps his boat moored. It’s actually one of my favorite places in Bahrain. Perhaps because when you are there, it doesn’t feel like you are still IN Bahrain any more, but have actually gone somewhere else. I admit, despite all the hassle when leaving, I was really looking forward to this. I had spent a lot of my young years on boats and being on the water during my summer visitations with my Dad. Each summer we would go with his friend that owned a boat for about a week or so and have a good time clowning around. It was on one of these trips that I got my nerve up WAAY too late to try my hand at water-skiing. By the time I got my feet in the skiis and my fist on the rope, the water had become horribly choppy……. I think you can guess what happened! Anyway, I have lots of fond memories, like of clamming, which is really such a blast (especially when there are manatees in the water around you). I love clamming and fishing, just not eating the fruits of the endeavors is all! I saw my first space shuttle launch from the deck of a boat in fact.

Onto the boat we went, gassed up the fuel tanks and we were off full throttle! Ahhhh! So great! The engines and boat were 3 months old or so, and real powerful. Wooohoooo! A lovely GPS so we didn’t get lost and loud music blaring on the stereo system! Wind in my hair and the sun shining and a big old grin on my face. Nothing calms me quite like the sea.

During the trip to an island that belongs to Bahrain, Nooshi and I were really in hysterics at Z and N’s antics in the bow of the boat. They were getting all the “turbulence”… haa. And Z was acting all naughty, as usual. He and N were flopping around in the front, hanging on to the railing and then, in a calm moment, he reached over when the wind flipped up her tshirt in back and gave her the worst massive wedgie I’ve ever seen in my life. I was howling with laughter. Well, Captain, her cousin and Nooshi were also cracking up as well. I swear, he pulled the waistband of her undies up to her bra strap. The look of horror on her face was priceless.
When we arrived at the island it was actually a narrow strip of sand that when the tide is in is completely covered by water, but when the tide is out, you can walk quite a long distance. There were yachts moored everywhere. Big ‘uns. Really gorgeous. So, out onto the powdery white sand we trooped. We took photos for Noosh to take back home with her and then… I started my sea shell hunting and strolling along the water’s edge with the waves lapping gently at the shore. It was so lovely and relaxing. Quiet and peaceful. We stayed for quite a while. Then decided to go out into the deeper water for a bit, and then ended up fishing.
By now the sun was beginning to set in the sky. The colors were absolutely beautiful. My favorite time of day has always been sunset. If I catch it, I will stop what I’m doing to watch it whenever possible. The pinks and oranges and pale blues fading to lavender and darker purple were gorgeous. As the boat skimmed across the water I watched the sun sink into the horizon from the captains bench behind the wheel.

Now it was time for fishing. Yaaaaay! Yes, we fished in the dark. It was actually quite good and very peaceful and relaxing.

I was fishing freehand... which means no pole, just a role of fishing wire and a hook and weight on the end... oh yeah, and some fresh shrimp dangling, even though the boat was equipped with special equipment welded into the frame of the boat for catching BIG fish. I was happy with my simple line. I caught 5 fish in about an hour or so. (actually 7, but 2 were too small and got tossed back in) 2 of them looked like a type of pike fish and were, quite frankly, kinda ugly. Also? It had sharp teeth and one kind of squealed a bit. I felt bad for that one. One was about as long as your forearm and the other a bit longer and fatter. The other 3 were a different type, local to the gulf. I also got in a fight with a couple of the pike type fish.... he won, big old bastard. (Bait, hook and all. But it was a big sucker). N also had good luck and kept getting fish as well.

Some of you may be wondering what happened to the fresh fish that was caught. Now remember y’all, Scarlett likes fishing but does not like FISH. NO FISH. Ew. Unless they are in a movie, an aquarium, on the end of my hook, or... no, that's about it. So. The male cousin who's boat it was, Captain, cousin of N (aka Hamster Owner who also was there), got possession of said fish.

About the decapitation comment and why Captain got the fish? Now, while I like fishing immensely (HAH! Z caught NOTHIN! Poor baby, but he DID set up an apparent all-you-can-eat buffet for the critters in the sea) I do not like TOUCHING them, nor the shrimp that was used for bait. Why? Well, when you get right down to it? I’m such a girly girl. While I may like fishing, clamming, playing basketball, etc.. I’m not much for, um, touching squishy stinky fish, so to speak. Ok, at ALL. Soooooooooo, Captain was baiting my hook, ok and hooking my line when I lost my fight with said pike-ish fish, and since the shrimp was FRESH, ie: whole. he was fixing my line all pretty like. ie: now we get to the shrimp decapitation part. Meaning, it will be a cold day in hell before I can stand there and calmly rip the head off the shrimp, toss it overboard, then rip off the tail, and toss that over the side also, then shove a very sharp and small hook in it JUST SO. So. Captain got my fishies. Capiche? Gawd, they were flapping about forever... taking forever to DIE. How sad. That didn't stop me from cussing a blue streak at the fucking pike fish that got all the way to the boat and into the air and THEN, the asshole broke my line, hook AND SHRIMP in mouth and plopped down in the water. The pig. It was HUGE. I'm sure it was him that came and ate my bait twice afterwards. grrrrr. One big fish as I was reeling it in hand over hand- it was heavy- well, said fish got cussed at under my breath in Persian but good. Captain was standing next to me laughing his ass off at my verbal assault of the fish that was fighting me. Heh.
But I won, and into the bag it went!

Otherwise, when I was just standing with my feet apart and braced against the waves that made the boat bob in the water while waiting for a bite on my line, I would do one of two things: 1) I would close my eyes and listen to the tranquil sound of the waves splashing the hull, or 2) watching the reflection of the moon and strong clear moonlight rippling on the water and occasionally looking up at the clear sky at the stars.
All to soon it was time to go back in and head home. The ride in was nice, the breeze off the water balmy, not cold. All in all, I haven’t been so at peace and had such a lovely day in ages. Yes, it even topped my beach visit a week ago.