I am NOT oversensitive!!

For those of you that really know me (cheryl.b, Mindy, etc.) you will know this is not the first time for me to say this.

But I'm really not. I have a pet peeve. I mean, this is GUARANTEED to PISS me off like no tomorrow. I go APESHIT when I'm having a phone conversation with someone and they are talking- I mean a conversation- with someone else while you are on the phone. Noow, I'm totally understanding if we are talking and you have to say "just a minute" to me, say to the other person "yes, that's fine, and then blah blah" then come back to me and say "ok, you were saying??" and continue OUR conversation. Not say "hold on" (if I'm lucky) and then hang on the fucking phone for 10 minutes (cause I'll wait just to see how long you'll let me hang so Im totally justified in being pissed) while I listen to you have a conversation with someone where you are. Now if it is work and important... I am understanding of that. BUT if it ISN"T work........ now you deserve all my venom.

Z, my dear husband, the man I've been involved with for 15 years.... since I had barely turned 18...(hint. schmuck should really know better by now!) did this to me last night. On the phone. (refer back to my "home alone" post please if you didn't already read it.) It was 8:30pm last night and I still hadn't heard from him alllll day, so I tried calling his cell. No answer. I call back in 5-10 min.... no answer. I call back in 5..... no answer.... I call back again in 5... and no answer.... I do this shit for maybe, OH, 40 minutes. I send a message on the phone somewhere in between all the calls. Nuthin.... for about an hour or so. I get a message close to 11pm saying, "I just got out of the movies and left my phone in my brother's friends car". (brother is there doing some work.. he's a makeup artist)

Ok, fine, you went out with your brother and his friends to the movies. It's 11:oo at night, and maybe I'm a little lonely. Maybe I missed him, (but I would never call when he is at these conferences) and maybe I'm a bit hurt that he didn't call to just say "Hello, I'm going out with XXX for dinner and wanted to say Hi real quick, I'll call you later/tomorrow".or "what a shit day, conference was BORING/great, whatever, hows our daughter?, miss you, etc.." gee, I don't know.. something. I kinda wanted to hear his voice maybe was all. I'm feeling rotten all day yesterday, like I'm coming down with somehting. low grade fever..just enough to give mild body aches and feel like hell. My head feels as if it is the size of the Good-year Blimp. My sinuses are so screwed that under my left eye is twitching almost incessantly and my voice sounds like shit cause I'm so congested.

So, basically, I was feeling kinda bad to begin with. So I call him. Long distance. and what do I get? "Oh hello. Just got out of movies. We saw Hidalgo"(never mind you promised to take Arianna to see it you dufus). Me" Oh was it nice?" "Yeah. so...". then: talking in background to others in the car..... for a long time..............*steam coming out of my ears*, finally, he comes back on and says "call me back in 20 minutes". HELLO? IT IS almost effing midnight! I say "um, uh-huh,bye".

I didn't call back. Would you?
Wand Monkeys

I was visiting my buddy getupgrrl's site, Chez Miscarriage, just now, and read of the verbal abuse she suffered at the hands of the bitch radiologist that was going to do her ultrasound yesterday. This resulted in many of the wonderful women that were viewing the site to recount their own stories and it got me to thinking............

Where the fuck do these people that are supposed to be providing medical care get off??? Maybe it's that they DON'T "get off" and that's the problem.

Now, my doctor does his own ultrasounds, and has all these specialist degrees and all to do it, so it's something he's "in to". Problem is, he's a little TOO good..... it's kinda a case of "wham-bam-thank-you-mam!" if ya get my drift?? And he can be a little....un-gentle.(I know it's not a real word, but its appropriate) And when your ovaries are stimmed up the yin-yang, pelvis and everything IN it is painful...... the last thing you want is Dr.Wand Monkey shoving the probe up your Hoo-ha and checking out your ovaries like he's shifting his goddamn dream Ferrari! Dr w/probe......Me: whimpering in pain...."it's really tender, it hurts, can you go a little easy????PLEASE??" Doc:"um, humm, ok"..... still down shifting in my hoo-hah...... I reach over and grab his .... thigh, arm, whatever I can reach... and squeeze........HARD until he gets the picture. He can be an insensitive dolt sometimes, but generally is a sweet person who usually kisses my forehead or top of my head (OK, he's 6'5 and I'm 5'8) when he sees me or gives me a big bear hug when I'm feeling rotten. He isn't the Best doc for ultrasounds i've ever had tho... cause he DOESN"T like my questions during the ultrasound... he wants to hurry up and I want to see inside my body what's going on.

Here I am getting pumped with big-ass-doses of rFSH daily, among other things, and Im trying to get pregnant.... the very least you could do is SHOW me the follicles clearly. Jeesh.

I mean I don't know about y'all, but I think it's really interesting to see inside you. In school we've seen films in science and photos in books, but to see it and not in an impersonal way.... it's YOU up on that screen. That's why I like to look at my embryo(s) before I do the transfer......... cause that is part of me, and part of Z and if it sticks.... it amazes me that in 4 weeks from right now that I'm looking at this mass of cells, that it will have become a little fetus with a heart and blood pumping.Those cells could one day call me mama.

And wouldn't that be lovely?


Stanky Drawers

Today, I innocently opened one of my favorite websites...CNN for a look at the world around me and look what I saw: Photos, underwear seized in Jackson case. Items were taken in March from pop singer's wardrobe Ewwwwwwwwwww.

"the items taken by police included what Mr. V called a "pair of soiled, white Calvin Klein size 28 underpants, that had belonged to MJ." (MJ = Wacko Jacko) The article went on to say.....

"the collection of Jackson family memorabilia -- which he claimed was the largest in the world -- to a European collector. .......The collection included costumes, gold records, photographs, letters and documents.......the Jackson family had been collecting the memorabilia for years to decorate a chain of Jackson-themed restaurants, a venture that never materialized."

Now wait a cotton-pickin minute here y'all! First off, taking MJ's nasty stank drawers for evidence??? (Oooh, Monica L. deja vu going on BIG-TIME!) Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. But then I noticed WHERE the investigators OBTAINED these undies from.

A collection. A collection of various family items that had been sold to a European collector. Memorobillia collected by the Jackson family had been collecting the memorabilia for years to decorate a chain of Jackson-themed restaurants, a venture that never materialized.

You mean to tell me they planned to do a Hard Rock Cafe dealie bob and, among other things, put MICHAEL'S DIRTY CALVIN's on DISPLAY?????? W.T.F.??????? That is beyond disgusting.

Can you just imagine? "Hi, I'd like the "Mama Jacksons Fried Chicken with greens, black-eyed peas and cornbread please.(My my, I'm awfully hungry now!) And would you lookie that, MJ's dirty undies that were sitting in a box in a collectors wharehouse for Lord knows HOW LONG; framed right here on the wall at the end of our booth!Is that a skid mark?"

Why not the glove? The penny loafers? The shades? Bubbles the Chimp?Dammmmmmnnnnn. ".......Miss Jackson (and the rest) if your're nasty" is right!

And the restaurant vision never materialized.......... there IS a God.

Home Alone.......sorta

Actually, I'm in a "reverse Mindy"(MommyBlog) right now. She left husband and kids home and went on a business trip. This morning at an OBSCENE time, I dropped Z off at the airport.

I'm left home with a) Arianna, and b)his mom (aka devil-woman-sent-to-drive-me-insane-and-preferably-to-her- for me to die ASAP, aka: Monster-in-law, monster for short) Got the picture? Good. I'll get back to her wacked ass in a moment. Promise. No, really, I will. I'm beginning to channel Mackaulay Culkin right about now.... and boy am I gonna need it! "AARRRRRUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!""""""""""""""""

I stayed up obscenely late last night to pack Z's suitcase for his business trip TODAY since apparently he BROKE HIS DAMN HANDS AGAIN and couldn't manage to pack for himself.(as usual, bless his heart) I usually pack just about everything excecpt:1) his shoes (cause shoes are a very personal thing... you know? I can pack his undies, no problem, but shoes??? Uh, no.) 2) toothbrush, 3)deoderant 4) Razor & shaving cream, 5) socks...again that's a personal thing. Q-tips: I pack, shampoo: I pack. nail clippers: I pack. Shoe polish sponge: I pack. Clothes, undies, casual clothes... I PACK EM, GOT IT Kimosabbee??? Good. He ALWAYS inadvertenly forgets to, at the last minute, toss ONE of those 5 things in the suitcase that I DON"T pack. I always tell him "don't forget to put in x,y,z.... cause I haven't packed them;and I say this at elast 5 times looking him straight in the eye. I even pack his favorite snacks so he doesn't have to raid the overpriced minibar with its stale stuff. Aren't I nice? You bet your ass!

Now before you (men probably..yes Genuine, YOU!) mention it, yes, I have fixed up some lovely travel kits for him in the past. WHICH HE HAS LOST. Every single one of them. And, quite frankly, I will not make any more. no. no. no. I did that "good little wife" thing. It went unappreciated and typically left in the damn hotel. So basically, whatever he forgets, he's got to go run out and buy. Last night/this morning I said, "put in socks and casual shoes/sandals(look, its 100 degrees even at night..... )". So, yes, he put in his items 2, 3, and 4. I'm not sure about #5 even as I sit here. On the WAY TO THE AIRPORT Z says... "damn, I forgot to pack casual shoes." and guess what? It's really too late to turn around now. So here I sit at work, (aint I a stinker y'all??)trying with little effort to envision him wearing his comfy Diesel long shorts, tee, and........... DRESS SHOES!!! Bawahhahahahahaha!!*snort, gwaffaw* That'll teach him. One can always hope.

Back to Monster. I'm terrified of what she will come up with in the next few days. She has nothing but time on her hands to think up stuff. And she does, believe me.

See, Z has been going on this business trip every May for the past 6 years. I don't really think she can top the FUCKING WAR she started the very first year (before he even had boarded the plane to leave! now THAT is a talent for EVIL!), but damn me if she doesn't consistently give it her best shot. When he isn't home, she feels free to scream at me and throw crap, slam doors, scream more, cuss me out at full voice. For sitting in my room. For watching tv in the living room. For opening the curtains in MY HOUSE. For going out (to avoid her as long as possible). for .....breathng...... for just...existing. When Z isn't around, she kicks the cats. They all HATE her now and flinch when they hear her voice. She doesn't do it in front of me....not anymore. Cause once she went after one of them with a snorkel and smacked her (I think it was ISIS) for trying to go in her room and I ran across the hose, snatched the snorkel from her got right in her face and said "hit any of my cats with this again and it will be you who gets it next!" I don't hold with animal abuse, cause they are innocent beings who can't speak and defend themselves properly against us. (I'm talking domestic animals here!) Wish I had a pet Grizzly. I taka a lot of abuse from her daily, but that kind of thing just burns my ass, and I can't keep quiet. Anyway, I told Z about it later, and when he mentioned it to her, she flat out lied! Said "I didn't do it!" Me, Arianna, and my Mom who was visiting all stared at her with gaping mouths, cause we ALL saw her do it. You could hear the thump of it hitting Isis' little body. Well shit. I'm curious as to what she will do THIS time. Curious AND terrified all at once. Cause she's the best at being evil I've ever seen. EVER.

It isn't just me, it's Arianna too. She was moaning: "Oh no, Dad's leaving........... she's gonna start again". Cause she gets her fair share also, my poor girl. When I'm not around to see, but I get the reports.

I'm cranky and hormonal these days....... she'd better not mess with me.