Heartless Murd*ring Bitch From Hell.

Uh huh. I just bet that has y'all wondering, now doesn't it? Some of you might even be thinking to yourself, "I wonder what the hell Monster has done now?".

Crazy old bitch. She just HAD to take a bad situation and make it worse. I'm SOOOOOO fed up.

You will please recall that I have a gizillion pedigree Persian cats. Ok, perhaps gizillion is exaggerating. But it definetely takes two hands to count em, and maybe a toe or two. Today, that number is down by ONE.

Last week I told y'all about Gypsy, she is my little angel kitten who is about 2 months old or so, give or take a week. Gypsy is one of a litter of two born to Isis in her golden years. (That Max is one horny devil, isn't he? He's getting everyone knocked up. You will also recall the 'discussion' (read- ongoing argument) between Z and I to take Max for the snippy of his nutsack, no? Yes!)

Anyhooo, I kind of purposly didn't mention Gypsy's litter mate, her brother, because there was something wrong with him that didn't allow him to grow and develop properly. He was sweet as pie, if a bit 'thick' if you get my drift and looked just like a 90-something year old man. This morning he had what appeared to be a massive stroke (remember Fred from last year? Same thing. I think its because Isis is too old to be getting knocked up- in cat years) and was basically dying for the early part of today. Now you all know that I'm too much of a softie to put him out of his misery by speeding him along personally to cat Heaven, but I am big on letting them go knowing they are loved and as comfortable as possible. Gypsy has always been particulary OVERPROTECTIVE of the little guy, and you could totally see the sadness in her eyes today as she hovered near him. She would go over and give him kisses and then walk away and look at him, standing guard. So I made sure he was in an air conditioned room (since it is about 110-ish plus humidity today) and told Shony to leave it on so he doesn't suffer unessarily. A while later is when IT struck.

I had a 'date' (read: appointment) with my ENT for him to shove all manner of things up my nose, in my ears, and down my throat because I just can't handle the raging sinus infection one day longer, so I left the house for my appointment, again reiterating to Shony to leave little man right where he is and she said "no problem. I'm gonna go take a shower now while you're gone." I go to the doc, much squirming (me) ensues, and shaking of head and tut-tutting (Doc), meds are prescribed, and I'm on my way to pick up Z to come home for lunch. I get home and I notice that Little Man is MIA. This made me sad, and I figured that he passed while I was out at the doctor and playing chauffeur for Z and Shony, um, took care of things so as not to traumatize Arianna.


Later, when Ari was not around and after I again drove 30 min into town to drop Z off and returned home did I ask Shony for the low-down.

And then I got PISSSSSED OFF.

Turns out the old murdering BITCH FROM HELL, as soon as I was gone to the Doc and Shony in her room goes and...........

Yeah, you guessed it. Dumped Little Man outside in the FUCKING 110+ degree heat, MIDDAY, to finish dying. Do you have any idea how intense the sun is here?

Now I admit that little man already had one paw in the grave, so to speak, but what she did was absolutely horrifying.

By the time Shony FOUND HIM, it was too late, but when she started to describe his condition at the end, I started gagging and made her stop because it was really obvious that he suffered. I am SO PISSED. Turns out Shony already went ballistic on the old witch. Too bad I missed that.

So of course, I tell you-know-who about it, because if I let loose without his having the lowdown, well, it could get ugly, and plus, well, I might have made a lunge for her, and with no one to pull me off, I probably wouldn't have stopped till I was tired. So I tell him "She is a horrible creature. How in the hell could she do this to that poor little cat??" He started making excuses and I said "NO EXCUSES! She never does anything for or to the cats except to abuse them, but this is SICK SHIT! Remember how she admitted to us that not long after she and your father married she tossed his kitten off the roof? three stories? and puddytat went splat? She is an evil animal killer! Tell her she killed Little Man! Let her know that's on her head too, along with all the other stuff she's done!" Z tried to put me off. I have been saying ever since "Did you tell her she's a murderer yet?"

Nope. Of course he hasn't. Wimpy mama's boy. He said "why should I?" I told him he'd better say something, because if I get started it could get beyond ugly, and then I will say something to her face I really shouldn't. Something like, oh, I don't know... something like this: "The way Little Man died, all alone, suffereing and dumped in the heat, gasping for breath, alone, you might consider that the same could happen to you!" And it could totally happen too, that I say something like that, because my daughter found out what happened to Little Man and boy is she pissed.

Look y'all, I am a really kind and loving person, but if you piss me off, and pull cruel shit like this? Well, lets just say, on my shitlist is not somewhere you wanna be, okay? Guess who's on top of that list?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.*talons OUT*

Now Gypsy is stuck to me like white on rice meowing plaintively. Ugh. Poor sister kitty.


Cold Hard Truth

I've been thinkin.... I realize I'm being moody lately, and it's not just the fact that my boss has decided to bring a secretary into the department that will report to me that so far? Just based on what I've seen of her since her interview (snuck in under my radar) and a brief interaction or three when she came to sign a contract, she seems to have an attitude problem (and HR thinks this too, but the whole decision went over our heads) and that she will be paid a LOT more than my current salary before OT even though a) she will be reporting to me, b) I'm Executive Secretary (she, a lower grade to CEO only.) to not only the CEO, but to the Board of Directors AND Executive Office Manager. And she will be getting MORE THAN ME? That is just WAAAAAAAAAAAY fucked.

No, it's not just the whole injustice of that situation. Beyond that whole fucked up situation at work, you know what I think my problem is, among other things? I need to get laid, bigtime.

I seriously need not only to get laid, but to have a mind blowing orgasm or three. Or 5. It would be really nice to just lay back, relax and let go and be pleasured senseless, dazed, and left out of breath vaguely wondering where my asthma inhaler is.

Likliehood of that happening? Not bloody likely! I don't even remeber that last time something like THAT happened.

No wonder I'm moody, dammit! *cusses fluently in three langueages*

I mean jeez, there is only so much one can do for oneself, ya know?

I have a friend, y'all. Her 'name' is Ollie and you might have noticed her commenting on my blog every now and then. She is one of my fellow infertile buddies who has not lost her sense of humor regardless of what has been thrown her way in her great baby quest. We're pals from a fellow blogger's comment section for what seems like ages now! Not only is she extremely talented and sweet, and super intelligent, but she is, well.....

She's all that and a Costco Size bag of Dorritos/Cheetos! That is some serious goodness right there!

She posted more of her usual GENUIS today, something that struck a chord with me and made me want to run over here and post about it too! There's just one teensy problem.

I couldn't have said it better myself, so hows about you just run over and have a gander yourselves?

You go girl! I'm with ya!


Spilling My Guts

Hey y'all!

I thought I'd merge last week and this week's Inquisition into, well, this week's Inquisition Confession since I was so, erm, tardy in answering. *ahem!*

One or two of you actually threw me for a loop "this week" and made me – GASP!! – think!! Imagine that!?? Well, let's cut to the chase, shall we my darlings?

Bre asked me:

If you had to pick one book and one book only, to read for the rest of your life (say all other books mysteriously vanish) which one would it be and why? I already know, btw that it is some type of romance novel....lol

Bre hon, you've killed me! I have been dragging my tail around trying to figure out what book to tell you. I really have!

That, my dear, was the question from hell for a person that loves reading and is really a voracious reader. Add to the fact that while I may have a generally iffy memory for some things, I am a very 'visual' person and as such, when I read a book, I am immersed in it, in my head it is like watching a movie, if that makes any kind of sense to you.

All the books in the world vanishing but for one? Sounds like the work of Lord Voldemort to me! (Harry Potter fans will be nodding, the rest of you, stop with the blank looks and Google it already!)

Let me see. Some of you will probably be all disappointed in me if I don't say "The Bible", I am sure. And if all the books disappear, I suppose my holding on to a holy book would be a good thing for mankind, now wouldn't it?

But I'm not one to impose religion-any religion, nor am I one to be judgmental between the different religions. In fact, since the three MAIN religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) worship the same entity, yet call Him by a different name; it's all good in my book. God is God and as the Muslims say "God is Great", period!

So, no Bible.

Maybe a huge ass medical reference book, if I want to do some good for mankind?

But that's kind of boring. Hmmm, something like History of the World perhaps from beginning to present. Boy, would that be a big book! I love me some history!

If you are insistent about a romance novel, then, anything by Kat Martin, Catherine Coulter, Jane Feather, Julie Garwood, or Amanda Scott.

Shylah, better late than never, said:

I'm slow and late and all that crap, but I wanna ask anyway. And I know you'll answer cause you love me. What's the funniest thing Ari's ever said?

You're right sweetie, I love ya to bits!!! You asked me a toughie because some pretty funny stuff comes flying out of her mouth. Constantly.

I can't even think, because my mind is occupied with the doozy I heard my boss say yesterday in a speech in front of the whole company! Bless his heart, I know it was meant in the best possible way, but... jeez! It went a little something like this!

He was speaking about people being human and making mistakes, and how that is acceptable, and that everybody screws up,but what he ended up saying was:

"You know, it's ok, because we are all human, and we all screw sometimes. You know! We all SCREW.. heh heh heh.... it's human nature!"

I shit you not, y'all. He really said that! Loud and serious, in front of the WHOLE ORGANIZATION! Now THAT'S what I call a realistic pep talk!

I was digging my nails into my palm and sniggering with my girlfriend at work as quietly as possible. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still laughing my ass off everytime I think about it, and that's pretty often!

Cheryl B. :

What is the nicest thing you have done for someone that didn't know it was you who did it?

Just at work I do that kind of thing about 90% of my day! I usually do things for people, fix things or protect them without them knowing so that my boss doesn't get pissed at them. Anyone that knows me, could tell you I tend to do nice things for people in general and I'm not usually one to brag about what I've done, so if you find out, it most likely wouldn't be from me! It's been said that I'm TOO NICE, in fact.

They're probably right. It always turns around to bite me in the ass. But I am who I am.

Well, thank you all for being so patient with me. I hope you enjoyed reading the answers to your questions. If you don't hear from me before the weekend, have a great one!


Scarlett Cyn


Dude,Where’s My Dictionary?


I think I have the perfect definition of ‘asshole’, but I really think I need to do a cross check before I say anything.

Hmmmm… let me see now…. *flips through pages*

No, I think MY definition is infinitely better, and I will offer proof to go along with my ‘argument’, because frankly, I think that when you pick up a dictionary, my husband’s picture should be next to the word “asshole”, and this is why (Jeff Foxworthy style):

You might be an asshole if:

You pound-not nudge- your wife repeatedly on the shoulder-and not all too gently either- shouting WAKE UP!! from a sound (read: like a corpse) sleep after she suffered such horrible sinus blockage that she didn’t sleep the night before, felt as if she was being slowly suffocated, and her equilibrium was duly affected by said sinus blockage to the extent that she stumbled around her office like the town drunk for the majority of the day and was nauseated to the point of chucking her cookies and finally ended up medicating herself to the gills just to catch a few winks.

I'm SO not a morning person, even on a good day (well, excecpt in one way that is! hee hee!), and even the CATS and my daughter when she was 2 years old know/knew not to wake me up like this.

So I ask you is this really a way to get woken up? If you'll excuse me, I've got a few calls to make to Random House, Webster's, Oxford, etc... because I know I'm right.

Yes, I perversely sat up until almost 1 am watching the Michael Jackson trial verdicts read live.

One by one I heard 'Not Guilty' read on CNN. I can only imagine the terror MJ was feeling. I was actually quite impressed by the way he and the whole family conducted themselves upon exiting the courthouse.

I won't say whether I personally think he was guilty or not, but I will say this:

Michael, for the love of God, please, PLEASE stay away from males under 18 from now on, for your own sake and that of your children!


Once Upon A Time...

Every now and then I come across an email that I have to post on my blog, not just mindlessly forward via email. Why? Because it just "tickles me scarlett" and I have to share it with you, that's why!!

In all fairness, I will give a shout out to the person who sent it to me... so thanks Haifa! I needed that chuckle honey!

This is the fairy tale we should have been reading as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am. Then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.".

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

'I don't fucking think so!!!!!!'

The End

Y'all know you loved it! Admit it!


The answers.... part 1

Last one first y'all......

Catrina asked me:

Does Maman still smoke?

First off, she means Monster, for all of you curious readers.

And, before I answer that, may I just say that I finally saw a trailer for Monster-in-law? (Quiet, wiseguys!) Yes I did. And my daughter just happened to be sitting mnhest to me in the movie theater when I did, and into the silence that followed.... she was heard to state - not altogether quietly - after the cake scene and the shrieking antics of Jane Fonda......"Wow! That's just like Grandma about you! But... she's worse than that lady on the screen." Then she leaned around me and said, as she reached for some popcorn, "Don't you think that's just like your MOM, Dad?".

Uh. huh.

Have you guys ever choked on popcorn? No? For the record? It's awfully painful.

Now then Cat, she still sneaks and snoops around corners attempting to eavesdrop and spies on us as much as before, if not more which is beyond creepy. As far as the cigs go, Monster tells everyone that she doesn't smoke anymore...for ages. BUT. I've caught her smoking out in the garden. And if that isn't HER ciggie butts out in her favorite corner of the garden, I'll be dammed if I know whose they are.

And now, every afternoon around 4-ish, Shony sees her go in her room, LOCK the door from inside and hide out there for about 15 minutes. When the door is open again? Presto! The reek of cigarettes mixed with copious amounts of perfume.

Nawwwwww, she doesn't smoke. Do ya think?

Next answer will be in a little while. Keep your eyes peeled!