Here are a few things that give me a 'feel good' feeling, sure to get my undivided attention, and bring a smile to my face and a happy, peaceful feeling:

  • The sight of a big jet plane taking off from a runway in the distance. I've been fascinated with planes since I was a toddler. "Mama, Daddy, AIPANE! AIPANE!!!" was commonly heard from me even if I only heard one overhead.
  • A BIG flag - any flag basically- rippling and undulating in the wind.
  • Windows down in the car, my face leaning into the wind-preferably with me in the passenger seat so I can close my eyes and enjoy it. I'm such a dog, huh?
  • A sunset
  • A soft breeze caressing my face and blowing through my hair
  • Wiggling my bare toes in springy grass
  • The laughter of a small child; the giggle of an infant
  • A hug from my daughter
  • The feel of a baby in cuddled close in my arms
  • Remembrance of a kiss full of passion
  • The sound of bagpipes
  • Dolphins
  • Waves lapping or crashing on the shore
  • The beauty of a waterfall
  • An email from a friend I haven't heard from in a while
  • A new commenter on my blog
  • A song on the radio that reminds me of someone special in my heart
  • Being in a church - an instantaneous feeling of peace, calm, and warmth seeping through me from head to foot, like warm honey.
  • The purring of a cat (surprise, surprise!)
  • Floppy doggy and bunny ears- I've just GOT to touch and play with them, too!

What are some of yours?

A One Way Ticket

Welcome to another look into a day in the life of Scarlett Cyn. I hope you're prepared and don't have a weak stomach. It started off normal, whatever THAT is.

Interesting things get said at my dinner table. Like yesterday for instance.

Sitting with my husband and daughter having a sit down meal, the conversation turned weird. Weird because Arianna was playing 200 questions. Then she told her Dad "Enough with grandma. She is really psycho and needs to GO. Why don't you DO anything about her?" Oh yeah, now I remember what brought that comment on; he was talking about getting Ari a grown-up bedset and said he would give her wrought iron daybed (that I bought, HELLO!!!!???) to his mother. and I said "Cause she is obviously staying HERE forever...." That's what brought Ari's comment on.

Anyhooo, I stayed quiet, for now, and let Ari do all the talking. And BOY did she. She told her Dad that g-ma is really mean and horrible, espcically to Mom and how bad she is. He told her to be nice. Ari came back with "Why should I? I keep trying, but she is mean to everyone but you. Look at all the stuff she does and says to Mom!" and he just looks at me with this complacent look. I told him, "She is really bad, Z. You don't see things, because she controls herself when you are around, so DON"T play the age card on me anymore." He said "Well, I never see that side, so that makes it really hard to believe. And if it's that bad, you should defend your mother." Ari said "I do! But how much can I do? What about you? You should defend her too!" (That was priceless)I said, with Ari echoing me "When you aren't around, even in the TOILET/SHOWER, taking a walk, asleep, the stuff she does, the things she says, the behaviour is absolutely horrible. Ari: "She cusses and curses all the time at mom AND me too sometimes aaaaand Shony." then Ari went on to repeat what the usual/favorite things are that get said.

Now, apparently, the scary episode at 2am where MIL was cussing at me and placing curses (literally) on my head that had me frazzled all day at work last Sunday also woke Ari up. The witch was ooooozing evil- it was an actual presence, like how a high level of humidity feels- and it really, REALLY shook me up, even though I didn't let it show. I was also contemplating telling her off in return, but (!) It was some seriously skeery sh*t people! (Every time she does it this particular way, at this time of night, bad, really bad stuff happens to me. Every. Time. Sh*t like a miscarriage when I didn't know I was even pregnant (a miracle in itself), deathly ill-literally- I almost died a few times in a short span of months; I lost a job and financally was in very bad shape....for NINE MONTHS, serious car accidents where I was hospitalized for a week, shall I continue?) and she was behaving the way that used to give me night terrors about her stabbing me with a kitchen knife as I slept and scrawling my blood on the walls, so my tongue was kind of tied. I was also kind of afraid that if I lost my temper what I would do without anyone awake to interevene.

Anyway, did I forget to tell y'all about that episode the other night? Maybe because I was too freaked to re-live it so soon. Could be.

So. It seems that this woke Arianna up, and she proceeded to tell her dad this, that she was just sitting up in her bed in the dark, listening and repeated what she heard. He just shook his head and said "well... I don't see that side.." and Ari and I both looked at each other in exasperation and I said "wake UP." He said "Well, give me proof. Buy one of those little recorder things and tape her. Wait, you already have one." I said "She stole it ages ago. Remember? I bought it when Ari was little to record her babblings and giggles and whatnot to have forever. Remember? She took it AND the tapes, and then taped over them ALL, putting them in her answering machine that she DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO USE." to which Ari said "Yeah, I've seen it, the little black Sony one." Z: ----blank stare. Then I reminded him of the VIDEO I shot one morning. Nothin.

Then he said "Well, no one lives forever..." and I said "She will. She's doing a damn good job of it so far." to which Ari said something in such a blase, resigned, world weary tone, that the way,combined with the comment itself, made me choke on the bite of food I just put in my mouth.

Ready for the genuis that is my 10 1/2 year-old-going-on-40 daughter?

"Oh well, she's going STRAIGHT TO HELL ANYWAY. A One way ticket somewhere-finally."

No kidding! Amen.

*(A disclaimer: all conversations in this post were in normal speaking volume-excecpt for MIL's part. A discussion. It was NOT an argument. I don't allow that at my table!)


Sleep Tight

A few observations as I ready myself (and the house) for bed.

My husband once upon a time used to tell me "good night" at the very least while stumbling off to bed. Now, I think he is going to the bathroom and then I realize he is sound asleep in bed. So much for manners!

My daughter is at that 'quirky' (how I hate that term, but hell! It applies.) age where sometimes she wants lovin from Mama before bed and a story (Harry Potter usually!) or a song. Those nights are becoming few and far between. Usually when I insist on (duh!) installing some manners in her, ie: saying good night to your mom and dad, she balks. Oh. Joy.

In my mind, the score is 0 - 2 in the opposing team's favor.

I kind of sadly realized that Garfield, (remember him? He is getting freaking HEWGE, Y'all. So grown into the name. 100% Even the WALK.) and Bandit, my two little furball boys have set a bedtime routine. If I'm up too late, one of them comes, walks onto my shoulder down to my breasts and flops down for a snooze, after looking me in the eyes and meowing at me like "Yo! MOM! Get your butt in bed NOW! I wanna snuggle. SEE?" after which heproceeds to have a nice nap on. my. tits. people! This is cute now, but what about when he is full grown? I mean, yeah, there is plenty of room, but jeez! Not that much!

Anyhow, Garfee and Bandit escort me to the bedroom, follow me around like the secret service -one on each side-or something, until finally escorting me between the sheets. Then? Lots of purring and.. Bandit between the pillows with his chin on my shoulder. Garfield stretched out above my head playing with my hair until one of us passes out.

Fine. Excecpt, I just discovered one of the other girls snores like a freightratin. OH. My Heavens.

Meow! I'm off to bed now. Good Night darlings!


S.H.I.T. & Answers

Hi there everyone! All I can say is SHIT. So Happy It's Thursday! Yeeeeeee-haawwwww!! Here Thursday is like Friday everywhere else. WHOOOOT. A big shout out to one of my favoritest people in the whole world for helping me find an appropriate tagline for Thursdays on short notice. That's what a friend will do for you, yep! (By the way, SHUT UP about favoritest not being a real word. It is today.) heee. Thanks darlin, you're the BEST!

Sorry for the delay, but things have been crazily hectic at work the last couple of days and I’ve dragged myself home completely exhausted. Too exhausted, sadly, to even glance at my home PC to post my answers. I’m sure you all can say “Been there, done that!” and understand.

So, without further ado, lets cut to the chase, shall we?

Cheryl b asked:

If it was up to you what would Arianna be when she grows up? And none of this "she can be whatever she wants to be". I KNOW that you will let (and help) her to do what it is that SHE wants. What does she currently want to do with her life?

Of course you are right Cheryl b, I will let and help her do what SHE wants to do with her life (well, as long as it’s legal!). She is actually at that age, 10 ½ where she is back and forth about what she wants to do.

She already talks about going to college, which she wants to do back home in the US, but not necessarily what subject she wanted to persue. She even had planned to go to live in my Nana’s house-which belongs currently to my Aunt Arlene- in Long Island (Nana passed away almost 10 years ago) and maybe go to Stonybrook University which is 5 minutes from the house. Then one day last year she caught me kind of upset after I read an email from my aunt that she was considering selling the property. I’ve got a lot of nostalgia and memories in that house. My father helped build it with his own hands when he was 18-19 years old. His step-father’s (Aunt’s dad) thumb is in the foundation even! Arianna looked at me all sad and said “That SUCKS mom! I hope not. Cause then where are we gonna stay when I’m in college?” This is when I heard her whole master plan. I must say I was quite impressed that she had things this deeply thought out. She has mentioned several times she’d like to be a scientist or perhaps something in the medical field. I mentioned that maybe if she decided to go into medicine that she might like to consider something in the reproductive field, seeing as how I fight with infertility and she herself is a result of it, and if there wasn’t these medicines and doctors, I wouldn’t even have her. She thought it a valid point to consider and she got it right off. “That way Mom, I can help people have kids that have problems like you and some of your friends.”

Precisely darling!

That being said, about six months or so ago, she told me in the car (for some reason, she loves having deep conversations when it is just me and her in the car) “Mom, if I tell you what I want to be when I get older, you promise you won’t get mad?” I told her no. She hmmmmd and haawwwwed for a bit, throwing hints. But she said she was toying with the whole acting thing. She completely idolizes Hillary Duff, by the way, and the fact that she makes “decent” movies. I said to her “I’m not mad, I actually think you would probably be a good actress (she has some scary-serious natural talent), and my only remark is this. If you decide to follow this, it’s probably a shame I moved you away from Los Angeles. She was pleasantly surprised.

Like I said, whatever she wants to do. I just prefer that she not struggle any more than necessary and have a good enough job so that she doesn’t have to depend on anyone else, but be able to take good care of herself as an adult. But I guess that’s what every parent wants for their child.

Anonymous asked me:

What is your opinion on Mt. St. Helens today?

Okaaaaaay Anon. I think that Mt. St. Helen’s is going to erupt in a big way and fairly soon. In fact, geologically speaking, how she has been behaving in the past 6 months or so, I’m frankly surprised it hasn’t blown it’s lid yet.

How’s that? And thanks for asking, whomever you may be!

Pirate Wench (Wenchie) asked me:

If you could relive your senior prom, without changes, would you? Why or why not?

Aw HELL NO, woman! I got stood up for prom.

My STUPID ASSHOLE date apparently was hanging out with his friends earlier that day, got stoned (I found out 2 years later) and forgot everything. I was really pissed. I kept calling his house when he was really late and no one would give me a straight answer. It would be a cold day in hell before I went stag, considering I had planned to go with a guy that was a year or two older. I finally gave up and changed from my clothes and went out to a horribly expensive dinner with my best friend instead.

The fillet mignon I had that night was particularly tasty, so no, I wouldn’t change that part of the evening one bit!!

Well, thanks for dropping by. See ya!



Sombody kiss me. I'm officially permanent at my job as of 1 hour ago!

The other day my boss handed me a blank performance appraisal and told me "How do you think you've done?" me: *blank stare* then, the quick save "I"ve done quite well, I think!". Jeez y'all, what did he think I would say? I don't know why I'm still here? I mean REALLY NOW!

So I did what any intelligent person would do. I filled out the form myself and handed it in to him the next morning for discussion.

First, he laughed at my audacity, to which I pointed out one of my positive points "Is pro-active;takes initiative" Granted, I did fill out one or three little things in the "Areas of Improvement" section. I was frankly stumped on how to re-word "Get it through CEO's thick, habitually-late-couldn't-be-on-time-to-his-own-funeral skull that when I gently remind him 5 times that he really must leave for that appointment, like, 15 minutes ago because there is traffic- OHMYGOD LOOK DOWN AT THE TRAFFIC OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW FOR HEAVENS SAKE ITS LIKE A PARKING LOT-MOOOOVVVEEEEEE!", then he tells me later: "you have to manage me and make sure I leave!" and I somehow manage to keep myself from leaping for his throat with claws extended but not, I fear, stop myself from staring at him goggle-eyed in shock because I literally walk in, after about the 3rd or 4th reminder and, depending on who if anyone is inside with him, I take his blazer off the hanger on the back of the door, walk over to him and pick up his mobile phone and hold them both out to him, arms extended while backing towards the door.

So, I worded it to read like this: "Needs to managed CEO better with regard to scheduled meetings/appointments." Although, I honestly don't know what else I could do unless........

I think I just gave myself carte blanche to drag him out by his ears, didn't I? Woohooo! Love that!

Now then, ranking myself for the key points of the company philosophy: scale of 1-5 1 being unsatisfactory and 5 being excellent, 4 being very good, etc..) I rated myself all 4's and 5's. This illicited a grin from him when reading it. I could have put all 5's, but he is a tough cookie, so I took it easy on him. hee hee. Two things I didn't skimp on were a) Personal Characteristics and core Skills and b) Interpersonal Qualities/Communication and c) job knowledge. THOSE were all a 5.

The best thing of all? He didn't change ANY OF IT, but instead added positive and good comments to it in writing. Verbally he looked at me,grinned and said "Congratulations! You are officially permanent. That is saying a lot, because I do not make people permanant easily. You have met my admittedly high expectations and surpassed them." Lord knows he is right. He has let TWO members of senior management go before they could finish 5 weeks with the bank! I thanked him, shook his hand, took my review, and hightailed it out of the office!

Finally, thank GOD, some form of stability. Amen.

I have been noticing a very strange occurance while driving lately. It seems that, I'd say, about 80% of the people I see in my rearview mirror are picking their noses.

And not just the unobtrusive style picking of the nose either. I mean, if they dig any deeper they might be mining diamonds, or drilling for oil. This morning I saw a guy behind me with half his index finger crammed, hook style up his nostrils, first one, then the other-over and over again. Apparently it was a particulary stubborn booger. 7am is WAAAY too early for me to see this. (traffic was like a parking lot, so not too much else to do particulary when I almost got rear-ended by the nose picker who was too busy drilling his schnozz to hit the brakes!)

Actually, any time of day is the wrong time for me to see this. Then imagine this dude goes to work and shakes hands with people? My boss is a compulsive hand shaker. I wonder if he also is a nose picker?

OMIGOD! Somebody pass me the Lysol Spray, QUICK! and while you're at it, post me some questions!

Meanwhile, I'll go wash my hands with scalding water.


Guess What?

I have to admit it.

I know you're out there reading my blog, right now. Even if you don't comment. How?
Beacause I've been nursing a secret addiction for months now. I just want y'all to know.....I'm *deep breath*... addicted to Site Meter.

I check it compulsively. Throughout the day. Just so you know?

Peek-a-boo! I see youuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi! Thanks for stopping by. Get comfy. Hang out awhile whydontcha?
*Crickets Chirping*

I just wanted to get my shameless request for Inquisition questions this week out early. Or is it on time? Who knows?

Anyhoo, you can ask me a question, whatever you like, by Tuesday, 12 noon Pacific Time (for those of you that blog at work!) and then I will, hopefully, in short order answer them all.

Carrie Jo, did you want a reminder this week honey? You told me you forgot last time.

Gimmie. Gimmie.

I'd like to wish all you Mommy's and all you Mommy-to-be's out there a very Happy Mother's Day!

But most especially, I'd like to wish my own Mama a Happy Mother's Day.

Thanks for not only teaching me all the things you did, but for raising me right and with loads of love, caring and understanding. You always seem to know right when I need you, no matter the distance between us. Be it 10 minutes or 10,000 miles away.

Thank you for being the best role model in so many ways to me. You taught me by example how to be a good Mom, loyal friend, dedicated worker, and all-round decent (I think) person. To keep a promise given, always love with all my whole heart, to smile and laugh through the pain, be it physical, mental or emotional, to never give up, to understand the true meaning of sacrifice for the sake of others, and to be gracious in defeat. I've yet to meet a more genuine person than you. Some come close, but somehow, not quite the same. The beauty you have outside pales in comparison to the beauty within your heart and soul.

I've always thought that if I could be half as good a person as you are, then that would be more than most people could ever be. It's a tall order to fill, but I'm still trying!

Thanks for everything. There are not words enough to express how much I love you and admire you for all that you are. You're one special lady, today and every day.

I love you Mama....forever and ever.

Wandering Thoughts

Does anyone else occasionally yearn for the days when your greatest worry was trying to figure out:

a) How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
b) What Mom was making for dinner.
c) When Dad would get home from work
d) How to convince mom/dad to let you stay up an extra half hour.

I know I do. Like today for instance. Who knew back then what a pain in the ass it sometimes is to be an adult?

Now I'm Mom and I'm wondering - on the way home from work- what in the HELL am I going to make for dinner and too brain fried to put much-ok, any!!- concentration into it. Then later, trying to figure out how to get to bed a half an hour EARLY. (which I never seem to do!)

Sigh. I didn't realize how good I had it.

Although, to be completely honest? I sometimes do wonder how many licks it takes...............

...............to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, you sickos!

Damn! Get your minds out of the gutter! There's only room for me in the gutter today, and I'm doing laps!