His wisdom revealed

Well NOW I think I understand why my long-anticipated vacation was dashed to bits 2 months ago by the loss of my job. Yes, HE works in mysterious ways and I think I know what He was up to now.

Now I don't claim to hear the voice of God or his angels or anything, but even I can take a hint, ya know? His message to me did not come in the form of a vision or a burning bush, but in the form of a CNN News weather report.

Yes, He truly IS amazing, no? Do you think I'm being sacreligious? Don't. I'm a good Irish Catholic here people!

See, I was wondering WHY OH WHY (and this was often in my prayers too) did I lose my job, therefore cancelling my very long overdue trip back home to the states. I haven't seen my Dad in 17 years, he just turned 74 on Sept 16th, and he is pretty ill. I am actually very blessed to still have Dad around, he is so ill. I was planning to visit him to start off with, (and my brother that lives near him in Ft. Lauderdale) then work my way across the country to Denver to visit friends, and then on to Los Angeles to see Mama and my friends. But my plan? To start off my visit with my Dad, who lives in West Palm Beach, I planned to arrive at Miami Int'l Airport day after tomorrow, so that I could be in the city of my birth, with my Dad, on my Birthday, which is this Thursday.

It would seem that God, in his infinite wisdom and being all-knowing, KNEW what he had planned for the poor Floridians this hurricane season 2004. *crosses self*

See, if you will recall, Hurricaine Charlie a few weeks ago hit land in West Palm Beach. It looks like Hurricaine Jeanne - a much stronger storm - is going to come on land in just about the same place. Hmmmmmm, I'd really rather see my home state in a better condition rather than in an extreme State of Emergency, if you know what I mean? Jeanne is supposed to come ashore sometime tomorrow or early morning Monday. Yes kiddies, about the same time I would have been ATTEMPTING to land at MIA. Hmmmmm. Yes, definetly the job loss was a big ole NEON sign: "Cyn, DON'T GO HOME FOR A VISIT JUST YET!".

Coincidentally, the last time I went through Miami, when I tried to surprise my Dad was in September 1992. We were going on a Carribbean cruise for a week departing from the Port of Miami and I thought I would surptise Dad, so I didn't warn him. BIG MISTAKE. I flew in to MIA with Z and a pack of friends for the cruise about 2 weeks after Hurricaine Hugo devastated Miami. It was depressing. He had evacuated for the hurricaine, and apparently all the water brought termites to life in his house, so it was under a fumigation tent when I was calling to tell him I was in Miami.

The bright side was that the hotel we were supposed to stay in was flooded and had such severe water damage on all floors, so Norwegian Cruise Line put us in the Fontainbleu Hilton on the beach instead. People were whining at the airport when the cruise line rep informed us and I said "HEY! THIS IS A PRIME HOTEL! Stop yer whinin y'all!!" Woooohooooo! Loveley hotel with many nice memories for me when I was little. Dad loved to take us there all the time. Anyway, that trip was the week of my 21st birthday.

A few intersting things happened on that cruise.

#1) The boyfriend-girlfriend couple of the 6 others with us broke up right before we left LA on the flight. Can you imagine a trip with a couple that has just broken up, paid in full for the non-transferrable vacation package? Oh. Joy. Quickie room re-assignment. Aka, nightmare from hell.

#2) Before we checked out of the hotel to board the ship, we had time to kill, and Carol, our ALWAYS HUNGRY friend HAD to eat, so we ended up sitting in a Burger King. The genuis Carol forgot that she had put her wallet on her tray, and when we left she, like the good customer she is, dumped her trash in the garbage bin. Wallet included. When did she realize that she didn't have her wallet? 2nd day at sea right before dinner. We spent most of the next day, our first day off the ship on the beautiful island of St. Martin looking for the damn AMEX office so she could pick up her replacement card and travellers checks. Oh yeah, with the bickering broken up couple.

#3) On September 30th, my birthday, our ship sailed through the Bermuda Triangle. I have certification from the Captain and the Navigator stating it, as a birthday gift, so THERE!

#4) Also on September 30th, I solidified my everlasting love of NCL's 'Bahama Mama' drink recipie. My friends bought me one after another over and over again. I don't remember MUCH after dinner when we started drinking. Well, not much other than me saying "Where's Issac? Gimmie another one Issac! Where's Doc? Where's Gopher? Heeeeeeeeeee!" (Que Love Boat theme here). Ok, well that and the limbo contest. (no, I didn't win, ok?)

If y'all love me, you will FIND ME THAT DAMN RECIPIE, cause it is my favorite evvah drink in the whole wide world. And..........

#5) A Tropical Storm cropped up RIGHT where our ship was almost at the end of our cruise. We couldn't outrun it. The crew never told us what it was until the next day when we had finally sailed out of it. If they had told us, perhaps we (yes, ME included in this WE) would NOT have been hanging onto the light fixtures and over the ships railing (with one foot hooked around it for "safety") at the stern of the ship (which looked like Titanic, btw) to watch the waves crashing against the hull wildly. (Hey, we were quite sober, but it was fun and very pretty!) The storm picked up during dinner, which looked like we were on a gigantic teeter-totter in the formal dining room. One side of the dining room Up the other down, up-down, up-down. It was kind of comic. The stern antics were after dinner while it was still relatively mild. When it started raining on us on deck we decided to get our soggy asses in.

I am proud to say that I didn't get seasick. When the storm got SO bad that I couldn't walk without being thrown bodily into the nearest wall, I decided to go stuff my butt in my bed with the lovely Optional Side Rails LONG after most of my shipmates had scurried off to their rooms. The ship we were on was, at the time, the largest passenger ship afloat. (The Norway) The way the ship was groaning and creaking in the strengthening storm was a bit disturbing, I will tell you that. Of course when I got back to our cabin (Z continued wandering around with the video camera taping) and got in my bunk, I discovered something else interesting and to be honest, I was a bit concerned too.

Our stateroom was pretty high up in the ship. Even so, I realized just how bad the storm was in the relative quiet of the cabin (other than the ship sounding like it was gonna fall apart, big iron monster that she is). I realized that I could hear water hitting the hull right behind my head as the ship was tottering from side to side like a toy boat. THAT was... upsetting. I said a prayer and passed out listening to the sound of the water behind my head. When we woke up, it was smooth sailing and calm seas. That is when we found out that the previous nights adventure was a tropical storm!

Did I ever get to see Dad that trip? Nope. Boy was he pissed that he missed my visit too. So now, even though he was very dissappointed that I have had to delay my trip (and I am too!), I guess I am meant to see my birthplace not all wrecked and damaged, huh? Ya think?


The Adventures of Wand Monkey

The saga continues……

For those of you long time readers, you will immediately know to whom I refer. For y’all that are fairly new to my blog and haven’t yet read my archives…. Shame on you! (haha. Just joking!) Wand Monkey is my term of endearment for my OBGYN/IVF Specialist. Ok, he’s an IVF Specialist, but I also see him for my Gynae needs, cause frankly, once I’m comfortable with a doctor that deals with my cootchie, I tend to stay with him, which brings me to my post today.

A little birdie told me that Wand Monkey, MY Wand Monkey is thinking of going on a year sabbatical starting this December. Yet another little birdie told me that he might just not ever come back.

I’m SO fucked, y’all. (and NO, I’m NOT enjoying it either)

It’s true that he hasn’t managed to get me preggers after 4 IVF tries. But generally speaking he DOES have a very high success rate. Actually, I’m kind of the oddity. He usually succeeds in 3 tries or less. Every time he sees me, he sees his own failure. Yeah, he’s egoistic that way. The GOOD thing about him is he is a risk taker in the field of infertility. No, he doesn’t put the health of the patient at risk (Hence IVF 4# being cancelled on my poor ass), but he also will not cancel an IUI, for example if he is afraid the woman could end up with a multiple birth (say, twins or triplets, for example). His predecessor and mentor was one of these wussy ones that don’t want anyone to have a twin by accident. But also, MY Wand Monkey has MUCH higher success rate than wussy boy EVER did. I need one of these, a risk taker. Not some wussy that cancels the cycle.

SO yes, I am freaking out now. Particularly considering how I am again the evil mommy that doesn’t give Arianna a little brother or sister and it’s “ALL MY FAULT” apparently. (She was ranting to her dad and SOBBING for over 30 minutes the other night while I was at the wake) Yes siree Bob. SO what do I do NOW? Well, besides kick WM’s ass into next year since he didn’t have the BALLS to tell me himself. It isn’t as if we aren’t NEIGHBORS or anything. (He lives about 5 houses away from me) He is SO busted.

Maybe I should have Arianna go tell him off? Yes! THAT is an idea. Let him get a dose of her wrath for a change, dammit. He loves her to pieces too. Yeah, I’ll tell her to go have a little chat with Wand Monkey if she has a problem, he’s the man to talk to, not me, cause I’m doing what I can here people!

On a similar topic, but to inject a bit of humor into this post, y’all know about my pedigree Persian cats, right?? Well…… Last week, I ran into my OTHER ENT doc in the grocery store and he said “I’m not talking to you! I’ve been waiting for a kitten and you’re ignoring me!” I said “No I’m NOT! She hasn’t gotten pregnant!” He said “Oh, she had a fight with her husband or what?” and cackled his head off (He’s awfully naughty, this doc) Then he said “Why don’t you go take her to Dr. (Wand Monkey) and let him do IVF for her so she gets pregnant!?” I looked at him all shocked and said “You want me to take my CAT to him for IVF??? HAH! I did 4 with him and he couldn’t get ME pregnant!”. Dr. Naughty loved this and laughed his ass off. I thought he would.


News Update

Thank you all for your prayers and condolences on Auntie's passing and Bonnie's illness. They are much appreciated, more than you will ever know.

Enotionally, I'm better today. Physically? Um, maybe not so hot.

I take that back. I AM hot. As in having a fever, hot. And you know what? I would say I sound oh so sexy with my scratchy voice, excecpt that I HAVE NO DAMN VOICE FOR TWO DAYS NOW. I'm still coughing my ass off too. Heavens but I am sore. The bright side? It seems that my sinus infection has cleared up. Yaaaay! Baby steps y'all.

Speaking of babies.....

At the wake today (Day 2 of 3), I was having to field questions of "Don't you want any more children?" then I said "yes, of course I do, I just have problems, especially since my miscarriage (that they ALL know about) a few years ago. God willing I'll have another one". Unbeknownst to me, at around the same time, Arianna was sobbing about this very thing to her dad tonight at home. Shit.

So, The sister of Auntie, she has decided she loves me to pieces, and INSISTS on trying this special prayer thing and "wives tale medicine" etc... (She's really religious) where they pray certian prayers for 5 days, she's like a healer of sorts, and then do something or other... and wham! I get pregnant. I said OK, cause frankly, I'll try anything. She then went on to point around the room to different ladies that she had done this for and they ended up pregnant after years of infertility. Bring it on ladies. Another one of Aunties daughters that I really love to pieces said to the room at large (we are talking 50 people here in this section y'all) "Cyn has the biggest cleanest, kindest heart, she deserves another child and God will hear her prayers". Wowza. Why, thank you. I think I blushed about 20 shades of red. Dang. Talk about being humbled.

Like I said, I'll try just about ANYTHING. What can it hurt? They pray, rub some oils and herbs on my abdomen (Lord I hope ON it and not IN IT) and make me drink some tea made from herbs too, and give it a try. Why not? MY Infert doc in the US that treated me when I was trying to have Arianna used to tell me he prefered the KISS method. Keep It Simple STUPID. Anyway......

Shortly after, when I was saying goodbye, I hugged my FAVORITE of Auntie's girls and she smiled at me and said "My mom always loved your greetings and goodbyes. She would always say "The best hugs are from Cyn, it's a hug, massage, and lots of love all rolled into one". " Hell darlings, that got me all choked up. I didn't let myself cry, but I got really, REALLY choked up. I miss her.

Hopefully I'll be back in my playful and funny mood for a post tomorrow. Again, thanks to all of you! I love you guys!


Double Whammy

You know, just when you think things can’t possibly get any worse, a day like yesterday rolls along to knock you right on your ass with all the force of a magnitude 8.0 earthquake.

That’s a pretty bad quake, wouldn’t you agree?

I feel numb with shock and am still damn sick, marginally better except that I have almost virtually no voice left and am still coughing uncontrollably like a sick camel.

Yesterday Z’s auntie died. The news made me stunned me. I had just seen her the week before, she had hugged me so very tight and kissed me on my cheeks so hard, with such strength, how could she be dead? I loved her very much, you see, and this is so damn hard for me.

As whacked and weird as Z’s immediate family is, (mother, sisters, brothers, and their kids), this aunt, who was married to his father’s brother (but also a distant cousin) and all her children –all 9 remaining of the original 10- are the EXACT OPPOSITE. I often told Z that I wish “Uncles Wife” was my MIL instead. I always felt loved by her genuinely. By all of them in fact. Whereas I never have really felt accepted and included as FAMILY by Z’s siblings, I immediately was accepted and loved by this branch, from his Dad’s brother’s wife and their offspring. The difference? They call me Family; by comparison, my hubby’s side says I’m “like family”. See the difference? God forbid Auntie’s girls should find out I was sick or in the hospital! Next thing I would know, they would ALL come and visit me-daily-or fix me old herbal remedies for my cold or cough or whatever and worry over me.

They are all very close, and she was the matriarch. She was all the things that Z’s mother is not, never has been, and should be. She never allowed arguments or dissention between her children or between them and the in-laws for that matter. In fact, at the wake last night, one of her daughters in law was crying and screaming the loudest of all.

She is the one, that when I was going through a particularly rough time in the first few years after moving here with all the problems Monster caused for me, and Z was saying within Aunties hearing that it was because his mom was old, Auntie looked at him, smiled at me, and said to the room at large “That’s not true Z! Don’t make excuses for her, I’ve known her since she was 15-her age has nothing to do with this, and there is no excuse either- and she has always been like this, spiteful, jealous and crazy to boot! She drove your Dad crazy too, even though he was strict with her on her behavior.” See what I mean?

Almost every year, at the feast day celebration at the end of the Holy Month of Ramadan, we would all gather at her home. I always loved this day and looked forward to it. Z’s siblings never came, but we went. The whole HUGE family would gather, her 9 children, their spouses, her 39 grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren too, as they started coming along. Arianna loved her too. Auntie would usually have me sit next to her after the feast and she would talk to me and tell me stories, and sometimes, she would shock the hell out of me and have me laughing my head off. She was so damn funny and blunt. I am especially close with one of her daughters. I usually go to her house every Thursday evening in fact. That is where I saw Auntie last week

I still can’t quite believe she is gone. She should still be here.

She fell the other day and suffered a mild fracture in her hip. At the hospital, they wanted to operate. The bastard anesthesiologist decided to give her an epidural. They ran full tests, her blood, heart, sugar, cholesterol, everything, was perfectly normal. When you are having an epidural inserted, from my own personal experience, when the doctor tells you, you must not move at all, in fact, you must hold your breath until he lets you let it go so that the needle that goes near your spine doesn’t damage you. Apparently, she had a bit of a sore throat. She coughed when he was in the process of inserting the needle. Ie: she moved. Did he stop? No. Did he take it out and try again at a different point? No. He left it as it was, the sonofabitch. Then he administered the anesthesia. Almost immediately after he started it, she began vomiting and then her heart stopped before the surgeon could even touch the scalpel to her flesh. They got her heart going again, but it was stopped for a minute. They cancelled the surgery as she went into a coma. It seems the anesthesia caused a blood clot near her heart or something like that. She never came out of the coma and died yesterday afternoon at 4pm. It took all the men in the family to hold one of her sons off the doctor. He went after the doctor’s throat in a rage.

And before any of you say it, this is NOT the land of "sneeze on me and I'll SUE!". There is no such thing as a medical malpractice lawsuit here....yet.

An interesting point of fact, this is the same hospital (that I don’t go to anymore) that I almost died in recovery after the D&C that was performed after my miscarriage 5 years ago. Again, residual anesthesia effects. I can still remember feeling myself slipping away even now, like my soul was lifting out of my body. It’s hard to describe.

So, last night, as sick as I am, I was at the wake for 4 hours until I was about to fall from my chair. I only cried once, and that was when my favorite of her daughters came and I hugged her and she collapsed sobbing in my arms. Her tears were more than I could take. But then, I was strong for the rest of them. I couldn’t let myself. There is 3 days of mourning beginning today. I was so exhausted, but before I went to bed, I thought I’d check my email to see if I had anything from my Mom, since I hadn’t heard from her in the two weeks since she got back from her vacation, which is more than strange.

Finally there was an email from Mom and that is where I got the news that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

To begin with, something that didn’t make sense to me a few days ago makes sense now. I just thought it was weird. I kept dreaming of my friend Bonnie’s hair. I dreamt about Bonnie, but in my dream, I kept staring at her hair. Very weird, but I shrugged it off.

My Mom told me in the email that Bonnie, my best friend since 7th grade, the Maid of Honor in my wedding, my sidekick through most of my life, has lymphatic cancer. It’s all throughout her neck and under both arms and she is in quite a lot of pain. Before they start Chemo the doctors are checking to see if it’s spread anywhere else so they can plot their course of treatment. I am completely devastated.

Bonnie and I did everything together. Went everywhere together. Her parents and I are very close, particularly her mom and I. We worked at the same place, graduated from High School together (My favorite graduation picture is of Bonnie and I with our Dad’s on either side of us) My Dad loves Bonnie to pieces, not to mention my Mom and they are awfully picky about my friends and always have been.

Bonnie and I went to College together, and even purposely had most of our classes together too! The night I met my husband, Bonnie was with me. (Ok, never mind that she had a crush on him already!) I can't look at a Boston Terrier dog without calling it a "Bonnie Dawg" cause she had two of them she adored. We've always been there for each other, good and bad, thick and thin.

The day that I moved from America here, Bonnie came to help me pack up my belongings for the movers and she came and helped my Mom when the shipping company came after we had left too. The Airport Shuttle was there, Z, Arianna and Monster were all in there and the driver was screaming that we had to go…NOW. I think that is when everything hit me that I was actually leaving my home to move on the other side of the planet away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. Bonnie and I were just hugging each other and I couldn’t seem to move, finally she dragged me over to the shuttle, literally pushed me in and shut the door on me.

I didn’t get to go to her wedding, but in the end, that was a good thing. The fucker she married turned out to be a bigamist and a sneak, a man whore, a user and a thief. Wait, isn’t a bigamist a guy with two wives? Maybe I should say polygamist? Yeah. Turns out he lied about everything from day one, used her, screwed everything in sight even a day after the wedding, had her support him, took her to the brink of bankruptcy, never apparently used condoms with the women he slept with, or her either for that matter, (and he had one-night stands almost nightly until she figured out what he was doing about 7 months later) when she wondered why she was alone all the damn time. Turns out, he also had a few other wives and kids scattered all over the country. He asked her to drop him at his sisters and when she did, she saw a lady chasing after his car with a toddler on her hip. He told her it was his sister and her baby. Turns out it was his WIFE and HIS baby. She finally got it annulled, had to go through the hell of AIDS tests for about a year, which she thankfully escaped, only now to come down with cancer. From one nightmare to another.

When I called Bonnie during her annulment, she kept telling me “Why Cyn? Why did he do this to me? If you had been here, I know this never would have happened to me. I know you would have seen through all his lies and shit, you wouldn’t have let me do it. You would have woken me up. (Cause, well, I’m the voice of reason and logic in our friendship and she listens to me and knows my advice is from the heart, even if it will hurt her a bit.) I know she was right, and I wish I had been there for her too.

Bonnie is 9 months older than me. I can’t believe she has cancer. It doesn’t run in her family at all to my knowledge. I know that age has nothing to do with getting cancer, but it wakes you the hell up, you know? God, I pray she can beat it, if it isn’t too late. She has the best heart. She doesn’t deserve this, dammit.

So, last night, all hopes of sleep were pretty much shot for me after reading my email. I was exhausted and sick and in shock. I thought I would be able to conk right out.

Instead, I sobbed uncontrollably off and on for about four hours on my side of the bed, with my mind running. I kept trying to stop, but I just couldn’t. I guess it was a little bit too much of an emotional day for me. I was crying pretty quietly, but I guess I woke Z up. He thought it was only for Auntie. I told him it was also about Bonnie. He was floored. Then, he turned over and went to sleep. I couldn’t stop crying until I finally passed out from exhaustion round about 5am, but found no peace in sleep either. In my dreams were Auntie and even more of Bonnie, and all the memories shared with both of them.

Auntie is gone, and Bonnie is fighting for her life. God, what a day.

Did someone get the number of the Semi-truck that ran me over?