So Close....

And yet, so far! I am sadly excited that today I went to the local telephone bastar...erm phone company to sign up for wireless broadband internet!


Not that this was entirely without incident. Oh NOOOOO. My buddy H and I decided to go into debt... uhhhh.... I mean sign up for this wi-fi (oooh, I sound like I know what I'm talking about, and I so... DON'T!Ha haaaa!) (Ok, I know more now then I did this morning when I woke up. I'm a quick learner, what can I say?) broadband/get a laptop too dealie bob that the bastar... phone company MONOPOLY have on offer.

You pick and choose whichever laptop of 5 major brands your little heart desires and then, they let you pay for it as part of your inet bill till it's paid off. Yes I did my due dilligence (as if I wouldn't ! PLEASE!!!! Give me a LITTLE credit! Jeez!)! It is actually a good deal. Better than having to shell out up front and you (read: ME! I GET! I GET!) a nifty kick ass laptop, and not some toy looking one either! But a bad ass one with lots of STUFF and goodies and- aw HELL YEAH! - surround sound speakers built in! *shakes butt, Shakira style* ( cause you know I can and DO!) And my laptop is so PURTY TOO!!!

Only I don't have it in my clutches... yet.

H and I went to one of the distributors she knows of who is participating in this scheme. They had tons of laptops and so we made like little girls in Toys R Us! Giggling and tapping and playing with each and every one, verbally dissecting whatever dork designed some of them making them look like something you buy for a child in Toys R Us. We both drooled over the RED Ferrari Accer laptop, and she's saying to me "I think Scarlett should SO have this! Scarlett. Red laptop. Scarlett. Haaaaaaa." While looking at each other, then to the laptop wistfully, back. forth. back. stroking the damn thing... petting it nicely... playing with the keys...then I looked at the price and we both backed the hell up likity-spllit.

No babies, Scarlett is not going to have the pretty, pretty Ferrari Red laptop. (It was designed for the Ferrari F1 team) Somebody pass me a tissue. It was like freshly lacqured red nails. It ws the same color as the Maranello I was drooling over on the road the other day and I don't even drive stick shift, officially. *sigh* Lets be realistic here.

Ok, I was NOT being cheap. It just wasn't part of the 'package dealie bob" thinkg from the tel company is all!

In the end, H and I decide to go for the same one and do a few extras while we are at it. I love her to pieces, this woman. I'm so glad I've stolen her away from the evil bastards we both worked for and she will be working with me again in my current job in a few weeks. Yaaay! but I digress.

Because then, once we decided, we had to go to the phone co office down the street and apply for the special offer thingie. And that is where our fun began.

Nobody knew diddly squat. We stood in line, got out, then went to butt in line and got help, if you want to call it that. Turns out the guy we were dealing with was SO DAMN CLUELESS. He ended up making some lame ass excuse and sending us to another branch... in a mall on the other side of town. I thought "Cool, cause Z's cousin works there, she is very sweet and helpful. Maybe she can help us.".

Excecpt she'd already gone home for the day. GREAT! Then? H and I managed to find an absolute tortoise to help us do everything. Touche the Turtle took, I swear to you, a minimum of 20 minutes to imput 5 lines of information,(ie: address for installation, name, user Id name, and what type of inet service. which laptop make I wanted. Yes, that's it.) get a printout, and hand it to me. Another 15 min for H's application. He moved so damn slow, and looked, well, asleep, and we were SO THIRSTY DAMMIT and the lights were cooking our brains they were so hot and we were both exhausted and dizzy by the time he finished with us.

At the end of it all... H said "Maybe their computer system is just old and slow" to which I replied "if THEIR computer system is slow, what the hell are WE GONNA GET? We're screwed."

Now we are just waiting for the approval message to go pick up our shiny silver and black new laptops.

I hope it's faster than Touche was! Jeez.


a) Monster's flight is confirmed for Monday, ie: day after tomorrow. Party is at my blog on Tuesday if you're interested! Please RSVP if you are WoooohooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo (Cat, thank you for your prayers. Since you're on a roll with the big guy upstairs, wanna buy a lotto ticket and we split it 60/40? (me 40) ) Just a suggestion.

b) I.... shit. I forgot what I was gonna say...... oh yeah! Questions for this week's Inquisiton please darlings.

c) I'm in the market for a digital camera. I don't suppose anyone is going to give any suggestions or props for a good one that you might have and just love to pieces. I want minimum 5.1 megapixels and must have digital zoom of 3 or 4. Preferably one of these Cram It In The Purse sizes, not the big clunky ones. Thanks in advance.

That is all.
Dude Looks Like A Lady!

The little while back I was IM'ing with a friend and she said something to me that took me by surprise.

I saw her online and so I IM'ed her to see how she was feeling and how the recovery was. You see, my friend Sheena used to be my friend Robie. Yeah, as in used to be a man. Sheena and Nikki (my New SIL, former BIL) are very good friends and it seems that although Sheena was taking the meds and in transition to become a woman for much longer Nikki was, and it appears that Nikki's gender reassignment surgery was just the kick in the ass that Sheena needed, so to speak because a couple of months she did the first part of it, and when we talked, she was still high on morphiene from the second "beautificaiton" part of it. (Nikki did it all one shot! And she told me the breast implants she had done at the same time was MORE PAINFUL than the whole 'make a kitty' surgery! Of course, that also could have been her residual morphiene talking.. I must ask again!)

So..... Sheena said "I'm doing ok. It's painful, but I'm glad it's all finally done now! Cyn I only wish I could have: your skin, your hairline, and your ovaries."

Well slap me with a silly stick! My first response was "Thanks for the compliment. My ovaries aren't good for anything, why the hell would you want em?" Poor Sheena didn't know about my infertility problems - I thought Nikki had told her ages ago- so it was a totally innocent comment. She simply said after I explained that 'just look at your gorgeous daughter! I'd love to get my hands on some of your dna, is all honey!".

Aw, that was sweet. Sheena is pretty damn gorgeous herself. When she was living in NYC before she went home to Sweden to do her surgery, modeling scouts used to approach her on the street (from BIG AGENCIES, TOO!) to some in. About 6 feet tall, long viking golden blond hair and big blue eyes, killer bone structure. Absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen her after all the hormones and now that the surgery is done, but she must be even more beautiful now with all that estrogen softening up the hard edges.

As a side note to all the ladies out there: But you know what I 've noticed? That both Sheena and Nikki have hormonal mood swings just like PMS. Isn't that fascinating?

There is a huge difference between Nikki's situation and Sheena's. While Sheena's family welcomed her with open arms and have gotten past her life-changing decision, I can truthfully say that Nikki's haven't.

It is as if, to the majority of them, that she is dead. In the seven months since I told them, one SIL refused to accept it, (well, both did actually and the third one was just floored because she didn't even know that he had been living as a gay man for years in the first place!) But the eldest SIL, she said for no one to ever mention HIM to her again, that as far as she is concerned HE is dead. I replied, "well, HE is dead, but SHE lives." Whatever. No. They are all, and I quote "humilated and embarassed" about 'his' "selfish choice and didn't he think?? WHat will people say?" I was , frankly, appalled by their reactions. What will people say? Who gives a shit? Nothing if you don't tell them! DOH! The one in the US says that she is too ashamed and embarassed and will not tell her husband (who is the biggest pervert you never would want to meet) nor her 30-something kids.

Give me a damn break.

It is odd though, Nikki is the baby of the family and whereas previously, 'his' name was constantly mentioned at least once whenever we were all together, now? Nothin. Zero. Zip. Zilch. No one mentions him now, and when friends or people here ask how "he is" I sit silent and watch Z and his mother trip over each other to lie about where 'he' is and what 'he' is doing because in this society, it's not actually something you can talk about, so they maintain that Nikki is still a 'he'.

Sigh. At least there are a few that have hung in there.

There is the gay older brother, who is the most EVIL Queen I have ever met in my life. Friends, that appple did not fall far from the tree, let me tell you! He is over the moon about the whole thing, which also strikes me as false because he has loathed and despised Nikki her whole life. Then there is monster, who can't stop calling her by her male name, and boy is she gonna be in trouble when she's with Nikki in Iran and she calls her by the old male name!! Gah!!

Then there is Z. I guess he has accepted it, he had to. He and Nikki were always inseperable. Z is 3 years older than Nikki, and they grew up thick as thieves. But I can tell it makes him awkward. But I can tell you that Nikki is his favorite sister! So that is something. Ari and I remain.

Ari and I are of the same mindset, which makes me very happy. Nikki is the same person on the inside, just the outside is a bit different. Ari agrees with this. As Arianna says: "I don't get it, the how part of it, but I understand that for 'her' it makes sense. I've always told him he was girly! Whatever makes her happy is ok by me! I still love her."

She asks to IM with Auntie Nikki whenever she gets a chance! Arianna and Nikki have always been close since she was only a few weeks old and I'm glad they are continuing that way.

The same goes for me and my Mama. Nikki is the same exact person on the inside... only the packaging is different.

And that is pretty much what it boils down to: It's what's on the inside of a person that counts. Do what you can and be happy. No one is promised tomorrow.

So Nikki and Sheena, this one's for you! I love ya girlies from the bottom of my heart!


Better Late Than Never!

Terribly sorry for the delay in answers, everyone!

This week I asked my own question about what I apparently have in common with Sa*dam Huss*in.

Ollie was almost spot on about the Sad*am H question: I have a deep love of Cheetos- and I'm bad I guess, cause my child and fuzzball cats are all equally addicted to them. Turns out he got grumpy when he didn't get any Cheetos…. His guards didn't know what to do. So they substituted Doritos… no more grumpy dictator!! Apparently he can finish off a family size bag in 10 min flat. Impressive. I won't claim such a feat, definitely!

Now then, let's cut to the chase, shall we?

This week, Mare Imbrium asked me:

Somebody gives you a gold card and tells you to have fun. Where do you go and what do you buy?

EVERYWHERE! I'd go all over the world shopping! Italy, Spain, Hong Kong (I love my electronics!), London, New York, shall I continue? I think you get the drift. Anywhere I can. I guess the easy call for me would be shoes, bags, and jewellery. Since you ruled out the car and house *pouts* (haha) I would also buy things for others too, because I really like giving gifts. Also perhaps some furniture, but I have to be in the mood for that, really.

Cheryl b, my sweet, reliably naughty friend came at me with:

Speaking of......your question is: Have you ever faked an orgasm? Remember, you promised to answer ALL questions truthfully.

I wish I could answer that question with an explanation like Mare's, but I have to just bite the bullet and sadly say that Carrie Jo honey, you DID answer it for me. "BTW, I could answer Cyn's question for you, Cheryl: What woman who has ever been sexually active HASN'T? ;o) -Carrie Jo "

Not that I make a habit of it or anything… and I honestly did it more, the few times I have done it,, when I was younger. (Hah! Me sitting here at the ripe old age of 33!!)

Bre asked me on a more serious note:

uhm, with all the shit you put up with, have you ever thought of seriously taking Ari and leaving Z?

I'd be lying if I said I haven't. Every now and then, for years, yes I have considered it. Even before I moved here 7 years ago. But so far I haven't obviously done anything about it.

I must admit that being a child of divorce I always swore to myself I would do everything I could to avoid subjecting my own children (child) to that. To that end, I have seriously worked my tail off at this marriage. I can honestly say that, completely at peace, finally having realized it for myself that it is a two-way street, and it takes both people to make any relationship work, not just marriage. More than anything, I am glad that at least, the fundamental friendship that Z and I had from the beginning is there still. When HE wants to, we can laugh and joke and enjoy a song, and that is nice.

That isn't to say I don't understand why my parents divorced. I really honestly do, and I never blamed myself, or either one of them (although, if we are pointing fingers, Dad didn't help things any!), it just made me sad, period.

That being said, I believe that everyone has a limit that they must reach that enables them to make that final step, and I just guess mine has not been reached quite yet. That's what happened with Mama and Daddy. Mama put up with a lot too. I guess I am like her in that respect as well, the internal strength, and that makes me very glad to have learned/inherited that from her.

Wow! This week's answers have ended on a rather serious note, have they not?!

Thank you for your questions ladies. Most appreciated!


Light a Candle...

Guess who is going away for a few weeks?

Monster! She's going to Iran!! Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!!! Well, she's going to sell her house, because her relatives there are just as whacked as she is and waited until my New SIL (the one that used to be my BIL) was at work, went past the doorman with a locksmith friend, and broke into it and stole whatever cash and stuff they could find.

Yes, kind of scary, that, isn't it?

But hey! It's all good, right? Even if it's only for a few weeks, and not the 3 months its supposed to be... I have to look on the bright side, right?

One teensy problem, friends: There is one flight a week to Tehran, and it is on Monday... and the one for the coming Monday? Is. FULL, She is on waitlist. SO, please light a candle and say a prayer that come Monday, I can sing "And she's leavin... on a jet plane... I don't know when she'll be back again!... blah blahllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa *hums rest of song*


Giggle, Snort,*MOAN* Snicker, GUFFAW!!!!!!

While cruising about the net this morning, something caught my attention (you will SO understand in a minute... keep reading!) I had yet another instance of "I'VE GOTTA BLOG THIS!!!!". I realize I normally just link to an article, but this was too good not to post in it's entirety.

The comments in blue are, obviously, my comments) Check it out:

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - New research indicates parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off when a woman is having an orgasm but remain active if she is faking. (well DUUUUUHHHHH)

In the first study to map brain function during orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain governing emotional control is largely deactivated.
(Hmm, now that is truly interesting.)

"The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go. (And you needed to do a study for this? Isn't it just common sense? I mean REALLY!! I could have told all of this to them and pocketed the research money AND saved them a lot of time and effort!!) Women can imitate orgasm quite well, as we know, but there is nothing really happening in the brain," said neuroscientist Gert Holstege, presenting his findings Monday to the annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology. (Well, nothing happening but the intense concentration of the woman woman making DAMN sure her partner doesn't KNOW she's faking it!)

In the study, Holstege and his colleagues at Groningen University recruited 11 men, 13 women and their partners. (Ah, a man did this study. Wouldn't you like 10 minutes alone with his wife for a little chat? I bet she fakes it and he's wondering!) I'm sure the women neuroscientists there were sniggering behind his back, don't you?

The volunteers were injected with a dye that shows changes in brain function on a scan. For men, the scanner tracked activity at rest, during erection, during manual stimulation by their partner and during ejaculation brought on by the partner's hand. (Am I mistaken, or aren't the last two techniques the same thing? What about Oral? Man, I'm naughty!!)

For women, the scanner measured brain activity at rest, while they faked an orgasm, while their partners stimulated their clitoris and while they experienced orgasm. (Where do I sign up?)

Holstege said he had trouble getting reliable results from the study on men because the scanner needs activities lasting at least two minutes and the men's climaxes didn't last that long. (Awwww, poor things!) However, the scans did show activation of reward centers in the brain for men, but not for women. (No shit Sherlock!)

Holstege said his results on women were more clear.

When women faked orgasm, the cortex, the part of the brain governing conscious action, lit up. It was not activated during a genuine orgasm. Even the body movements made during a real orgasm were unconscious, Holstege said.

The most striking results were seen in the parts of the brain that shut down, or deactivated. Deactivation was visible in the amygdala, a part of the brain thought to be involved in the neurobiology of fear and anxiety.

"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said.

Shutting down the brain during orgasm may ensure that obstacles such as fear and stress did not get in the way, Holstege proposed. "Deactivation of these very important parts of the brain might be the most important necessity for having an orgasm," he said. (Really? You don't say? Might be? Again... DUHHHHH!!)

Donald Pfaff, professor of neurobiology and behavior at Rockefeller University in New York, said the interpretations were reasonable. "It makes poetic sense," said Pfaff, who was not connected with the research. By EMMA ROSS, AP Medical Writer

I still say they are schmucks since pulling any woman off the street and asking her would have had the same basic result (without the nifty pictures and stuff, but still!) I basically boils down to this:

As womankind has known since the begining of time, a Genuine Orgasm is best!(how I would love to trademark that phrase!)

Author's Note: (Quiet Peanut Gallery! You know what I mean!) Basically experiencing the real thing vs. a "When Harry Met Sally" incident.

Women don't choose to NOT have an orgasm, it's something that either happens or doesn't largely based on the willingness of their partner to ensure that they are relaxed and comfortable enough to 'let go' to have a real one. But in faking it, they make a concious decision (obviously) to make their partner happy, since they get nothing from faking it at all. It's all a matter of stroking the male ego while ours is left at their mercy.


Drat, and Double Drat!

I almost forgot to beg... erm grovel.... uh, nag-ahem!- request/remind you all to get a question in for this week's Inquisition. So do it already, willya?

Shall I give you a deadline and make you completely jittery and anxious about getting your question in on time? Ok. 12 noon on Wednesday, Pacific Time is your deadline. Answers to follow soon thereafter!

In the meantime, I'll ask you this: What do I (apparently) have in common with Sadd*m Huss*in? (I bet THAT woke y'all up, now didn't it?) I'll give you a hint... it's not day of birth! (crappy hint, huh?)
Hide and Go Seek!!!

I have a problem. Things like this really bother me. Yes, reading things like "CIA chief has 'excellent idea' where bin Laden is" as a news headline irritate the shit out of me.

Now while I am not the most violent and bloodthirsty of wenches you may ever encounter, this whole "the US respects Sovreign Nations" bullshit and applying it to the whole situation regarding O*ama Bin La*in, rubs me the wrong way.

There are plenty of ways that this tall, evil, and unfortunately intelligent problem could be, ahem, taken care of, no matter where he is hiding. I mean jeez, isn't that one of the proper uses of US Special Forces and MI5? All those legions of James Bond type guys and they aren't being used for such a good cause? How depressing. Some people need to be obliterated from planet Earth, and he is one of them. Definetly.

But I'm slightly confused, because one minute we hear from "intelligence officials" that: "We don't know where he is" then the next "We think we know where he is", and then two breaths later "We have an excellent idea where he is" then we back to the "We don't have a friggin clue". I'm sure that O*ama the psychopath is sitting in his hidey hole somewhere laughing his freaky ass off at the whole hide and seek game he is playing, and apparently winning.

As Mama always said "there is a time and place for everything" and honestly, it is way past time to get this lunatic, particularly when it seems that the people that should know WHERE he is already do!

Ok, I'm through ranting now.


I Was Sort Of Wondering.....

I have a little question for any of you out there (and if you have PCOS, even better! You know what I mean!! That it would be for the same reason!) that might have taken Glucophage, aka Metformin:

When kicking in with a newly prescribed 'high' dose, (ie: I was taking it previously, but NOT LIKE THIS! Stopped it, and have now begun taking it all over again) have any of you ever felt so sick and near to vomiting that all you could do was take very shallow breaths to keep from hurling? I can usually handle nausea, but this is particulary bad. Doc has put me on two tabs in the am and two in the pm and damn me if it hasn't brought me low yesterday and today! I'm kind of hoping this feeling will pass sooner than later. As is, as I type, it's all I can do to just sit here and not make for the porcelain throne.

Help a sistah out, willya?

PS: In vengance for Z being a weak schmuck, I did what any caring wife would do...... I snitched to his Diabetes specialist that he has been cheating on his diet (when I'm not around) and eating all sorts of things he shouldn't,(other than sugar and sweets, I mean), like very oily fatty foods, particulary prepared by Monster, whose motto has always been "the more oil the better", and he's not checking his blood for days unless I nag him into doing it, etc.. ie: he has become complacent since it is 'under control' and since he views me as a nagging shrew and refuses to understand that I have only his best long term intrest at heart, I had to whip out the big guns.

Whew! That was a derious run on sentence, wasn't it? Anyway, Doc said thank you for informing him of all this, and he looked quite ready to nail him to the wall. I told Doc that I've repeatedly told him when he tries to come back with the argument "see? I will check my blood after eating such and such a food... my sugar level is ok" to which I reply, I'm 'nagging' not because of your sugar level, but because Type 2 diabetes doesn't disappear one day, and these things you eat affect your whole body! Heart, liver, kidneys, etc... everything! But he doesn't listen. So I snitched.

Heh. Didn't I tell y'all that on my shitlist is not somewhere you want to be?
Further Proof

I had earlier briefly considered also posting another Monster vs. my cats incident, thought better of it, and now, based on a few of the comments I recieved on the last one about Little Man, I've decided to go ahead and post it after all although, I truly believe that what she did the other day was one of the most evil things she has done yet.

When I was living in the US , I came to Bahrain on vacation right before I moved, when Z was recruited to work over here . That was when she and her evil then 51 year-old son that was freeloading off of us for two years called the Humane Society to come and take away my cats.. all 12 of them.

I had arranged for a friend from work, Veronica, to look after them every day that I would be gone for me (monster didn't even have to sneeze on them). Poor Veronica freaked the hell out when she came over to feed, water and clean up after them after work one day after I had been gone 4-5 days and discovered the cats GONE. V later told me that when she arrived at my apartment, Monster was happily cleaning up- going through my personal things, and throwing all the cat things out (meds, shampoos, food,toys, food dishes, brushes and grooming tools, everything you can think of- and it was a LOT of stuff!) and told her "ALL GONE! Heh heh" with a big toothy grin. She said "cat police take". Poor Veronica was freaking the hell out cause they were her responsiblity in my absence. She was begging monster to give her whatever paperwork they had left so she could go and get them out and keep them at her place! but monster said "no paper give. no no.". smiling all the while.

Then I get a call here ON VACATION- 4 days in- from monster saying the "cat police come and take them ALL". I was 10,000 miles away on the other side of the planet unable to do anything. I felt like I was in the worst kind of hell. She kept saying there was no paperwork left, which I felt sure was a big lie. (Veronica later told me she had been begging her for the paperwork for days and days and that she kept saying "No no. No police paper."

I kept wondering who called the Humane Society to come take them, even with my sneaking suspicion, I kept quiet till I got home, sure that they had all been put to sleep and heavily depressed. As soon as we got home -and very late at night - she handed the paperwork to Z saying "I don know, I don know". Y'all know which paper work, the paperwork from the "Cat police" that she said she never recieved!

The next day I called H.S. to see what had happened to my pets. Thank GOD they were a) still alive and had not been euthanized, and b) not been given away either. I begged them to tell me who had called them, but as per the rules, they wouldn't say anything, and thankfully, I explained to them that I had been away on vacation when someone did this and they let me BUY MY PETS BACK at about $75-80 bucks each.Yeah, you do the math. I will never forget the dejected looks on their sad little faces when I walked into the kitty jail before they saw me. I started calling them and they all jumped up and ran to the bars,sticking paws out and meowing like anything. I was SO angry, but relieved that they were all alive.

At the time, in my apartment complex, I a had a vet for a neighbor who took care of the racehorses at the racetrack nearby. When I came back, she took me aside and told me "did you get your cats back?" and I told her yes. She told me that she was there when the officers came and took them and when she identified herself as a Vet and asked what happened, one of the officers said "we were told the owners called and said they didn't want them anymore". She then went on to tell me that encountering my BIL in the laundry room, she asked him and managed to weasel out of him that he is the one that called for them to be taken away, that evil Queen.
I threw a complete hissyfit which was, as usual, no use, since Z refused to believe it.

I can tell you honestly that she is one of the most horrible people I have ever met, and it frightens the hell out of me that my husband came out of someone like that. It really does. He has some of her tendancies, but recieved most of his genetics from his father, thankfully. The "monster tendencies" that he did inherit, I didn't see when we were dating and engaged, mostly because he kept it very well hidden.

Happy Daddy's Day!

*Cues 'Daddy Cool' by Boney M*

To all of you Daddies out there, I'd like to wish you a very Happy Father's Day! Regardless of whatever your kids may address you as, be it Father, Dad, Daddy, Da, DaDa Papa, Pa, Pere, Pop,اقاجان,Baba, Abu,爸, cha, татко ,‏بابا , I wish you all a relaxed, happy day and may your deepest dearest wishes come true!

Kick back, watch a ball game, play a round of golf, or don't do much of anything if you are so inclined, have a great meal and enjoy yourselves! You deserve it! I think we can all agree that without all of you, none of us would be here!

Have a great day, Daddies of the world!