Party At My Place!
Well darlings, her bags are packed, and her broom is dusted off, serviced, and ready to go.  Looks like take off is tomorrow morning.  So, blog party is set for Monday. GOT THAT? Monday! Bring a blog friend.  Actually, maybe I should say that it STARTS Monday? This could be a two or three day party. I might even get creative and send invitations, but if not, please come over. This is not an "Invite only" party, but more of a B.Y.O._. party.
I don't know how long she's going for, but I must admit, it will be a nice break if nothing else.
I'm really not mean. I'm just.... worn out.  Everytime she leaves, the family gets closer, everyone is nice to each other and friendly (yes! Even to me!!) no dissent, no upset, no troublemaking. It's nice. I'm sure that I wouldn't hate living here so much if we had moved here without her as was the plan. I've been in the thick of it from day one. Sigh. Well, it isn't as if she didn't warn me what she would do the day before we left to move here. She got right in my face that day and said "You think you'll be happy there? HAH! I'm going to make you so miserable you 'll wish you never heard the word Bahrain. I"m gonna blacken your name so badly that you won't want to be seen in public or hold your head up!"  And that is what she set out to do. 
Well, at least she keeps her word.
The first years here were the worst. (Well, in retrospect, it seems that way, although, maybe now I'm just kinda numb to all the bullshit?I dunno.) Going anywhere was pretty uncomfortable for the longest time. She spread her poison far and wide.   I knew what she was doing. I saw their behaviour change towards me. Talk about uncomfortable!! Lordy! His family here is HUGE, I mean massive. So, that's a lot of venom!
Her son refused to believe it. He is the master of self-delusion and denial, unfortunately. It was the same stuff she had done it the States, only worse and more wide spread, since her audience was larger.  Here is like living in a small town.  Talking shit to the neighbors and family. Nothing new. I was just myself and tried not to show how much it hurt.
The one bright side is, that somewhere along the way she started "hanging herself". Cousins and friends (not all mind you) started seeing that what they were hearing and what they actually SAW were two very different things. They noticed that SHE was the only one talking, not me, no matter how they tried to bait a comment out of me.  I could have said tons.  But I didn't, haven't. I have held it all inside all thse years, so forgive me if you guys hear it. Only a few select girlfriends of mine really know. I need an outlet every now and then, ya know? Like my blog. Fortunately, his cousins that I LOVE had the wake up calls first and soonest! My realtionships with his immediate family (sisters, brothers, etc..) are still and will probably always remain strained. I have done all I can over the years but I'm not going to kill myself anymore.  If after 15 years they aren't gonna wake up, to hell with it I say!
So, yeah, I've had baby breaks from her before, (three weeks to two months)but it's been a long haul this time around. It just made me sad, cause it showed how nice things could be without her around. I wouldn't be surprised if she is gone for less than a month.  Z is talking about talking Arianna with him there on a vacation for a week or two next month. So maybe she will stay longer if they go. I don't know. Can you imagine me here on my own for two weeks?  Heh.
So, reminder: Party is day after tomorrow I have: Liquor, Twister (that could be fun-especially if we get the stripper in the mix!), yes, a stripper (maybe he can bring a friend?), and I'll even self-cater! Feel free to bring whatever you like.  If you are all good..... I might even do the booty shake dance or bellydance for you!


Pucker Up!

Ya know, I was moseying on around in Quizilla's site and decided to take THIS quiz, cause, well, it sounded interesting and not overly lame. (Well, actually, I took a few others, but the pics were a bit TOO Nekkid and soft-porn-ish, ya know?) Sooooo, guess what kind of kisser I am?


You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I bet you're wondering how accurate it is, aren't ya? Heh. If y'all ask me real nicely, I might just tell you how accurate it is (or not)!!

Go on, bite the bullet and take the damn quiz. Im a nosey thing! I showed you mine, now show me yours!!!!!

*snicker, guffaw*


Lovin It

Was snooping around over at Genuine's (as usual)and I found a hilarious link in his most recent post. I've seen previous work of Mr. Squirrel and I thought to share this latest piece of art with you.

Genuine said he pee'd his pants it was so funny, and to be honest, I came damn near close myself. Turn up the sound, but if you're at work, not too loud...OK? (caution: high pitched foul language)

What do you mean you don't have large?
The Farewell

Last night I went to my friend's farewell dinner at a Thai restaurant. She's moving to Boston to continue her education. I wasn't too impressed with the food, but it was fun!

About ten of us, all women, in a pretty secluded room. We were cutting up and being loud and obnioxious and we EVEN drove off the Asian Bulldyke and her very girly girlfriend that were sitting-fine, half laying- at the opposite end of the room. Otherwise, the place was totally empty that time of night. Ok, they left about after an hour or so, and even then only when they noticed that their dirty looks in our direction weren't working...... Heh.

It was a load of fun. There wasn't even liquor involved. We were cutting up so very much, even making fun of my ex-psychotic demon from hell boss's daughter!(the boss, not the daughter) I,naturally, had to imitate all the people being discussed or otherwise raked over the coals, because, well, that's just me! Boss's daughter included.

We were discussing the extremely low cut blouse etc... she wore into the office (trust me, not much to show off) and how shocked we were, cause, well, her father IS the Chairman and CEO, and is religious enough to have built A MOSQUE with his own money back in Pakistan! But she teeters in all hanging out. Have I mentioned that this company is an Islamic Infrastructure Fund Management Company? Well, it is. ie: wear it, but it's totally inappopproiate for going to daddy's work. Sooooo, of COURSE I had to show how extreme it was, so,for those that had missed "The Daddy's Girl free show", I ended up SHOWING them by adjusting my own low V-neckline of my blouse DOWN while keeping an eye on the bulldyke in the far corner to make sure she wasn't looking and shaking my stuff in a fair imitation of her! We all ended up howling. It was pretty funny.

Then after we ate... we sang! Ah... Karaoke! Why in the hell we ended up singing love songs and 70's and 80's hits is beyond me. Some of us attempetd to sing alone, but then there was a mike malfunction, so we ended up singing in a group. It was a total crack up! Pretty much completly off key and with much hilarity involved. Yes, poor Lionel Richie, thank God he will never know what we did to his beautiful love song "Hello". And of course, it wouldn't have been right if we didn't sing/butcher "Hotel California", now would it? Actually, that sounded pretty good!

I later dragged my ass in the bed at around 1:30am after dropping one of my girlfriends home.

Whew! Must do that more often! Come on, who's gonna sing with me?

All this on top of hearing that MIL has to get her backside to Iran posthaste by Saturday or her house purchase is all in the toilet! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I don't know how long she's gonna be gone for, but,hot damn(!) it's a break! At least she will be able to talk dirty to the men over there in her own language. I wonder if that neighbor across the street she had the hots for still lives there. He was a widower. (ie: fresh meat)I will arrange blog party when I have her departure details!

Hey, should we call a stripper?


Ok, NOW I'm Sad.

Maybe despondent would be a better word? Yeah, probably. Wanna know why? Because, While browsing on E! Online, also known as my secret vice... Ted's Gossip pages.. I found this:

Whoop There It Isn't: Test audiences apparently got Too Much Information (or something) from a Colin Farrell nude scene at screenings of A Home at the End of the World, reports Us Weekly. Despite whoops of approval from female fans, we'll be seeing less of Farrell's natural gifts in the final version. Producer John Hart emphasizes that the actor "has no reason to be shy," and director Michael Mayer elaborates: "People felt [his penis] was too distracting from the emotional moment in the scene." Doncha hate when that happens? Hello? Bonus footage! Alas, in what may be the unkindest (director's) cut of all, Farrell's extended version won't even appear on the DVD.

AW HELL NO!!!!!!!!!! Not even bonus footage??? BASTARDS!!!!!! That director is just JEALOUS because he is problably small and drives a PORCHE TOO! Screw it, I say women of the world BOYCOTT THIS DAMN TRAVESTY OF A FILM, or,alternatevly, maybe we could sign a petition to at least have it in the DVD? *yes, I'm groveling, ok?* Jeez. Can't this dumbass realize that 5-8 seconds of full frontal Colin would send his opening weekend sales through the roof? That wuss.

I should have known something was up, first I scarfed more cherries (So luscious and juicy and sweet and tart) than I should admit to yesterday, and now this. Colin. Cherries. Me and Colin rolling naked in cherries. (In a dream. Confused? Check my April archives.)

This is SO gonna be a shitty week, I can feel it.

PS: What?!? Is 3 posts in one day too much for ya? Deal.
Monster-in-Law vs. The Electrician

It is common knowledge that my husband has a WIDE evil streak in him. It is also common knowledge that my MIL hates my guts and is evil incarnate. I’m not just saying that. Her own blood says it too! But what he did last night? To his own mother? Genius, pure genius! It was so good; I just HAVE to share it with you all!

The electrician for the compound was supposed to be coming over to fix whatever it was she was bitching about, (I didn’t really pay attention, cause her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me, if you must know!) Now the electrician’s English isn’t all that great. And my MIL’s is almost non-existent (although she does manage enough to talk shit about me whenever the opportunity arises and she knows the necessary words, like BITCH and f**k you!) So, she was asking her precious son what she should say to the electrician. This is what he taught her:

“I give you blowjob”

She dutifully repeated it over and over, very carefully. (Me, turning my face to the wall trying not to laugh my ass off.) After a few minutes, she said it was a bit hard for her to say, how about another way? Ok, sure!

“Lick me please?” and “Do me hard!”

Again with the repeating and learning. (This is killing me, honestly!) Then she said there was something else she wanted fixed, so, he taught her:

“Please screw me”

At this point, I was shaking with laughter, and she got suspicious. Well, I couldn’t help it! He said, “No, Cyn is laughing at the TV, aren’t you?” And I nodded and said “yeah…. *snicker*… TV, funny!” Then he said to her: “Try this mom:”

“I want your dick”

At this point, I looked at him and said quietly, “I’m sure she will know that one! You screwed up!” As she repeated, she realized she did know what DICK is… and started freaking out. I looked at him and said, “See, I told you!” You forgot about that neighbor that used to sneak over after you and your brother went to work when we were engaged! They would sit and drink and smoke and Lord knows what else! Hahahahahahahah!” Then I proceeded to give in to my bout of uncontrollable hysterical laughter, convulsing on the sofa!

On the off chance that you are offended that I find this so very amusing, or that I’m retelling this on my blog? Tough shit. I actually have permission to retell this from Z! Z even went over to her granddaughter’s house right after and told a roomful of her 30-something grandkids and their husbands and they all proceeded to have similar reactions to me. In fact, the mom of the triplets was laughing so hard, she called her MOM (MIL’s daughter) and told her, and she promptly laughed her ass off too!

This is almost as good, as when we were all in Las Vegas and she noticed there are these HUGE, I mean really huge margarita glasses people are drinking from. So there she sits on the slot machine stool, jealous and thirsty for booze. She shouts to a passing cocktail waiter “”HEY MISTER, YOU HAVE BIG ONE?? GIVE ME BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and kept right on yelling it at him until he figured it out after she finally pointed at one that someone was drinking from, right as a highly unnatural lull in the casino noise happened. Stares aplenty!! My SIL wanted to die right there. But she still laughs about it to this day!

But honestly, the blowjob one? Killed me.

Ok, I know you want to comment. Go ahead.

Deal With It!!

Ok, so I have a small addiction to these quiz thingies! Maybe I'm just a sheep in fox's clothing!*snicker* SO???

And for the record, as I drive down this imaginary highway of my life, I'd be driving in an Aston Martin Vantage! (You know, that sweet piece of automative genuis in the Beyonce & Jay-Z video for Bonnie & Clyde? Yeaah baby! Come to MAMA!) Anyhoo... heres my road sign. Cute, no?

Scarlett Highway
Fame City6
Lake Love21
Mt. Happiness49
Bog of Eternal Marriage490
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

And because I can be a nosey thaang, I'm going to naturally ask: what's yours?