Clap On!

Reason Number 28 not to get dressed in a dark room early in the morning:

You look down at your lap at a red light about 3 blocks from work and realize that you didn't put on the black slacks with with your cream snakesin print blouse and matching open toed heels you thought you did, but Navy instead. Not a big deal you say?

It is when look over at the BLACK-AS-SIN BLAZER you brought with you lying on the passenger seat.

Say it with me now............."DOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Lets blame it on the fact that I left work at 9pm last night, hmmm? Will y'all let me?

Please tell me some of you have had such Homer moments?



Why is it that after two days of physio (and endless days of painkillers- love. them.)for my left shoulder that I have somehow managed to f*ck up the tendons that attach my arm to my body, do I find that almost EVERYONE that I come into contact with today feels the need to give me a good whack on the arm? (yeah, guess which one!?)

I'm serious. At least 10 people, pretty much ALL coworkers mind you, have smacked me or poked me on my left arm today. Add to that how completely BRAINLESS I apparently am because what did I do while showing my new Assistant things at work today? I reached into my filing cabinet, high (not supposed to do) for a ring binder file that is full to exploding and lifted it down one handed (Doh. guess which one?). Of course, I instanteneously remembered not to do it the millisecond after the pain shot through me. Although in all fairness to myself, I'd already been poked and smacked so much, it was pretty much just the icing on the cake.

OW-eee. (read: much cusssing)

Any suggestions on how to explain the quick 10 leaps backward on the improvement I had made to my physiotherapy doc without sounding like a complete brainless twit?


The Confession

Better late than never, you know.

As promised, the answers to your questions. Man, y'all didn't hold back, now didja? Nuh-uh.

I'll answer in the order that I recieved the questions this week, if you don't mind.

Cheryl b naturally asked:

how often do you and Z have sex, and how often would you like to?

Sex? What’s that? Heh. Well, if I remember correctly, it is –fortunately for me- much like riding a bike, you never forget.

I honestly don’t remember the last time, which means waaaaaaaaaaay too long. Maybe near Valentine’s Day? Perhaps a little before. (Shall I wait for all of you to pick yourselves up off the floor before I continue?) I’ll probably have to check my calendar to give you a precise date. Yes, I’m serious.

He has gone and gotten pissy with me (and moody) regarding this once I started realizing (ok, and after I confronted him about the fact that…) he was initiating (or giving in to my requests/hints/blatant invitations/nagging) lovemaking only around my ‘fertile’ days of the month, where, if, by some MIRACLE OF GOD, I ovulated, I would end up pregnant. Other than that, nada. Nothing. This bullshit continues. Before any of you say anything, I've tried all the suggestions you could come up with and then some, ok? I'm a creative woman you know?

Anyway, for the longest time, I thought it was my imagination, but then? I started quietly marking down on my calendar and sure enough, it was on or around day 13-15 of my cycle and NOT any other time. So, he was in denial when I mentioned it, and I showed him, and he got quiet, and ever since? Hardly ever, even during potential ovulation time. Which brings us to the second part of Cheryl’s question….

How often would I like to do it? At least 3-4 days a week. (Notice I didn’t say times but days? Yeah, a couple of times a day is nice. Ahhhh, the good ole days.) But if it was more often, I wouldn’t complain, ya know? Hell at this point? I'd be happy with some heavy petting.

What? Believe it or not, I have a pretty –ahem!-high sex drive, although perhaps you wouldn’t know it to see how long I go in between. Bottom line is, I DO have some pride, and I’ll be god dammed if I’m going to beg for it. I honestly never, ever thought we would reach this point, not us, we used to have a great physical relationship. But that was then and this is now.

Well shit, now I’m depressed. Sexually frustrated and depressed. Hell, that is one bad combo.

Wenchie nailed me with:

Have you ever been arrested? If not, what's the closest you've ever come?

Wenchie, woman! You have the best blog name! I LOVE IT!!! Now, for the answer to your question.

Well, there was a little misunderstanding when I was 17 and boy did I learn my lesson!

It was all because of my stupidity & forgetfulness more than anything, really. I was working in retail, and mid-morning I tried on a belt (it was really nice), but then it got SUPER busy and I forgot I was wearing the damn thing. An hour or so later, it’s break time and –kapow- the store security pounced on me when I went to get a smoothie. I’m sure you can guess the rest.

Damn, it’s not like I’m Winona Ryder or anything sneaking around with scissors in a dressing room or something!

Now to a considerably more tame question from Catrina……

Now that you have your job, when can you take vacation? Hint Hint?

Well pussycat, funny you should ask me that! I’ve been thinking about when I should take it, when the best time will be lately. Yes, now I’m working, so I’m in the process of strategizing and planning for my trip.

My vacation is back on, exactly when, I can’t say yet, but trust me, you will know, (Since I’m planning on crashing at your place for a couple of days! Hint! Hint! Hee hee (Don’t y’all love the way I invited myself? Shut it. I’ve known Cat for – gulp – AGES.

In fact, Ollie might just get to see me too (you know, if she wants to!) espceically if my mom has relocated back home to S.C. like she is planning by then.

Oh and Rose? If you’re reading this? Don’t feel left out, I’m going to hit you up too, girlfriend!!!! (Yeah, I’m making the rounds of LA, aren’t I?!)

I'm hitting both coasts in the States and a point or two in between as of today. If you're anywhere near where I might be, let me know, I'd love to meet ya!

Thank you all for your questions. Adieu my darlings.
Deepest Apologies

I am not,I repeat NOT a flake. i just didn't post because my inet at home is down. Boy, I could not wait to get in to work to post. I'm really so addicted to blogging, it's kind of like a crack addict needing a fix.

Mind you, I'm not a crack addict or anything, just an analogy, you understand.

Keep your eyes open, post will be up soon.

Scarlett Cyn