A Nice Way To Spend An Evening

Last night I spent a pleasant few hours at Z’s cousins house last night. She is my very favorite of all his MANY MANY relatives. All her 9 brothers and sisters are very loving and kind to me. Hell, I wish his immediate family was THIS great! I like spending time with them almost every Thursday evening. Last night was particularly nice though.

Last night I had 3 children hanging off me aged 4, 14 months, and 3 months(Girl. Boy. Girl.) . And I loved every cotton-pickin minute of it too!

The first two are brother and sister. The little one is their cousin. Brother and sister were stuck like glue to me. The little boy kept crawling in my lap, one hand on my breast and the other fisted gently in my hair, smiling at me making cooing noises. Typical male. Hair and boobs. Sometimes he would rest his head on my chest, hand still in my hair, patting my breast like a cat. Sorry honey, no milk there! He was just being happy though.

Meanwhile, his sister was almost surgically attached to my left hip playing with my hair, twisting and trying to braid it and brushing it back from my face with her hands and hugging me and kissing my face. I kept grabbing her to me and giving her kisses. She always tells me “I love you” in her little scratchy raspy Demi Moore voice. The baby girl was on her moms lap on my right staring transfixedly at me the whole time and grabbing my sleeve in her little chubby fist while drooling on her teething ring.

The whole time everyone kept remarking to each other-over and over: “Look at that! Look how children of all ages are with her!! Look how children love her. The baby doesn’t like ANYONE these days! Then my favorite cousin said, exasperated, “Of course they love her and are drawn to her. They sense that she loves them, and they love her right back! She draws children to her like bees to honey.” WOW! Thanks.

I wish I could draw one to my womb as easily.

When time came to leave, brother and sister were both not letting me go. After 5 minutes of hugs and kisses from me, they finally let me leave.

Truth be told, I was loath to go.


Happy Comfort

Today I passed some time in the comfort of a local bookstore.

Yeah, comfort. I love books. I love the smell of a bookstore. Have you ever paid attention to the smell of a bookstore lately? The new paper.. the ink.. the combination of it. They don’t have “proper” bookstores like back home in America that is for SURE, but still, I get my “fix”. So I wandered around the bookstore... looking through the different kinds.. just inhaling the familiar smells and enjoying myself.

Don’t believe me? Well, when I moved here.. I shipped over 350 of my favorite books here. This was after I had to force myself to sell about 200 of the ones I had before the move at a garage sale.

I am a voracious reader. I have been from as long as I can remember. Both my parents encouraged me to read from very early. This could also be due to the fact that at the time my Dad worked for Random House in the child products development division (which encompassed the textbooks section too) and some other things. I got the best of the freebies and I guess I was a guinea pig for some of his projects too. God, the memories of the damn school textbooks he used to make me work through still make me shudder! Anyway, I had loads of books even then.

As I got older my love of books grew. My reading was so advanced that when I was in second grade they put me in a special class.. for speed reading..

From the time I was around 10… particularly during the summer while mom was at work and I was at home, I would get on my bike with my hoarded allowance and ride to my favorite bookstore. I would buy 2 or 3 books to last me for the next couple of days. I would ride home as fast as I could pedal... long (then) golden blond hair streaming in the breeze, happy as anything. Into the house and PLOP! on my bed in front of the cooling breeze of the oscillating fan. I would read one 200+ page book a day, so engrossed I couldn’t put it down. Sometimes two. My Nana had recently gone and gotten me hooked on Nancy Drew books by giving me my first one. That summer I bought and read every single Nancy Drew book in print. All 68 of them! Even then and in the following years … I would read all sorts of things: encyclopedias, medical and health books… history books… you name it!

Even now as an adult, I have been known to spend a few hours happily wandering in a bookstore. Heh. And not just wandering, either; filling my shopping basket as well! And. I. Mean. Filling. Hardcover, paperback. All genres. Particularly fiction, History (All early history from Early Medieval through to the Victorian era) Castle and hill-fort construction, Autobiographies and historical romance. Well-written Fiction really appeals to me because a person created it from thin air, and that is some accomplishment in my book. It takes real creativity. I’m a sucker for nice cookbooks too.

When I read… I am completely immersed in the story. It is still one of my favorite ways to pass time. I will still drag books around with me. To the doctor for my typical long waiting room wait (except for wand monkey & IVF appointements, cause I’m too antsy). In an airport, on a plane. When I go pick up Arianna from school and know there will be a wait in the parking lot until the gates are opened. In the late night hours when my insomnia hits me full force… I have my books. When I’m hospitalized so very frequently… books save me from cabin fever. One of my favorite reading spots though has to be in a nice bubble bath. I love relaxing in a bubble bath with a good book.

I prefer to read than to watch TV actually. Don't get me wrong.. I like TV and movies as much as the next person and am easily hooked on a good program. But if given a choice... a book, anytime.

The best thing? My child loves books too. When she says the infernal "I'm bored!" I tell her.. "you can never be bored when you have a book to pick up. Go read if you are bored and have time on your hands".

And you know what? She does. It's a great feeling when I find her stretched out on her daybed reading a book.(Usually Harry Potter books)

My dream is to have a study... with a wall of floor to ceiling bookshelves. PACKED TO THE GILLS, naturally. One day I will have it.

See if I don't!


HEH. Wasn't I Something Else?

I finally confessed to my mom about my failed IVf's the other day in an email. WHAT?? I can't afford that kind of international phone call! She is so funny. I knew that she knew(sensed).. somehow.. cause she is like that (trust me, it was a pain in the ass when I would try and get away with stuff growing up and she knew already what I'd done!)

I know where Arianna gets her precociousness(now), but honestly, she has to make a lot of effort to reach MY level!!

I've already related how I undestand how Arianna feels about getting a baby brother or sister, cause I was the same if not worse because I would harp on it almost daily, I seem to remember, from the time I was about, oh, 3.

Mom related this story to me in her email reply today, and I thought you guys would enjoy it. I know I chuckled.(She was engaged to Thurman, an American Indian guy-see 100 things about me,the whole Indian Reservation thing- and we had a mutual dislike of each other):

"I remember you talked to me when you were about ten yrs of age and I was engaged, yet couldn't get past the shivers and nerves or picking out a gown, or a diamond- saw lots of bracelets I liked though!!!! ha ha. You wanted a real baby brother or sister and you suggested that I call your Dad to come to CA. from Fla. and "take care of business" and then he could go back home to Noemi (my stepmother) and everything would be fine. I couldn't believe a ten year old child could be thinking in "business terms" on such matters. (Yeah, knowing you, I could!) right......... ha ha ha."

Yeah, there are so many stories I could tell you guys... I was employing logic in my earliest theories and "discussions" with adults.. much in the same manner of Genuine's little Princess. (She's a hoot and so adorable!)I would frequently leave most adults in my vicinity gasping for air like a fish out of water, at a complete loss for words.

Come to think of it, I still do get that reaction sometimes. Oh good! Glad to know I haven't lost my touch! Heh. *Genuine shakes head and flinches..repeatedly* (yes, look what you are in for when Princess is grown!)

I could tell you things that would make you pee yourself, and make me turn twenty shades of red. My logic was astounding sometimes, although never intentionally cruel. Well shit.

For instance...

I was about.. 3 or 4, and I was in the grocery store with my Mom and apparently wanted some Entemann's pastries. Mom refused to get some. Did I resort to the whine of a small child? No. Instead I calmly asked the infernal "Well, why?" to which she responded..."Because it will make us fat." (Biiiig MISTAKE MAMA!) I looked at her (my Mom always had a killer figure.. she was so paranoid!)looked around, and, certain that I had a superior "argument" stated in a LOUD and CLEAR voice:

"Well, you aren't fat Mama! THOSE two big ladies aren't worried about it! Look how much Entemann's they are putting in THEIR cart??" Needless to say... she tossed the neares Entemann's box she could reach into the cart and ran!

Guileless, completely guileless.

Actually, this has come back to haunt me, proof that Karma can be a bitch. I can't even look at Entemann's without gaining weight! At the risk of sounding like a little politically incorrect kid, I will refrain from telling you my Monkey Jungle misadventure.


Curiosity Killed The Cat


I have an appointment tomorrow with that IVF specialist Professor woman from Germany I mentioned earlier (when the IVF cycle was cancelled). Tomorrow at 3:30.

Why the hell am I so bloody nervous?

Maybe I'm afraid of what she will say. I'm seeing her at the advice of Wand Monkey and while I know his main reasons for suggesting the consultation with her:1: For me to get YET another opinion 2:To make some extra money for the hospital and IVF Clinic and 3: To shut me the hell up. BTW, for #3?? Yeaaah, RIGHT it will shut me up! Heh. Bottom line is, I'm going to see her because to me, Wand Monkey's explaination of "I don't know why it didn't work" combined with a shrug of his shoulders doesn't fly with me. It's unacceptable. Hell, I would have been happy with an educated guess, a theory, a hunch, a vision he had in a dream on his lunch break... ANYTHING but him shaking his damn head at me looking just as confused as I was (am).

I'm hoping for some answers. Suggestions-ok, other than ovarian drilling- cause that freaks me way the hell out. Uh, no. Drill? Inside? Me? Taking out pieces of my reproductive organs? Uh, HELL NO. For it to come back in 6 months? Awwww HELLLLLL NO. That piece of brilliance was Wand Monkey's suggestion... again, I get the feeling just to shut me up. Asshat.

You know what I'm REALLY hoping she will say (in front of Wand Monkey)?? That the suggestions I made were right. You know, the suggestions, simple things really, that he blew off, were worthy of at least minute consideration, because to my mind, obviously, something is being overlooked round here. For the record, I asked repeatedly the following of him .. you know, what do you think? or Do you think I should??"

1: Take Metformin (Glucophage) for a few months before trying another cycle (I mean, all the damn studies I've read have found this to be highly beneficial particulary in women with PCOS, like me.) Also, there is the TEENSY little fact that I GOT PREGNANT in 1999 by doing this and only taking some Clomid tablets orally (Ok, mega doses of 250mg a day for 5 days, but still!)only, no IVF,erm. just... nookie and lots of it on the right day of the cycle. So considering that it worked in the past for me... WHY THE HELL NOT??? Fine.
2: Take Folic Acid in the months leading up to a cycle. (He said NO. Actually, not even during the IVF cycle...which was weird to me.)

If she says any of these things to me tomorrow, you just KNOW I'm gonna smirk at him and say, "Well, I suggested this to HIM several times, but HE said no." Think I won't say it?

The HELL I won't!

Don't worry, I'll make a report to you all tomorrow.
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So Damn Typical!!

OM MY GOD!!!!!

This is so hilarious! Z and I were just sitting on the sofa JUST NOW... and he was talking to his mother..the conversation lapsed into silence, and then, very quietly, very seriously, he looked at her and said:

"Cyn is going home to America. By herself." Just like that. For once I was looking straight at her face when he said it.

Lordy!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE JOY SUFFUSE HER FACE!!!!!!!!! She looked so.... HAPPY!!!shocked. Like someone just said to her, "oh, and by the way, here is 10 million dollars TAX FREE". She said "REALLY????????? When?"" with a big ole ear to ear grin. She kept smiling and saying "You're going? Really? Really?" So I said simply, "Yes."

Of course my evil husband made her wait a few minutes,watching her do her little jumping in place. Quite frankly, I was surprised that he announced it. I had no warning. Then he said.. " She's only going for a visit to her parents for a few weeks."

Heh. Then I got to watch her face fall. (Psyche! I'll just take that 10 million back now!) She got all happy for nothing. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER TRY TO HIDE HER disappointment..DISAPPOINTMENT THAT I WAS COMING BACK."

Then guess what doofus... I mean my darling husband said to his mama? "You wanna fly back with her?" WTF????????? (He MUST be smoking crack!)I looked at him and said "I'M FLYING TO MIAMI FIRST TO SEE MY DAD!" (ie: nowhere NEAR where she has family)

She left the room... and I was sitting there... Z looked at me, I looked at him.... and we both started cracking up. He said "DID you see her FACE???" BWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA I said "you got her hopes up! She looked like her dream just came true!" We both collapsed into hysterical laughter...and he looked at me and said "you are going to post this on your blog now, aren't you?"

You bet your ass I am!! *Cyn runs from the living room*

But apparently she is STILL happy she's getting rid of my butt for a while.. cause as I sit here typing... I can hear her on the phone down the hall spreading the joy to her offspring.



I'm Not Laughing Now.


Apparently while I was occupied writing the above post, Monster snuck back in the living room to start her usual crap. FORTUNATELY I didn't hear it myself.

It seems she slithered up to her son, my husband, and asked... "Is she REALLY going to America?" and he said "Yes." Now get THIS: Next thing past the forked tongue was: "She isn't taking Arianna with her, is she? You aren't letting her?" (WTF???? LETTING HER?) *steam starts boiling and shooting from my ears* Z said " Arianna is staying here because Cyn doesn't want her to miss so much school , plus it's the beginning of the year." Monster:" Well, you shouldn't let her take her..., you know.. she might..." He repeated the school reason again.

*Head spins with flames shooting out of my ears and nostrils* At this point, my Irish temper, which doesn't all that often really pop out... is near release.

Wisely, he recounted this to me, in the car... where I proceded to inform him that this time I'm not taking her.. but next time I AM.

Unfortunately he told me in the car. Because I would have really liked to make the following comments where she could hear them clearly.

1) If I wanted to take my daughter anywhere with me, there is NOTHING she can do to get in my way. Cumon, try me. I'd really like to see her try.
2) But the hell out, it isn't your concern.
3) What makes her insinuate that I might run off with her? Trust me, if I was leaving... I'd throw a damn farewell party, and ship ALL my belongings.. not scurry off in the middle of the night.
4) LET ME TAKE HER?? HAH! LET ME TAKE HER? If I wanted to "take off" with her, there is a lovely Blue American passport for Arianna in MY POSESSION and all I would have to do is take a nice 10 minute drive to the embassy, park my car, and walk through the gate. Any questions?

But you know what pissed me off the most? That he didn't say ANYTHING in my defense. Not one damn word.

Just Call Me Aphrodite!!


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Yeah, this is SO me. Goddess of LOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!

Who loves ya baby?? MWAH!!