Red Haze Of Fury

Most all of you know I have infertility problems. That I have had these problems for the past 15 years at least. Those of you that know me personally and well, know how much I love and adore children. God above, I'm not even safe in a grocery store, since I had a hard time keeping my hands off this happy little strawberry blonde 6 month old girl I saw just an hour ago. I wanted to squeeze and kiss her to pieces, (ok, and take her home to love forever) but contented myself with talking to her and getting a big toothless smile instead.

Therefore, when I read something like this, my Irish temper, which is usually like Mt. Etna with rare but explosive eruptions, snaps. Completely and totally.

Someone let me at this bitch, PLEASE? I could pound her murderous ass to pieces using my bare hands with a smile on my face until I got tired. I'd like to grab her by that poofy bleached hair and drag her naked over hot coals mixed with broken glass. (Creative, aren't I?)What made me even more furious? That the autopsy showed that the 3 year old girl and 9 year old boy FOUGHT BACK. Or tried to.

These poor babies were fighting for their lives against... their mother who allegedly (HAH!) (for all you politically correct people out there) stabbed them EACH over 200 times. Goddammit, look at the size of your average 3 year old. How the hell is there even space to stab one over 200 times?

I'm not a person given to hate, I'm really not. I've hated, truly, about 1 or 2 people in my entire life. Even monster I don't hate, but I really dislike her INTENSLY and she disgusts me.

But this Tonya bitch? I hate her. If she hated her kids that much, she should have given them to Social Services or a relative. I've been mad as a parent, I'm sure everyone has at one point or another, but to use several different knives to hack up your own kids? That you carried in your own body? That you stayed up late with when they were teething, or sick. That give you unconditional love just because you are Mama?

What really disgusts me is that I'm sure she is going to cite "temporary insanity" and get off, or just get stuck in a mental ward somewhere. I have one hope for her....and it's called jail justice. If you don't know what it is, just remember what happened to Jeffrey Dhammer. THAT is jail justice. Scott Pe*erson will proably get his, too.

God I'm so pissed I have chest pains.

I can't belive I just ranted a whole post about this. I think I'm going to be sick.

Later babies.
So Typical

"Recover Post" my ass, Blogger.com.

There is this cute little link-thingie staring at me from my blogger.com dashboard entitled "recover post". So, when I actually tried it after writing a LONG ASS POST (yes, even longer than usual to fully describe my trauma) and something went wrong, I tried to 'recover" said post with much hope.

It does NOT, repeat NOT, work, people.

But I bet you THIS post manages to get posted,huh?



The Post In Which I Spill My Guts

Or something like that. I think I'll cut right to the chase this week, hmmm?

Cheryl b sounds like she has had one helluva hard time lately. Check out her question this week:

Have you ever gotten so fed up with your piece of shit job that you walked out in the middle of your shift? (something I may or may not have done last night hee hee)

First things first. Cheryl b!!! What damn rock have you been hiding under, woman? I’ve missed you honeybunch! *Huuuuuuuuuuuuug*

Now to answer your question.

Hell yes. Been so fed up I almost walked out the front door. Several times. Fortunately -or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it- right as I got anywhere near the front door, I remembered the bills and the car loan payment going to be due that stopped me in my tracks. Barely. Most of the time it was when I waiting tables with Cat and trying to put my ass through school.

Cat, remember the square dancers? UGH. (“Gee, who wants the table of 25 that just crawled in 15 min to closing?”) Molly fixed them but GOOOOOD. I totally didn’t mind (ok, only a little) what she did to them. Best milkshake that boy ever had. Yeah, I bet. Goddamn Schooner Sundaes and milkshakes. I still have nightmares about that crap. Do you? Pop Quiz Cat: what’s “Sub 55”? Heh. Bet I got you.

Speaking of Cat, here’s her question:

At what age will you stop trying to get pregnant?

I’ll stop trying when :

a) they tell me I have no more eggs or they are all dried up
b) they decide that I need a hysterectomy (I hope to God not!) or I’ve hit my menopause
c) my early 40’s
d) when I’m dead.

You know how I am Cat, when I set my heart and mind on something. Determined and patient.

Hey Pirate Wench! You are safe darling, when you asked me:

Have you ever been stalked or stalked someone yourself? (I hope I haven't used this one already, or I'm going to have to resort to "If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be?")

Well, I haven’t really stalked anyone technically, although I was with a friend who was stalking this guy she had a crush on in High School, but I was truly trying to talk her out of it cause it freaked me out. So I guess you could say I was an accessory to the stalker?

I don’t think my autograph hunting really counts, because, well, I went where I knew the celebrity would be (inside info from my boyfriend, my first true love), and as they say: I came, I saw, I conquered. (If any of you are a wee bit hung over, that means I got my autograph and/or photo and left.)

Been stalked? Um, there was this guy here that was sorta stalking me for about 3 years. But in a non-threatening kind of way. He saw me at the weddings and would always try to chat me up in dark parking lots as I was leaving (with my then-young daughter- HELLO???) and I wouldn’t give him the time of day. Then one day I was in the elevator at work with him and didn’t realize it, and about 30 minutes later, he called my office looking for me. Turns out he had called every single company in the building trying to find me till he succeeded. I told him I am married and he said “So?”, which irritated me more than anything. I politelty told him to take a hike. I think he is one of Z’s distant cousins or something too. Lame, no? What a dork.

As for the flavor of ice cream I’d be…. That all depends on which flavor is most lickable. Yes, I said LICKABLE.

For the record? Can I just say that Ollie has me green with envy at her freezerful of FREE, yes FREE Dove ice-cream bar samples. But I love her anyway. Ollie baby, just remember… sharing is caring.

Well thank you my lovlies for your questions. I just LOVE IT when I get questions.

Until my next post, see ya!


What's On…

This morning Z woke me up and said "You know something? You were singing in your sleep just now. You woke me up." Me, ever practical, said "What time is it? Oh. So basically you have to get ready for work anyway, hmm?" (yeah, I’m quick like this groggy and sleepy, imagine me wide awake with caffeine? Scary, huh?) Then, curious, I asked "How loud?" and he replied, "Loud enough to wake me up… and it was a slow song". Me : (in my head) So…. Loud enough to wake the dead, then. (Please understand that it took a 6.2 earthquake to wake his ass up, OK?) "Well, was I at least good?".

Hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeee.

So, further to my little nocturnal concert, I was thinking as I was driving today, -ok, when I wasn't singing-, "Hmm…. This is quite a mix of stuff, why not share the love?" And so I am. As if you give a damn. But Hey! It's my Haven, ie: I post, link, talk about, what I want, when I want. Nyah nyaaaah nyyyaaaaaaahhhhh! Every now and then when I'm surfing some of my favorite blogs, I notice that people mention what is their current playlist or what they are listening to lately and thought "why not?". I mean, I've picked up on some cool music that way!

So without further ado, the music that has me shaking my ass and other body parts, and singing my head off…. In the car, while watching a movie, listening to the radio, Italian & European Music TV (Love. It.), or, apparently, while sleeping…

Title / Artist

Keep This Fire Burning/ Beverly Knight
If There's Any Justice/ Lemar
Runaway / The Corrs
Breathless / " " (get the picture yet people?)
Best of The Corrs / The Corrs (ok, and the new CD too. Love THEM!)
*Signs / Snoop Dog featuring Justin Timberlake
*Femme Like You/ Kmaro
**I Just Wanna Live / Good Charlotte
Arms Wide Open / Creed
My Sacrifice/ Creed (Good Lord that singer is HOTT! )
*I Got It / Kevyn Lyttle
**Somebody Told Me / The Killers (it’s SO early 80’s)
**Billy Idol's Greatest Hits/ DHOH! Billy Idol (rowrrr)
*1/2 Step / Ciara featuring Missy Elliott
Someday / Nickelback
Astronaut (CD) / DuranDuran-my fave tracks,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10..you get it Since U Been Gone / Kelly Clarkson (what? WHAT??!!!!)
Angels / Robbie Williams
No Regrets/ Robbie Williams (I love an underdog, you realize?)
*, ** Rag Doll / Aerosmith (Hell, I love me some Aerosmith too!)
Love Is Only A Feeling / The Darkness (I wonder if it hurts to hit notes like that?)
Dové L'amore / Cher (I love me some Cher like a drag queen does)
Shania Twain's Greatest Hits / Shania Twain (Yeah, I like select country music too!)
Songs About Jane (CD) / Maroon 5. All. Of . It. Y’all.

General listening from the top of my head, and I realize probably like you really give a damn…

Luna (the CD) / Allesandro Safina (Yes, Opera. SHUT. UP. DAMMIT)
Somethin Stupid / Nicole Kidman & Robbie Williams
I Will Love You / Nicole Kidman (again) & Ewan MacGregor(,drool-EWAN)
Braveheart Soundtrack/ Various
Anything sung by……/ ENYA
Marc Anthony (aka. Mr. Jennifer Lopez. waaaaahhhaa)
Ricky Martin (he makes me shake my bon bon. heh.)
Pretty much anything with a bagpipe
You name it… / Beethoven
You name it… / Tchaikovsky
Whatever show tune enters my mind……
Duran Duran / Anything sukahs! They are MY GUYS!!!!!

* Means shaking my booty, and getting DOWN, y'all! A real "ass shaker"!
** Rocking out

This is by no means a complete list. Not by a LONGSHOT. I love latin music too. Don’t even get me started. Nuh-uh. There is actually more country music too, but it’s particular songs I like as opposed to artists.

What I listen to all depends on my mood, or what I’m feeling. You might catch me listening to a double CD of Adam Ant one day, Classical the other, and Aerosmith the next.

Feel free to tell me some of your favorites. Do we share any? I’m sure I’ve forgotten to mention hundreds.

SPILL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pretty please?)
The Bird

Well dear readers, it seems we have a new take on an old favorite, courtesy of my Monster-In-Law.

It seems that I can't even go to the grocery store without some Sh*t going down at my house.

Today was a day off from school for Arianna and so she was having loads of fun with the live-in au pair I've arranged since I went back to work. Arianna really, REALLY likes her, and she is one picky kid, let me tell you! (For my peace of mind, you understand? Monster does NOT like to look after her granddaughter and throws it up in our face if she looked after her when I went to an interview or something so I said "F-her!" and arranged for the au pair, Shony. There are not babysitters like you find back home in the States, or in the West for that matter, so here? It's live-in nannies. Bless her heart, she does the laundry too!

Anyway, beyond MIL being an odd grandmonster for not liking to look after the kid, Ari doesn't like it either and it is a lot less hassle all the way around. It's worth every penny, since I have the aforementioned peace of mind. So.

You think you're safe going to the grocery store for a few items (literally), wouldn't you think? Yeah, I thought so too!


I came back 30-40 minutes later and heard the following:

1) Shony caught Monster throwing my SHOES across the (BIG) kitchen at the wall........ AGAIN. Usually she gets set off if a pair of my shoes is sitting next to Z's shoes. For some ffed up reason, this sets her off. Don't ask. Hell if I know why. Then again, if any of you have theories WHY, I'd LOVE to hear them. And speaking of clothes, personal effects, this leads me to….

2) MIL rummaging through the RUNNING washing machine-yet again- while I was away and taking MY STUFF ONLY out and tossing it EVERYWHERE. (Everywhere constitutes the following locations for your enlightenment: Behind the washer & drier and/or, on the floor wherever they may land and/or, (my personal WTF?? favorite) on top of the bowl of fruit in the middle of my kitchen table. Now me? All whites (me, Z, Ari) together to make up a load. Ditto for colors. Ditto for darks, you know to get optimum performance out of the machine and proper water useage. This drives MIL up the G.D. wall, seeing our clothes together. (No, not the kitchen one. Just in general) It would seem that the thought of my clothes being in the same wash cycle (much like the shoe situation) with her son's- you know, my husband!- is intolerable. Shony is completely baffled by this. Join the club honey. I mean, jeez. I'm MARRIED to the guy. You're freaking the hell out about my shoes sitting next to his or my clothes in the same washer? She must go completely APESHIT at the thought of he and I sleeping in the same bed together. And sweet lord, sometimes… you know, every once in a while, when we-gasp!- you know, do what most married couples do and have sex…his body is actually inside mine. You know, whenever THAT is. No wonder she freaks the f*ck out every time the door is shut and we are in there, nookie or not. By the way, did I ever tell y'all that one day she walked past Shony in my room and proceeded to take all of Z's work clothes (yeah, suits, dress shirts, ties, and belts) out of our closet and take them to her room? (Before ANY of you ask, NO, he said nothing about this even though I bitched my head off about it,(ok, I'm paranoid about her being near my closet, she has VERY STICKY FINGERS, if you get my drift) so he now has to go to MOMMY'S room to get dressed for work). I was so pissed, I told him "why don't you go sleep in her room too?" My bad. But it felt goooood.

So yeah, again with my laundry thrown all over the damn place. I really hate when she waits till they are clean AND dry and THEN dumps the clothes all over the damn floor. Best part? She lies about it. Now she tries to blame Shony. One teensy problem about this theory of hers…… she's been doing this crap for YEARS. Ie: waaaaay before Shony was ever in the picture. Liar liar pants on fire.

3) Now for the oddest and truly funny-in a sad sort of way- thing that happened while I was gone. Monster, pissed that Shony and Ari were having fun playing playstation or some such together, cursed them BOTH out pretty badly in Persian and then proceeded to flip them the bird. Or try to. Now this sent both Ari and Shony into bouts of hysterical laughter because instead of using the middle finger like the majority of the planet? She used her INDEX FINGER and wiggled it about. (I know about 75% of you made the motion with your own hand just to see the visual effect. Don't be embarrassed about it. I did it too. It's a hoot, no?) Arianna apparently laughed in her face, figuring out what she meant and said "Oh, you mean this?" and , well, did it properly and then, just to confuse her… made up her own version which entails doing the whole 'wiggle the finger thing" with your pinkie.

Now before any appalled people get all affronted about Ari doing the 'bird" properly, she knows what it is, but that she isn't allowed to use it (particularly around me!) Secondly, if anyone is offended that I don't reprimand her about being disrespectful to her evil grandmonster? I used to jump her tail about it every single time. But then? Monster was cussing me out and staring an all out war IN THE WHOLE DAMN FAMILY that I tell Ari off for nothing and punish her for nothing. (When what I was doing was admonishing her to treat elders with respect, don't talk to/ hit/yell at/ fill-in-the-blank, grandma like that) Basically, I'm fed up, so, I figure, Ari is just as big, physically, as monster, she can fight her own battles, especially if her Dad isn't going to involve himself in this. Kid has a lot of repressed anger towards G-ma because of all the stuff she's seen me go through- as a helpless spectator- all these years and the stuff she hears about me daily. Well, formally repressed anger. She doesn't take any crap anymore and gives as good as she gets.

So come on y'all, wiggle that index finger with me on the count of 3!!





Well, Hell.

I'm kind of embarassed, actually. I completely forgot to ask y'all for Inquisition questions this week. Must have been the coffeecake muffin orgasm from yesterday. Yeah. that's it. So on that note...

Questions! Questions! I'm taking questions (and Pirate Wench, you do in fact get to ask me TWO this week, if you are so inclined.), so, as it's a bit of a late start, y'all have till Wednesday (as in the day after tomorrow) morning, 11:00 am Pacific Time to get your questions in to me.

ie: NOW, sukahs. I'm waiting with bells on (but I won't tell you where!!!!!!!!!!!) hee heee heeeee!!!

*bells tinkle*



I almost had an orgasm today at work. It was a near thing.

(Bet that got your attention, didn't it? Imagine the GOOGLE hits I'm going to get from this post. Heeeee, I'm such a blog whore sometimes!)

But I really did. Almost. Have. An Orgasm. A co-worker was very kind to assist me...

by giving me something new on the market here.... a Sara Lee Cinnamon Pecan Coffeecake Muffin. (Now, now, what did you think I meant??? Shame on you!) One bite of that coffecake muffin and I was moaning my head off, eyes closed in sheer bliss. Thank GOD I have my own little private office now and that my boss is away on a business trip. Whew!

It's. So. Goddamn. Good. Run.. don't walk(!!) to your nearest store and get one. See if I'm not right! (Which I am. Always.)

A question: based on this, does it mean if I eat more than one I can have multiple orgasms? I think I need to go shopping.