The Adventures of Wand Monkey

The saga continues……

For those of you long time readers, you will immediately know to whom I refer. For y’all that are fairly new to my blog and haven’t yet read my archives…. Shame on you! (haha. Just joking!) Wand Monkey is my term of endearment for my OBGYN/IVF Specialist. Ok, he’s an IVF Specialist, but I also see him for my Gynae needs, cause frankly, once I’m comfortable with a doctor that deals with my cootchie, I tend to stay with him, which brings me to my post today.

A little birdie told me that Wand Monkey, MY Wand Monkey is thinking of going on a year sabbatical starting this December. Yet another little birdie told me that he might just not ever come back.

I’m SO fucked, y’all. (and NO, I’m NOT enjoying it either)

It’s true that he hasn’t managed to get me preggers after 4 IVF tries. But generally speaking he DOES have a very high success rate. Actually, I’m kind of the oddity. He usually succeeds in 3 tries or less. Every time he sees me, he sees his own failure. Yeah, he’s egoistic that way. The GOOD thing about him is he is a risk taker in the field of infertility. No, he doesn’t put the health of the patient at risk (Hence IVF 4# being cancelled on my poor ass), but he also will not cancel an IUI, for example if he is afraid the woman could end up with a multiple birth (say, twins or triplets, for example). His predecessor and mentor was one of these wussy ones that don’t want anyone to have a twin by accident. But also, MY Wand Monkey has MUCH higher success rate than wussy boy EVER did. I need one of these, a risk taker. Not some wussy that cancels the cycle.

SO yes, I am freaking out now. Particularly considering how I am again the evil mommy that doesn’t give Arianna a little brother or sister and it’s “ALL MY FAULT” apparently. (She was ranting to her dad and SOBBING for over 30 minutes the other night while I was at the wake) Yes siree Bob. SO what do I do NOW? Well, besides kick WM’s ass into next year since he didn’t have the BALLS to tell me himself. It isn’t as if we aren’t NEIGHBORS or anything. (He lives about 5 houses away from me) He is SO busted.

Maybe I should have Arianna go tell him off? Yes! THAT is an idea. Let him get a dose of her wrath for a change, dammit. He loves her to pieces too. Yeah, I’ll tell her to go have a little chat with Wand Monkey if she has a problem, he’s the man to talk to, not me, cause I’m doing what I can here people!

On a similar topic, but to inject a bit of humor into this post, y’all know about my pedigree Persian cats, right?? Well…… Last week, I ran into my OTHER ENT doc in the grocery store and he said “I’m not talking to you! I’ve been waiting for a kitten and you’re ignoring me!” I said “No I’m NOT! She hasn’t gotten pregnant!” He said “Oh, she had a fight with her husband or what?” and cackled his head off (He’s awfully naughty, this doc) Then he said “Why don’t you go take her to Dr. (Wand Monkey) and let him do IVF for her so she gets pregnant!?” I looked at him all shocked and said “You want me to take my CAT to him for IVF??? HAH! I did 4 with him and he couldn’t get ME pregnant!”. Dr. Naughty loved this and laughed his ass off. I thought he would.


Catrina said...

OK. This might sound gross, but I have a friend who artificially inseminated her dog. The boy doggy was humping the girl dogging, but his dinky wasn't going in, so she put a plastic bag around her hand and, well, I guess she "assisted him" if you know what I mean. Then, she used a turkey baster to suck up the slop and injected it into her girl doggie! The dog successfully got pregnant...This is not a joke!!!!! She was so embarrassed to tell me. Maybe some advice for your cats????? Do you still have the cats that I knew when you were here?

Ollie said...

...and I mean this in the nicest way possible. I hope your Wand Monkey gets you knocked up before he goes ho-ho'ing it through some tropical jungle with Meryl Streep.