6/08/2005

Just Call Me...... SUBTLE

"Vengence is mine", sayeth the Lord. That's what I've always been told.

Well Lord, generally speaking, I tend to agree and leave things in your capable hands, (see? For instance, I've left Monster ALL for you to handle!) but You DID give me a brain, and sometimes, you just need to take matters into your own hands. I don't want to bother you with such teensy problems. You have more important things to worry about! Like the horrid things going on down here on Earth. Sick babies, World Peace, Terrorism, worrying about Monster showing up at your gates and wanting in (ha hahahahahah- yeah right!) and all that kind of stuff. I'm just trying to be helpful, you understand?

Dearest readers: You know something? Just when I thought (assumed) things were going along smoothly here with the bathroom situation at work when I got a DOUBLE surprise the other day.

Go on, I'll let you use your fertile imaginations before I break it to you. I'll wait.........

.....................................*looks at watch*.......................................

Well, the other day I had to tinkle, so off to the Ladies I go. I barrell into the usual stall and I skid to a dead stop in my tracks.

People, we had a floater. And by the looks of things, it had been there for a while.

Ewwwww.

I flushed as fast as possible (for those of you wondering why I didn't just choose another stall, it's because there are only TWO stalls, and the other one is an Islamic-style toilet.) and proceeded still irked like hell... only to disover a few seconds later that...........

no. fucking.paper. again.

In the immortal words of Charlie Brown: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

)(*)&)^%^$%^$$$^$&*(%^())%^#*(%^#)*#%()*%#()#$)(&%^#((*)%^#(*&(%&

Enough is enough, and even I have my limits. So guess what I did?

I plotted and figured out how to get my message across without sounding like a completely accusatory bitch on wheels.

I ended up making a nice and tasteful COLOR sign with pictures and everything on my new toy(color copy machine/scanner/printer/BBQ Grill, that read: "Please flush when finished (with a cartoon-like pic of a toilet) and then a BIG cartoon pic of a roll of "Charmin" with the words "And make sure there is paper for the person after you. Thank you!!!!!!"

Fuck all with the being subtle stuff. I then went and taped the thing at EYE LEVEL inside the stall opposite the toilet so that when you're sitting down, you can't help but look at it! The only thing I didn't do was type it in Swahili, and that's only because the only one here that speaks it is my boss, and well, he's MALE.

4 comments:

cheryl b. said...

In the immortal words of Dude Crush, "You so totally rock!" If that doesn't embarrass the hell out of the person and get your point across then nothing will.

Pirate Wench said...

Subtlety can go right out the fucking window when poop is involved. (I think I read that in a fortune cookie or something.)

And forgive my arrogant American ignorance, but what is an "Islamic-style toilet"?

Catrina said...

Yea, what IS an Islamic-style toilet?

Genuine said...

Toilet of Terror!