Adventures at the Mall

You know dear readers, I think of you all the time.  I see things and try like a fiend to commit them to memory, MEMORIZE every little detail so that I may relate it to you here.  take last night at the mall for instance.

You know those instances where you wish like hell you had a digital camera with you? Well, last night was one of those instances. I mean, I have a camera phone, but the pic wouldn't be clear and very grainy.  So. we are wandering along minding our own business when I hear Z and Arianna snickering.  I tear my eyes away from the store window and ask "whats cracking you two up?" They both motion in front of us with their eyes and Z says "look, someone's got a wedgie!".  I obligingly look where indicated and stare, dumfounded, trying to believe my eyes.  I mutter "goddamn Pinocchio" under my breath. (If any of you have seen Shrek 2, you know what is coming next)

A guy is walking in front of us in those new male version of capri pants. White. linen. actually, the material is a gauzy linen material with lots of pockets.  Sandals. Short waist length shirt. Big deal you say? Well........ said guy is cinnamon complected, which is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that he doesn't have a wedgie.  What IS a big deal is that those pants? They are about as thick as 1-ply toilet tissue. The big deal is that HE IS WEARING A DARK COLORED T-BACK THONG ABOUT TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,OR BIG, I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH. It's a scary sight, belive me.  and there he is prancing around the mall with his ass showing.  MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now THAT's what I call advertizing! Why advertizing you may ask?  Well, at the time, we were all walking in front of Star*ucks, where there was the usual congregation of Saudi's hanging out "hunting". SO? Well, it is fairly well known in the region that they have a "thing" for asses.  Male or Female, if you get my drift.  Not all of them, just a really big percentage. Come on, they live in a country where the only women they can see are their mother, grandma, aunties, and sisters, and eventually thir wives and daughters, and then only in the privacy of their home.  The schools are segrated, naturally.  The guys have needs, so, unless they go on vacation or are screwing the housemaids, they are a bit limited for sex, ya know?  I suppose anything will do.  Sodomy is against Islam, so, in Saudi, if they are caught and there is proof, they risk public beheading. (Yes, just like you saw in Farenheit 9/11) Shudder. (thank God they don't do that here where I live) It's (sodomy) fairly rampant even still.  Anyhooo, I turned to the left to watch THEM watch HIM walk by. This sent me in to serious laughter.  Can you blame me really?

Rule no 1: Dark undies, white bottoms....NO! Change ONE of them before leaving the house.
Rule no 2: Look in a damn mirror before you leave!

All of you please feel free to comment on this.....I can feel good ones coming on.



Muslim said...

completely agree with ure rules 1 and 2.

Hula Doula said...

Just say no to crack. Or Just say no to tight thong. You know...Just say no! That's all I have to say about that!