Hilarious! Sad, but Hilarious!
Today my lovelies have I got a post for YOU!
From time to time I like to post about stupid people tricks I hear about in the news or entertainment industry or sometimes, right here in my own backyard, so to speak. This is freaking HILARIOUS, hence the brilliant and witty title of my post today!
So you all be good readers and go pee first before you read any further. Go on, I’ll wait for you…………… Ok, you back? Good. Now put down that glass of wine, soda, milk, coffee, whatever (Genuine, for you, DO NOT DRINK THE WHISKEY WHILE READING THIS!), cause we don’t want you snorting out of your nose, now DO WE? No.
Around 6am today I was fortunately deep asleep. What woke me up was the lack of air conditioning. (I am very temperature sensitive when I sleep – ie: heat no good) I groggily ask Z, who, bless his soul is going to do the school run “Whaaa? No A/C?……huh?… mumble… bleh”. Z:”Nope.” Me: “Electricity dead again??” Z: “Yeah” Me: “Stupid Assholes”. Z: “-----“.
I try to doze off and on fitfully, since I didn’t sleep last night, AS USUAL. Finally, I give up… waiting for the electricity to come back on. One hour…. Two hours….and I’m kind pissed by hour #4 so I send a SMS message on my mobile to Z, N (Hamster owner), and Az, (Triplets Mom) asking roughly “Do you have elect or is the whole country dead again cause it’s 4 damn hours now?”
From Z, I get no response, which you will understand WHY in just a minute or so. From N I get a PHONE CALL that went like this:
N: ‘Hi! Didn’t you KNOW?’
ME: ‘Hi, um, know WHAT?’
N: ‘ You mean Z didn’t TELL you? Figures.’
ME: ‘No, so why don’t YOU tell me, hmmmm?’
N: *snickering* ‘Your house is the only one without electricity! Grandma had the garden hose on the front porch this morning and…..she poured a ton of water on the electricial panel & circuit breaker box there.(Y’all? It’s as tall as I am, 5’7, and has a painted wooden door that is pretty tightly sealed) Flooded it, and then it exploded.’
ME: * sputtering* ‘WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? It…. EXPLODED?’
ME: ‘Why the HELL did she pour water on the fucking ELECTRICAL PANEL OF ALL PLACES?’
N: ‘You sure you wanna know?’
N: ‘she was killing ants’
N: ‘U there?’
ME: ‘ uh-huh, sorta…there’s 2 cans of RAID next to the elect panel! What the hell?’
N: ‘who the hell knows?’
ME: ‘She could have been electrocuted! What dumb ass pours water near electricity? ON ELECTRICITY??”
N: ‘No such luck’ (this is her granddaughter that she hates, remember)
ME: *more muttering and sputtering*
N: ‘Call Z and see if he will admit it to you!’
I call him and he tells me. THEN he tells me what the compound manager has said to him. The WHOLE panel has to be replaced, BUT, they can’t do anything because the panel is flooded with water. So we have to wait for it to dry. I got FOUR phone calls from the manager telling me off about this saying that this has NEVER EVER happened in this compound or any of the other properties they own. HE told me that it could have possibly caused an electrical fire or something or burnt up the wiring in the walls, so we are lucky. I apologize profusely but ask can he PLEASE rush the fixing a bit?
Monster is a quiet as a mouse in her room, except for the odd muttering under her breath “But I ALWAYS DO THIS!”.
Az then called me having NO idea what G-ma did to our house. I told her right as Z sent her an SMS message on her cell phone. She read the message to me aloud, then said “FUCK! What the FUCK was G-ma doing??? She is nuts. She needs to see a freaking shrink ASAP. Damn.Go sit in my house in the a/c. NO WAIT! You’re SICK. DON”T GO NEAR MY BABIES! Sit in the heat. Hahahaha.” I told her “Look sukah, that’s WHY I haven’t been over to your house in like, 2 weeks!” She said “oh, ok!”.
People, we had to wait till late afternoon. When Z came home from work, we had to go present ourselves to the Management. I chickened out and sat in the car. 5 minutes later, Z came back out rolling his eyes and looking embarrassed. It turns out that the manager came to the house and asked Monster as best as he could what happened and she tried to blame the gardener and his sprinkler. Then he pointed out to her the amount of water still in the panel and told her, NO. She finally had to admit what she did. Thing is, when the Mgr was trying to tell Z, he was laughing hysterically in Z’s face. He just couldn’t get over the fact that she poured the water on it and he told him so…..repeatedly. Heh. Z told me when he got in the car “yeah, he couldn’t believe it, but that’s because he’s never run into a villager from Shiraz before!”
All I could keep thinking, the whole time, over and over was: “I am SO blogging this!”