10/04/2004

WAND MONKEY THE BASTARD

Remember my post last week about Wand Monkey leaving on sabbatical in December? Well guess what?

He’s gone. For good. Bye bye. Finito. Arevadercci. Adios Bendeho (yeah, I meant that). Aloha. Masalammeh you shithead. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass…. Wait, scratch that, I hope it DOES hit you on the ass on the way out, ya big FREAK.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, that’s better. Do I sound irritated? Good, cause I am!

He left without a word. Sneaky so and so. He just took off. And guess who is taking over his patients? His mentor. The very conservative one. The Dr. I started out with in the first place, and then when he decided he was leaving, he dumped me on Wand Monkey. So. I will name names just so we can keep things straight, shall I? The Disappearing Wand Monkey’s name is Dr. Hatem. Sarcastic Wand Monkey is Dr. Raouf. Actually, I bet if he looks at my file, Raouf will say “You’re STILL not pregnant?”followed by “Why did he do that? And why did you take _____ and what about______???” and I will just end up whimpering in his face. He is older, and honestly? Adorable. His hair is like cotton it is so white and fluffy. He is the doc that did the hellish Laprascopy on me 2 years ago exactly.

One good thing about Sarcastic Wand Monkey….. he is gentle, bless him. I STILL remember the internal exam he gave me when I was in pain, he was apologizing left, right and center and calling me ‘poor darling’ and saying ‘I know dear, I’m sorry, I know it hurts. Im done now’. Yes my dears, I’m trying to find a silver lining in all this.


You know? I can’t WAIT to tell him the specialist asked why he didn’t suggest ovarian drilling *shudder, retch, gag* 2 years ago and was questioning his choices. THAT will piss him off. Heh.

Well, I’m not gonna see him till I have an INCOME, that’s for sure. I still can’t believe Wand Monkey #1 took off. He lives around the corner, the schmuck. Feaking asswipe. I’ve been through a hell of a lot with him. Couldn’t even say BYE?

Now that, my friends, is an Asshat with a capital “A”!

In the meanwhile, I’m off to go googlesearch how to make a voodoo doll of that little gap toothed wand monkey schmuck. Now where did I put those stickpins?????

3 comments:

Indigo Wolf said...

What a fuck nugget! How dare he not tell you?! I hate getting new doctors, but it hasn't been much of a choice for me because I've had to change doctors when I cahnge insurance. I haven't had the same gynocologist for the last 3 years. It sucks! The last one I had was a gay man who with out any warning gives me a poop-shoot check. He said "This may be a bit uncomfortable." Then suddenly you hear a squeak from me. I thought to myself "Well, there's proof that I'll never be in to THAT." But anyway... At least you kinda know the new one.

Hula Doula said...

What a butthead. Thank heavens the new one is gentle!! May be the other doc was in it for the thrills? Ok Ok I didn't say that!

Catrina said...

That really sucks. I need to FIND a Wand Monkey! I just keep thinking OK maybe this month I'll get pregnant. Clock's a tickin'!