Actually, I'm in a "reverse Mindy"(MommyBlog) right now. She left husband and kids home and went on a business trip. This morning at an OBSCENE time, I dropped Z off at the airport.
I'm left home with a) Arianna, and b)his mom (aka devil-woman-sent-to-drive-me-insane-and-preferably-to-her- for me to die ASAP, aka: Monster-in-law, monster for short) Got the picture? Good. I'll get back to her wacked ass in a moment. Promise. No, really, I will. I'm beginning to channel Mackaulay Culkin right about now.... and boy am I gonna need it! "AARRRRRUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!""""""""""""""""
I stayed up obscenely late last night to pack Z's suitcase for his business trip TODAY since apparently he BROKE HIS DAMN HANDS AGAIN and couldn't manage to pack for himself.(as usual, bless his heart) I usually pack just about everything excecpt:1) his shoes (cause shoes are a very personal thing... you know? I can pack his undies, no problem, but shoes??? Uh, no.) 2) toothbrush, 3)deoderant 4) Razor & shaving cream, 5) socks...again that's a personal thing. Q-tips: I pack, shampoo: I pack. nail clippers: I pack. Shoe polish sponge: I pack. Clothes, undies, casual clothes... I PACK EM, GOT IT Kimosabbee??? Good. He ALWAYS inadvertenly forgets to, at the last minute, toss ONE of those 5 things in the suitcase that I DON"T pack. I always tell him "don't forget to put in x,y,z.... cause I haven't packed them;and I say this at elast 5 times looking him straight in the eye. I even pack his favorite snacks so he doesn't have to raid the overpriced minibar with its stale stuff. Aren't I nice? You bet your ass!
Now before you (men probably..yes Genuine, YOU!) mention it, yes, I have fixed up some lovely travel kits for him in the past. WHICH HE HAS LOST. Every single one of them. And, quite frankly, I will not make any more. no. no. no. I did that "good little wife" thing. It went unappreciated and typically left in the damn hotel. So basically, whatever he forgets, he's got to go run out and buy. Last night/this morning I said, "put in socks and casual shoes/sandals(look, its 100 degrees even at night..... )". So, yes, he put in his items 2, 3, and 4. I'm not sure about #5 even as I sit here. On the WAY TO THE AIRPORT Z says... "damn, I forgot to pack casual shoes." and guess what? It's really too late to turn around now. So here I sit at work, (aint I a stinker y'all??)trying with little effort to envision him wearing his comfy Diesel long shorts, tee, and........... DRESS SHOES!!! Bawahhahahahahaha!!*snort, gwaffaw* That'll teach him. One can always hope.
Back to Monster. I'm terrified of what she will come up with in the next few days. She has nothing but time on her hands to think up stuff. And she does, believe me.
See, Z has been going on this business trip every May for the past 6 years. I don't really think she can top the FUCKING WAR she started the very first year (before he even had boarded the plane to leave! now THAT is a talent for EVIL!), but damn me if she doesn't consistently give it her best shot. When he isn't home, she feels free to scream at me and throw crap, slam doors, scream more, cuss me out at full voice. For sitting in my room. For watching tv in the living room. For opening the curtains in MY HOUSE. For going out (to avoid her as long as possible). for .....breathng...... for just...existing. When Z isn't around, she kicks the cats. They all HATE her now and flinch when they hear her voice. She doesn't do it in front of me....not anymore. Cause once she went after one of them with a snorkel and smacked her (I think it was ISIS) for trying to go in her room and I ran across the hose, snatched the snorkel from her got right in her face and said "hit any of my cats with this again and it will be you who gets it next!" I don't hold with animal abuse, cause they are innocent beings who can't speak and defend themselves properly against us. (I'm talking domestic animals here!) Wish I had a pet Grizzly. I taka a lot of abuse from her daily, but that kind of thing just burns my ass, and I can't keep quiet. Anyway, I told Z about it later, and when he mentioned it to her, she flat out lied! Said "I didn't do it!" Me, Arianna, and my Mom who was visiting all stared at her with gaping mouths, cause we ALL saw her do it. You could hear the thump of it hitting Isis' little body. Well shit. I'm curious as to what she will do THIS time. Curious AND terrified all at once. Cause she's the best at being evil I've ever seen. EVER.
It isn't just me, it's Arianna too. She was moaning: "Oh no, Dad's leaving........... she's gonna start again". Cause she gets her fair share also, my poor girl. When I'm not around to see, but I get the reports.
I'm cranky and hormonal these days....... she'd better not mess with me.