1/05/2005

Inquisition Confession – Week 12

Hi everyone! I'm here with Miss Scarlett, my cat, keeping me company laying sprawled out on my computer and I'm STILL high on Dimetapp and now running a fever and my poor bod is achy. Ick.

I know for a fact I have a few male readers, but for the life of me, I have no idea why they won't come out to play with us ladies! Oh well. I'm ready to answer your questions darlings while I still can.

I had just swigged my Dimetapp fix before I read this from Cheryl B. She cracks me up! I absolutely adore her Castle (p*rn shop) stories! I just HAD to share!

My question will follow, but first, to cheer you up....When I worked at Castle there was this guy who worked at 24 hour fitness and he had to put little boxes in all the local businesses for monthly drawings for free trial memberships. So he came in about once a week to collect them. He was very nice and we talked a lot (I thought he was gay!), and he had a big crush on me. I found out that he stripped in his spare time for extra money (like at bachelorette parties). Did I mention that he was wicked hot! So he comes in one day and wants me to help him pick out something new to ware to his stripping gigs. I gave him a black leather thong and a pair of chaps. He asked me to wait by the dressing room to make sure it looked good, I was more then happy to oblige. When he was done he opened the door and WAS ONLY WEARING THE CHAPS! I'm telling you, no matter how many pictures and recreations of cocks you see there nothing so shocking as the unexpected sight of one waggling at you.

Question time.....What is your funniest penis story?

My funniest penis story involves a rock star. Is that cheesy? Well, the fact remains that this has to be best penis story I can come up with.

It was the summer of 1996. My then friend (I thought) Kathy was seeing a guitarist who, at the time, was a member of Duran Dur*n and touring with them, but had previously been a member of Missing Per*ons, named Warren.

Before I go any further, I would like to say that with the exception of this one incident, he was always kind, considerate and such a sweetheart to me when I was around. So he slipped up once. Maybe he was testing me, I don't know and don't care really, cause he is such a darling.

Anyway, we, Kathy, Rebecca and I were up in his hotel room visiting him and watching a movie. He was on tour and honestly, wanted some friendly faces around and some chit chat. I thought it was nice of him to include Rebecca and I when he could have dumped our asses just to be with Kathy, you know? (Mind you, Kathy was the one trying to dump us!)

Anyway, Kathy got it into her head to take a shower and left the three of us sitting around talking and what not. I was sitting closest to Warren, literally not even a foot away, in a chair, Rebecca to my left and Warren sitting on the bed.

Becca was preoccupied with channel surfing and Warren and I were talking about God knows what when I noticed he had a naughty grin on his face and was looking into my eyes. I still don't know why I glanced down, but I did and….

I almost fell out of my seat. He was fondling himself right in front of me! He had whipped out the BIGGEST PENIS I've ever seen in person or on film (even till now). I kid you not! (If you ask me all pretty like, I will tell you how big he is. Well enquiring minds?)

I guess my eyes must have bugged out and I'm damn sure I blushed and looked over at Becca (who NATURALLY happened to look over right at that moment) and then, naturally back down to his lap and back up to his grinning face as I said "Warrennn!!" and he immediately apologized to me and put himself away. He mumbled something about keeping his hands limber and occupied when not playing guitar and asked me with a big wink "Sorry hon. Forgive me?" and I did.

He never did it again and thankfully Kathy never found out. Becca and I both swore not to tell her so as not to hurt her feelings. She would have had a hissyfit and a half too.

I have to say, thinking back on it, I'm still extremely impressed with Warrens endowments. According to Kathy, he knew how to use it too!

Ahem!

Now we get to Carrie Jo's tamer question:

How much of a bitch does one have to be to get their money back from a company that took it when they weren't supposed to? And a bonus question of: I wonder if you put some vodka in the Dimetapp if it would have the same effect as Nyquil?

Well Carrie since I don’t know details I'll speak in general terms, all right? At first, hold back the bitch. Save the bitch for a later stage if being nice doesn't work or if staff you are dealing with get shitty with you and you need to go to management. I would file, politely, an official complaint with the management in person and also in writing (proof). Then, do follow up's if they didn't refund the money right then. Take notes of who you spoke to, and when (day, time,etc.) and any promises made if any. If after, say, a couple of days you hear nothing after your follow ups, then ask for a manager higher up , name names after explaining the problem. At this point, get bitchy if you have to.

Threaten to sue (God, but I love America! "I'll sue your ass!"), if it was taken from a credit card, before you do anything, REPORT THE MISSCHARGE. Then, take steps to have it reversed and tell the management. Tell them you will file a complaint with the Business Bureau, etc… That should get some asses in gear. Just don't cuss. If you cuss, you put them immediately on the defensive. But get loud if necessary, show you are upset, as is your right. Fight them with logic. "Calm down? Tell me, if you were in my place, after trying to take care of this mistake and dealing with Mr. XYZ, would you BE CALM? I don't think so!"

If this doesn't work? Give me details…. And I'll give you detailed responses. Asshats. I hate when this happens.

Carrie Jo asked me the vodka and Dimetapp question cause I told her Ny Quill isn't sold here because it has alcohol in it so therefore cannot be sold over the counter in drugstores. A pity that. Honestly. (and I am a walking/blogging NyQuill commercial here people!)

Frankly darling, I haven't the foggiest idea. Anyone out there know? Man but I miss NyQuill.

Here comes my long time friend Catrina with this entry. I am posting most of the whole freaking entry for two reasons. 1) Because some of you may NOT have seen her comment on the previous post and 2) because some of you DID see it, and, well, Cat, bless her (reeeeoooowwww pfffft!) probably got you all itching to ask me more questions as a result. I aim to please.

Anyhoo, Cat asked:

Hey Cyn, remember when I was pregnant (and no one knew) and we went to that gay bar with the male dancer and I put cash in his g-string? AAAAHHH.....the good 'ol days. And then that lezbiana asked if I would put money in her panties? Sorry this comment is so gross. Hope it made you smile.

Question: What colors are your walls, or what color do you want to paint them...or are you a wall paper girl?

First things first. Yes Catrina, you not only made me smile, but you made me laugh my ass off! (how can I be congested AND have a runny nose? I don't get it)

In the omitted part, she recounted some of her penis stories. I just have to mention that my Mom's friend, who is also a nurse, told her this funny story of a big guy that came into the ER back in the 70's.

They rolled the guy in on the gurney and then the nursing staff had to cut his pants off to get at the injury.

Now please remember, this is back in the late 70's when all the dudes wore tight polyester pants so you could see their package. Well, it would appear that this particular guy looked SUPER endowed. Then once the pants were cut off, everyone started sniggering to themselves. This guy had strapped a big sausage to his leg so it looked like he was big! Isn't that funny?hahahahahaaaaaaa.

Yes Cat, I DO indeed remember our trip to the gay club that had male dancers on a stage in g-strings.

Talk about a can of worms. Readers, Cat and I went to the gay club with my BIL, whos gay and Z was with me-us- as well. A bunch of friends went together. What can I say? It had the best music. The DJ was amazing! A very non-threatening atmosphere if you just want to dance and have a good time, really and not worry about getting hit on. Usually. Cause, well, a different lesbian grabbed my ass that night. Cat and I must have been on a roll or something! Heh. On to Cat's real question for the day…..

What colors are your walls, or what color do you want to paint them...or are you a wall paper girl?

I paint them actually. Never been much of a wallpaper girl. (Runners are nice though) Can't really have wallpaper here with all the humidity that we have most of the year. I also am really super anal about wallpaper and I hate to see improperly installed wallpaper, and also how it tends to peel and bubble later on. I much prefer paint.

Lets see. Most of my walls are painted Magnolia. It is not white and not cream. More of a beautiful off white. It is not stark like pure white and I find cream to look dirty, really and it darkens the house also. Magnolia is very welcoming and goes with pretty much all color schemes.

I said most of my walls. In my living room, which is a rectangle. I have two walls in an L-shape with two window apiece. On those windows I have beautiful turquoise drapes hanging. On the walls with windows, I have Magnolia, a nice neutral color. On the walls opposite, they are painted a very pale salmon color. I mean PALE and sheer. (trick for this later) In this room is a huge custom made sofa set of a 4 seater (but we've had 5 on it comfortably) and 2 jumbo loveseats in cream brocade with throw pillows the same color as the curtains. Opposite is a single seater in a deeper shade of turquoise set against one of the salmon walls. I've been told the room effect is soothing and welcoming at the same time.

The entrance hall and hallway are Magnolia. Ari's room has pale yellow walls which pick up the color in her matching drapes and bed clothes. The bed clothes and drapes are this vibrant Crayola blue-green (yes, like the crayon) with big flowers in Fuchsia ,Lavender and Bright yellow on it. (fuchsia jersey sheets!) The yellow walls balance it out tremendously. My room? Pale, very sheer lavender walls. The drapes and comforter at present are called African Violet, but I don't think that is perhaps the best description of the color. It is a beautiful medium violet color. but I have a few different comforters/ duvet covers that I alternate that all go well with this. Don't forget my new jersey sheets that I adore!!!! Popcorn yellow. Ahhhhh. There is a cream loveseat in my room too and the furniture is white, so the room is bright and airy.

Now, my painting tip. Most people I know (back home) slap paint straight on the walls from the can. Um, no.I know I used to. But here, I learned something easy that is really nice.

This works well on matte or semi-matte finishes for INTERIOR water based painting. Add water to the paint and mix well.

Yes, I'm serious. Not a lot of water, mind you, but a bit, a little at a time. By a bit, I mean a maximum of a couple of cups. It will give you a lovely finish to the paint and enable you to get a lovely sheer color on your walls. Also? Dries in about half the time!

Another hint when buying paint. (I miss Home Depot too!) When looking at paint swatches (you know the strips with about 5 colors on 'em from light to dark.) if say you like the second color down on the swatch? Tell the paint guy to give you No 1. Why? Cause the paint in the can is always…. ALWAYS a couple of shades darker or brighter than the swatch you're in love with. (ie, option 3 or 4) If you like Color 1, the top color on the swatch, then tell paint guy to adjust the mix ratio in the paint drum. (you know, the enter a number in the computer, put it in, and the computer drops color into white paint and shakes the hell out of it) They CAN and will adjust it. Alternately… buy some pure white paint to lighten it with if it's truly hideous when you get home.

On that note, I want to run an idea by you all…

I've been toying with the idea of an 'attached" blog of Scarlett's Haven for advice. An offshoot if you will where I give advice. I'm curious what you all think about it.

It could cover a wide range of subjects even something like, well, painting. But with a disclaimer of course, since I don't want any Jenny Jones episodes due to my advice and I think I'm a lot NICER than Dr. Laura (who I DO listen to, btw). It's just that I find myself asked for advice often about all sorts of things from tricks for bringing up baby, to romantic things, (It's a joke that I'm like Dr. Ruth) or, well, anything. When to be a bitch and when NOT to be. Etc…. like so.

Drop me a comment below or email (Scarlett.Cyn@gmail.com) and let me know what you think or any ideas you might have.

Until my next post, adios my darlings!








1 comment:

Mare_Imbrium said...

I'm quite sad. I don't have a penis story.

(Sorry I didn't have a question. I could have blah blah excuses like busy, actually working this month, couldn't think of one, but really, I don't think that is worthy of your Scarlett-ness. So I'm just sorry.)