Christmas Eve Snark

Well dearlings. To all of you that celebrate, Merry Christmas. Also? You'd better have all your shopping done by now, because guess what? You are going to be cursed by EVERY SINGLE retail sales person you come across. Strike that. That works at every STORE you visit. Why?

I'll tell you.

Y'all come barging in and make a freaking WRECK of every single section of the store, that's why. You pick up crap and put it down in another department, and do you know what that means? That means, that poor little salesperson, who makes shit for salary, is gonna have to CLEAN UP THAT DAMN STORE BEFORE THEY CAN SIGN OUT FOR THE NIGHT AND GO HOME. This is usually around 3am for those of you that never worked retail before in your life. I have, once upon a time.

Then, there are those of you that decide to throw a complete hissyfit when you can't find the perfect gift on Christmas Eve, for Christssake. Or the ones that just can't begin to comprehend why this Season's "IT" gift has been out of stock since, oh, HALLOWEEN. No. Sorry if Jimmy or Suzie really want it. You shouldn't have waited, now should you? No. But still, there will be those that think as it just so happens, they are hiding one just for you.Not, sukah!

I won't get into what y'all do to Victoria's Secret, (yes, I worked there too!) cause that's JUST. MEAN. The bra room tho? They all have to be sized, sorted by color, and folded a particular way before anyone can leave. Panties too. It is NOT A PLEASANT TASK for basically minimum wage. And for the record, NO. You will NOT find what is in the catelog, generally speaking, in the store, so stop waving that focking VS Catelogue around in the salesgirls faces, allright? You want what's in the catelogue? Dial 1-800... blah blah blah, or order it online people.

To the male readers of my blog: When you walk into a store with that desperate look on your face on Christmas Eve, HELL, in the days leading up to Christmas, that makes the salespeople with sales targets (and that get-gasp!-comission) VERY HAPPY. Cause you? WILL BUY WHATEVER IS SUGGESTED TO SAVE YOUR LATE PRESENT BUYING BACKSIDE. Heh. Just walk in and prepare to hand over the plastic guys.It'll be a helluva lot less painful than what your loving partner will do to you if you have a truly crappy gift or, Heaven forbid!, nothing at all. To make your shopping experience less painful, I suggest that you have a drink at least before you attempt any puchasing expedition. Take a taxi and get tipsy beforehand if necessary.

I think I've done my duty to the poor retail people of the world for this year. If you think I'm being dramatic, I'm not. Only thing worse than Christmas Eve shift is, Day AFTER CHRISTMAS SALE/RETURNS.

*shudder at the memories*

Now then....

A trip to my neighborhood grocerey store usually gives me some interesting blog fodder and the other day was no exception!

I'm happily meandering down the aisles with my shopping cart listening to the Christmas music being played over the speakers quite loud when I turn the corner and surprise a totally Arab looking dude stocking shelves singing,dancing, and rocking out to Bruce Springsteen singing "Merry Christmas Baby!" Has anyone ever seen the look on a dog or cat's face when they have their temp taken at the vet rectally? That was the look on the guy's face when he saw ME. Heh. Priceless.

I was chuckling my head off for the next 5 minutes off and on. Ok, yeah, and I'm laughing now too!

Then this afternoon, early evening, Z and I are driving around looking at houses and listening to the Christmas Music on Radio Bahrain. DJ plays Elvis singing "White Christmas"... then plays something from the current charts, then plays a Christmas song, then a chart song, then.... Bing Crosby singing.....................

White Christmas.

What the? *Sigh. rolls eyes*

I mean, come ON dude. Pay attention, dammit. White Christmas isn't even the best Christmas song Elvis did man! Blue Christmas by Elvis is beautiful and, well, gets me choked up. And Bing Crosby. The man has sung a gizillion Christmas songs. UGH.

As is. I cannot STAND the new version of "Do They Know It's Christmas" 2004. Faugh. And it gets played.... A LOT y'all. Hello! It is No 1 on the British Charts and... well, we get mostly European charts here. Not all, but most. Somebody give me the original version from ... HOLY SHIT! 20 YEARS AGO.... PLEASE. And Last Christmas by Wham! also. Plus all the oldies. And? A Chipmunk Christmas. Put that on and I will sing EVERY SINGLE SONG FOR YOU AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE WITH A GRIN ON MY FACE.

Just no Mariah Carey Christmas versions please. (the dog whistle pitch makes me wince every time) Or, the new version of Band Aid, ok? I know it's for a good cause, the Band Aid one, just... easy on my ears.......... PLEASE!