Precious!!!!! Ohhhh PRECIOUSSSS!!!!!!!!Come Here Precious!!!
To begin with. I'm really perturbed that my local grocery store has NOT- I repeat NOT!!!! - imported Bordens ™ Egg nog this year. So yes, they are most definitely on my shitlist. No doubt about it. And my cat's s-list as well, since I always share with my fuzzy babies (since no one else likes it in the house but moi).
It's been a while since I've told y'all a good joke and I've decided that it's time that I rectify that sorry fact.
The last one I told was about the Southern Belles and "Mighty Fine". Loyal readers of my blog will know what I'm talking about. (To those that don't have the foggiest clue to what I am referring, scroll down and read through my archives, will you? I'm certainly NOT going to re-write it now! )
This is one of my very favorite 'clean' –well, you know me! It's sort of clean - jokes. Please keep in mind where I got this joke from…. My MAMA. (My Mama is sooooooooo cute and so damn funny too!) Here you go!
There is this very sheltered southern girl from a small town that has been accepted to an excellent college in a big city up North. Before she leaves for college, her Mama takes her aside and tells her to be wary of those big city men and not to let them take advantage of her and whatnot to help her avoid their clutches. With this information stored safely away, little Miss goes on off to college.
Miss Thing comes back home for the holidays from college and one day finds herself sitting with her Mama and Aunties. All this time, her Mama has been worried about her, hoping that she never had to use the advice she gave Miss Thing before she left for school in Autumn. Mama can't take it anymore and asks her daughter how she found the young men up North.
Her daughter dutifully replies "Oh mama, you were right, some of the men up there are just like you said! Good thing you told me about them so I knew not to go anywhere NEAR those types. I saw them coming towards me from 10ft away!"
Mama is happy and smiles smugly at her sisters and was about to make a comment to them when her daughter began talking again.
"But you know Mama? There were some OTHER types that you didn't tell me nothing about!!"
Mama, confused slightly, asked her "What do you mean sugar?" to which her daughter answers:
"Well, there are men up there that don't like makin love with women, but with other men instead! They call them 'homosexuals'. And also! There are some women that don't like makin love with men, but with other women and they call them Lesbians!"
Mama, scandalized, said "Oh, really?" knowing full well about both types when Miss Thing says: "Then there are men that kiss you and taste you between the legs!!" to which her Mama and Aunties all say, completely scandalized "REALLY!?? And what do they call those types?"
Miss Thing replies:" Well, I don't know what they're called, but I called him PRECIOUS!"
*ba-dum dum!* *Scarlett Cyn makes her curtsey*