As if I wasn't already saying "WHAT THE FU*K?" all day long due to Z a) ignoring me b) giving me the silent treatment c) choosing NOT to go anywhere with our daughter as a family d) being an obnoxious SCHMUCK for NO reason because I SWEAR I said or did nothing excecpt wake up and make breakfast.
SO then, after Ari and I basically left when we were told to, we crawled in about 9:15pm,me still kind of in a daze after having teenage guys checking out my daughter with a kind of stupefied, frozen wonder on their faces and her completely oblivious to it all (just the way I like it. Her. Oblivious to it). So now I'm still dazed and also kind of wondering just where Z might have gotten off to, and Shony and Ari try to go in her room when I hear Shony gasp at the other end of the hallway and say "COME HERE!". So, I walk down the hall and stand in the darkened doorway of Ari's room and I couldn't quite believe the sight that met my eyes in the sliver of light shining on my daughters bed..........
Garfield, my 4 month old MALE cat was on top of Bandit, my 4 month, 1 week old MALE cat and, well, after I flipped on the light just to be sure I wasn't seeing things.... people, I swear to you that Garfield was trying to hump Bandit. Really. I stared at Garfee's flanks just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and Bandit, well, he was taking it. Shony said "Can you belive this?" to which I replied "At least they're on a bed. heh".
Garfield was so intent on what he was doing that he didn't even realize we were there until I yanked Bandit out from under him saying "HEY! I'm pretty damn sure you're a BOY!!!!!!!" after which I flipped him over and stared at his genitals just to make sure, then I showed Shony "ISN"T THIS a BOY?!!!??" to which she agreed.
Garfield was giving me dirty looks and I grabbed him up saying "AND YOU! YOU ARE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY too young to even be INTERESTED, learning bad habits from your Daddy, Huh?" (Maximus, not Z. Are you joking? Sex? What's THAT?) Because Z thought it would be fun to keep the 3 females that I didn't know were back in heat in with Max and Sigfried, who, up until a few days ago, was a virgin. I swear, he has to start buying the goddamn cat food.
I'm so shocked that I completely forgot which class at Hogwarts I was planning to teach, Cheryl b!
Oh my GOD. My CATS ARE GAY.
Inquisition answers to follow shortly, as soon as I get over my shock.