5/27/2005

I HATE This
Further to my earlier comment on my previous post about Z's odd behavour today, and the fact that I've felt like a single mother all day long. I find it fascinating to sit next to someone and feel like you are compleetely and totally alone in the room excecpt for the apparently homosexual (bi?) cat playing with your hair and trying to drink your tea.
The worst thing about me saying "to hell with him and his pouting" today and taking Ari out for a little retail therapy which didn't help because I was so sad about Z's actions that had me confused the WHOLE day and evening, and later to dinner at Chili's because, well, that's what Ari wanted is that? Monster is LOVING THIS.
Absolutely LOVING IT, y'all.
This is one of the few times I have ever gone out without him on a weekend. Wait. let me clarify that. Out by myself is one thing, ie: getting my nails done, or a haircut, or grocerey shopping. But to take Ari out for HOURS and all? No. On family day? The one day when we are all together and which, until now has always been kind of sacred to me? So it is very obvoious that something is up. It would be as if I kicked his ass on the sofa to sleep for a night, which I have never done. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing, knowing things were not right between us.
Hell, you'd have to be blind and deaf not to see it now. and that? She is not.
I felt bad while out, so I did what I always do and try to make nice nice. I called him from my mobile phone to see if he wanted to come eat with us and maybe catch a movie or something...and he was a complete ASSHOLE and I ended up hanging up. Imean what is wrong with just wanting to be a littl happy and spend a teensy bit of quality time toegther? Heh. Quality time. Now that is a joke.
Anyway, when I got home, he was nowhere to be found. (Did I ever mention we are sharing MY car?) Here it is 11:15pm and he walked in and went straight to bed without a single word or even look in my direction (unless you count that vacant look as his eyes passsed over me? Should I count that?) Ugh.
I neglected to share with you that I ripped him a good one about 2 weeks ago when he started being particulary mean telling me I'm running out of time to get pregnant and what the hell am I waiting for? That my biological clock is just about out of batteries, and here I sit doing nothing about it, blah blahblahhhhhh when I should at least go see the new specialist that replaced Wand Monkey talk to him and "see what he says", and why oh WHY am I so useless and lazy about it? I replied that 1) I'm only 33 and, 2) WHY get my hopes up by going to go see the new Wand Monkey and then want to start trying for another child FOR MYSELF when WE can't afford it right now? 3) Why are you saying I should go see him and not WE? My name is NOT Mary Magdeline- SO it takes TWO for this. and Don't forget he is going to ask how often we do the deed! Oh! Maybe that's why you don't want to go to the doctor's appointments!
For the record? I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, just DON'T 1) mistreat me or 2) judge me unfairly without knowing the whole story or 3) maliciously slander and gossip about me and you will never ever get the razor sharp edge of my tongue and deadly intellect. Otherwise? If I find out either 1, 2 or 3 have happened? (God forbid all 3) After I get over the initial hurt? My protective instincts whip out and that means: The gloves are off and the talons extended.
And now? Monster is singing in her room and I just saw her doing a little dance in the hallway too. Evil old bitch. I guess to her twisted mind, maybe her prayers of so many years are slowly coming true.
Who knows? Maybe they are.
*sigh*

1 comment:

Indigo Wolf said...

Oh sweetie...I'm so sorry things are getting bad between you again. I wish I had something clever to say... Guess I'll just have to come up with an inquisition question. So.......ok, here's one (it's actually for Ari, but you can answer for her) What does Ari want to be when she grows up?
-Carrie Jo