Love At First Sight

You can't take me ANYWHERE, apparently.

Nope, Not even to the grocery store. Barely 3 minutes after I walked in I noticed him watching me.. his big blue eyes fixated on me. I turned away and went down an aisle. When I look up again, there he is...staring at me. I look at him and continue on down the aisle.... a few minutes later.... he moves past me.. still staring at my face with those big huge clear sky blue eyes... He smiles a little at me. It is such an infectious smile.. I can't help but smile in return. I continue on with my shopping.

Finally, on the bread aisle, we meet head on. He just stares at me, smiling and flirting.... I melt.. he IS so gorgeous... just look at him! I can't control myself.. I just want to jump on him! Look at that smile! That beautiful head of hair. Kind of deep blond with a copper undertone.. and... oh god, my undoing... DIMPLES!!!!Those EYES. Sigh. Dimples get me every time. I give up, smile a big smile at him and say.... "Well hello handsome! You've been following me all over haven't you, flirting with me??" He smiles and laughs at me, reaching out a hand to me....

When his mom notices him half hanging out of his stroller to get at me, gurgling.

GOTCHA! Yes, my new love is a 7 month old (thereabouts)HUGE baby boy named Tom. I love Tom, and boy does he love me.

His mom was flabbergasted, actually. She said Tom doesn't really take to strangers. (This said as she is staring at him with her mouth gaping open in shock as he is still flirting with me..) She says to him "What Tom, you cheeky boy! Do you want to go home with this nice lady?" He looks at me, then starts reaching for me with both arms. His mom is still stunned... she goes on to tell me that he has been a total terror and completely grumpy all day cause he is so sick....but, now... here he sits flirting with me. Giggling and looking at me slyly from the corners of his eyes. His mom keeps threatening him "ok, how about I leave you with her and Mummy will finish her shopping, hmmm?" God bless my little Tom's heart.. he clapped his hands. I was TOTALLY willing. Sick little guy or not. Actually, the mom was nice, If I hadn't been sick myself, I would have grabbed him and hugged him. She said to him again.. "wanna go home with her?" he just kept smiling and gurgling at me.

I want a little boy JUST LIKE THAT! Sigh.

Unfortunately.... Arianna heard me telling her dad about my new boyfriend Tom... and she said in that pre-teen borderline smartass tone: "And what you would have wanted to bring him home??" I looked at her and said "OH YEAH! IN A HEARTBEAT!!!! I would love to have a little boy just like him." Then she got serious after pondering that and said quietly, in a sad little quiet voice as her dad left the room, something that was like a dagger to my heart....

"IF so Mom, then why, oh WHY don't you bring me a little brother or sister to love??? I want one SO BAD. WHY MOM??!!! I'm so alone...everyone has at least ONE brother or sister, and I have NONE."

Oh God. That hurts. So very deep in my soul.

My mind races for something to say in reply.. even as my heart aches.... I know how she feels..exactly. Didn't I always used to say this to my own Mama, almost daily it seems? So I told her that. I took my big girl in my arms,held her close like I used to when she was little and much easier to hold, and with tears in my eyes told her that I completely understand how she feels. That if it were up to me, she would have at least a brother and sister to boss around and love by now.. but that it isn't up to me. Not completely. "But I'm trying baby. I'm trying.I haven't given up." She wiped the tears from her own eyes and looked me full in the face with her beautiful hazel eyes and said "You haven't? You're gonna keep trying? The needle medicine?" I said, "Yes.. just like how I tried and tried for you all those years ago and I didn't give up till I got you. We'll still try honey. Pray to God, maybe he will hear your prayers better." She nodded and kissed me and, pulling her pre-teen dignity around her almost like a cloak, left me...

In a heap.

No comments: