6/14/2005

Dude,Where’s My Dictionary?

Asshole.

I think I have the perfect definition of ‘asshole’, but I really think I need to do a cross check before I say anything.

Hmmmm… let me see now…. *flips through pages*

No, I think MY definition is infinitely better, and I will offer proof to go along with my ‘argument’, because frankly, I think that when you pick up a dictionary, my husband’s picture should be next to the word “asshole”, and this is why (Jeff Foxworthy style):

You might be an asshole if:

You pound-not nudge- your wife repeatedly on the shoulder-and not all too gently either- shouting WAKE UP!! from a sound (read: like a corpse) sleep after she suffered such horrible sinus blockage that she didn’t sleep the night before, felt as if she was being slowly suffocated, and her equilibrium was duly affected by said sinus blockage to the extent that she stumbled around her office like the town drunk for the majority of the day and was nauseated to the point of chucking her cookies and finally ended up medicating herself to the gills just to catch a few winks.

I'm SO not a morning person, even on a good day (well, excecpt in one way that is! hee hee!), and even the CATS and my daughter when she was 2 years old know/knew not to wake me up like this.

So I ask you is this really a way to get woken up? If you'll excuse me, I've got a few calls to make to Random House, Webster's, Oxford, etc... because I know I'm right.

1 comment:

bre said...

where the hell does he come off like that? hmph... ppl learned not to wake me up like that cuz i am violent in my sleep. but only if you try to shake me awake...i swing out and usually connect... :) a lovely trait i inherited from my mother.... you should try it some time! it really does work...teehee