Dude Looks Like A Lady!

The little while back I was IM'ing with a friend and she said something to me that took me by surprise.

I saw her online and so I IM'ed her to see how she was feeling and how the recovery was. You see, my friend Sheena used to be my friend Robie. Yeah, as in used to be a man. Sheena and Nikki (my New SIL, former BIL) are very good friends and it seems that although Sheena was taking the meds and in transition to become a woman for much longer Nikki was, and it appears that Nikki's gender reassignment surgery was just the kick in the ass that Sheena needed, so to speak because a couple of months she did the first part of it, and when we talked, she was still high on morphiene from the second "beautificaiton" part of it. (Nikki did it all one shot! And she told me the breast implants she had done at the same time was MORE PAINFUL than the whole 'make a kitty' surgery! Of course, that also could have been her residual morphiene talking.. I must ask again!)

So..... Sheena said "I'm doing ok. It's painful, but I'm glad it's all finally done now! Cyn I only wish I could have: your skin, your hairline, and your ovaries."

Well slap me with a silly stick! My first response was "Thanks for the compliment. My ovaries aren't good for anything, why the hell would you want em?" Poor Sheena didn't know about my infertility problems - I thought Nikki had told her ages ago- so it was a totally innocent comment. She simply said after I explained that 'just look at your gorgeous daughter! I'd love to get my hands on some of your dna, is all honey!".

Aw, that was sweet. Sheena is pretty damn gorgeous herself. When she was living in NYC before she went home to Sweden to do her surgery, modeling scouts used to approach her on the street (from BIG AGENCIES, TOO!) to some in. About 6 feet tall, long viking golden blond hair and big blue eyes, killer bone structure. Absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen her after all the hormones and now that the surgery is done, but she must be even more beautiful now with all that estrogen softening up the hard edges.

As a side note to all the ladies out there: But you know what I 've noticed? That both Sheena and Nikki have hormonal mood swings just like PMS. Isn't that fascinating?

There is a huge difference between Nikki's situation and Sheena's. While Sheena's family welcomed her with open arms and have gotten past her life-changing decision, I can truthfully say that Nikki's haven't.

It is as if, to the majority of them, that she is dead. In the seven months since I told them, one SIL refused to accept it, (well, both did actually and the third one was just floored because she didn't even know that he had been living as a gay man for years in the first place!) But the eldest SIL, she said for no one to ever mention HIM to her again, that as far as she is concerned HE is dead. I replied, "well, HE is dead, but SHE lives." Whatever. No. They are all, and I quote "humilated and embarassed" about 'his' "selfish choice and didn't he think?? WHat will people say?" I was , frankly, appalled by their reactions. What will people say? Who gives a shit? Nothing if you don't tell them! DOH! The one in the US says that she is too ashamed and embarassed and will not tell her husband (who is the biggest pervert you never would want to meet) nor her 30-something kids.

Give me a damn break.

It is odd though, Nikki is the baby of the family and whereas previously, 'his' name was constantly mentioned at least once whenever we were all together, now? Nothin. Zero. Zip. Zilch. No one mentions him now, and when friends or people here ask how "he is" I sit silent and watch Z and his mother trip over each other to lie about where 'he' is and what 'he' is doing because in this society, it's not actually something you can talk about, so they maintain that Nikki is still a 'he'.

Sigh. At least there are a few that have hung in there.

There is the gay older brother, who is the most EVIL Queen I have ever met in my life. Friends, that appple did not fall far from the tree, let me tell you! He is over the moon about the whole thing, which also strikes me as false because he has loathed and despised Nikki her whole life. Then there is monster, who can't stop calling her by her male name, and boy is she gonna be in trouble when she's with Nikki in Iran and she calls her by the old male name!! Gah!!

Then there is Z. I guess he has accepted it, he had to. He and Nikki were always inseperable. Z is 3 years older than Nikki, and they grew up thick as thieves. But I can tell it makes him awkward. But I can tell you that Nikki is his favorite sister! So that is something. Ari and I remain.

Ari and I are of the same mindset, which makes me very happy. Nikki is the same person on the inside, just the outside is a bit different. Ari agrees with this. As Arianna says: "I don't get it, the how part of it, but I understand that for 'her' it makes sense. I've always told him he was girly! Whatever makes her happy is ok by me! I still love her."

She asks to IM with Auntie Nikki whenever she gets a chance! Arianna and Nikki have always been close since she was only a few weeks old and I'm glad they are continuing that way.

The same goes for me and my Mama. Nikki is the same exact person on the inside... only the packaging is different.

And that is pretty much what it boils down to: It's what's on the inside of a person that counts. Do what you can and be happy. No one is promised tomorrow.

So Nikki and Sheena, this one's for you! I love ya girlies from the bottom of my heart!

1 comment:

Mare_Imbrium said...

I'm glad you're so supportive of them. I have a friend who is trying to decide whether or not to do this right now. I will admit, yeah, it is a little weird. Probably because I don't understand what he has gone through his whole life, you know? Even though I am not stereotypically feminine, being female is an important part of my identity. I can't imagine having that foundation shaken by the fear or the deep-down knowledge that my gender is wrong.

I just think having to make that kind of decision is enough of a burden, and then people who do go through gender-reassignment have to deal with horrible (sometimes even violent) reactions from family members and strangers. It's horrible.