2:10 am and guess who can't sleep?

Yup, me. I can't sleep. Again. Shit. I really hope my insomnia isn't coming back. That's ALL I need.

Maybe I can't sleep because my mind is frantically wondering if that tearing pain in the region of my left ovary a few times today is a good thing. I don't mind a little pain (or, in the case of the attack at 9:00pm in the middle of a PACKED grocery store.... a SHITLOAD of pain that almost had me doubled over) as long as I GET MY WAY IN THE END.

I have to go give blood at 8am... yea, in a few hours or so. Yes, I might just be having a little anxiety wondering if there is going to be a repeat of the blood draw disaster of Thursday. I'm not being silly or paranoid...... it's just WHERE THE FUCK IS LEFT, can I ask you? *stares at massive BLACK hematoma on left forearm and shakes head* Honestly? where? The only place I can think of is that lovely big, yet delicate vein across the top of my foot and I'll be goddamed if I let anyone near that one again... Ok, I'll be honest, I'm quite vain about my feet. I have pretty feet. I take care of them... I like my delicate highly arched feet...and I don't want a repeat of the lasttime some asshole came near them with a needle ,during my miscarriage/haemorrageing to death/pnumonia/blood transfusion in one arm, IV in the other, they tore the vein in my poor little foot and I ended up kicking the lab person doing it as I screamed in pain and fury "GET OUT OF MY ROOMMMMM!!"...Did I neglect to mention that I can leg press 230lbs? Told you my legs were sleek and muscled!) Yeah,basically I kick like a mule.

My E2 had better fucking be damn high. I don't want to give up so far into the cycle. (Gee, can you tell the tequila of last night has COMPLETELY worn off now?) Ooooh, Miss Scarlett is being extra potty mouthed today, isn't she?

About that hematoma from the blood draw fiasco..... In aforementioned grocerey store, before the wave of pain that didn't allow me to BREATHE for a minute.... and under the glaring flourescent lights.... I waved my arm in Z's direction and said "I bet people think YOU did this, cause I've seen about 6 look at it! (Look, it's 119 + about(according to amount of frizz in my hair) 75-85% humidity. I'll be dammned if I wear a long sleeve shirt!) He tried to be cute (fyi, it didn't work)and say, "Oh, they probably think it's a hickey!" followed by a snicker that would make ANYONE wanna give him a little slappy. After I stopped cracking up, I said,"Hickeys, in my experience (ahhhhhh memories....erm,GASP!! *slaps hand over mouth looking horrified*) do not turn BLACK. Purple yes, black, NO."

On the bright side.... it goes nicely with the haematoma I got last September that is STILL faintly showing pink on my left calf from falling down the back kitchen CEMENT stairs. Heh. No one believed I had actually fallen down the stairs. They thought I was covering up spousal abuse. "You SURE you fell down the kitchen stairs??" YES! I REALLY FELL DOWN THE STAIRS! JEEZ! Well, yes, right after Monster in law just got finished placing one of her usual curses for my iminent death on my head.... literally, as soon as she shut up, down I went.Personally, I think I blacked out, since at the time i had a severe lung infection and couldn't breathe... so much so that I was hospitalized the next day for 8 days!

K Y Jelly

HAH! Got your attention, didn't I???

Apparently I'm a nosey bitch. With a truly dirty mind. (You love it, don't you?)I'll tell you what brought on that bit of bald-faced honesty.

In the grocerey store mentioned in the post above, well, this thing is more like those wharehouse stores... so you know it was PACKED! Anyhoooo..... I'll be honest.... I was minding my own business, hot, and well, trying to tune out Arianna nagging me to death for something that "I JUST GOTTTTTTTA HAVE MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" of which she already has a gizillion at home and not turning into the poltergeist.*head begins spinning* So, after giving in as usualsince obviousl the look of death wasn't working AT ALL......this guy ahead of us in line's girlfriend is trying to toss some towels at him from BEHIND ME. (Quiet Genunine, Mindy and Lee! BTW: they were baby blue and waaaaaay too small to cover even my bosom! Heh.) Z takes them from her and passes them to her man unit in front of him. Helpful guy, Z. So that's when I notice that he throws the towels ON TOP OF THE BIGGEST BOX OF K Y JELLY I've EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. You know... trying to hide the box under the towels. TOO LATE SUCKER! My eagle eyes already saw..... so, mind deep in the gutter, I lean forward to Z over the cart and whisper, laughing my ass off..."HEY! Look, not right now, look slowly!..under the towels you just passed him..... KY! JUMBO SIZE." *mad snickering* Z, unobtrousive as usual... whips his head around trying to see. *me smacking his arm.... "BE SUBTLE!" *more snickering* Z turns around and says "well........ maybe it's for something else!" Me, (gaping at him in open mouthed in shock.) *sputtering in disbelief* Then I start whispering at him madly in Persian: "Look! It's LUBE. It's either for front or back. Then again, He's 6'4 and she's 5', so maybe he's HUGE and needs the help! Either way....... it's LUBE and it's the biggest tube I've seen ever! Hey, can you see any delay spray there? Bwaahahahahahahahaaa." Hah! Made Z look! I guess he kept thinking about it, cause he was laughing off and on the whole way home.

Yeah, I know, can't take me anywhere, can you? Case in point:

This story is ALMOST as good as the Saudi guy I was in front of at the checkout counter of yet another grocery store a couple of years ago. Me, minding me own bloody business watching the stuff get rung up and I look at the belt as this big Saudi guy plunks down on the belt behind my purchses the following items:
1) A box of x-lg condoms (size of box and size of condoms) Yeah, those Magnum ones.
2) A jar of Vaseline
3) Breath mints

Now, I ask you, how the hell am I supposed to keep a straight face? Hmmmm? I just happened to be on the phone with my recently divorced SIL.... and-again in persian to save my ass-(oops!)related the purchases to her. Never mind that her answer was "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Magnums? Get his phone number for me willya?!" Um, no dear.Sorry.

But the helpful person that I am.... I wanted to tell him that the vaseline, being a petroleum product, breaks down the composition of the condoms. So, he might want to try.erm, KY or something.Or if he is really in love with the Vaseline, then , don't bother with the condoms! Then I thought "what the FUCK are you thinking Cyn?" and I kept my mouth shut.

Why the hell didn't these people just buy this shit from a pharmacy? I mean hell,they are making an effort to be subtle with their purchase...so you go to a grocerey store? Hell the pharmacy is next to the checkout in the same shopping center! I'm here in the middle of this Middle East country and in the Pharmacy, right next to the Band Aid's and stuff was the condoms and other such things. Needed some band aids.. and I noticed the pretty differnt colored bottles next to them on the shelf and wondered what they were. Well fuck me! They were bottles of FLAVORED LUBE!!!!!!! Yes, Flavored Lube. (Yes, I am SO waiting for all your brilliant comments. Please don't hold back at all. I know you're all chomping at the bit!!)Gowan... I know you won't be satisfied *snicker, guffaw* until you make your commments!

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