No Patience for Asshats Today

And there seem to be an abundance of asshats out and about in my vicinity today.. and it’s barely 9am!

Maybe I should first state that I am a friendly driver. Considerate even. I stop for people, I let people change lanes (when they signal), I am the person who will wave for you to turn first. But today? There was the 3 - count em!- THREE asshats driving so damn slow in front of me this morning. I would pass one, and get to another one. Then there is the asshat that cut me off, the asshat that turned made a U-turn left IN FRONT OF ME from the center lane (I was about to turn left. Sonofabitch. By this time, the next asshat really had it coming.

I wanted to change lanes, in front of him. Turned on my signal, and there was loads of room to move over. Asshat speeds up so I can’t get over. I move back in my lane, pissed. He does it again. And again. I’m more pissed now. Then I think, wait; if he hits me, it’s his fault! Turn on my signal, floor the gas, and cram my way in front of him.(hey! My turn is coming up!) Now He’s pissed. Good. Asshat. You think that was my revenge? Oh no. You should know me better than that by now. Plus, I’ve got all these extra hormones pumping through my system, remember? Heh. Heh. Heh.

5 minutes later, it seems that Asshat needs to now get in MY lane. Yeah, like THAT will happen! He’s trying to cut in front of me. So what does Scarlett do? Well lets put it this way, if my car was any closer to the car in front of me, they’d be having sex. Then I leave a little room, asshat gets happy, and I speed up. He can’t. Get. In. Looks at me, probably cussing me out and making hand gestures. So I look at him and laugh in his face and then drive off!

Take that, Asshat!

******************************************************************

Arianna decided to do some impromptu entertaining last night. She told me later that she was so glad I agreed to this even though it was early on a school night. It was just us in the house last night.

Z’s mother started her usual fits for attention, calling anyone that will answer their phone saying she’s dying, etc… when there is actually NOT A DAMN THING WRONG WITH HER, not at all, as usual. “And the Oscar goes to………..” So off they went to the doctor… late in the evening. Hell, she’s 75 and nothing wrong with her at all, other than some mild arthritis. She looks & dresses like the landlady from 3rd Rock from the Sun and behaves like the old lady in the film “the Duplex”. Perhaps you’ve an idea of what lives with us. But my MIL is worse… by far. She gives Arianna no peace at all. When Arianna’s friends come over, Monster spies on them, is constantly screaming and cursing at me (what’d I do?? Oh yes, I forgot, I’m BREATHING STILL! Silly me!) and them till everyone leaves in misery.

So, with “grandma” out, Arianna made some plans. You think I had the heart to say no? Hell no I didn’t. I understand completely.

Her girlfriends from across the street (aged 7-12) “the gang” showed up for a film on our big screen. I like the roundabout way she suckered me into the big TV with surround sound.

A: “Mom?”
Me: “Yes baby, what?”
A:” My friends are here.”
A: “Can my friends come over and watch a movie with me? They want to watch Lizzie McGuire!”
Me: “um, (looking the girls standing behind her in a line) sure. Hi Girls!”
A: “Great! The big TV? Please Mom??” *looking all adorable and sweet*
Me: “ Okaaay” and I watch the gang shoot into the living room at Mach 5.(I’m such a sucker)
A: (whispering) “Mama???? You gonna fix us up?”
Me: “Yes! Go start the movie”

That was my cue. So, Popcorn, chips, drinks and sweets were deposited in front of Her Majesty and her Ladies In Waiting in short order. I was greeted with squeals of delight. Then I went to hang out online for a while.

I couldn’t help smiling because every so often, I would hear my daughter’s uncontrolled laughter echoed by that of her friends. It does a Mama’s heart good to hear that kind of pure laughter coming from the throat of your child.

I would occasionally go sneak a peek in on them; just to make sure everything was ok. Usually, I would find them all collapsed on each other, laughing their heads off, rewinding certain scenes and laughing all over again. Other times, they were silent and still, deeply engrossed in the film. It was an amazing sight. Usually, there is some sort of bickering amongst them after at least an hour of being together, but no, they were all happy as clams. By the way, if you are entertaining pre-teen girls.... the Lizzie McGuire movie is "the shit!".

All in all, it was a pleasant night. Peaceful for a change.

Oh, and my MIL? Nothing wrong at all. She was depressed after the visit that she wasn’t dying. (More like that she got caught in yet another drama) That right there is some weird shit. Doesn’t it make you wonder why she’s so scared to meet her maker?

Heh. She should be.