My Wandering Mind

In a way, Im luckier than some of my ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) "Sisters". So many of them, most actually, it seems, have to do their own injections. I am lucky because Dr. H/Wand Monkey Extrordinaire is a bit of a control freak.

He insists that the nurses give the injection and SIGN OFF ON IT after it's done. See? Control freak. In a way, I can't blame him. He wants to make sure the injections are given properly, and he doesn't want us "screwing yourselves up accidentally". very good.

So, every day, I haul myself to the hospital, down the long corridors and up that huge double marble staircase to the 2nd floor to the Gynae/OB/GYN/ and IVF Clinic part of the hospital for my injection. Injections on the weekend are always interesting. Cause I have to go to ER for my injection. There is a nurse in the ER that I would rather slit my wrists than present my backside for her sticking pleasure ever again. Her name is Minnie. I have a few problems with Minnie.
1. She's kinda rude in a condecending way.
2. She is rough -I realize it is an intra-muscular injection, but she really puts her whole arm into it, if you get my drift.
3. This medicine should be injected s-l-o-w-l-y. The bitch crams it in as fast as possible which causes horrible pain.
4. She came [ ]this close to hitting my siatic nerve and I was limping like Quazimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame) for over a week, whimpering. On top of THAT, the area she gave the injection to bruised the size of a fist.... and that means...
Didn't leave much area available for any injections after that!
5. She smells. She obviously bathes, but... she reeks. So I have to hold my breath till she's done with me. (Did I mention Im asthmatic?)

I will never forgive her for giving me my sub-cutanneous injection (the arm one)the way she did. I think I will elaborate. Sub Cutanneous injections... the needle is inserted just under the skin, betweeen the skin and muscle. Well, she got that part right. But THEN she wiggled the GODDAMN NEEDLE BACK AND FORTH.Yes, under the skin, which left me thinking... "Even if I gave it to myself I couldn't screw it up like this, could I?" And I am terrified of needles. I can't look at them. I have no idea why. 9 times out of 10 I will pass out if I see it. In fact 3 times when I was having an IV line inserted I have passed out. I can't even watch my cats get an injection.

I'm wondering who is gonna stick me this afternoon since Nurse Lovely is having her day off. Most likely Nurse Lucy the Ditz.She is sweet but not too bright. I don't necessarily dread it this early on in the process, and I'm not...yet.It's just another one of those unpleasant things in life we have to suffer through.

I can't wait for my favorite IVF nurse to get back on the 30th! She went home to Phillipines to get married. Come on Nurse Freelane... I'm waiting for you!


Last night, Arianna brought up the subject again of her wanting a little sister.

She doesn't know I'm doing another IVF. She knew about the first two and was so disappointed when they didn't work. I don't have the heart to build her hopes up. The second time I came home after the Egg Collection, I honestly felt I had been 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. I just went home and collapesed on my bed. I saw her staring at me from the door to my bedroom with a sad look on her face. Then it changed to a look of determination and she dissappeared from the door for a while. In a few minutes she came back carrying a cup of tea and a bagel with cream cheese. she put it on my bedside table, smiled at me, and gave me a big hug. She told me "eat Mom. You look so tired. The tea will help too.Im sorry you have to go through this." then she came and crawled next to me on the bed and glued herself to me. It doesn't get much better, does it?

When I am a very old woman, I hope that I will be able to remember that.

My trying for this baby is not just for me. It is for her too. I am so determined it's unbelievable.

I pray for both our sakes it works this time.

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