One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, FLOOR!!!!

It is official......my cycle is CANCELLED.

Goddamnmotherfucking sonofabitch. Well shit.

Im so pissed and so sad.. and dissappointed.

My E2 numbers doubled nicely, and I've been having HORRENDOUS pain for the past 36hrs or so... Up on the Ultrasound table with my legs spread, Wand Monkey shoving the dildocam around my innards, and shaking his head. I said "there has to be something there. Im in AGONY!!" (and of course I can't look at the damn screen!)he says "Nuh-uh." and I said "nothin?????" in disbelief,,, and he shouts "NO NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Well excuuuuuuuuse the fuck outta me if YOU"RE having a bad day Wand Monkey...... I don't really give a shit, you ASSHAT FROM HELL.) Then, when I went in his office, he was playing with a pencil. When I sat down in front of him he looked at me, said nothing , and scratched a thick No2 lead line through the empty days remaining on my cycle chart and scribbled "cancelled". I kinda wish he'd just slapped me instead. Honest. I was just staring, "deer in the headlights" style at my pitiful chart with that thick lead line across it. I said, I can't believe no eggs.. he said "well there are about 50 eggs, but all small, growing at the same rate.... too slow... not even one dominant follicle.. we are on day 10 of your cycle so cannot coddle them into growing... it would take another 7 days of stims at least to get them anywhere near trigger size... and anyway, that is extremely dangerous to your health at this stage of things. We would have to scrap the cycle due to OHSS anyway if they started growing." Ok, fine.

But THEN he suggests I see this German Professor who is coming, she is this great specialist apparently.. for a 2nd opinion. Fine I say. I'll go see her. Can I start at the end of June to try again though? He said,"Yes, but why don't you consider ovarian drilling?"

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHAT THE FUCK FOR??" Sorry, um. fuck no. Heeeeeellllllll no. I am in the mood for some testicle drilling though.... on HIM.

That is SO out of the question. And so unnecessary. For the past 13 years I have been EXTREMELY SENSITIVE to any and all types of infertility meds. Now he wants to take chunks out of my ovaries? That will grow back on their own in about 6-8 months?

Asshat must be on crack.

Sombody pass me a drink, QUICK. I think I prefer to be numb for a while....

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