The Debate

I was reading Mindy’s blog a bit ago and her comments about trying to watch the debates in her home. Or perhaps I should say the impossibility of watching the debates? Either way, it really struck a chord with me. (I hear ya sister, I hear ya!)Now let me tell you why!

Tonight, while sitting at my SIL’s house (the lotto winner) while she wasn’t there with her 17 year-old-daughter, my very favorite NIECE OF ALL, Mimi, we were watching Debate No 3. Or, well, at least, I was trying to. Mimi and I were the only ones really interested in it.

I’ve known Mimi (Yasmeen) since she was about 2 ½. She was (and is) my girl. We were closer than close. She and I have the best memories together. When she would come to visit after they moved back here, she would stay with us and daily, INSIST that I lay on the bed on my back so she could brush my hair. Minimum 3x a day. She would brush my hair and stroke my head till I was almost comatose everyday for a month or so of the visit. Then the day of departure, be sobbing non stop until I finally asked her “honey, why are you crying? You’ll come back!” She said “Because, whooooos going to take care of you while I’m goneeeeeeeeeeee??????”. Well, this made me start slobbering too while hugging her. Mimi was the flower girl in my wedding.

As I mentioned, she is 17 now and still thinks nothing of hopping on my lap, giving me a great big SQUISHING hug and kiss on the cheek and staying there hugging me, just like she has always done. She has turned into a beautiful young lady. And a smart one too, in my opinion.

Mimi was born in the United States and is an American citizen accordingly. So she and I were side by side watching the debates avidly tonight (yes, it was a replay). Both of us making snickering, rather snide comments about W and nodding approvingly at the things Senator. Kerry said with the occasional “yeah! That’s right!” in between trying to shush Monster from her incessant rattling about nothing in particular, which gets louder and louder. I don’t remember exactly what W said due to the shock of what I’m going to say next, but first, remember that my SIL, Mimi’s mom wasn’t home. It was Mimi, me, Z, Monster (don’t EVEN ask) and Mimi’s younger cousin. (Ari was passed out on a sofa in the living room) W said some typically ridiculous (BS) stuff and next thing I knew Mimi grabbed the tissue box and made a throwing motion with her hand while growling “Bullshit!”. I thought she was just making the motions at the 53”digital Phillips flat screen TV, I really did. Guess what she did?

She threw the damn box right at the screen and got W smack on the nose. I think I jumped a foot off the sofa while shouting, “oh SHIT!” in complete shock while my mouth hung open, eyes darting to the other shocked people sitting with us. Thankfully, nothing happened to the TV, cause once we all started laughing in total shock, 2 seconds later her Mom walked in. Talk about timing!

Of course, we all tried to cover up and not say anything to my SIL with the trigger temper, even though we were laughing harder and harder, cause, really; thankfully, no damage was done to the TV or surrounding furniture (and I’ve been tempted too!).

You all forgot who was sitting there with us, now didn’t you? You know you did.

Monster. Who proceeded to jump up from the sofa and re-enact the whole thing for her daughter’s benefit. The rest of us were trying to shush her and talk ourselves to drown out her yakking. By this time, my other SIL wandered in, and it got so noisy that I couldn’t watch the rest of the debates.

Now I’m irritated. I don’t like not finishing something I start. Grrrrrr.

Hi! This is me. I hope I can get this in the side margin, if not, bear with me, hmmm? Thanks! 

I'm a baaaaaaaaaaaaad girl!

I will freely admit I've got quite the naughty mind. Yes I sure do! So, would any of you care to come do laps with me in the gutter other than my usual swimming companion? Oopsy, I forgot the girls from my synchronized swimming team, namely Cheryl b., Mindy, Carrie Jo, Amy, and Cat. Hee hee, shame on me!

It would seem that even CNN.com is not safe for me to read any more. Lord, but I'm bad. Perhaps I'm just more sensitive to these things after laughing my ASS off watching "Soul Plane" last night. I have not laughed that hard in AGES, y'all. Lookie here, I loave me some black comedy. Hell, I loave comedy, period but this movie? Kicks ass y'all. If you liked Airplane, then you will like this. Every freaking stereotype you could imagine. And some of the scenes had me laughing so hard, I literally was doing the Cyn's Foot Stomp/Knee slap comboTM and wheezing with laughter. I hit rewind so many times, I lost count. The people I watched it with last night asked me to bring it back again tonight to watch it again. Yeah baby!

But I digress.....

Cnn.com is SO not safe. I am interested in scientific things people, because it gives me answers to "WHY?". So, when I read on the homepage about more activity at Mt. St. Helens, I thougth I would see what was up. Heh. what was UP. *snicker, snort, giggle* What's up is right! Mt. St Helen's has a new erection, darlings!

It would seem that the volcano has a bulge growing... a NEW bulge, bless it. Now what impressed me mightily, was that "The bulge had risen at least 330 feet since scientists noticed it September 30". Who the hell couldn't help but be impressed with a 330ft high bulge? There is apparently a chance of explosive eruptions and that if and when the new bulge erupts (although there is molten lava close to the surface ready to spew, it would seem) the geoligist are quick to reassure people that it will shoot vertically this time rather than horizontally like the last explosion a few years ago.

WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!????????? Lava people, LAVA. Heh. I'm sorry, but with words in it like bulge, eruptions, spew, explosive, and that whole shooting vertically vs. horizontally thing cracked me up. I know, I know, I'm bad, in a good way! *wink* There was NO way in the molten firey depths of HELL that I was not gonna blog about it. Nuh-uh.

Can you blame me? I think not!

PS: Inquisition answers are below my dears. Keep on reading my pretties...... scroll down now like good little readers..............

Confession Time

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned....." wait, that's another kind of confession. Oh yeah, time for me to answer The Inquisition questions you so wonderfully left for me.

Well, you asked my darlings, and now I’m answering. There wasn’t many questions this time around, but I’m still gonna do it next week anyway. (Because I’m stubborn that way!)

My dearest Carrie Jo asked: ‘How old were you when you lost your virginity?’

I lost it at 18, Carrie Jo. Why so late? Well, it wasn’t for lack of opportunity, that’s for damn sure! There were always a couple of things that prevented me…. 1: The guy wasn’t right; 2: the timing was never right even if the guy was! 3: (and this, in retrospect, is hilarious as hell!) A combination of my Mama’s voice in my head saying that it was a 'gift' that can be given but one time, and to make sure it is given to the 'right' person. Well, that and my Catholic upbringing. I was also, funnily enough, terrified of becoming a statistic. You know, a teenage mother. Isn’t that a HOOT? Me, the ultimate infertile. Me, who ended up bust trying to get pregnant with Arianna. Me, who, when I was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, my gynae said "Don't worry about having children! You will be as fertile as the Napa Valley!" , that bitch. Funny, huh? Also remember, when I was a teenager, in the mid to late 80’s, this was when AIDS came on the scene and no one really knew the details of how it was passed and transmitted, etc, you know? So.

Because Carrie Jo was so prompt (and cause I was afraid I wouldn’t get another one), she got to ask me TWO questions this week!

Carrie Jo’s second question was: ‘How do you feel about tattoos?’

I think tattoos are really works of art, and I appreciate them as such. (For example, I love the Celtic tattoos that the singer Robbie Williams has had done on his biceps and the new tiger or dragon Angelina Jolie had done on her back is beautiful.) Would I get one? HELL NO. Remember, I have a little –ok, a huge one – phobia of needles. Needles and I do not get along well at all. Nosireebob. Nuh-uh. Another thing, something that looks good on you at 20 or 30, probably won’t look so hot as you age, if you know what I mean? I don’t like the way they fade over time and look smudgy. I think people that get tattoos are pretty brave also, cause me? My mom did cosmetic tattoo years ago and the lady that did it, her friend, was completely covered in tatts from the neck down, front and back. There isn’t enough liquor to make me get one. Seriously.

My pal Cheryl b.’s inquiring mind wanted to know if I had kissed another woman or done even more with one.

Uh, no honey, I haven’t. I’ve never kissed another woman (in the way you mean like I would kiss a man) and therefore, I haven’t done anything more intimate with another woman, because frankly, you don’t even get to second base with me without some quality kissing. And baby, I mean QUALITY.

I kiss my girlfriends, but its on the cheek, but a good one nonetheless. I’m famous for my hugs and kisses in greeting, btw.

Wait, does the lesbian that felt my ass up in a club count? Cause then, yeah. Cause I got my ass practically massaged in a crowded mixed club once. She disappeared in the crowd as soon as my head whipped around in shock. (I thought it was my boyfriend being frisky at first!) But it shouldn’t count, cause, I didn’t want her to do it, right?

And also, somewhere I worked some of my female coworkers (friends) were totally obsessed with my breasts and always had their hands on them. They would always touch and grab them if I wasn’t careful but usually they were quicker than me and would giggle like loons when they got past me. You know, like patting a dog hello? Yeah. Like that. They were not particularly endowed themselves, and oh-so-fascinated with mine and how, ‘soft and bouncy’. It would appear that my breasts are amazing even to the same sex.

Of course, as further proof of my shitty luck, it would happen that two of them ganged up on me at once and right then, the BIGGEST pervert ASSHAT Mgr walked in and caught them in the act. It was like his w*t dream come true. He looked all....... happy. This is the guy that used to get off on looking my toes and ankles and (heaven forbid the day I wore a knee length skirt) and growl about them all consumed with lust. *gag, retch, heave*. He grossed me out so much after then whole skirt thing, that the next day when I wore slacks to work, he came and leaned way over in front of my desk to look under it and then said loudly "Aw dammit all! You're wearing TROUSERS TODAY!". Man, did I want to go take a scalding hot shower right then. I stared at him mutely. Why? He was the Chairman's pet.

Anonymous (whomever you may be) asked me ‘Not counting Monster, do you like living in Bahrain or would you prefer to move back to the States?’ (like the way I made your two questions one?)

Well Anon, better late than never I say! Other than Monster (who is like an extra appendage) the quality of life here in Bahrain is nice. Keep in mind that I lived in a very hectic rush-rush city for most of my life in the US, hmmm? (Los Angeles) There are small town qualities I like about it while still being pretty cosmopolitan. It’s one of the reasons I moved here. Another thing I like? Crime rate is extremely low as to be almost non-existent.

But more and more, I find myself thinking of moving back home to the States. I am homesick in many ways. Maybe in a year or so I could move home, who knows? Hell if I know where I would move though! My father is very ill, and he lives in Florida. My Aunt is in Maryland. I grew up in LA, and though my mom is there now, she is planning to hopefully move back home to South Carolina. I have friends scattered all over the country. Where to move back TO is the question! I would, next time, like to live somewhere where you get to have all 4 seasons though and not so hectic rush-rush (but NOT the boonies, got it?), I think. Yeah, definitely got to have all 4 seasons. I don’t think I will live here in Bahrain forever. No.

Lets put it this way; I don’t want to be buried here. How’s that?

Well, that’s all of the inquisition you will get for today. If you have questions for me for next week, that will be answered on Tuesday again, please feel free to post for me either in the comments section of this or alternatively email me at Scarlett.Cyn@gmail.com !

The Inquisition

I have decided to bite the bullet and have a Q & A Session, if you’re interested. (I’m just begging for trouble, aren’t I?)

So, you may ask me one question – anything you wish cause I know your inquiring minds want to know!- and I will answer it as truthfully as possible if it is a question I can answer. The cut off for questions will be Monday at midnight PST (erm, that’s West Coast USA, people!). See, aren’t I nice? Pacific Time. And here I sit on the other side of the world!! You should have your answers at some point on Tuesday. If this catches on then perhaps I will start doing this weekly or some such. I’ll play it by ear.

All right babies, I’m ready. Bring it on!

*if you are a lurker, this would be a good time to de-lurk. I'm just saying....

The Upswing........ Sort of

Well, I suppose anything is an improvement over yesterday, right? Right. Of course, the sudden pounding headache I acquired unwillingly this afternoon kind of blotted out any rational (or wack-a-doo) type of thought. Pain kind of does that to you.

Yes, when you are quite sure that your head will explode into a bazillion itsy bits any second now, you can't help but painfully think "Ah, don't need to worry about problems or being depressed, cause my head will go KAPLOOOOEY any time now!". Of course, then you continue on with that whimpering you were doing. So, I popped some pain pills that usually help when I have one of my famous migranes, shut the curtains in my room so it was awfully dark, (Arianna was at her cousin's playing for the next 2 hours or so) and figured perhaps, just perhaps I can SLEEP through the pain. At any rate, the pitch dark room appealed immensly.

So I ended up dozing off for about an hour. Goodie, by the time Monster tried to come into my room, not realizing that I was in there the pain was almost gone or numbed or whatever...............

Yes, you read right. What woke me up was her barging in the room! She thought I was out, apparently since I was silent as a stone and I guess she thought she would come snooping. I heard a gasp, then the door banged shut (like I needed ANY banging noise at present? Um, no.) For example, the other day, she had me go in her room to look for Max, who went AWOL and lo and behold, I found about 4 things of mine in the process of my Max Search, including my umbrella that I'd been missing. Sweet Jesus, I live with a psychotic kleptomaniac. Freaking rediculous. I mean, I KNOW she is a damn thief, but still, each time to have it reinforced? And no, I can't say give it back, cause even if I have PICTURES of me wearing the thing, or using it, she will say "I bought this such and such a place" or "So and so gave me this AGES ago". Yes, she is very creative in her cover-up lies, no?

Now for some really freaky, yet totally typical stuff.

Still feeling slightly rotten emotionally, yet pain numbed (and no, I did NOT take VIOXX, but something much better and that won't give me a freaking heart attack. Freaks that make VIOXX. BAD PHARMACEUTICAL CO!) My mobile phone rang, and the person on the line was just what the doctor ordered.

Mama. My Mama called me. It was like a balm to my soul. Just what I needed, WHEN I needed it. It doesn't matter that she was talking about 10 times her normal speech pattern, and that the call was only for 5 minutes, cause, she couldn't talk long, just wanted to check on me. Of course, now for the freaky as usual stuff. First thing was her saying all frantic like "ARE YOU OK?" like 15 times. I answered her each time, but she kept on asking, cause she probably knew I was totally full of shit, cause, well, that's my Mama! I just told her I'd been sick, etc..... and all. (well, jeez, it's only about 5 days now that I have my voice back at 100%!)

I still can't belive that she got all the things she said in such a short amount of time. And nevermind that I was balling like a baby by the time we hung up and a bit after. The phone call was just wonderful (and proves that the damn phone does IN FACT, work! woohoo!!) and her voice was just what I needed. (Is that excessivly repetitive? Oh well, deal.)

I even got the down low on Bonnie, poor thing. This also is part of what had me sobbing after I hung up. The cancer is apparently pretty advanced. The doctor refused to even show her her chest x-rays. (So it's in her chest too.) They only showed her parents. American doctors? They usually say EVERYTHING straight to your face. Shit, it must be bad. They are using the strongest chemo meds on her, and in fact, after her second session, she came home later and took a shower, and.... all of her hair fell out. Every single strand. She is a fighter and stubborn as hell, so she is fighting it. Apparently Bonnie was sick for a while, but thought it was just the flu or something. It wasn't just the flu. (Ok, hearing THAT scares the bejeebus out of me, quite frankly.) I am terrified for my friend. All I can do from here is pray for her. I hope that all of you will say a prayer, whatever your religion. She is such a good person, dammit. *Sigh*

So overall, a slight upswing for me today. May it please continue.

And for y'all that missed it yesterday about my "post" that I can't exactly post? The offer is still good. Trust me, it's worth it. Read Cheryl b.'s remark in comments after she read it yesterday! I will be happy to send it to you, just make sure I have your email address. (Carrie Jo, this includes you babe!)

I'm waiting.

Miss Congeniality

The above title would definetly NOT describe me today. Not by a long shot. Not even if you were drunk from a 3 day non-stop drinking binge and high on crack.

Today I am really, completely depressed. Even the little happy pills my doctor gave me aren't helping today. At least Amy isn't the only one taking 3 giant leaps backwards this week. See what a good pal I am? I'm keeping her company.

I've been fighting this for weeks now. I had been doing pretty good up to this point, but today? Absolute crap. Nothing in particular, just lots of things adding on to one another. I woke up feeling pretty bad as a matter of fact. I didn't want to get out of bed and the day didn't improve from there, either. Lunch was a nightmare-for me anyway. Arianna was acting up at the table, and like ANY responsible mother, I was trying to instruct her on proper behaviour. She decided to take issue and argue the point with me instead of just doing as instructed. It became a debate over table manners with no mediator. Rule No 1: Do not argue with Mom. Especially about ettiquite, cause I don't hold with an overly arguementative 10 year old, sorry. Instead of backing me up, Z told ME "Can you just shut up? I don't want to hear any talking during lunch."

Yes, go on, imagine my gaping look of shock. I'll wait for you.............. Done? Ok.

Before ANY of you say it, yes, he screwed up on a multitude of levels. 1: degraded me in front of the child when I was trying not only to teach her something but also to make a point. 2, by degrading me in front of her by asking ME to shut it and not talk, he took HER SIDE and that is just... WRONG.2.5: by dissing me in front of her, disrespecting me in front of Arianna, the child will wonder "Why should I respect her, even DAD doesn't". Trust me, MY kid will totally rationalize that. 3: For Chrissake, if she has poor tablemanners what will people say? They will say "her mother didn't teach her". HELLO?!!!!!!!! THIS IS MY DAMN JOB HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! So then Monster was running her mouth nonstop after I shut mine and stared at my plate and I finally said quietly and almost under my breath: "if you want peace and quiet during lunch, then you should tell EVERYONE TO SHUT UP, especially HER, not just me".

Of course he said nothing to his mom. Just me. Why just me? Cause I'm stupid, I swear.

Later, I got another version of "Just be quiet and don't say anything" for a totally different reason. I swear, growing up, my Dad was quite fond of the old adage "Children should be seen and not heard". Forgive me, I'm 33 years old and I'm getting it still. ARRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I don't hear about an interview or a job this week, I think I'll go completely over the deep end,dammit. Why my sudden desperation? Because darlings, this week the Holy Month of Ramadan starts. The month of fasting. Nothing gets done in Ramadan, I swear. Offices are only open for 6 hours a day so that people can go home to prepare to break their fast at sundown. Everyone is fasting and that equals some really CRAP moods. Can you imagine going to an interview with someone who is fasting (no, not even water from sunrise to sundown) so, hungry and cranky, and probably has no sleep, (cause people stay out till all hours all nights of the week going to gatherings and tents set up at the hotels to smoke shisha (hookah) and play cards and eat, eat, eat, eat and watch entertainment.)? Not bloody likely. In which case, that would mean perhaps a whole another month with no job.

Yesterday I discovered that my bank is, yet again, screwing my account up, those bastards. I just wanted to check and make sure they took the money Z gave me to make my loan payment and lo and behold, there was some very strange numbers and things on the mini statement I printed out at the then closed bank. I paid off and closed my Visa card back in December 2003, and guess what showed up? They are STILL charging me a shitload of fees. Then, for some stupid reason, they took money out of my account in the form of a Visa payment, you know, the Visa card that has been closed for 11 months now?????!!! Stupid British Bank Standard Chartered. YES. I put the name. Why? Because they are bastards and I hate them. Can I change my bank? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not till I have a JOB, because why? I would have to transfer my loan to said new bank because me not being a local, I have to have a salary transfer direct to the bank I have my loan at. If not? They will do mean things to me, like drag me to court where I don't speak the language, put a hold on my passport, and generally harass the living shit out of me. HATE. THEM. ASSHATS.

You know how I know I'm really depressed? When Monster starts in on her shit at me and I am completely unable to hold my temper in. Yes darlings, you guessed it. I went apeshit on her ass tonight. I know you and I know you are all chomping at the bit for details, aren't you my lovlies?

It was over something so stupid really. But I wasn't gonna shut my mouth, nuh-uh. First off, some background. It was over a little water aquarium picture I have in my Guest bath on a shelf. (on a shelf, cause the whole thing is tiled floor to ceiling) Z bought it for arianna, but she didn't want it in her room, cause she knocked it off the wall one day. This thing looks like a hanging aquarium, does actually have water, and has 3 little fishies and is battery operated so that when you flip a switch, the fishies swim all over the place. It's cute. So, When ari exiled it from her room, I put it in the guest bath back in MAY, since this IS MY HOUSE, INNIT??? So, the fishy thing was there this afternoon but this evening, when I was checking my emails, Ari came and got all bitchy with me and giving me attitude as to WHY I PUT THE DAMN FISHY PICTURE BACK IN HER ROOM ON THE WALL CAN"T I GET IT IN MY HEAD SHE DOESN"T WANT IT IN THERE? (she yet breathes, don't worry) I said "First Missy, Watch your mouth and tone of voice with me!,Second, don't accuse me of moving something if you don't know I did it. and Thrid, STOP SHOUTING AT ME, I"M NOT DEAF!!!!!!!!!!" She said "Oh, sorry, I thought you did it. I don't want it in my room. I said , Ok then, put it somewhere." So she did. IN the bathroom, aparently, that she shares with Monster.

Got all this? Good. Fast forward 2-3 hours. I'm in the kitchen making Z a snack. Ok, one of my famous sandwiches. My kitchen has 3 doors. 1 goes outside. 1 opens and is always open onto the L-shape hallway that leads to the bedrooms and eventually, after a left turn, out my front door or to an alternative door for entering the Living room. Kitchen door 3 opens onto the living room. Directly opposite door 2 is Ari and monster's bathrom at the end of the hall.

There I stand, minding my own business and making Z his snack. Monster comes out of the bathroom and starts SCREAMING AT ME with the most horrible "DIE YOU FUCKING BITCH" look on her face and shaking this stupid fishy picutre at me screeching "Why did you take this down from the wall? Isn't it Arianna's? I put it there, how dare you.... why did you put it in here..........shreik, scream.... " with me just staring at her. and that dear readers is when I just. fucking. snapped.

I think I recall that I had one damn sharp knife in my hand at the time also. I stuck my head in the living room and said to her son "DO YOU HEAR THIS BULLSHIT THAT IS BEING SCREAMED AT ME? IF YOU DON'T SAY SOMETHING THEN I WILL AND YOU REALLY DON"T WANT THAT, NOW DO YOU?" Yes, I was loud, but he listens to the TV with the surround sound on and I was pissed. So sue me. He goes "WHAT?" and I said "Listen to this shit! I DIDN"T DO ANYTHING and I'm getting screamed at for nothing and being accused and she's runnig her mouth at me like this? She should ask first dammit! IM SICK OF THIS FFING BULLSHIT!" (erm, can you tell I'm mad? I may cuss like a sailor on my blog, but in real life? Not so much.) He finally heard and asked what her problem was (notice I didn't say anything to her directly?Good.) then asked me why I moved it around, etc... About this time Arianna came out of her room like "oooh, fight!" and I said "Why do you assume I did it? Why not ask your daughter, Z, what happened and why it was moved and WHO did it?" Monster kept screaming on and on about me, shreiking and shaking that damn picture and Arianna finally said to her, I took it off the wall to her dad." Then Z said to his mom " Who moved it?" she said ""Your damn wife, that..... Cyn"(she refers to me usually as that or It.) He said "Arianna just told me SHE did it." and she said "Oh, I figured It did it as usual". He said to her "before you accuse,scream, and shout, you should ASK instead of opening your mouth next time, hmmmmm? Wouldn't that be a good idea?" and to Ari he said " And you speak up next time!". Then I went and handed him his sandwich, not saying much of anything.

Good Lord, but I want to tear my hair out.

Oh yeah, the other day, she was hearing voices and she saw someone that wasn't there. Arianna actually. Ari awas playing at her cousin's house and monster said she woke up and saw Arianna creeping towards her in the doorway with pillows to come at her, then when she got up and called to her, and looked around, no one was home. I said "It couldn't be Ari, and the door was locked when I just came in. hahaha. you seeing devils too?" She said "Only the one right in front of me, YOU." Well damn. Then I had to tell her that HERE, if I get her admitted to the Psych ward, they will pay ME 200 bucks. She better HOPE I don't get desperate enough. Seeing shit that isn't there and hearing things? walking around talking to herself?

DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SCARED? I THINK I DO. You should have seen her face when she was screaming at me tonight. E-V-I-L. A friend of mine dreamt that when she shook monster's hand, that when monster took her had away, there were maggots on her own hand. That is some traumatizing shit to hear, you know that?

Anyway, I got out for a bit directly after to go pick up N,( the hamster owner, remember?) from the airport. She told me a very funny story about her trip. She and her boyfriend went on a business trip together and I have a very funny story to tell, hilarious actually, but I can't post it here, cause once in a blue moon, Z might read my blog and I promised NOT to tell him, so. If you want to know it, email me or post request me real nicely and I will email it to you. (Make sure I have your email, babies!)

There are a few other things on my head at the moment, and shoulders too actually, but I won't actually go into them here. Just trust me when I say, they are big weights dragging me down.

Icing on my cake tonight? I had a record (for me) of 783 Bulk Mail in my yahoo account. Do you have any idea houw tedious it is to delete all that? Cause sometimes? A real email gets in by mistake, so I have to check before deleting. That is a LOT of SPAM, I swear. and then? On Survivor? They voted out my FAVORITE Player. The hot one, the smart one, the gorgeous one. Waaaaaaaah.


*And for the record? Z has told me (Cause I know what some of you will say) that he will NEVER EVER get his mom out. (ie I don't like it, take my own options or deal.)So basically, if I stay, I'm stuck till she kicks it.

Bathtime

I guess I’m on a roll about my cats lately but to be honest? I just couldn’t NOT post this little bit of funny. No way. Y’all would NEVER forgive me.

So, without further ado……..

Z and I were washing and grooming the 2 boys and Big Mama Isis. (actually she’s tiny as hell, but lots of attitude) It was bath time. I have to help because, well, if I don’t, he might end up killing one of em. He’s awfully heavy handed and rough with them unless they sit still… yeah, cats sitting still in a bath. Well, Max, my big lug, who, for the record is a flame point Himalayan Persian cat. He is a very big boy. I kid you not. He’s about the size of a partially grown cocker spaniel and damn heavy. His head is HUGE. Big ass cat. Anyway, Maximus, the big dork, snuck out of the house and flopped in the garden. My Persian cats are housecats y’all. These are pedigree, longhaired cats and cats like that and the yard? Make for a tangled mess that I have no patience to try and fix normal again. Anyway, if Max had flopped in the grass it wouldn’t have been such a big deal but where did he flop? In the newly empty flowerbed that is nothing but dirt and manure, the stupid bastard. I think he did this little outing right after he had bathed himself cause he was well, covered in the dirt and it was stuck to his fur. Sigh.

So, into the bath he went. He is generally pretty good. Usually just sits and meows a lot, particlary at ME and it sounds just like “Moooooommmm, oooooowwwwwwww,moooooooooooooooom”. Really. So, Z was soaping him down real good, 3rd shampoo and I was holding him and petting him and keeping him calm. Max, not Z! So then Z is soaping Max’s tummy and then he shouts out ………

Are you ready for this?


Are you SURE????????????????

Z shouts out “Ohhhhhhh Shitttttttttttttttttt!!!! Ewwwwwwww yeck! Shit I touched his penis! Fuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!*gag, retch, heave, shudder* Damn… gross…ewwwwww…. I touched it….*more gagging and choking*”

This statement, shouted out loud, sent me in to absolute FITS of laughter. While I was laughing very loud and quite hysterically at him and the look on his face… his gagging and retching noises making me laugh even harder he jumped up and started scrubbing his hands with soap to wash them and , oh, I don’t know, perhaps scrub the skin off them? This made me laugh even harder and I started telling Max, “Hey big boy, I bet this is the BEST bath you EVER got, huh baby?” and he was just looking at me with those huge big blue eyes while I laughed in his little furry kitty face and hearing Z say “oh SHUT UP, will you? *Gag*” . I couldn’t stop though, I just couldn’t.

Come on, do you really blame me?

Testing, Testing……..

I was kind of worried there for a while. I keep finding myself checking to make sure my phone is working. It is getting extremely ridiculous how I drag my mobile (cell phone) around with me. Bathroom tinkle trip? Yup, there. Shower? Yup, close to hand. Kitchen for a glass of something? Yeah, there too. But I was really beginning to wonder if the damn thing was working……

Then Z called. Whew! At least it works.

You know the old saying “A watched pot never boils”? Well, the same goes for the damn phone too! Of course, when it does ring and it’s the employment agency…. I get ALL HAPPY. For a while. Although they haven't called me in 2 weeks exactly. Sigh. So.....

As you might imagine, no, still no job. !@&*(^%%$*^%$^%&

On the bright side though, I got in one of my cleaning fits the other day.

Typically, when I get "down" - okay, depressed- this uncontrollable urge to clean posesses me and then I will, for instance, yank EVERYTHING out of the closet, so that it is BARE, scrub and clean everything, including the walls and the shelves, and then put everything back in all neat and OCD arranged-more so than before even. I do this with the kitchen cabinets also from time to time. But the usual recipient of my cleaning fit? The floors. A big-ass bottle of Clorox Clean-Up, a huge stiff brustle broom, and a bucket of clean hot water and a mop. Most of the house is tile excecpt for monster and Arianna's bedrooms, so, you can imagine the extent of my endeavors, no? Z will typically walk in after one of these fits and say "Oh, Cleaning Fairy visited again, did she?" To the ladies that read my blog, yes, he has survived that smart-ass comment to say it another time.

And where are my cats during all this furious floor cleaning? I've stuffed them all in the guest bathroom with litter, food and water until I'm done and ready to do that floor-last. Why? Do you think I want paw prints on my spotless floors before they are dry? HELL NO! They would do it just to spite me. Well, maybe not Miss Scarlett, my GORGEOUS little mostly red Calico-tabby girl. Fluffball. Scarlett purrs like a Harley Davidson, has big butterscotch colored eyes and likes being carried like a baby. She obeys me like a trained dog. I swear. I call her, she comes. She is on something she shouldn't be, I tell her "Scarlett, DOWN!" and down she comes. She also likes to swing under my wrought iron glass topped coffetable. Yes, on the iron bars, the loon. I love her to pieces. The other day, she had to go potty and the door to the litter box was closed. I was on the computer and she came, meowed at me I asked her "WHAT missy?" and she turned, walked a few steps, looked back at me and meowed. I got up and followed her and she walked right to the door, looked up at me and meowed again, then stood up on her hind legs with her front paws pushing on the door. I'm not stupid, I took the hint.

She also has a Cheetos & a french bread habit, but that's another story. (What? She is also a sucker for peach yogurt. My cats junk vs healthy food pecadilios is well balanced!) To the cat haters out there...... shut up. I love her and her big daddy Maximus (Max) too. It isn't as if I don't like dogs too for chrissake! I LOVE dogs. Remember, I love most ALL critters. (excecptions:reptiles of any sort, insects except ladybugs and butterfilies, and rodents.)

Yeah yeah, I know, just call me Ellie May.

WAND MONKEY THE BASTARD

Remember my post last week about Wand Monkey leaving on sabbatical in December? Well guess what?

He’s gone. For good. Bye bye. Finito. Arevadercci. Adios Bendeho (yeah, I meant that). Aloha. Masalammeh you shithead. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass…. Wait, scratch that, I hope it DOES hit you on the ass on the way out, ya big FREAK.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, that’s better. Do I sound irritated? Good, cause I am!

He left without a word. Sneaky so and so. He just took off. And guess who is taking over his patients? His mentor. The very conservative one. The Dr. I started out with in the first place, and then when he decided he was leaving, he dumped me on Wand Monkey. So. I will name names just so we can keep things straight, shall I? The Disappearing Wand Monkey’s name is Dr. Hatem. Sarcastic Wand Monkey is Dr. Raouf. Actually, I bet if he looks at my file, Raouf will say “You’re STILL not pregnant?”followed by “Why did he do that? And why did you take _____ and what about______???” and I will just end up whimpering in his face. He is older, and honestly? Adorable. His hair is like cotton it is so white and fluffy. He is the doc that did the hellish Laprascopy on me 2 years ago exactly.

One good thing about Sarcastic Wand Monkey….. he is gentle, bless him. I STILL remember the internal exam he gave me when I was in pain, he was apologizing left, right and center and calling me ‘poor darling’ and saying ‘I know dear, I’m sorry, I know it hurts. Im done now’. Yes my dears, I’m trying to find a silver lining in all this.


You know? I can’t WAIT to tell him the specialist asked why he didn’t suggest ovarian drilling *shudder, retch, gag* 2 years ago and was questioning his choices. THAT will piss him off. Heh.

Well, I’m not gonna see him till I have an INCOME, that’s for sure. I still can’t believe Wand Monkey #1 took off. He lives around the corner, the schmuck. Feaking asswipe. I’ve been through a hell of a lot with him. Couldn’t even say BYE?

Now that, my friends, is an Asshat with a capital “A”!

In the meanwhile, I’m off to go googlesearch how to make a voodoo doll of that little gap toothed wand monkey schmuck. Now where did I put those stickpins?????

Say WHAT?

It’s a funny world my friends where the strangest things can happen. Case in point.

This morning my Sister In Law ‘Shem’ won some money. Heh. SOME. Hahahahahahaha (The SIL that lives here that I get along fine with that has always been my favorite, even when things became strained for a time between us because of her mom’s antics when we moved here. She woke up eventually. Things aren’t like before, but they are better at least. She’s very well off. She is the grandma of the triplets I mention so often by the way. She is wealthy, has her own businesses with a partner who is more like family, but that’s another story.) Anyhow…. This morning monster comes pounding on the door first, then flies in my room waking me up screaming “Shem” won money! SHE WON MONEY!!!!! (Me, naked and sleepy, diving under the covers….can you just imagine??) Me: “Huh? Money? Won? Huh???? How much?”. SAY WHAAAAAAAAT???????? She won the amount US$375,000.00 in a raffle/lotto type draw and found out this morning when the phone call came.

Yes, US$375,000.00! I should have such damn luck, I swear! I’m happy for her, but jeez! Listen to the damn CIRCUMSTANCES will ya?

She went to Abu Dhabi (an Emirate near Bahrain in the Persian Gulf) 2 weeks ago today to do plastic surgery with this Fancy (yes, with a capital F) Famous French plastic surgeon from Paris who was visiting. She had a breast reduction/lift (and I am SOO JEALOUS. They are SO. Damn. Perky. I TELL YOU! Waaaah) and body sculpting lipo. Her boobs were actually larger than mine, if you can imagine anything bigger than my G-cups, hmmm? (Is there such a thing as H cup?) And she is only 5’1 and very small framed. It was very Dolly Parton-esque naturally. Now they are lovely and perfect. And PERKY dammit. Sigh. Ok, so, anyway, on her way back through the airport, they have this lotto draw thingie… some of them are you buy a raffle ticket for a luxury car, or you choose numbers on a computer screen and enter your contact info and it gives you a receipt and blah blah. She did both of these while waiting to board her flight in Duty Free, all bruised and swollen and high on pain meds to fly home 4 days after surgery. She picked the lucky numbers and got the phone call this morning.

Congratulations ‘Shem’! Never mind that she almost had a freaking heart attack when they told her she won. They woke her up too! But WHAT a GREAT way to wake up, no?

I sent her a SMS message of congratulations cause her phone was so busy nonstop. I joked that it looks like she will be doing that mini facelift and other minor things she wanted to do next a lot sooner than later now! Just last night I was at her house and she was saying; “Now I have to figure out how to get the money to do the other things I want to do!”

Funny how things work for some people, isn’t it? I hope some of her luck rubs off on me! I just want a good job dangit and maybe a baby? Yes, in that order.

The Birthday Report

Thank you for all your lovely birthday wishes.

Carrie Jo, I swear I didn't delete that second comment, hell if I know what happened.

Now, on to my report....

Monster had a total hissyfit that I was going out. She doesn't like it when we go out. EVER. What burns her ass even more is when AMEEN takes us out. It burns her ass. She was screaming and slamming door and cussing at me. I was wandering around humming to myself. screw. her.

Dinner was lovely. SO were the pitchers of strawberry margeritas! I was still on my first one when the horrible singer and her gutair and computer accompaiment started in on that 70's hit "I WILL SURVIVE". Az was sitting next to me and Ameen on my other side. Az's hubby was across from Az. He saw us goofing around singing the song and he motioned to the singer with the mic to come over... she came and next thing I knew, it was in my hand! I'd like to state that the rest was crawling with Navy guys...ie: lots of Americans, which is one of the reasons I chose it. It was as close to home as I was gonna get!

Anyway, seems that Az didn't know all the words, and I ended up singing out my heart all by myself! Heads started turning and soon people were clapping along with the song. I could NEVER forget the words... I called this song "Mama's song" cause it was on the radio constantly just after my parents divorced and we were driving around looking for apartments. I would sing it to her in the car and say "This is YOUR Themesong MOM!". So, I had a nice round of applause when I was done.

When I started singing, Z was sitting across from me hiding behind BOTH hands. Shortly after, he was starting at me open-mouthed in shock! Yeah, THAT will teach him to be afraid I embarass him! HAH!

Many....MANY.......MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY drink refills later-even Z had 2!-(Z, who NEVER EVER DRINKS AT ALLLLL) we finally crawled home.

Heh. HE had a hangover at work the next day. ME? Who had much more than he did? Nada. I was totally fine.... as usual. Now, on to my actual bday.

Flash forward through my tipsy sleep. I wake up to find Arianna prowling my room. She informs me that I am NOT allowed out of bed. I said "Can I at least go to the bathroom?" she allowed that. Gracious of her, no? Her condition was that I had to get right back in when I was done. I obeyed, wondering what she was up to.

She came in a few minutes later with breakfast in bed. Or her version of it. Tea and toast. Aw. I don't think I've had breakfast (or any other meal for that matter) since I was sick in my teens and my MOM brought for me. WOW. She also brought me a Birthday Card she made for me herself from red construcion paper. Tucked away in the card was a cardboard heart she had cut herself and colored (both sides). My card read as follows:

Happy Birthday Mom. Dear Mom. This is the best day for me and for you EVERY year. It is so nice to spend time with you and I enjoy it and it makes me happy. I love you!!! Love, Arianna

So I am sure you all understand that I was very teary eyed when I read this. I am SO saving this for when I am, hopefully, a very old and cute old lady so I can read it over and over again.

Later, when my hungover hubby came dragging home from work (after reading all of your lovely B-day wishes on my blog, cause he can be a nosey cuss sometimes) with a pretty boquet of flowers in hand. This caused MUCH more cussing and slamming of doors on the part of his mom, even though he tried to hide and sneak them in the house so she wouldn't see. They were very similar to a boquet I saw the other day. Beautiful sprays of creamy white centered Dendrobian Orchids with deep magenta petals, some hewge other orchid that I can't think of the name of, and pale peach roses. I love dendrobian orchids. I had white ones in my wedding bouquet along with roses and that same huge orchid as well. LOTS of green in my birthday bouquet also. He did good.

Yesterday was quiet. Well, other than the screaming, slamming of doors and CURSING shreiking of Monster. and....excecpt for my computer going completely PSYCHO (musta been MIL vivbes) cause it wouldn't let me post ANYTHING. damn thing. Freaky ass computer. Hrumph.

Again, thank you all for the birthday wishes. I was feelin all loved and special. Thank you all very much. A BIG HUG for each and every one of you. MWAH. (what the hell, a kiss too!)

Getting Older

So, my birthday is tomorrow. I’ll officially be 33 at 7:41am EST. (Like the way I drag out turning a year older?) woo. hoo.

What am I doing for my birthday? Nothing much really. Well, Z’s friend Ameen-who he’s known since childhood (who, shortly after meeting me and a few times since said “Divorce this asshole and marry ME instead! He doesn’t deserve you! Haaaaaaaaa!)ALWAYS remembers my birthday and so, for the last month has been planning to take me out for my birthday to dinner , like he does every year since I moved here, and said to Z “Yeah, you can come too.” Since when he asked what we are doing, Z replied with a shrug “I dunno”. So, Ameen will take me out for my birthday a day earlier (tonight) since he has family obligations on my actual birthday. So yes, I am going out to dinner for my birthday, but no, my husband is not involved in the planning-by his own choice- in any way.

Arianna came in and jumped in my face the other morning in bed, then got all snuggly then said in a sing-song voice “Who’s birthday is this weeeeeeeeek, hmmmmm??????” about 10 times with a goofy smile on her face. I love this kid, I swear.

What is it about birthdays that turn us all introspective? With each passing year it gets worse and worse, it seems. At least to me it does.

I find myself thinking about what I’ve done with and in my life so far and what I plan to do. Or perhaps I should say HOPE to do. Or what I maybe SHOULD have done. Or should be doing……Ugh, it’s enough to give anyone a panic attack, I swear! *Scrambles for that “emergency” xanax*

I look at what goals I set for my adulthood I have reached and which ones I haven’t, and which ones are just unrealistic. I find myself being more concerned about my older years now and stability for the future. I’m a planner by nature, so I can’t help myself.

This whole infertility thing really gets to me with each year I add on too. Talk about a biological clock ticking! Damn! Except it’s more like a clock attached to a B*mb. Tick-tock-tick-tock and I don’t know which damn wire to snip to get the clock to stop ticking away. I’ve been thinking about this since I was first diagnosed with PCOS at 15. You do the damn math honey! That’s a heck of a lot of years. I think that is the most frustrating thing for me getting older…. I know my eggs have a general expiration date, except I don’t know exactly when that is… and THAT is kinda scary.

I had really hoped to have a couple of kids (3) by this age. 1 down, 2 to go. I’d be happy with one more, but if by some fluke of science or God’s graciousness I were to have twins, I’d be a happy camper…. And DONE. Of all my goals I’ve set for myself, this is the one thing that really sticks in my craw that I haven’t accomplished yet. Notice I said “yet”. Cause I am a stubborn and determined thing. But damn me it’s frustrating.

I’d also planned that Monster would NOT be living with us still. You ALL know where I am on that goal. That is the UNREACHABLE GOAL. The impossible, short of me leaving, goal. When I got engaged, I mentioned this, and I was promised “a couple of years”. Y’all, I define a “Couple” as 2 or 3 years. NOT 14. It was just a hush up comment. Boy am I a sucker. Hindsight is a bitch, no?

I’d like to have my own home. A house. I don’t really care where. It looks like that MIGHT maybe be a possibility in the next year, fingers crossed. (Long story) But I don’t want to get my hopes all up and all, you know? Yeah, I thought you might. Counting chickens and whatnot.

It pisses me off that I’m gonna be 33 and jobless. This is SO unacceptable. I’ve been working since I was 14 years old, dammit. Z told me a few weeks ago “I bet you will have a nice job by your birthday”. Well honey, unless a miracle happens in the next 24 hours or so, it don’t look like it.

Lets see, that book I always wanted to write? There are about 12 good solid chapters written (with a S*hitload of ideas rolling in my head so fast I can’t get them down fast enough, but there are some misc. notes also). So that is something, no? YEAH!

This blog. Do you know, I never, ever would have thought I would do something like this, but I find that I love it, and I am quite proud of it. Blogging makes me happy. This blog is very close to my heart. Many people in my “real” life don’t know about it. The only person in my family that knows about it is my Mom. NO ONE is Z’s family know about it. (Can you just imagine?? *shudder*) A few old friends (Cat, RoseAnn, Haifa) know, but not many. I am very open on my blog. I don’t hold much of anything back at all. Pretty much what you see is what you get. I’m serious, introspective, funny, SILLY as HELL, cuss a bit, am loving and caring and awfully playful. All the different sides of me come out here. When I’m sad, you know it. When I’m depressed you know it. When I’m happy you know it. When I’m mad… it’s real obvious. When I’m playful… you sure as hell know it! This is my haven. It isn’t all fancy schmancy like I would like it to be….yet. My next plan? (cause you know I HAVE to plan) To move on up to TypePad eventually with my own domain name (Like, once I’m again gainfully employed). Blogger.com sometimes really pisses me off. Ok, frequently pisses me off. Who knows, maybe one day I will end up turning this into a book. I would have to change the names to protect the not-so-innocent, but hey, you never know!

My birthdays cause me to miss my Nana greatly. The only thing worse than my birthday? Christmas. But I know she’s watching over me.

On the upside, and most importantly, I’m relatively healthy with nothing SERIOUSLY wrong (that I know of). Well, excecpt for this dang infection and hacking cough that just won't bugger off!! For a while, I didn’t think I would make it to 30, so to be sitting here almost 33 is quite an accomplishment. I had a rough patch there for a while. But I figure that God must have SOME plan for me, so I’ll know what it is when He is good and ready to let me know.

I have some amazing friends in my life. Old and new. Some that I didn’t have last year. Amazingly some genuinely wonderful people I’ve met by blogging, so my life is richer by having known you. Amalah, Genuiune, Mindy, Chris, Ollie, Hula, Kim, Cheryl b., Saz, Lee, Carrie Jo, Martha, and Leigh. To the rest of you that I might have forgotten to mention, you know who you are! Y’all are “All that AND a bag of chips!!” *triple Zorro snap* Aw what the hell, dip too!

So here I am, alive and kicking in 2004. Please God 2005 is better tho!

I have a feeling that Costrina might just serenade me with the special "Birthday Song" we created when we worked together with Molly. Heheheheheheeeeeee. Did you all know that I can sing "Happy Birthday" in 4 langueages PLUS a very vulgar made-up version too?

Is it too much to want a Pinata? I feel like smacking the crap out of something with a bat. I'll share the candy!

Hilarious! Sad, but Hilarious!

Today my lovelies have I got a post for YOU!

From time to time I like to post about stupid people tricks I hear about in the news or entertainment industry or sometimes, right here in my own backyard, so to speak. This is freaking HILARIOUS, hence the brilliant and witty title of my post today!

So you all be good readers and go pee first before you read any further. Go on, I’ll wait for you…………… Ok, you back? Good. Now put down that glass of wine, soda, milk, coffee, whatever (Genuine, for you, DO NOT DRINK THE WHISKEY WHILE READING THIS!), cause we don’t want you snorting out of your nose, now DO WE? No.

Ahem!

Around 6am today I was fortunately deep asleep. What woke me up was the lack of air conditioning. (I am very temperature sensitive when I sleep – ie: heat no good) I groggily ask Z, who, bless his soul is going to do the school run “Whaaa? No A/C?……huh?… mumble… bleh”. Z:”Nope.” Me: “Electricity dead again??” Z: “Yeah” Me: “Stupid Assholes”. Z: “-----“.

I try to doze off and on fitfully, since I didn’t sleep last night, AS USUAL. Finally, I give up… waiting for the electricity to come back on. One hour…. Two hours….and I’m kind pissed by hour #4 so I send a SMS message on my mobile to Z, N (Hamster owner), and Az, (Triplets Mom) asking roughly “Do you have elect or is the whole country dead again cause it’s 4 damn hours now?”

From Z, I get no response, which you will understand WHY in just a minute or so. From N I get a PHONE CALL that went like this:

N: ‘Hi! Didn’t you KNOW?’
ME: ‘Hi, um, know WHAT?’
N: ‘ You mean Z didn’t TELL you? Figures.’
ME: ‘No, so why don’t YOU tell me, hmmmm?’
N: *snickering* ‘Your house is the only one without electricity! Grandma had the garden hose on the front porch this morning and…..she poured a ton of water on the electricial panel & circuit breaker box there.(Y’all? It’s as tall as I am, 5’7, and has a painted wooden door that is pretty tightly sealed) Flooded it, and then it exploded.’
ME: * sputtering* ‘WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? It…. EXPLODED?’
N: ‘Yeah.’
ME: ‘Why the HELL did she pour water on the fucking ELECTRICAL PANEL OF ALL PLACES?’
N: ‘You sure you wanna know?’
ME: ‘yeah….’
N: ‘she was killing ants’
ME: ‘-------------‘
N: ‘U there?’
ME: ‘ uh-huh, sorta…there’s 2 cans of RAID next to the elect panel! What the hell?’
N: ‘who the hell knows?’
ME: ‘She could have been electrocuted! What dumb ass pours water near electricity? ON ELECTRICITY??”
N: ‘No such luck’ (this is her granddaughter that she hates, remember)
ME: *more muttering and sputtering*
N: ‘Call Z and see if he will admit it to you!’
ME: ‘Ok.’

I call him and he tells me. THEN he tells me what the compound manager has said to him. The WHOLE panel has to be replaced, BUT, they can’t do anything because the panel is flooded with water. So we have to wait for it to dry. I got FOUR phone calls from the manager telling me off about this saying that this has NEVER EVER happened in this compound or any of the other properties they own. HE told me that it could have possibly caused an electrical fire or something or burnt up the wiring in the walls, so we are lucky. I apologize profusely but ask can he PLEASE rush the fixing a bit?

Monster is a quiet as a mouse in her room, except for the odd muttering under her breath “But I ALWAYS DO THIS!”.

Az then called me having NO idea what G-ma did to our house. I told her right as Z sent her an SMS message on her cell phone. She read the message to me aloud, then said “FUCK! What the FUCK was G-ma doing??? She is nuts. She needs to see a freaking shrink ASAP. Damn.Go sit in my house in the a/c. NO WAIT! You’re SICK. DON”T GO NEAR MY BABIES! Sit in the heat. Hahahaha.” I told her “Look sukah, that’s WHY I haven’t been over to your house in like, 2 weeks!” She said “oh, ok!”.

People, we had to wait till late afternoon. When Z came home from work, we had to go present ourselves to the Management. I chickened out and sat in the car. 5 minutes later, Z came back out rolling his eyes and looking embarrassed. It turns out that the manager came to the house and asked Monster as best as he could what happened and she tried to blame the gardener and his sprinkler. Then he pointed out to her the amount of water still in the panel and told her, NO. She finally had to admit what she did. Thing is, when the Mgr was trying to tell Z, he was laughing hysterically in Z’s face. He just couldn’t get over the fact that she poured the water on it and he told him so…..repeatedly. Heh. Z told me when he got in the car “yeah, he couldn’t believe it, but that’s because he’s never run into a villager from Shiraz before!”

All I could keep thinking, the whole time, over and over was: “I am SO blogging this!”

His wisdom revealed

Well NOW I think I understand why my long-anticipated vacation was dashed to bits 2 months ago by the loss of my job. Yes, HE works in mysterious ways and I think I know what He was up to now.

Now I don't claim to hear the voice of God or his angels or anything, but even I can take a hint, ya know? His message to me did not come in the form of a vision or a burning bush, but in the form of a CNN News weather report.

Yes, He truly IS amazing, no? Do you think I'm being sacreligious? Don't. I'm a good Irish Catholic here people!

See, I was wondering WHY OH WHY (and this was often in my prayers too) did I lose my job, therefore cancelling my very long overdue trip back home to the states. I haven't seen my Dad in 17 years, he just turned 74 on Sept 16th, and he is pretty ill. I am actually very blessed to still have Dad around, he is so ill. I was planning to visit him to start off with, (and my brother that lives near him in Ft. Lauderdale) then work my way across the country to Denver to visit friends, and then on to Los Angeles to see Mama and my friends. But my plan? To start off my visit with my Dad, who lives in West Palm Beach, I planned to arrive at Miami Int'l Airport day after tomorrow, so that I could be in the city of my birth, with my Dad, on my Birthday, which is this Thursday.

It would seem that God, in his infinite wisdom and being all-knowing, KNEW what he had planned for the poor Floridians this hurricane season 2004. *crosses self*

See, if you will recall, Hurricaine Charlie a few weeks ago hit land in West Palm Beach. It looks like Hurricaine Jeanne - a much stronger storm - is going to come on land in just about the same place. Hmmmmmm, I'd really rather see my home state in a better condition rather than in an extreme State of Emergency, if you know what I mean? Jeanne is supposed to come ashore sometime tomorrow or early morning Monday. Yes kiddies, about the same time I would have been ATTEMPTING to land at MIA. Hmmmmm. Yes, definetly the job loss was a big ole NEON sign: "Cyn, DON'T GO HOME FOR A VISIT JUST YET!".

Coincidentally, the last time I went through Miami, when I tried to surprise my Dad was in September 1992. We were going on a Carribbean cruise for a week departing from the Port of Miami and I thought I would surptise Dad, so I didn't warn him. BIG MISTAKE. I flew in to MIA with Z and a pack of friends for the cruise about 2 weeks after Hurricaine Hugo devastated Miami. It was depressing. He had evacuated for the hurricaine, and apparently all the water brought termites to life in his house, so it was under a fumigation tent when I was calling to tell him I was in Miami.

The bright side was that the hotel we were supposed to stay in was flooded and had such severe water damage on all floors, so Norwegian Cruise Line put us in the Fontainbleu Hilton on the beach instead. People were whining at the airport when the cruise line rep informed us and I said "HEY! THIS IS A PRIME HOTEL! Stop yer whinin y'all!!" Woooohooooo! Loveley hotel with many nice memories for me when I was little. Dad loved to take us there all the time. Anyway, that trip was the week of my 21st birthday.

A few intersting things happened on that cruise.

#1) The boyfriend-girlfriend couple of the 6 others with us broke up right before we left LA on the flight. Can you imagine a trip with a couple that has just broken up, paid in full for the non-transferrable vacation package? Oh. Joy. Quickie room re-assignment. Aka, nightmare from hell.

#2) Before we checked out of the hotel to board the ship, we had time to kill, and Carol, our ALWAYS HUNGRY friend HAD to eat, so we ended up sitting in a Burger King. The genuis Carol forgot that she had put her wallet on her tray, and when we left she, like the good customer she is, dumped her trash in the garbage bin. Wallet included. When did she realize that she didn't have her wallet? 2nd day at sea right before dinner. We spent most of the next day, our first day off the ship on the beautiful island of St. Martin looking for the damn AMEX office so she could pick up her replacement card and travellers checks. Oh yeah, with the bickering broken up couple.

#3) On September 30th, my birthday, our ship sailed through the Bermuda Triangle. I have certification from the Captain and the Navigator stating it, as a birthday gift, so THERE!

#4) Also on September 30th, I solidified my everlasting love of NCL's 'Bahama Mama' drink recipie. My friends bought me one after another over and over again. I don't remember MUCH after dinner when we started drinking. Well, not much other than me saying "Where's Issac? Gimmie another one Issac! Where's Doc? Where's Gopher? Heeeeeeeeeee!" (Que Love Boat theme here). Ok, well that and the limbo contest. (no, I didn't win, ok?)

If y'all love me, you will FIND ME THAT DAMN RECIPIE, cause it is my favorite evvah drink in the whole wide world. And..........

#5) A Tropical Storm cropped up RIGHT where our ship was almost at the end of our cruise. We couldn't outrun it. The crew never told us what it was until the next day when we had finally sailed out of it. If they had told us, perhaps we (yes, ME included in this WE) would NOT have been hanging onto the light fixtures and over the ships railing (with one foot hooked around it for "safety") at the stern of the ship (which looked like Titanic, btw) to watch the waves crashing against the hull wildly. (Hey, we were quite sober, but it was fun and very pretty!) The storm picked up during dinner, which looked like we were on a gigantic teeter-totter in the formal dining room. One side of the dining room Up the other down, up-down, up-down. It was kind of comic. The stern antics were after dinner while it was still relatively mild. When it started raining on us on deck we decided to get our soggy asses in.

I am proud to say that I didn't get seasick. When the storm got SO bad that I couldn't walk without being thrown bodily into the nearest wall, I decided to go stuff my butt in my bed with the lovely Optional Side Rails LONG after most of my shipmates had scurried off to their rooms. The ship we were on was, at the time, the largest passenger ship afloat. (The Norway) The way the ship was groaning and creaking in the strengthening storm was a bit disturbing, I will tell you that. Of course when I got back to our cabin (Z continued wandering around with the video camera taping) and got in my bunk, I discovered something else interesting and to be honest, I was a bit concerned too.

Our stateroom was pretty high up in the ship. Even so, I realized just how bad the storm was in the relative quiet of the cabin (other than the ship sounding like it was gonna fall apart, big iron monster that she is). I realized that I could hear water hitting the hull right behind my head as the ship was tottering from side to side like a toy boat. THAT was... upsetting. I said a prayer and passed out listening to the sound of the water behind my head. When we woke up, it was smooth sailing and calm seas. That is when we found out that the previous nights adventure was a tropical storm!

Did I ever get to see Dad that trip? Nope. Boy was he pissed that he missed my visit too. So now, even though he was very dissappointed that I have had to delay my trip (and I am too!), I guess I am meant to see my birthplace not all wrecked and damaged, huh? Ya think?

The Adventures of Wand Monkey

The saga continues……

For those of you long time readers, you will immediately know to whom I refer. For y’all that are fairly new to my blog and haven’t yet read my archives…. Shame on you! (haha. Just joking!) Wand Monkey is my term of endearment for my OBGYN/IVF Specialist. Ok, he’s an IVF Specialist, but I also see him for my Gynae needs, cause frankly, once I’m comfortable with a doctor that deals with my cootchie, I tend to stay with him, which brings me to my post today.

A little birdie told me that Wand Monkey, MY Wand Monkey is thinking of going on a year sabbatical starting this December. Yet another little birdie told me that he might just not ever come back.

I’m SO fucked, y’all. (and NO, I’m NOT enjoying it either)

It’s true that he hasn’t managed to get me preggers after 4 IVF tries. But generally speaking he DOES have a very high success rate. Actually, I’m kind of the oddity. He usually succeeds in 3 tries or less. Every time he sees me, he sees his own failure. Yeah, he’s egoistic that way. The GOOD thing about him is he is a risk taker in the field of infertility. No, he doesn’t put the health of the patient at risk (Hence IVF 4# being cancelled on my poor ass), but he also will not cancel an IUI, for example if he is afraid the woman could end up with a multiple birth (say, twins or triplets, for example). His predecessor and mentor was one of these wussy ones that don’t want anyone to have a twin by accident. But also, MY Wand Monkey has MUCH higher success rate than wussy boy EVER did. I need one of these, a risk taker. Not some wussy that cancels the cycle.

SO yes, I am freaking out now. Particularly considering how I am again the evil mommy that doesn’t give Arianna a little brother or sister and it’s “ALL MY FAULT” apparently. (She was ranting to her dad and SOBBING for over 30 minutes the other night while I was at the wake) Yes siree Bob. SO what do I do NOW? Well, besides kick WM’s ass into next year since he didn’t have the BALLS to tell me himself. It isn’t as if we aren’t NEIGHBORS or anything. (He lives about 5 houses away from me) He is SO busted.

Maybe I should have Arianna go tell him off? Yes! THAT is an idea. Let him get a dose of her wrath for a change, dammit. He loves her to pieces too. Yeah, I’ll tell her to go have a little chat with Wand Monkey if she has a problem, he’s the man to talk to, not me, cause I’m doing what I can here people!

On a similar topic, but to inject a bit of humor into this post, y’all know about my pedigree Persian cats, right?? Well…… Last week, I ran into my OTHER ENT doc in the grocery store and he said “I’m not talking to you! I’ve been waiting for a kitten and you’re ignoring me!” I said “No I’m NOT! She hasn’t gotten pregnant!” He said “Oh, she had a fight with her husband or what?” and cackled his head off (He’s awfully naughty, this doc) Then he said “Why don’t you go take her to Dr. (Wand Monkey) and let him do IVF for her so she gets pregnant!?” I looked at him all shocked and said “You want me to take my CAT to him for IVF??? HAH! I did 4 with him and he couldn’t get ME pregnant!”. Dr. Naughty loved this and laughed his ass off. I thought he would.

News Update

Thank you all for your prayers and condolences on Auntie's passing and Bonnie's illness. They are much appreciated, more than you will ever know.

Enotionally, I'm better today. Physically? Um, maybe not so hot.

I take that back. I AM hot. As in having a fever, hot. And you know what? I would say I sound oh so sexy with my scratchy voice, excecpt that I HAVE NO DAMN VOICE FOR TWO DAYS NOW. I'm still coughing my ass off too. Heavens but I am sore. The bright side? It seems that my sinus infection has cleared up. Yaaaay! Baby steps y'all.

Speaking of babies.....

At the wake today (Day 2 of 3), I was having to field questions of "Don't you want any more children?" then I said "yes, of course I do, I just have problems, especially since my miscarriage (that they ALL know about) a few years ago. God willing I'll have another one". Unbeknownst to me, at around the same time, Arianna was sobbing about this very thing to her dad tonight at home. Shit.

So, The sister of Auntie, she has decided she loves me to pieces, and INSISTS on trying this special prayer thing and "wives tale medicine" etc... (She's really religious) where they pray certian prayers for 5 days, she's like a healer of sorts, and then do something or other... and wham! I get pregnant. I said OK, cause frankly, I'll try anything. She then went on to point around the room to different ladies that she had done this for and they ended up pregnant after years of infertility. Bring it on ladies. Another one of Aunties daughters that I really love to pieces said to the room at large (we are talking 50 people here in this section y'all) "Cyn has the biggest cleanest, kindest heart, she deserves another child and God will hear her prayers". Wowza. Why, thank you. I think I blushed about 20 shades of red. Dang. Talk about being humbled.

Like I said, I'll try just about ANYTHING. What can it hurt? They pray, rub some oils and herbs on my abdomen (Lord I hope ON it and not IN IT) and make me drink some tea made from herbs too, and give it a try. Why not? MY Infert doc in the US that treated me when I was trying to have Arianna used to tell me he prefered the KISS method. Keep It Simple STUPID. Anyway......

Shortly after, when I was saying goodbye, I hugged my FAVORITE of Auntie's girls and she smiled at me and said "My mom always loved your greetings and goodbyes. She would always say "The best hugs are from Cyn, it's a hug, massage, and lots of love all rolled into one". " Hell darlings, that got me all choked up. I didn't let myself cry, but I got really, REALLY choked up. I miss her.

Hopefully I'll be back in my playful and funny mood for a post tomorrow. Again, thanks to all of you! I love you guys!

Double Whammy

You know, just when you think things can’t possibly get any worse, a day like yesterday rolls along to knock you right on your ass with all the force of a magnitude 8.0 earthquake.

That’s a pretty bad quake, wouldn’t you agree?

I feel numb with shock and am still damn sick, marginally better except that I have almost virtually no voice left and am still coughing uncontrollably like a sick camel.

Yesterday Z’s auntie died. The news made me stunned me. I had just seen her the week before, she had hugged me so very tight and kissed me on my cheeks so hard, with such strength, how could she be dead? I loved her very much, you see, and this is so damn hard for me.

As whacked and weird as Z’s immediate family is, (mother, sisters, brothers, and their kids), this aunt, who was married to his father’s brother (but also a distant cousin) and all her children –all 9 remaining of the original 10- are the EXACT OPPOSITE. I often told Z that I wish “Uncles Wife” was my MIL instead. I always felt loved by her genuinely. By all of them in fact. Whereas I never have really felt accepted and included as FAMILY by Z’s siblings, I immediately was accepted and loved by this branch, from his Dad’s brother’s wife and their offspring. The difference? They call me Family; by comparison, my hubby’s side says I’m “like family”. See the difference? God forbid Auntie’s girls should find out I was sick or in the hospital! Next thing I would know, they would ALL come and visit me-daily-or fix me old herbal remedies for my cold or cough or whatever and worry over me.

They are all very close, and she was the matriarch. She was all the things that Z’s mother is not, never has been, and should be. She never allowed arguments or dissention between her children or between them and the in-laws for that matter. In fact, at the wake last night, one of her daughters in law was crying and screaming the loudest of all.

She is the one, that when I was going through a particularly rough time in the first few years after moving here with all the problems Monster caused for me, and Z was saying within Aunties hearing that it was because his mom was old, Auntie looked at him, smiled at me, and said to the room at large “That’s not true Z! Don’t make excuses for her, I’ve known her since she was 15-her age has nothing to do with this, and there is no excuse either- and she has always been like this, spiteful, jealous and crazy to boot! She drove your Dad crazy too, even though he was strict with her on her behavior.” See what I mean?

Almost every year, at the feast day celebration at the end of the Holy Month of Ramadan, we would all gather at her home. I always loved this day and looked forward to it. Z’s siblings never came, but we went. The whole HUGE family would gather, her 9 children, their spouses, her 39 grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren too, as they started coming along. Arianna loved her too. Auntie would usually have me sit next to her after the feast and she would talk to me and tell me stories, and sometimes, she would shock the hell out of me and have me laughing my head off. She was so damn funny and blunt. I am especially close with one of her daughters. I usually go to her house every Thursday evening in fact. That is where I saw Auntie last week

I still can’t quite believe she is gone. She should still be here.

She fell the other day and suffered a mild fracture in her hip. At the hospital, they wanted to operate. The bastard anesthesiologist decided to give her an epidural. They ran full tests, her blood, heart, sugar, cholesterol, everything, was perfectly normal. When you are having an epidural inserted, from my own personal experience, when the doctor tells you, you must not move at all, in fact, you must hold your breath until he lets you let it go so that the needle that goes near your spine doesn’t damage you. Apparently, she had a bit of a sore throat. She coughed when he was in the process of inserting the needle. Ie: she moved. Did he stop? No. Did he take it out and try again at a different point? No. He left it as it was, the sonofabitch. Then he administered the anesthesia. Almost immediately after he started it, she began vomiting and then her heart stopped before the surgeon could even touch the scalpel to her flesh. They got her heart going again, but it was stopped for a minute. They cancelled the surgery as she went into a coma. It seems the anesthesia caused a blood clot near her heart or something like that. She never came out of the coma and died yesterday afternoon at 4pm. It took all the men in the family to hold one of her sons off the doctor. He went after the doctor’s throat in a rage.

And before any of you say it, this is NOT the land of "sneeze on me and I'll SUE!". There is no such thing as a medical malpractice lawsuit here....yet.

An interesting point of fact, this is the same hospital (that I don’t go to anymore) that I almost died in recovery after the D&C that was performed after my miscarriage 5 years ago. Again, residual anesthesia effects. I can still remember feeling myself slipping away even now, like my soul was lifting out of my body. It’s hard to describe.

So, last night, as sick as I am, I was at the wake for 4 hours until I was about to fall from my chair. I only cried once, and that was when my favorite of her daughters came and I hugged her and she collapsed sobbing in my arms. Her tears were more than I could take. But then, I was strong for the rest of them. I couldn’t let myself. There is 3 days of mourning beginning today. I was so exhausted, but before I went to bed, I thought I’d check my email to see if I had anything from my Mom, since I hadn’t heard from her in the two weeks since she got back from her vacation, which is more than strange.

Finally there was an email from Mom and that is where I got the news that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

To begin with, something that didn’t make sense to me a few days ago makes sense now. I just thought it was weird. I kept dreaming of my friend Bonnie’s hair. I dreamt about Bonnie, but in my dream, I kept staring at her hair. Very weird, but I shrugged it off.

My Mom told me in the email that Bonnie, my best friend since 7th grade, the Maid of Honor in my wedding, my sidekick through most of my life, has lymphatic cancer. It’s all throughout her neck and under both arms and she is in quite a lot of pain. Before they start Chemo the doctors are checking to see if it’s spread anywhere else so they can plot their course of treatment. I am completely devastated.

Bonnie and I did everything together. Went everywhere together. Her parents and I are very close, particularly her mom and I. We worked at the same place, graduated from High School together (My favorite graduation picture is of Bonnie and I with our Dad’s on either side of us) My Dad loves Bonnie to pieces, not to mention my Mom and they are awfully picky about my friends and always have been.

Bonnie and I went to College together, and even purposely had most of our classes together too! The night I met my husband, Bonnie was with me. (Ok, never mind that she had a crush on him already!) I can't look at a Boston Terrier dog without calling it a "Bonnie Dawg" cause she had two of them she adored. We've always been there for each other, good and bad, thick and thin.

The day that I moved from America here, Bonnie came to help me pack up my belongings for the movers and she came and helped my Mom when the shipping company came after we had left too. The Airport Shuttle was there, Z, Arianna and Monster were all in there and the driver was screaming that we had to go…NOW. I think that is when everything hit me that I was actually leaving my home to move on the other side of the planet away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. Bonnie and I were just hugging each other and I couldn’t seem to move, finally she dragged me over to the shuttle, literally pushed me in and shut the door on me.

I didn’t get to go to her wedding, but in the end, that was a good thing. The fucker she married turned out to be a bigamist and a sneak, a man whore, a user and a thief. Wait, isn’t a bigamist a guy with two wives? Maybe I should say polygamist? Yeah. Turns out he lied about everything from day one, used her, screwed everything in sight even a day after the wedding, had her support him, took her to the brink of bankruptcy, never apparently used condoms with the women he slept with, or her either for that matter, (and he had one-night stands almost nightly until she figured out what he was doing about 7 months later) when she wondered why she was alone all the damn time. Turns out, he also had a few other wives and kids scattered all over the country. He asked her to drop him at his sisters and when she did, she saw a lady chasing after his car with a toddler on her hip. He told her it was his sister and her baby. Turns out it was his WIFE and HIS baby. She finally got it annulled, had to go through the hell of AIDS tests for about a year, which she thankfully escaped, only now to come down with cancer. From one nightmare to another.

When I called Bonnie during her annulment, she kept telling me “Why Cyn? Why did he do this to me? If you had been here, I know this never would have happened to me. I know you would have seen through all his lies and shit, you wouldn’t have let me do it. You would have woken me up. (Cause, well, I’m the voice of reason and logic in our friendship and she listens to me and knows my advice is from the heart, even if it will hurt her a bit.) I know she was right, and I wish I had been there for her too.

Bonnie is 9 months older than me. I can’t believe she has cancer. It doesn’t run in her family at all to my knowledge. I know that age has nothing to do with getting cancer, but it wakes you the hell up, you know? God, I pray she can beat it, if it isn’t too late. She has the best heart. She doesn’t deserve this, dammit.

So, last night, all hopes of sleep were pretty much shot for me after reading my email. I was exhausted and sick and in shock. I thought I would be able to conk right out.

Instead, I sobbed uncontrollably off and on for about four hours on my side of the bed, with my mind running. I kept trying to stop, but I just couldn’t. I guess it was a little bit too much of an emotional day for me. I was crying pretty quietly, but I guess I woke Z up. He thought it was only for Auntie. I told him it was also about Bonnie. He was floored. Then, he turned over and went to sleep. I couldn’t stop crying until I finally passed out from exhaustion round about 5am, but found no peace in sleep either. In my dreams were Auntie and even more of Bonnie, and all the memories shared with both of them.

Auntie is gone, and Bonnie is fighting for her life. God, what a day.

Did someone get the number of the Semi-truck that ran me over?

Woof!!!!

It's official. I'm in lust. Survivor 9 will be easy on my eyes I think. Yes indeedy!

The hottie on Survivor? He's smart and damn but he is mighty fine to look at. Brady. Is that his name? The FBI Agent? *wipes drool* He is bloody hot. His smile could melt buttah. And his body? Sleek and muscled and altogether yummy. I want to do very naughty things to and with that man.

Rowrrrrrr.

Ok, maybe in a few weeks, when the real personalities come out (although on some they already are!) he may end up the vilest asshole, but he will STILL be a fine piece of man! I think he is smart enough to stay on for a while though... that FBI traning has to come in handy, no?

*pant pant, drooling*

I think I want to take up a collection and get Jeff the host a new shirt or two. He was wearing the same shirt at Tribal Council that he wore during most of the ALL-STARS tribal councils. Poor dude. He must not get paid enough. *Snicker, snort, guffaw*Yeah right!

Oh and Cat? Yes, it started this week! You better check your cable guide babycakes! Cause they are already getting nasty and bitchy on both teams!!!! *rubbing hands together with glee* There is a girl on the team, the one that never shuts up, I can't remember her name,...... I hope they vote her off first, cause she gets on my last damn nerve already!

So, what did you all think of the first episode of survivor?

On another note, I would take your advice and go cough on monster, but actually? She has had this a week longer than me, and I think I got the initial cooties from her coughing all over the place and not covering her mouth. Yech. No, my trusty Lysol did not save me this time, dammit.

For the record, I did go kiss up to my ENT and he gave me some freebie meds to clear me right up he said. I went and muscled my way past the new and clueless receptionist that doesn't know me very well, otherwise she would have just waved me on back instead of attempting to get in my way; then into his office to "say hello" and he promptly dragged meto the exam chair after I squeaked out "hi DOC!". He made much gasping and tutting when he looked down my throat and up my nostrils. I told him all I've been doing for myself, he told me :"Thats my girl!" and said, But it hasn't helped huh?" I said no, and then he opened up his goodie drawer!! Yaaaay! 3 cheers for Dr. Majeed!!!! Hip Hip! HORRAY! Hip hip! HORRAY! Hip HIP!! HOORAY!!!!!

Ick

I’ve had better weeks, that’s for sure.

I still feel like crap. Really horrid and yes, I’m worse now. Despite all my best efforts, the infection is deep in my lungs. I have a lovely hacking cough. To the point that now, my voice is super scratchy. Yes darlings, I sound like Demi Moore on helium. Hahaha.

I feel so rotten in fact, that I don’t even have the energy to take care of myself. As in, I FORCE myself to go make some hot tea to try and scald/numb temporarily my( what feels like) a shredded throat. (Descriptive sucker, aren’t I?)

In case you don’t realize how rotten? Last night we rented Van Helsing, and I hacking coughed off and on throughout the 2hr movie. I really wanted some orange juice that I knew was in the fridge. My husband, Mr. Considerate, got thirsty about a third of the way thru the movie, went to the kitchen, got himself something to drink, brought the glass (ONE glass) AND the Lemonade jug with him, and proceeded to down it. Yes, ALL OF IT. I didn’t even have the energy to make a smart ass comment or give a dirty look. No, I wasn’t being lazy, I’m just very weak and sore from the incessant coughing.

Somebody make me a cup of tea? Chicken soup? Glass of water? Anyone???????

I am also pissed. Blogger is totally blowing lately. Don’t go thinking that I forgot you dear readers! NO! The Blogger bastards ate TWO of my posts. Yes Two. Capital “T”. Uh huh. Blogger is now on My List. Trust me, on My LIST is not somewhere you want to be for any amount of time.

See, I love y’all and was trying to post some really charming and (naturally) funny posts for you even though I am pretty sick and feeling nasty rotten and, well, SORE everywhere from the ribs on up, but BLOGGER.COM screwed up.

Are you feeling the love yet? Good.

Now, we subscribe to Showtime and today, just now in fact, they got in my GOOD GRACES and pole-vaulted themselves off MY LIST. What did they do?

They sent a SMS message to Mr. Considerate’s cell-phone reminding us that Survivor’s new series starts showing tomorrow, and they gave us the channel AND timing.

I HEART Showtime!

I can’t wait! I will miss Rupert the Pirate/Hippie’s big ole teddybear self on the show though. How can I not? He was on for two seasons straight! I love me some Rupert. I have a question. Did anyone else besides me want to jump into the TV and bitch slap “Johhny Fairplay” into next YEAR? Grrrrrr.

Heaven help me, I cant’ get our whole “That time of the month on Survivor” discussion out of my head still. I feel damn sorry for whichever of the crew has to dispose of their used tampons. That is some harsh shit right there. Dayum.

Is everyone else ready for the new season?